What the Heart Wants - Hiya - this one has been going around my head for a few days so I gave in and wrote it - it is in two parts - this being the first, It is written as Jack's POV during Prodical Father - set just before and after his heart attack - it is his thoughts as he is in the elevators - its a flashback.

The second part will be a continuation and the aftermath of his thoughts...

There are some episode flashbacks in here but there needs to be in order for the story to work - I don't own them they belong to PAX xx

Jack Hudson stood in the elevator as it made the short journey down the five floors towards the parking garage normally this time of day he would be chasing bad guys, following leads, giving orders or stealing glances at Sue whenever he thought no-one else was looking, but he wasn't he was going home, he didn't want to but he didn't have much choice in the matter it was doctors orders.

It had been a little under a week since he had, had his heart arrhythmia while coming home from a pizza night with Sue, he had felt off all week he had a constant pain in his neck but put it down to sleeping right, little did he know that it was his bodies way of warning him to slow down. The pain had got progressively worse all day and by the time six o'clock came it was all over the one side.

As the elevator continued its slow journey his mind went back to that night. Sue seeing that he was in pain had offered to try and ease it with a massage, closing his eyes he could still feel her touch even now, their eyes had locked and it took a whole heap of strength on his part not to pull her into his lap and kiss her senseless, but he didn't instead he moved his gaze, mumbled something about it feeling much better and commenting on her great touch before standing up and using one of those same old tactics he normally used when things got a little heated between them

"I'm really hungry, how about you?"

'I swear that's all she must think I do is eat; I use that sentence every time we become too close.' After she agreed to go to dinner we headed towards the pizza place just around the corner from the office. The meal had passed with pleasant conversation about the current case, movies, friends, family; it was just another normal night between us.

Leaving the restaurant we made our way back towards our cars, Sue was telling me a story about walking in the rain from her past, but I wasn't really listening, I was starting to feel progressively worse, my neck was killing, my chest felt tight, my breathing was becoming raspy I felt awful.

"Are you alright" the concern was evident on her face and in her voice, she was worried about me

I know I should have told her I felt unwell but guessed it was just indigestion "Yeah, I just don't think that pizza is settling in too well"

She laughed it off I guess she figured it must have just been indigestion as well, we stood at the car a few seconds longer than necessary especially since it was hammering with rain

"Thanks I had fun"

"Me too"

And yet again there was another moment between us, all I wanted to do was grab hold of her and never let her go

"Well I better get going", this time it was her who used our old diversion tactic

"Me too" was all I managed to mumble even though it was the last thing I wanted to do, but after a few more awkward seconds between us I finally said goodnight before moving towards the car. I had just about managed to get to the car when the pressure in my chest became unbearable, I felt as if a vice had wrapped around my insides squeezing them all the strength they possessed

"Sue, Sue" I called out, but there was nothing, of course there was nothing she couldn't hear me, but my old pal Levi saw me collapsing against the car and alerted her to my distress. The next thing I knew I was in an ambulance heading towards the hospital, Sue sat beside looking sick with worry, I wanted to reassure her but with the oxygen mask over my face I couldn't. The next few hours were a blur.

The doctor came in and told me about the arrhythmia and that with constant medication I should be fine, I just needed to take things a little easy for now. The team came to see me and I could still see that scared look on Sue's face. They only stayed a few moments, the tiredness and the fear I was feeling was beginning to set in I just wanted to sleep.

The next few days passed in a blur. As I lay there in that room I realised I was lucky that night if it hadn't been for Levi... I didn't even want to consider what might have happened. Waking from a short sleep, I saw a figure sitting by the side of me, I had hoped it was Sue, but as my focus came back it wasn't her, it was my old girlfriend Allie, I was surprised to see her it had been three years

"Allie, what are you doing here?"

"My mom called and informed me you were here, I was worried so I came to see you and take care of you for a few days"

"There really is no need" I didn't mean to sound harsh but how the hell was I going to talk to Sue with my old girlfriend hanging around, besides if I needed anyone to take care of me I would have preferred Sue.

"Yes there is Jack, you are not going to able to do anything to stressful for a while so I suggest you get used to having me around. Now how are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

'Yes you too leave' I thought silently to myself "There is one thing you can do"

"What? Just name it"

"Can you go and get me some personal items from home, Pyjamas, toiletries etc and could you do some shopping for me the apartment is empty" I didn't really need them, I just needed a way to get rid of her encase Sue dropped by, there was something in my gut telling me she was on her way

"Sure" and with that she was gone and I felt relaxed and happy

An hour later I was still waiting for Sue, the boredom was seriously kicking in. I don't hate hospitals but for someone who is used to constantly being on the go, the lying in bed doing nothing gets to after a while. After flicking through the channels for the fifth time that afternoon and not having anything grab my interest I pushed the thing away looking back I was met by the eyes and figure of the one person I needed to see

"How ya feeling?"

"bored"

"Bored eh?"

"Is there a sign for bored out of your mind?"

