As Long As There Is Love

By:Witch Baby

A/N: I have no idea what happened here. I've been angsty over my other Okane Ga Nai fic since its just not flowing right, and I've been going through some personal issues in my life and... well... I guess it all collected to become this one-shot of angst and sadness. I'm so sorry if this upsets you. Turn back now if you cry easily.

Disclaimer: Don't own. Though Kanou will probably kill me for writing this. *crouches down to cry in emo corner*

Kanou sat in an uncomfortable chair near the bed, watching the shivering blanket covered figure with concerned eyes. His features where perfectly composed, almost seemingly unconcerned in their watchfulness. But under those stoic features was a complete mess. Guilt gnawed at his insides, making him feel like he wanted to die. He deserved nothing less then a painful and horrid death for what he had brought upon such a perfect person. Because he knew if he had never brought Ayase into his home, this never would have happened.

He had nothing but good intentions when he had first 'acquired' Ayase. The circumstances weren't how he had imagined them, but after that first night, Kanou had promised himself that he would live the rest of his life protecting Ayase. The petite blond was his most precious person, and if he had to go through hell and back he would. Time and time again people had sought to take Ayase away from him, to abuse and bully such innocence. Kanou himself had done such things, though he told himself the others didn't love Ayase like he did. The older male had cut down many men that had dared to lay their filthy hands on Ayase, bursting through the doors just in time to avoid disaster, just like any gallant knight in shining armor.

The guilt seized him suddenly, making Kanou feel as if he would be physically sick. Especially now, since he could hear Ayase's quiet sobbing as he shivered under the blanket. He was at a loss of what to do, and it frustrated him to no end. He wished he could take away the pain, the memory of what had happened. He wasn't even sure how bad it was. He only got to stare helplessly at the aftermath of his mistakes.

This time had been different. This time... he had been too late...

"Ayase?" he called quietly.

The figure flinched, burrowing deeper into the blankets. Kanou sighed, rubbing a tired hand through his dark hair. He wasn't like Someya, he know how be gentle. He knew he had to handle Ayase carefully, the young male had been hurt inside and out, and no doubt would blame Kanou for it all. He didn't know what he was supposed to say or do.

He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to bring that fucker back to life so he could kill him all over again. He wanted to torture the scumbag slowly until he was begging for the sweet oblivion of death. The swift end that he had given the bastard wasn't enough. How dare anyone think they could touch what was his so easily, and then walk away?

There was something that burned more deeply then his barely leashed fury though. Someone else had touched what was his. Someone else had marked that porcelain skin, had felt the tight heat inside that wonderful body. Kanou wanted to re-brand himself on Ayase. To take away that disgusting filth of a man's scent away and replace it with his own. But he couldn't, not yet, and it was driving him insane.

"Ayase, would you like to shower?" he asked.

If Kanou wasn't so on edge and focusing so intently on the shivering figure, he probably would have missed the small 'yes' the sounded from the mass of blankets. Kanou waited a moment, but it seemed that Ayase was making no move to go into the bathroom. Carefully, Kanou stood and leaned down next to the traumatized blond. "I'm going to pick you up and take you into the bathroom, all right?"

He waited for a protest, but when he heard none, Kanou gingerly lifted Ayase from the bed and brought him into the bathroom. Setting him on the edge of the tub, the older male turned on the water, sprinkling in some bath salts Someya had given him once upon a time. The soothing smell of lavender filled the air, and it seemed to relax Ayase as his sobs quieted a fraction. "Do you... do you need my help?" Kanou asked quietly.

Ayase hadn't met his eyes the whole night. Not when he first found him broken and bleeding on a cold warehouse floor. Not when Kanou had slung a blanket over his shaking shoulders, lifted him in his strong arms, and turned to mercilessly shoot the man that had violated him. But now, he lifted his head tiredly, watery blue eyes looking up into Kanou's own dark gaze. They stayed like that for a moment, Kanou towered over Ayase as the blond searched for something in his eyes. Kanou wasn't sure what Ayase wanted from him, but whatever it was he wished he could give it to the younger male.

Just as suddenly, Ayase looked away. "I'd l-like to be by myself..." he answered quietly.

