Oh gosh, it's been so long since I've written anything... ;w; I hope this is satisfactory, it sure took me long enough to actually FINISH it, of course only working on it like once a month didn't help in the slightest, but...anyway, yeah, written for a friend. This one wanted America and Russia to talk about something cultural or...something. :'D I don't exactly know what all that entails, and I don't know much about Russian culture anyway, so I just had them casually talking about various things. But I digress. England was supposed to overhear, and get super jealous, and it was supposed to end in jealous!England topping America.

I like criticism, but only if it's HELPFUL. (As in don't leave a comment telling me I suck. If you think I'm a bad writer, tell me WHY.)

Obligatory disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, and I don't own the nations. With that, enjoy.

EDIT: Someone requested that I take out caps and make them, instead, italics. So I did. :3

If there was one thing that Arthur Kirkland never would have suspected, it was that America and Russia would actually get along. The two had never really given any indication that they were terribly fond of each other, after all, and in fact, most of the time they seemed to quite dislike each other. They would bicker, and quarrel, and they always seemed to be at the other's throat when they were talking, and when they were together, the tension in the air was so overwhelming that you could barely breathe. When they were apart, America would fuss about how annoying the Russian could be, and it was a well known fact that, to Russia, the citizens of America's land were known 'affectionately' as 'American pigs', not to mention that America was always calling himself a hero, and considered communism evil. They didn't like each other, plain and simple, and that's just how it was. Or rather...that's what everyone believed.

It was by pure coincidence that England had come across them that day. He had some paperwork to complete, but he had lost his pen, and he was led to the meeting room as he retraced his steps to search for it. The meeting had taken a half-hour recess, so no one should have been in the room at that time, as this was when everyone usually went for lunch, but when his hand rested on the doorknob, and he went to turn the handle...he heard laughter. His brows furrowed. He recognised the laugh, of course, he'd heard it many times himself, but...it was different than usual. It was soft, entertained, and nowhere near as loud and obnoxious as he remembered. It had been ages since he had heard that particular laugh, as long ago as the 1800s, and it made him curious. Slowly, quietly, he opened the door, but when he peeked in, he frowned. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. It was just America, sitting in his usual spot, but...that didn't explain why he was laughing. Or why he was there in the first place. He was always the first one out of the meeting, rushing for the food. The Briton shrugged. America seemed to be alone, he didn't suppose there was any reason he shouldn't go in and look for his pen, and so he opened the door a bit wider, hesitating when he saw a flash of tan. He recognised that tan as Russia's coat, everyone was always on the lookout for that coat, and so he stopped short, even before he could peek his head in. America laughed again, and he could hear Russia talking this time, though he couldn't understand a lot of what he said. He was sitting across from the American, and they both appeared to be smiling, and something about the situation...really really didn't seem right...

"...can't wait! ...love...you will enjoy it..!"

"Of course! It is you, after all!"

America's voice was much clearer, much easier to understand. England supposed that America just had one of those voices that carried, and-! Wait...what was that? England's ears twitched. What were those two talking about..? They really were being awfully friendly, weren't they? Ah well, it was probably just a coincidence, even France and he could have civil conversation on occasion, and they hated each other! Yes, he must have just caught them in one of their...very few, and very rare moments of civility. That was all. He would go in, and get his pen, and leave the two men be to finish their conversation in peace.

"...comrade Jones!"

...he hunkered back behind the door.

"Oh, yeah, totally! I'm looking forward to it! I've heard it's good..."

"Then perhaps...together sometime!"

"That would be awesome! Oh, hey, did that other movie come out yet? I've been wanting to see it, but I don't know when it's coming out, I haven't thought to check it on the internet..."

"Oh, Дa, it has come out just a few days ago! If I would have known that you wanted to see it, I would have given you a call! You should have told me, comrade! We can take a plane back to my country after the meeting, and you can stay with me for a few days while you recover from the long ride! We can see it together!"

Russia's voice got louder, more excited... Why the hell would America want to go to Russia's house anyway? It was probably just some plan to keep him there, and force him to become one with him or something! Surely America would never just go with him like that, even the dense American was smart enough not to!

"Really! Ivan, you're the coolest, I've been looking forward to it!"

