A/N: At long last, an update! Sorry I've been so slow. Also, I lied at the end of my previous author's note. This takes place a week later, not the next day. I changed what the chapter was going to be about because a partially-written chapter was sitting on my flash drive forever and just didn't want to get written. So you get this instead!

This chapter is in Al's PoV. C:
Also, I so did not proofread this.

Chapter 5: ERPshire

A week later...

Al stared at his computer screen and sighed. Ever since Ed had RAF'd Roy and rerolled a paladin, he and Winry hadn't been running any dungeons. So Al was bored. So. Freaking. Bored. He'd already maxed out all of his main character's professions, gotten a bunch of achievements, hit the god dang freaking gold cap (214,748 gold, 36 silver, 48 copper),and leveled quite a few alternate characters.

What else was there to do? Al didn't feel like PvP'ing; it was no fun without Ed's 'leet' skills and strategizing (Al swore he never, ever lost a battleground when he went with Ed; Ed said he had a bad memory and they only won when the stupid team actually listened to him. Ed wanted to gather enough reliable players to "roflstomp," as he called it, the battlegrounds with premades someday.)

So that left the one thing Alphonse had never before attempted to do: Roleplaying.

It sounded fun enough, maybe not something he'd want to do all the time when he played WoW, but, you know, maybe something when he needed a break from all the farming or dungeon-running. He wasn't too big on lore, though, but Ed would surely help him. No one, Al decided, was as big of a lore nut as his brother. He had actually bought all of the Warcraft novels—and Al had never seen him read anything but alchemy texts!

Al brought up his idea during a lull in the group's conversation over Ventrilo.

"I think I might roll a character on an RP realm."

There was a short silence, then Ed exclaimed, "WHAT?"

"Yeah, I think it would be a good idea," continued Al. "After all, we can't run any more instances until you and Roy (Roy had quickly gotten annoyed with the way Al insisted on calling him 'Fuhrer Mustang,' and pestered the poor guy until he stopped.) hit 80, and...well, I'm bored."

"Why don't you level your alts?" Winry suggested.

"Already did."

"Max out your professions?" Roy tried.

"Done."

Ed hmmed thoughtfully. "Farm herbs for Mustang and me."

"I must have mailed you enough to max out either your alchemy or Roy's inscription."

"Dibs!" called Ed.

"I'll get more later, Roy," Al added apologetically. "I'm just really tired of farming right now."

"That's quite alright, Alphonse," Roy replied. "Don't trouble yourself over it."

"Whatever. Just don't roll on a roleplaying realm, Al," groaned Ed.

"And why not?"

"Because," Ed sighed, "I've tried before. Trust me. It's not worth it."

"I'm gonna give it a go," said Al resolutely, and logged out of his character. He scrolled down the realm list and picked one of the popular roleplaying realms.

"What race should I be?" he asked.

Ed answered immediately. "Human. Then you'll see much quicker why this is a bad idea. I'm sorry you didn't believe me, though. I mean, when I tried, man, I was scarred for life, it was so horrible," he rambled on for a few seconds more until Winry told him to shut up and Roy told him to hurry up and turn in his quest.

Al wasn't sure what Ed was talking about, but he made a human anyways, a warrior named "Cathmor" (which supposedly meant 'a great warrior,' but it had 'cat' in it, which was all that mattered to Alphonse). "Okay, here I go!" he said excitedly as he logged onto his newly-created character.

"I guess I should fill you in on how to make a roleplaying character while you level up," Ed decided. "In case you, you know, decide to actually go through with this. First off, for the love of all that is holy, please do not make your character related to Jaina, Arthas, Illidan, or any other important lore figure. Oh, and no part- or full-dragon. Please. And no werewolves, vampires, or other mythical creatures that don't exist in the WoW universe."

"Brother!" said Al, sounding affronted. "As if I would do that!"

"You'd be surprised how many people do," snorted Ed. "I'm just making sure, you know. Secondly, don't make your character all-powerful. And make sure their personality has some goddamn depth." He muttered something under his breath that Al didn't quite catch, something about someone named Mary Sue.

"'Kay."

"And don't forget to not—"

"Fullmetal."

"Whaaat?"

"You're dying."

"Oh, crap. WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO SOONER?"

"I wanted to see how long it would take you to notice," answered Roy. "But if you died, I'd probably die, too."

Al could picture Ed scowling angrily at his laptop. Smiling to himself, he said, "Don't forget to not what?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah. Don't break the fourth wall."

"What's that?" Al asked.

"Uhh..." Ed hesitated as he tried to find words to explain. "Breaking the fourth wall is when... It's when you...break character. Like...an example would be your character knows he's in a game."

Al pondered his brother's words. "I get it, I think."

"Before you get too into this roleplaying thing, I think you'd better head over to coughERPshirecough Goldshire first," cautioned Ed.