The two of us laughed as she showed me and I repeated it

"I think that means you're on the mend"

"Yeah the doctors seem to think so" I looked at her and spoke out the fears going around my head, she's my best friend if I couldn't tell her, who could I tell, it would have stayed bottled up if I didn't"

"I've been in raids, take downs, I've been shot. I knew it was dangerous and I knew there was a possibility I might not make it out of there but it's not like I'm not scared in those situations but this was different, this wasn't some bad guy hiding behind a door with a gun, this was my own heart out of control; out of my control, all my training everything I learnt to protect myself meant nothing"

Looking up at her I didn't know what I expected to see, but there was nothing but concern in her eyes as she took my hand and held it

"I did learn one thing"

"What's that?"

"Your life doesn't flash before your eyes" I replied, causing us to laugh and ease the seriousness between us. That night had made me realise something about the two of us, all the dancing around needed to stop, I loved her, I wanted to look in her eyes but I knew if I did I would chicken out again, I needed to know if she was feeling the same way

"I guess it kind of makes you think though" risking a glance I looked at her there was something in her eyes that told me to continue, "About things you've doing" after another quick glance I knew I had to continue "maybe about things you haven't been doing, you know" this time my eyes locked with hers, I was sure we were having the same thoughts

"Yeah I do know" she had replied convincing me we were

There was so much more I had to get out but the clicking of heels coming into the room put an end to any conversation we were about to, or more like needed, to have. I made the introductions all the while hoping Allie would leave so Sue and I could resume our discussion, but she didn't instead it was Sue who left after receiving a page informing her that the sting in the case involving Mac and Simon Hoffman was about go down

"I'll talk to you later"

Nodding my head I thought 'definitely, but hopefully it will be sooner rather than later' as the thought finished she was gone

"She seems nice" Allie said stating the obvious

"Yeah she is" I had replied my eyes fixed on the door hoping to catch one more glimpse of her.

"You ok Jack" Allie had asked

"What, yeah I'm fine just a little tired"

"Ok, well you get some rest, I'll go call your mom and head back to your apartment I have some work I need to catch up on anyway"

'My apartment? Why my apartment? There are hotels in DC you know' I thought and wanted to say but I didn't so just replied "Ok see you later"

I slept for I don't know how long I slept but a few minutes after I woke team entered the room. The sting had been successful, well sort of, Simon Hoffman was in custody but Mac had disappeared. Our conversation was interrupted by a voice I knew and feared it was Violet my nurse, sure she was ray of sunshine but make her angry and she turned into a thunder cloud. I wanted to talk to Sue more so asked her to wait a while but Violet refused and she practically forced Sue out of the door while informing me I needed rest. A few boring hours of mind numbing television and book reading later I assumed I drifted back to sleep.

The next morning the doctor informed me I could leave and I needed to, I needed a change of scenery, I needed to go home but more importantly I needed to talk to Sue. So after getting my meds and checking out I convinced Allie to take me to the office claiming I needed to get some files because if I was going to be forced to stay at home for a week I might as well catch up on paperwork. Walking into the office I was greeted by cheers, welcome backs and the usual windups but it was good and I felt good being there.

Bobby, Myles, Tara and Allie were engaged in conversation but my gaze was on Sue and that hurt look in her eyes and across her face. After agreeing to meet Allie, the guys started in on me again teasing and aggravating but I ignored them and walked over to Sue's desk that look once again breaking my heart, but I needed to explain, I needed to talk to her

"The couple of things I needed to pick up think you can give me a hand out with them"

She didn't answer, she just stood with that same look on her face and it was obvious it was the thought of me and Allie causing that look. Once I was sure we were out of the earshot of the team I looked at her

"Sue I want to explain about Allie"

"Explain why would you want to explain anything"

"Because I want to that's all" 'want to it was more like I needed to'

Walking towards the elevator I stupidly pushed the button, why I would never know, no good was going to come of it, it would only make the elevator arrive quicker effectively ending the conversation but it was done now so quickly went into my stride of talking "Allie was my first real girlfriend and well through the years, there's just a lot of history between us" I was fighting the tears and as I looked at Sue so was she

"And what about now?" she asked with a hurt, upset almost pleading look on her face

"I don't know" I had wanted to add to that saying that I didn't matter because it was you I loved not her so any history was irrelevant but she cut me off

"I hope it works out the way you want it to"

Swallowing hard I wanted to say to her 'if things were working out the way I wanted them too Allie would be on a flight back to New York and you would be the one coming with me to take care of me', but that clink of the elevator beat me to it

"Your elevator's here" she said smiling trying to hide whatever it was she feeling

Getting in the elevator I knew I had practically killed any chance of continuing this conversation, but it didn't stop our eyes locking as the elevator doors shut

A familiar clicking sound bought Jack back from his thoughts; he had arrived at the parking lot floor. Exiting he walked towards the place where Allie was now parked

"Hi so you ready to go" She asked

Jack stood rooted to the spot not answering as his eyes darted between two cars, Allie's and Sue's which was coincidently parked a few spaces away, and he knew he had two choices one to go home with Allie or two go back to the bullpen and confess everything to Sue.

So which option will Jack choose - review and I might just tell ya xx