A/N: Now that I look at it, this looks kind of random... Please review and tell me if it's worth continuing.

Oh, and before I forget...

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

Good day, everyone, my name is Hitsugaya Toushiro. And I'm going to die.

Well, technically, I'm already dead but there's no real reason why I should not die again, a horrible, most unexpected death, caused by certain circumstances, with which I am planning to acknowledge you. Any minute now. Just as soon as I stop banging my head against this wall. I might as well get lucky and fall unconscious and wake up, realizing it was all a terrible misunderstanding and that everything will go back to normal, but considering my luck, the chances are pretty slim… And I know, you curious little mortals, want to laugh at my misery in details so I'm now going to comply and satisfy your greedy brains as I explain how everything began.

It all started as an ordinary day in Sereitei. There was some strange purplish smoke over the 12 division (I didn't even want to ask what that freak Mayuri was up to again), the explosions in Zaraki's divisions were at usual rate – one to three every two hours, Nanao was fetching her captain in the local pubs and I was done fetching my own vice-captain about an hour ago. As you can see – nothing out of normal. As the day progressed, Matsumoto even woke up from her sleep on the office sofa and whined for who knows how long about her headache, while I just ignored her and did OUR paperwork, hoping that at some point she'll get tired.

"Taicho?"

Now, this is a very tricky moment. Should I answer and thus attract more complains and overly wordy explanations that I don't want to hear as I consciously pinpoint the beginning of this crappy day or shall I abandon all courtesy and just pretend that I am not her captain, effectively and very much intelligently avoiding the development of this unsustainable conversation? That's a choice everybody would find difficult to make.

"…"

"Are you still angry?" Matsumoto continued, a sign of embarrassment on her face as she did so. I signed the paper in front of me and stamped it before putting it aside and pulling another one towards me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Wow. Aren't I a talented liar?

"You know what I'm talking about." She insisted.

"No, I really don't." I refused to look at her as I accidentally stamped a paper that asked for a permission for a pair of conjoined twins to enter the Shinigami Academy. Oops.

"We need to talk."

"Nothing to talk about." I answered, quickly dealing with a few more documents. I made sure to scowl and "hmm" thoughtfully as to emphasize on how busy and important I am. The only problem was that I wasn't really concentrated on what I was doing and something told me she could feel it. That was the most annoying thing about Matsumoto. She knew me too well and she obviously enjoyed misusing that advantage for her own questionable purposes. I could feel her gaze on me grow more and more intense with every passing second as if trying to pierce through my skin and right into my soul. Fine. You can stare all you want, I will not break. I will do my work and I will do it splendidly and I…

Now, what did I just sign…? I'll look at it once Matsumoto is distracted.

Matsumoto, however, didn't want to be distracted. She kept watching me, my every move, every breath and blink, knowing well enough it would drive me crazy. She wasn't going to let go of this. Finally, I sighed, putting my work aside – I wasn't really doing any anyway – and looked at her.

"Okay, what?" I asked. It sounded more like a bark but Matsumoto didn't seem offended. She walked around the sofa and stood before my desk with her hands folded in front of her chest and a decisive look on her face.

"I'm sorry about Friday, okay? I really am. You know I am."

Oh, God, did she have to remind me?

"I don't want to talk about Friday." I answered. Actually, I barked again. But, seriously, if I could, I would double capitalize Friday for what happened.

"You don't want to talk about anything!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air with indignation.

"You have a problem with that?"

"What do you think?" she snapped and then added with a little bit of tease in her voice "Do you know what you are behaving like right now? You are acting exactly like a little child!"

I had lost my proverbial shorty-ness years ago and my height had exceeded Matsumoto's without a doubt, but nevertheless it always kindda struck a nerve when someone referred to me as a child. So by saying that, I guess she received the reaction she'd been aiming for. I sometimes pity myself for being so predictable…

"I PROHIBIT THIS WORD IN MY OFFICE!" I bellowed, slamming my hand on the desk. Matsumoto's eyebrows flew up to her hair as she eyed me with pessimism. I took a deep breath in, calming myself down as I added:

"This is getting us nowhere."

"You are getting us nowhere! Talk to me!"

"We broke up, I don't need to talk to you." I blurted before I could even realize what was saying. My eyes widened and I felt my cheeks heat as I tried to fix the idiocy that had just escaped from my mouth and into the open space – that space being unfortunately close to my ex-girlfriend. "I-I mean, I didn't… This has nothing to do… This is stupid! I'm not having this conversation."

Very mature.

"That's another thing we need to discuss!" she lit up and leaned over the desk and towards me. "Why are we doing this, Toushiro?"

Please, don't say it…

"We still have feelings for each other and you know it! Why do you keep denying it?"

I closed my eyes and sighed, running a hand through my hair. She already knew the answer, why did she keep bringing it up! Like it wasn't enough that random people on the street picked on me about dating one of the hottest chicks in Soul Society or that half of our friends tried to make tell them "how it was".

"Our relationship was a mistake. Friday just proved it." I stood up and rounded the desk. "And I don't want to talk about it."

