I own not Degrassi

This story is beta'd by the lovely ILive4Irony417 she also came up with the title, thanks!

FYI this is largely Adam's story. Wevery now and then I will let you in on the pov of other characters, when that happens it will switch from first to third person. I will also write the person whos pov it is in bold at the beginning of the section.

Now, here goes!

Adam

I have always known two things about myself, I am a guy and I like girls. So I was totally not ready when one of those two things began to be challenged. But I'm getting ahead of myself, so let's get back on track.

It all started just after the dance that went horribly wrong; Eli was trying to talk to Claire again. The cops had already left and for some stupid reason I was waiting for him. I kept hearing little bits of their conversation and it was making me sick. She really is stubborn. Don't get me wrong, I like Claire and all but damn she really was over reacting. I will agree that Eli did go a little too far, but still, something had to be done. Fitz was being too much of an ass to just go unpunished. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't even notice that she had left and Eli was standing right next to me talking.

"Adam! Hello, Adam!"

"Oh hey Eli, so," I said as I looked around. "She left?"

He hung his head, "Yeah, the bitch. I mean, I finally decide it's safe to let her in and she freaks on me."

"Yeah, that sucks man I'm sorry."

He looks at me then, "It's not your fault. Come on, let's go."

We headed over to Morty and get in. We both buckled up, but we just sat there. Eli had put the keys in the ignition but hadn't started the car. He had his hands on the wheel, squeezing it, a pained look on his face. I have gotten to know Eli well enough to know to just sit there and wait. Honestly my first instinct would be to touch him, but I had learned that, that could prove to be bad for my well being. So instead I sat there until I couldn't deal anymore.

"Eli, are you ok?"

He leaned forward and rested his forehead on the steering wheel. "Yeah."

"You don't seem ok."

"Yeah well that's cause I'm fucked but oh well," he said while lifting his head and turning to look at me.

"Oh come on Eli, isn't that a bit harsh? How are you fucked?"

"I'm fucked because I suck at love."

I decided it was safe to touch him so I reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Dude, you don't suck at love."

"Yes I do!" He practically yelled at me. I was so startled by him raising his voice that I couldn't say anything. He just stared at me, an intense look on his face that I couldn't quite figure out. Suddenly the air around us became thick with…was that tension? Yeah definitely, but what kind? Eli answered my question when he kissed me. Really one second he was staring at me a foot and a half away, and then the next his lips were on mine. I didn't know what to do. I kissed him back for a moment out of pure shock before pushing him away.

"Eli, what the hell was that?"

"Shit Adam, I'm sorry, I don't know…"

"You don't know why you kissed me?"

"No, I mean I do, but, ah shit."

I just stared at him stupidly for a second before speaking up. "You know I'm straight right?"

He gave me guilty eyes. "Yeah."

"Ok and you know I'm not a girl…"

"Yes Adam, I know you aren't a girl."

"Then why did you just kiss me?"

He looked away from me, "I don't know, man I'm sorry."

Back to the 'I don't know', weird, so I just looked at him like he was crazy.

He started up the car and turned to me. "So I'll just take you home then," and we were off.

The whole way home I was grateful for Social Distortion playing so loud. It made it impossible for us to have an awkward conversation and made it easy for me to dismiss the thoughts that kept popping into my head. The thoughts that let me realize that I may have actually liked that kiss and wouldn't mind knowing why I was given it.

The next morning I woke up to the sound of Plumtree's Go. I rolled over and grabbed at my cell. I knew it was Eli but I looked at the screen anyway. I contemplated just ignoring him but thought better of it.

"Yeah?" I grumbled into the phone.

"Hey Adam, is it cool if I come over? I have a comic book movie marathon in my hands as we speak."

When I didn't say anything he spoke up again.

"Come on Adam, it's the perfect mix of dark, badass and super heroes."

I sighed, I did want to hang out, I was just afraid of what might happen. "Ok you got me, when you coming over?"

"Uh, is now too soon?"

I looked at the clock, it was just after eleven, and then I looked down at myself. I sighed again, "It's cool, but can you give me some time to get ready? I'm still in bed."

I could hear the smile through the phone, if that's even possible and I wondered what it meant. "Ok so I'll see you in and hour?"