"What was that?" Winry asked, randomly joining the conversation again.

"Nothing, Winry," said Ed. "Wanna come run me an' Mustang through Sunken Temple? 'Cause there's no way I'm gonna try and find a group for it."

"Oh geez, you know how much I hate that hellhole."

"Everyone does. But I hear it's gonna be a lot better come Cataclysm."

"Let's wait till then to run you two."

"Haha. No. Now, come on, already."

"Ugh, fine. You'd better pay me for this."

"Ten gold," Ed offered.

"Per boss."

"WHAT."

"You heard me."

"Aaaal," pleaded Ed.

Alphonse sighed heavily. "You seriously need to make a gold-farming character."

"I will. A Death Knight. Later! I'll pay you back, don't worry," Ed added hastily.

"Fine. I'll mail you the gold, Winry."

"Thank you! You're my favorite brother, Al!"

"I'm your only brother."

"Favorite sibling, then."

"I'm your only sibling."

"What about Winry?"

"She doesn't count."

"And why not?"

"Never mind." Al continued to quest while Ed gave him some random pointers on roleplaying.

After a short amount of time, he finished all of the Northshire Abbey quests. "I'm going to Goldshire now," he informed the others.

"Good luck," snickered Ed, and Al wondered, not for the first time, what could be so bad about Goldshire. Sure, it was a duelist hotspot (and, well, just a hotspot in general) on their regular realm, but it really wasn't too bad.

Al ran his character to Goldshire, following the road. When he arrived, he could see a few characters milling around outside. Okay, nothing new there, except that these people were probably roleplayers. Out of courtesy for the roleplayers, Al hit the key that made his avatar walk rather than run (he hadn't even known such a key existed until Ed had informed him of it) before entering the Goldshire inn.

Luckily for Al, his gasp and strangled noise of surprise was effectively drowned out by Winry's outraged yell.

"WHERE THE HELL IS THAT STUPID SHIELD WARD? EDWARD ELRIC, LEARN HOW TO READ A MAP!"

Winry actually didn't yell that much, but when she did yell, she was pissed. And the victim of her frustration was almost always Ed.

"I DID!" Ed retorted. "LOOK AT THE GODDAMN MAP YOURSELF IF YOU'RE SO GOOD!"

Ed, on the other hand, just yelled a lot in general.

"YOU'RE ALREADY AT WOWHEAD, SO WHY SHOULD I?"

"BECAUSE, APPARENTLY, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ A MAP!"

"I found him," Roy stated calmly.

Alphonse, however, wasn't paying attention to the conversation. He was too busy gaping at his chat log. "Wha—what the—WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

Alphonse never yelled (or cursed, for that matter) unless he was very, very upset about something very, very serious.

Or, apparently, if his mind was being scarred by the erotic roleplaying in Goldshire.

"So, it seems as if you, too, have now seen the horrors of ERPshire firsthand," sighed Ed. "It was terrible for me, too, don't worry. I'm never going back to a roleplay realm ever again."

"..."

"Al?"

"..."

"Al...Alphonse. Tear your eyes away from the screen. Stop reading it, dammit!"

"..."

"...Al, did you die?"

"Uh—uh—s-sorry," stuttered Al. "It was just...so...that was horrifying." Al tore his eyes away from the chat log, disgusted, and promptly logged out.

"And that," declared Ed, "is why a lore nerd such as myself does not play on a roleplaying realm." He paused, then added, "Well, that and the fact that I like to raid, and progression on most RP servers is ridiculously slow."

"Well...I need to do something to remove those disturbing images from my mind," coughed Al. "Maybe some mind-numbing grinding...hit the gold cap on another three characters perhaps."

"What has been seen...cannot be unseen,"whispered Ed dramatically.

Al made a whining sound.

"But I can lend you some mind bleach if you give me some gold. Did you seriously hit the gold cap?"

"You don't have mind bleach because it doesn't exist. And, yes, I did hit the gold cap because you're being ridiculously slow at leveling. You have recruit-a-friend bonuses; why aren't you two eighty yet?" Al didn't complain often, but he was seriously bored here.

"General Hawkeye, ah..." Ed trailed off.

"Is a horror and any attempts to play WoW in my office will result in a bullet through my head," supplied Roy.

"We'll be level eighty by next week, just watch!" Ed said confidently. "We can sneak on. And, besides, I can log on any time I like."

"I'll be sure to send Riza down to your office to make sure your paperwork is completed," Roy said.

"What? You can't do that!"

"I am the Fuhrer. I can do whatever I want."

"Abuse of power," muttered Ed. "So, Al!" he said, changing the topic. "What did we learn today?"

"RP realms are evil places?"

"No. Just Goldshire. And Silvermoon City if you're Horde. What you should have learned was that you should always, always listen to your older brother, because he's always right. Andyoushouldgivehimgold."

"Whatever, Brother."