...okay, something was very wrong here. Maybe America was brainwashed..? Whoa, wait, did he just call Russia 'Ivan'! Since when were those two so friendly! Scratch that, America was obviously brainwashed! England's eye twitched, and he frowned, eye narrowing at the two. He was suddenly at full attention. He knew that it couldn't be how it sounded, it sounded like they were planning a date, but still...those words, just thinking about them...he got an uncomfortable feeling. Surely he had misheard, or...or that couldn't have been what they were really talking about, because...well...it was Russia and America. It had to be a misunderstanding. Yes, of course, that was all. He laughed to himself for being so paranoid, and made another move to enter the room. ...or maybe he would just listen in for a little longer. They might be about to argue or something, and he should really be there to break them up. Couldn't have the meeting resume with a bloodied America and a bruised up Russia now, could they? Of course not!

"Of course, comrade Jones! I have been wanting to see it as well, and why should you have to pay for more air fare than needed by going back to your house before coming to mine? It only makes sense, Дa? By the way...I'm not certain I ever asked you... What is your favourite kind of film?"

"Action!" America answered quickly. "With explosions, and heroes who always get the girl in the end!" Was he...blushing..? "I...gotta admit, I enjoy a good romance movie to even out all the action, though... Don't tell anyone."

"Of course not, comrade Jones! Your secret will be safe with me."

England growled. All he wanted was his stupid pen, why the hell did he have to listen to this shite..? It wasn't as if he was jealous or anything, no, why would he be! It was only America! And Russia. But Russia didn't matter! O-only because he didn't get along with Russia though, that was all! Yes...that was all.

"Ruddy bastards..."

Okay, fine, he was jealous. But why wouldn't he be! America was good looking, he was young, strong...he had a good figure, no matter what he normally said about the boy, and he was friendly, outspoken... It was no secret that the Englishman was quite taken with America (at least, according to France,) but America had always seemed so oblivious, and...England had never gotten the courage to tell him how he felt. He was starting to wish that he would have...

"So comrade Jones, enough about entertainment. I'm curious about Florida."

England bristled. Everyone knew what Florida supposedly represented on the American's body, how dare he be so...so tactless about it! That was it, he was going in...

"I heard that your space centre is scheduled to launch a craft soon..?"

...oh. The space centre. Yes...of course. England blushed. He was letting his imagination run away with his assumptions... He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. Of course nothing was going on with them, why was he being so ridiculous..! He groaned softly, unable to not think of how stupid he was being...

"Oh yeah!" the American replied, eyes lighting up. He was so proud of his space expeditions... Such a young country, yet he was one of the top nations with such projects, he had every reason to be proud. "Taurus! That's its name! It's scheduled to be shot in November, on the...22nd, I think! We're launching some satellites, I'm really excited!"

"That is good! One should be happy about their achievements, Дa? I have some missions planned for this year, just a few small ones... I am most looking forward to when they announce the next manned mission! Those are always my favourites..."

"Ohhhh, yeaaah!" What, was he having an orgasm! He didn't have to say it like that! "Those are the best... Watching your people go up so high, knowing that they're gonna see the world as a whole... Not just one piece of it, not just one nation, but everyone...all together like that..." He smiled quite fondly... "I wish I could see it for myself one day... It's gotta be a great sight..."

"Perhaps you could see it one day, comrade Jones. If you give up, then you can never see your dreams come true! This is why I still hold out hope that I will have all my comrades live with me again some day!"

Russia's voice softened. England really had to strain to hear what he was saying, but he did make it out, and...was Russia always that gentle..? He frowned, sadly. The way he said it...that tone of voice...it really sounded like he cared for America... England couldn't stand it. He was angry and sad, and he didn't know how to handle himself. He wanted to rush in there, pull Alfred away and yell at the Russian, he wanted to run off and lock himself away, and he wanted to keep listening, all at the same time. He didn't want to believe it, but they really seemed like they were having a good time together... He had noticed the change in disposition. He had paid attention to the strange glances they had begun to cast each other on occasion...but he didn't know it was like this. What was he going to do..? He dared himself to glance up, and instantly wished he hadn't... He had ended up closing the door a ways, and so really, all he could see was America, or...a little bit of him, and the little bit he saw...was leaning forward, over the table. He couldn't see America's head, but he could tell what was going on anyway, and he swallowed, hot and thick. He had never told America how he felt, and now he was paying for it. America was with another, and he was...obviously happy. England rubbed at his eyes. He could feel tears coming on, but no. There were still several hours left in the meeting, and the break was almost over. He had to keep himself composed, and so he took a few deep breaths before his breath caught in his throat. America had laughed again...that same, happy chuckle that he had heard as he opened the door the first time...