"Sure, see ya then."

I hung up the phone and lay back on my bed. The kiss last night had my mind reeling and I have to admit that I'm kinda worried. I always thought Eli was straight and I know he sees me as a guy, but that just wouldn't make any sense. If I'm honest with myself then I have to admit that maybe I'm not totally straight, otherwise I wouldn't get a fluttery feeling in my stomach whenever I thought of that kiss. I don't think I could go there with him and I just can't be gay. There are so many reasons not to. Like getting even more shit for not only being Degrassi's resident tranny but a fag too. I know how tough it has been for Riley and he's a bio guy. But the biggest reasons to put any more than friendly thoughts of Eli out of my head are that Claire and him just ended. I think. That and we are best friends. I don't want to be a rebound and I really don't want to lose a friend. Not that I could be his rebound cause I'm not gay. I can't be, but he is awfully cute. No! No he isn't. God I really have to get these thoughts out of my head before he gets here. Just because I think he's cute doesn't mean I actually like him that way, right?

I heaved myself off my bed and headed to the bathroom after grabbing my binder and clothes. I showered then went about getting dressed, as I was binding I found myself wishing that mom would just let me get top surgery. I really am getting sick of doing this everyday and I know that no matter how much she may hope for it, I'm NEVER going to be Gracie again. I get all dressed and survey myself in the mirror. Feeling satisfied I left the bathroom to face my best friend who as of last night has become a huge confusion in my life.

I headed to the kitchen to grab myself some food. A quick look at the clock told me that I had about fifteen minutes until Eli was supposed to show. I grabbed an apple and saw a note on the counter. Everyone would be gone for most of the day which could be great or really suck for me cause that means Eli and I would be alone.

Eli

Eli knew that he was probably making a big mistake when he decided to kiss his best friend. Thing is, he just had to know. He had been crushing on Adam since before Claire entered into the picture. He has known for a while that he's into guys and girls, he just doesn't see the point in broadcasting it. He figures it's his business and he will tell friends if it comes up or if he feels like it's important for them to know that about him. But as far as anyone else, he just doesn't see the point. Obviously if he started dating a guy people would know, but it didn't look like that was gonna happen any time soon. Adam is the only guy he's interested in right now and it has become painfully clear that Adam doesn't share his feelings.

He was thinking about how strange last night had become. Claire going to the dance with Fitz of all people and freaking out on him, then making Fitz puke, Fitz and the knife and finally the kiss; the kiss that he kept replaying in his mind over and over. Not just because he had wanted to do it for so long, but because there was something that made him think that just maybe Adam wasn't all straight. He remembers sitting there pissed at himself for screwing up the thing he had with Claire. Up until he finally let her in; the only person he trusted with his secrets was Adam. Honestly even though he has thought Claire was cute since he met her, Adam was a big part of why he was so hot and cold with her. Of course Juliet had a lot to do with it but so did his best friend. Eli wanted to make sure that there was no chance with Adam before going ahead with Claire. And now here he is obsessing over Adam when he should be thinking about Claire. Part of him wants to try to get her back but mostly he just hopes that they can be friends again.

Adam gets him. Adam would never have freaked on him the way she did and when Eli kissed him, he did kiss back. It may have only been for a moment but he did. There was something in the way his body seemed to relax for a moment that told Eli that maybe Adam wasn't all straight and maybe he wanted to be kissed by him.

He was thinking about all this while he was getting ready to go to Adam's place. As much as he wanted to try kissing him again, he thought better of it. He was in a pretty messed up place right now with everything that's been going on. He figured that the best way to deal was to just to go back to the way things were. Maybe if he just acted like nothing had changed then it wouldn't, or maybe it would, in a good way. If he backs off then maybe if he isn't making things up, then Adam will come around, on his own terms.

Eli headed out to Morty to head over to Adam's place. He put some music on (SubHumans) and started the car. It wasn't long before he found himself standing on the Torres' front porch knocking on the door.

The door opened and there was Adam. "Hey Eli."

"Hey."

Adam stepped aside to let Eli in. "So what movie is first in the marathon you have planned?"

"You choose, Spider Man, Sin city or V For Vendetta to start with."

"Sin City," Adam said as they headed into the living room.

Reviews please?