Kanou nodded, turning and walking out of the bathroom. As the door clicked shut behind him, Kanou's shoulders slumped, reveling how ragged he really felt. He hated to think about it but maybe... maybe it was time to let Ayase go. It wouldn't be too hard to buy him a little apartment in a nice little town. Away from all this hell and torture that Kanou surrounded himself him. So what if he would slowly descend into madness without his blond angel? As long as Ayase was healthy and happy, nothing else in life really mattered.

He started to change the messy sheets, feeling his rage flare briefly before reminding himself that the bastard that had put his little lover in such a state was already dead. Setting back to his task, he unhappily began to think of possible safe places that Ayase could be easily moved to. He owned a very nice home in Fukuoka, Ayase might enjoy it there...

A small noise from the bathroom, almost like a pained gasp, had Kanou on alert. Without thinking, he shoved open the door, eyes frantically searching out the cause of Ayase's distress. The blond was half emerged in the tub, eyes glazed in panic as he scrubbed his skin raw with a wash cloth. He seemed to be rubbing away at a dark bruise on his arm, silent tears streaming down his face. "Ayase? What are you doing?" Kanou yelled, panicked at the slight pink twinge to the once white cloth.

Ayase jumped, eyes widening in terror as he huddled against the corner of the tub. His eyes where unseeing as they darted around the room wildly. The sound of his begging broke the older male's heart. "Please please please don't hurt me anymore! Please, no, no, no, I don't want to be hurt! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Kanou didn't care that his clothes were going to be soaked, he knelt down at the edge of the tub, gathering the frightened male into his arms. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, cradling Ayase to him as he stroked his wet hair, "You don't ever have to apologize, I'm the one that's sorry I wasn't there for you. Can you ever forgive me for what I've done to you?"

Every bruise on his precious ones body, the blood dripping down his thigh, ever scratch; Kanou could feel it mark his own body, his guilt magnifying the pain a thousandfold. Ayase clutched onto Kanou, crying out in despair at what had been done to him. It wasn't his fault at all, Ayase knew that. But seeing the marks on his on body, the revulsion he felt for himself. No amount of scrubbing or hot water could wash it away.

He buried his face in Kanou's soaked shirt, listing to the older man beg for forgiveness. The sincerity and contrition in his voice hurting almost as bad as the ache in his back and the sting of his flesh. He had never heard such desperation in Kanou's voice before. He couldn't even imagine what that tone of voice could mean. He needed Kanou to be strong, needed the older male to be the rock that held him up when he couldn't hold himself up.

Shifting his position in Kanou's lap, Ayase lifted himself so that he was straddling the older male, his tearful eyes locking with darker ones in a silent plea. Had things changed between them? Was Ayase... tainted? Was that why Kanou was so upset?

Kanou stopped, holding his breath as those breathtaking eyes searched him once more. The question being asked was clear this time. Do you still feel the same way about me?

His answer was without hesitation and full of feeling. He slanted his lips hungrily over Ayase's, pouring out his love and affection for the smaller male. He would never feel differently for Ayase. He may make some mistakes, he may have some regrets, but he would never feel any different for Ayase.

When the blond once more burst into tears, Kanou could sense it was out of relief rather then hurt. The older male sighed, murmuring what he hopped was soothing nonsense as he coaxed the blond to allow him to finish cleaning him off. Ayase relented, too tired to do much else besides hold weakly onto Kanou and allow himself to be taken care of.

They both knew this wasn't just the end to their problems. There would always be something trying to ruin them as long as they both lived with one another. But Kanou needed Ayase too much to let him go, and Ayase was in to deep to be set free.

So they accepted that there would always be pain. But that would be okay, just as long as there was love there too.

A/N: I'm sorry if I made you cry. I cried writing in. Once thing I always hate is when an uke is raped or molested, the seme is all "Hmmm a crure for rape? More rape!" Wtf kind of logic is that? FAIL.

Speaking of fail, I don't 100% like how I ended this. But thats all I could think off. I'm going to go stare at a blank computer screen now and beg my brain to write more chapters for 'No Money, No Love.'

Help my brain make something wonderful by reviewing! PLEASE! OH PLEASE! D: