Okay, so this is a story I thought up of while camping. If you know me, you might know I find overprotective people usually very funny.

Like Team 7, so here it is!

Please, also, remember this: all titles are real, but I just mixed the around a bit. (Ex.: Archduchess, duchess, clan heir.) So please don't PM me saying an earl (for example) and a viscount were not created in the same century. Or something.

THIS IS GOING TO BE A SERIES.

I do not own Naruto. At least until I'm rich and can buy it. And I'll probably never have the heart to buy it.

So there. I PLAINLY do not own it.

_Vintage Wine_
Part I of the wine!verse

"Aniki," growled Uchiha Sasuke, second son (and Head, unless Itachi has kids...which is a disturbing thought) of Uchiha Fugaku and Uchiha Mikoto, beloved brother of Uchiha Itachi, and best friends of Uzumaki Narutoka—, prince of Konohagakure, Uchiha Sai, a cousin; fifth from Head, and Haruno Sakura, archduchess (and fourth to the throne) of Konoha (once her mother and father died two years ago).

In fact, Haruno Sakura was the reason Prince Narutokami (shh!), Sai, and Sasuke were there at the moment. A second later, Hatake Kakashi, Sakura's guardian, a Baron, and tutor, appeared, his usual (perverted) scroll not seen.

"Sasuke," greeted Itachi, taking this all in stride, as though overprotective, bloodthirsty brother and co. came every day, "Sai. Kakashi-san. Prince Narutoka—"

"!"

"…Naruto. What bring you fine gentlemen to my chambers at…" he paused to look out toward the moon, "midnight? Of course. Pardon my rudeness, have a seat. The butler will be here any moment with some wine. I hope you like it vintage."

"That will be fine," remarked Kakashi, his lone eye (the other hidden in a lavender cap) crinkling in repressed ice.

The four men all took seats on a red couch, and while observing the way they seemed ready for battle Uchiha Itachi sat on the opposite red match, making his amusement obvious. "So, due to certain glares and hatred radiating from you all, I assume you heard?"

Sasuke's eye twitched and Prince Narutoka—Naruto made a sound in the back of his throat. Sai's usual fake smile was no more and his eyes were their harsh black. Kakashi's own speckled color was rather wintry. "Yes," he finally said. "We have."

Earlier that day at exactly sunrise, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sai all entered his room, Naruto shouting curses he was not supposed to know and Sasuke with his katana swinging around dangerously. When Kakashi asked what the hell was wrong, Sai calmly explained Uchiha Itachi and Haruno Sakura—aka their Sakura—were engaged.

Kakashi was not amused.

As Sakura's guardian, he was supposed to know before anyone, was supposed to know before Sakura herself because Uchiha Itachi was raised by Uchiha Mikoto who had manners drilled into her brain the moment she was born. That said, Itachi was supposed to ask him before asking her damnit!—and that said, Kakashi would have flat out refused.

But nooo he had to go and change the fking rules.

Sakura then proceeded to tell Yamanaka Ino, an earl's daughter, Hyuuga Hinata, a clan heiress, and Tenten, a countess, the "good" (read: fking terrible) news. Then Hyuuga Hinata met Naruto while in the garden and, blushing, told him he must be very proud and delighted about the engagement. Naruto calmly said yes, he was and then rammed into his father's council meeting screaming damn it all to hell, he was not going to marry a girl the sleazy asses picked up for him.

Kushina, amused, took her son outside (ignoring the glare Minato shot her—they were supposed to be in this together! No going back while the "sleazy" asses were being their sleazy selves damn them!) and asked what the heck was he doing.

When Naruto found out it was his sister (he was sure she was his sister, no matter what the documents said about her being some duchess-thing) he went ballistic, searching for Sasuke at four a.m. and Sai after at four-oh-six. Kakashi, having heard the news at five, was very very upset. Unfortunately, they searched for Sasuke's brother for two days before finally he came back from the trip to Suna.

At midnight.

And so they, of course, had to go and meet him. At midnight. But hey, Sasuke was his youngest brother, so of course he had to greet his freakin'—no, no, his beloved aniki. With friends. And a pointy sword. Ladies and gentlemen, the Uchiha Clan family.

"So I assume you came here to…?"

"Demand you to cancel the engagement." Naruto's eyes twitched.

"I must refuse, Naruto-kun."

Naruto's eye twitched again, just like Sasuke's—which is where he must have gotten the habit. Speaking of which, Sasuke's eye was going into "twitchtwitchtwitch…twitchtwitchtwitch" mode. "And why not, aniki?" he ground out.

"Well, I asked her for a few things and she said no, she will not unless we were married. And you see, she was just so sweet and innocent. So I thought—ah, please, Sai, Kakashi-san, I don't like having to replace the pillows—but then I began to enjoy her company. And she refused to let me touch. So I ask for her hand."

"…T-touch?" stuttered Naruto, his face pale.

"Enjoy her company?" repeated Sasuke, his own face pinched. "You're a virgin!"

"Mhm. But did I not tell you she was just so—"

"Finish that sentence and an Uchiha heir is going to die in this room," Kakashi's, the seeming-speaker of the group, said.

"Then I'd rather not." Itachi smirked. "And if the conversation is done, please exit my chambers qu—"

"Here are some rules that if you do not follow we'll rip your head off." Sai's pleasant expression was unmarred by any smile.

"Rule number one: Do not touch Sakura in front of us. You may watch her so she won't do something stupid like smile at another man, but look beyond her low-cut dress and we will gouge out your eyes." Naruto's firm nod accompanied his words.

"Break the engagement from this point on and make her cry and we will make you cry, aniki, no matter what you think."

"If your breeches come undone anytime by her while we are there—watching secretly, or something—we will kill you painfully." Kakashi's eyes crinkled in fake delight.

"Uchiha-san, with all due respect—make her bear your child without our permission and we will cheerfully burry you in the gardens."

Itachi's eyes glinted with amusement as he signed the contract his brother and cousin presented.

A/N:

I must say, this wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be like. Unfortunately, I know next to nothing about wine.