Wow. I cannot believe how many times I repeated that sentence and its variations during the last fifteen minutes.

"I'm going for a walk. Look after the office. Don't break anything." I said as I walked pass her, effectively avoiding her gaze. I then walked to the door, opened it and almost ran into a bunch of cosmonauts.

Now, I want to clear things out – they weren't exactly cosmonauts. They were Mayuri, Nemu, Unohanna, Renji, Yumichika, Ikkaku and Rukia. All dressed-up in space-suits.

"What is going on?" I asked, raising a brow as I eyed them all with a mix of curiosity and wonder. I could feel Matsumoto walking behind my back and doing the same, as the last four spacemen grinned at us, barely stifling a guffaw. I figured later they had volunteered to come just to mock at us for being in this terribly unfortunate situation. You will see exactly how unfortunate.

"Good day, Hitsugaya-taicho!" Mayuri greeted. I frowned, not liking the tone.

"What is going on?" Matsumoto asked, eyeing all of them one by one. "And why are everyone dressed up like this?"

"Those are special protection suits." Mayuri explained dryly and a choked laugh escaped my lips.

"Protection from what? Cosmic radiation?"

Mayuri didn't seem amused by that statement but then again – he's never sincerely amused. His very special life purpose is to be creepy and heavily made up. I don't know if he's ever smiled a happy smile in his entire life and also I'm pretty sure he could exterminate a puppy just by looking at it. I'm not saying this out of disrespect – out of inner gloating, maybe, but not disrespect – but you can be sure that I don't have a single joyful memory with this man and I highly doubt this would ever change.

Before I had time to think of all the other gleeful things that defined the 12th division captain's fascinating persona, Unohanna decided to take things in her own hands and stepped forward:

"During one of Mayuri-taicho's scientific experiments, a terrible accident occurred and a dangerous virus leaked out of the lab. We believe the wind carried it to 11th and 10th division so we're putting those, along with 12th division under quarantine."

Matsumoto and I just stared, dumbfounded at the cosmonauts, waiting for some of them to scream "GOTCHA!" and start laughing their heads off. But really – Mayuri and Unohanna weren't exactly the joke type.

"What does that mean?" I asked carefully. At that point Renji, Ikakku, Yumichika and Rukia did burst into laughter. This wasn't good.

"We have preparation for situations like this, so you don't have to worry about anything." Unohanna said calmly. "We've already began evacuating the divisions."

"What does that mean?" I asked again, becoming more and more dumbfounded by every minute. "Are you going to lock us away or something?"

Hah, yeah, right. Like that was ever gonna happen. Some virus leaked out – big deal! They can't just lock away three whole divisions just because some people from there might eventually…

"Yes, that's pretty much it." Renji broached, snickering under his breath. "And since you and Rangiku are the heads of the divisions, you're getting your own locked up house which you'll be prohibited to leave until further announcement! Can you imagine how much fun it'll be?"

No, for me it won't.

The whole place was like a small village, separated from the fourth division, yet inside it. It was filled with many identical houses, positioned at equal distance and all completely painted in horribly depressing grey colors. I was still having some trouble comprehending the situation and so I hadn't yet completely freaked out, but I could see it coming. Matsumoto looked calm enough but it was probably because she was already planning in her head how to force me to talk once we were all alone and devoid of any fresh air or day-light. I glanced at her and a small comforting smile tugged at her lips as she met my gaze. I snorted, looking away. Yes, there was no doubt that the evil mill-wheels in her head were already spinning at an extreme rate.

Unohanna explained that every settlement was completely isolated and food and water was brought at certain hours by cosmonauts. Each house was furnished and designed to be livable for a long period of time. Now, what that period of time would be – that she didn't know.

We were led to the end of this "village" where a few larger two-storey houses stood proudly, awaiting their tenants. I was still calm when Matsumoto and I entered it and I was still composed when the huge metal door was closed behind us, but the moment I heard the sound of it being locked, I cracked.

"Taicho? Are you alright?" Matsumoto asked, carefully approaching me. I couldn't comprehend what she was saying, I was just standing there, my eyes wide and I was shaking. And then… I started banging my head against the nearest wall.

And this, my dearest mortals, is where you found me.

"Taicho!" Matsumoto yelled, grabbing me by the collar from behind and pulling me away from the wall. I tried to resist but I was too dizzy to be in any condition to do anything except for reel in the wrong directions and so I was forcefully dragged to the living-room and pushed on the coach.

"Aw, come on, taicho! It's not so horrible! We'll have lots of fun!" Matsumoto assured me, rubbing my arms and grinning. "Besides, you did need a rest from all that paperwork. There you have it now! Fate smiled upon us!"

I was shaking my head the whole time she was speaking.

"Don't be like that, taicho! Think of this as a vacation!"

Imprisonment.

"We can play cards, and look! We've got a TV! Aww, isn't this thoughtful? We can watch movies from the real world till late at night. And fashion shows. And imagine all the time we'll have to catch up and talk…"

"NO TALKING" I screamed as I ducked by her and right to the front door, banging my fists against it. "I WANT OUT! I CAN'T STAY HERE! LET ME OUT!"

