Title: Defense Mechanisms

Synopsis: This was not the time for them to try to start parenting. Natsuno's interactions with his parents after Toru's death. Natsuno/Toru.

Rating: T

A/N: Not the best thing I've ever written, but it won't be the last that I write for this. Maybe this is just a warm-up? I dunno. Psh. Anyways, relax, enjoy and please review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Shiki, because if I did the hair would be a little less frightening.

…

It is easier to deal with loss, his parents tell him, with defense mechanisms. It's natural to hide your emotions and bury them with defense mechanisms. It's normal. But he should stop and try to face his problems head on.

Natusno, however, tells them that he's not using any of those.

His parents look at each other and tell him that they know that it was tough for him to lose his best friend, but he needs to take a look at himself and see if he's really okay.

Natsuno, of course, disagrees with them and tells them that he is fine.

And he is, he thinks. There's nothing inherently missing in him like he thought there would be. There were no tears; nothing to make him feel like the world was ending. No, not at all.

"Natsuno," his father says with the face of a father who has just realized that his son no longer cares about his judgment. "If you need the two of us, we're here for you." His mother nods in agreement. "This can't be easy on you. First that girl at your school died and now Toru. We know how close you were to them-"

"Just him," Natsuno interrupts. "That girl wasn't a friend of mine."

His mother raises an eyebrow. "But I saw her here all the time," she says with a smile. "I thought the two of you were meeting secretly or something." There's something almost hopeful in her voice. It's probably because she had been hoping that he would make some friends, get a girlfriend and settle down in town. Now that Toru was gone, her dreams would really be dashed. "To lose a friend is one thing, but to loose a girlfriend, too, must be hard on you. I know that you couldn't even go to her memorial you were so upset."

"She wasn't my girlfriend." Though he remains calm on the outside, on the inside he is screaming. "She didn't matter to me at all. She was nothing more than annoyance. Am I done here?"

He had things to do. Now that Toru was gone it was even more important to get things done. To study, to get good grades, to do well on entrance exams… Not that there was anything holding him there in the first place, but now he was even more free to run as fast as he could without looking back.

"Son, we're just trying to help." With all of this parenting stuff, his parents do not seem much like his parents. Where were the freethinking folks who were not even married? Now was not the time to start trying to be the normal parents that they were not. "Please, just open up to us. We could help you if you gave us the chance to."

"I don't need help." Slowly and surely he is losing patience. "I'm fine!"

"Anger is a defense mechanism," his mother tells him quietly. "Natsuno, it's not our fault that Toru or that girl died. You shouldn't be taking it out on us. We're trying to be open so that you can talk to us-"

"I don't need to talk to you," he says with a deadly calm attitude, his eyes shooting daggers. "I'm fine. When I tell you that I'm fine then I'm…" He misses Toru. He misses him desperately. The one thing that made this town worth living in was seeing his smile, feeling his body under his hands, kissing him gently upon the lips. It was a strange relationship that the two of them had. Natsuno knew that he was moody and hard to deal with, but Toru was the one who could always seemed to be able to make him smile. Toru had made living in this stupid, lifeless town worth it. "Fine."

His parents stare at him. "You don't… look fine," his father tells him quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder. And that was when Natsuno realized that tears were falling silently down his cheeks, each one a reminder of what he lost and would never get back.

…

Fin