"That tickles, Ivan!"

"Ah, I am sorry, comrade, I did not mean for it to."

England grit his teeth. He still had paperwork to do... He didn't have long to do it, but he still had to get it done, and he still had to look for his pen... He stood up straight, tried to keep his emotions in tact, and opened the door the rest of the way, head hung low. The two men leapt back from whatever the hell they were doing, and stared at him, America's face red.

"England..! What are you doing here, there's still a good ten minutes until the meeting's back in session!"

He tried to ignore the clenching in his gut.

"I can't find my pen... I thought that maybe I had left it in here..."

America nodded.

"Yeah, I think I saw a pen at your space... Um...yeah, it's a blue one, isn't it?"

"That's it."

"Then it's here! Geez, England, and you fuss at me for being careless!"

England all but cringed. There was that laugh, his typical, loud, and obnoxious laugh, and for a moment, England wanted to yell. Why couldn't America send that amused laugh his way? The one that said he was happy, and didn't care about the rest of the world? He forced himself to step forward, but as he took hold of his pen, clenching his fist around it, America's laughter died. England wanted to simply leave, and he was about to, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He glanced up to see America, brows furrowed and an odd expression bordering concern on his face.

"You okay, Iggy? You're kinda pale..."

Oh, yes, that was perfect... Pay attention to how he looks when he feels like shite, but when he dresses up, or wears special cologne, don't even bat an eye... The Englishman cursed to himself, index and thumb massaging his eyes. He was fine...that's what he would say. He was...perfectly fine...

"Nothing's wrong, America, don't worry about it..."

"Perhaps he should lay down!"

That damn Russian sounded far too happy...

"Maybe he should... Hey, don't go throwing up on us during the meeting, okay, Iggy?"

Why couldn't he be more wary of what he said..? England frowned, his brows knitting together in frustration. He couldn't stay there, he would only end up letting his emotions get the better of him...

"I'm sorry for interrupting you two, America. Russia. I have my pen now, I'll...be going..."

The hand on his shoulder did not move.

"Nah, we were just talking, it's no big deal..."

"America, really, it's fine... I don't care."

"Don't care about what? What did you think we were doing?"

"You don't have to act like you don't know, America, really...if you like him, I don't care... It hardly bothers me."

"'Like him'..? Like him how!"

"You two pretend not to get along, so there must be a reason you haven't said anything... I won't tell anyone, you don't have to worry."

America frowned deeper, clearly confused. What was there to be confused about? He said he wouldn't tell, he meant it. If they wanted to keep their love a secret, far be it for England to reveal their emotions. He stopped short, his thoughts being halted by a realisation.

"...isn't homosexuality illegal in Russia..?"

"H-homosexu-? England, what the hell are you on!"

"Дa, homosexuality is outlawed in my country... But I am a nation, and we are different! My boss knows of international relations, they are unavoidable! Male or female, I must be prepared to accept offers that are handed to me."

"So...wait...then all he is to you is an 'offer'..!"

"England, I think you've got the wrong idea about us..."

"No, America, it's fine, I heard you talking to him. I saw...I saw you...k-kissing him..."

"K-...kissing!"

"Well...I didn't see it, America, don't worry, but...I saw you were leant over the table, just...I assumed... It-it doesn't matter, America, I have my pen now, I need to go..."

He pulled away, forcing his shoulder out of the superpower's grip, and if America had anything more to say, then he didn't say it. Then again, England was out the door faster than the American could say anything, and he hastily and sloppily filled out his papers. The meeting resumed as normal, and as the Briton sat in his usual chair, the one he had always thought he was lucky to have (until the incident earlier of course,) America leant over from the chair right beside him, whispering to him.

"I want to talk to you after the meeting... Stick around for a while."

England cursed himself. Maybe his nation would have some kind of severe financial decline while he was in the meeting and he would just keel over and die... Where was Busby's Chair when he really needed it..?