I don't know exactly what happened next, but I assume she sneaked up on me and smashed a vase in my head or something because I woke up several hours later on the couch, my head in inexplicable pain. I groaned and propped myself on my elbows, looking around. A second later all the memories rushed in my head and my inner world broke into heart-wrenching screams.

I blinked a few times, growling under my breath as my eyes adjusted to the poor light. It was already dark outside, I must've been out for quite awhile. Or maybe I've been hit more than once if I had had other nervous fits during previous awakening. I didn't know and I didn't want to know.

Only then did I notice that Matsumoto was sitting in the foot of the couch, sagged in the softness of the furniture and with her legs tucked beneath her. Her eyes were directed lazily at the TV, the volume of which was almost imperceptible to hear but she glanced at me and smiled softly when she felt my gaze on her.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" she asked quietly. "I'm really sorry I had to hit you. You were kindda losing it…"

I sighed, dangling my feet of the side of the couch. My head throbbed dully as I stood up and made a uncertain step forward.

"Any news?"

"They brought food. Are you hungry?"

"How much time are we going to stay here?" I asked, ignoring her question as I headed for the kitchen. I heard her stand up and follow right behind me.

"I don't know." She replied, hesitation seeping in her quiet voice as she probably wondered how I'd react to that statement. I felt too drained to be put out so I sighed again as I poured myself a glass of water. I didn't even want to contemplate the extents to which this little adventure could harm my internal harmony. And sanity. Because, seriously, the last thing I needed now, was to be forced to share the same house with my ex-girlfriend. My very sexy, very unpredictable, very cracky ex-girlfriend, who wanted to talk with me.

"Then we'll have to have some things cleared out." I asserted, placing the half-empty glass on the counter. Matsumoto tilted her head to a side, eyeing me quizzically.

"Bathroom turns?" she suggested, smiling sheepishly. I rolled my eyes.

"Let's examine the house."

"One bed?" I almost screeched, looking at the huge, queen-sized bed. Matsumoto giggled behind me, peeking over my shoulder at the room.

"Oh, look! They even have tiny chocolates on the pillows! It's so cute."

It was not.

"This is no hotel room, what are this idiots thinking?" I vexed, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "Are you positive there's no other bedroom in the whole house?"

Matsumoto wasn't listening. She darted past me and jumped on the bed, bouncing gleefully on it as she stuffed one of the chocolates on her mouth.

"Aw, taicho, this bed is so soft and fluffy! You have to try it!"

"I hate soft." I barked, turning around on my heel. "I'm sleeping on the couch downstairs."

The bouncing ceased. As I was walking away, I could hear Matsumoto sigh wearily but I tried not think about it. It was the right thing to do. No complications.

Several minutes later Matsumoto was showing me the stuffed fridge and what kind of food they had brought. I had to admit, they had pretty much thought of everything – meat, eggs, diary products, fruit and vegetables. It was all there. Not to mention the quantities were rather formidable.

"We can live with this." Matsumoto pointed out thoughtfully and then I recalled how Matsumoto ate. And I knew it wasn't that formidable. I could still recall in great detail Matsumoto's unpredictable eating habits and her vigorous appetite. And I could not comprehend how a slim being such as her could exterminate those humongous amounts of nutrition and still look the same. I made a mental note to hide a few things, just to make sure I wasn't endangered with perishing from starvation.

Aside from the living-room, the bedroom, the kitchen and the bathroom, there was nowhere to go. I found myself somewhat exhausted at the throught of the limited space that me and Matsumoto were going to have to share during the next few… I don't know what. Days?

I sighed. This was going to be… awkward.

"What did I miss?" Renji asked, entering the room with a large bowl of pop corn. No one turned around to face him, all of their eyes focused on the three screens in front of them.

"Nothing." Rukia replied, shaking her head with disappointment. "They went to bed."

"So early?" Renji exclaimed, almost tripping in a cable as he walked through the dark room and towards the sofa, where the others sat.

"Hitsugaya-taicho is in a hateful mood right now." Ikkaku explained, shrugging, as he shoved his hand in the bowl of popcorn, pulling a handful and stuffing it in his mouth. Rukia made a face at the charming sight and pulled a bit away from the bald man.

"This is so exciting! I'm soo glad Abarai came with the hidden-cameras idea! It's been so long since something intriguing has happened in Sereitei." Yumichika chirped, absently combing his hair with his fingers as he watched the screen that showed the living-room. Hitsugaya was laying on the couch, his blanked pulled to his mid-chest, his hands under his head and his eyes focused on the ceiling.

"Yeah, really smart, but Rangiku's already asleep and nothing's going to happen. Why are we still-…"

"Wait!" Renji exclaimed, pointing at one of the screens, showing the bedroom. "Something's happening."

The four of them leaned forward, trying to have a closer look.

"What is she doing?" Yumichika asked, blinking with confusion.

There was a short pause, before Rukia finally gasped, the realization sinking in.

"Rangiku's sleepwalking!"

A/N: Soo... Do you think I should continue this?