It had been two months since the Normandy team had returned from the journey through the Omega relay. Kita Shepard leaned against her shower wall, letting the steaming hot water pour over her neck and shoulders. Liara was heading over from the Shadow Broker's – now her – ship for an asari massage session.

Shepard closed her eyes tightly, not really certain if she was up to the company. At least Liara was quiet. She needed quiet.

When she arrived, Liara's deep blue eyes were full of concern. "Shepard. I'm sorry I'm late."

Shepard wore a plush white towel as she beckoned the asari forward. "It's no problem, Liara. Come on in."

Liara carried a tote full of various lotions and creams, as well as a scent diffuser which she placed promptly on the bedside table. "Lie down and try to relax," she said softly.

Shepard obliged her, although the whole thing felt more like she was doing Liara a favor more than the other way around. She knew it was wrong of her to think like that, but that was the state her mind had been in the past two weeks. Everything seemed like work – especially socializing.

The moment Liara's hands fell upon her shoulders, however, the tension she had felt over having to entertain melted away. She let her eyelids fall shut and tried to relax her muscles while Liara rubbed her demons away.

After the massage, the two women spent time reminiscing over glasses of wine on the sofa.

"I noticed your crew has diminished some since I was last onboard."

Shepard shrugged. "Samara's contract with me ended, more or less, when we returned from the collector base. We keep in touch, though. She's on Omega doing some… community service. Thane spent some time on the Citadel to be near his son, but he's back on the Normandy now."

"And how is Thane? You know, Feron really enjoyed having another Drell to talk to. I'm… not always such good company; my work keeps me so busy."

"The most recent transmission I received didn't sound so good. I'm not sure how long he's got left. He expected to die in action; we all did, I suppose."

"I still can't believe Garrus is gone," Liara said in a low tone. "He was so full of life. Even the last time I saw him, although I could sense a darkness within him, I knew I wouldn't have to worry. Garrus could take anything thrown his way."

"Almost anything."

"Shepard… I'm truly sorry for your loss. We all miss him, but it's different for you, isn't it? The two of you were very close."

"He was… my best friend. I don't think there's anybody in this universe I trusted more than him."

"I know his felt the same way about you, Shepard."

"Poor Garrus," Shepard muttered. "He just wanted one thing to go right for once. He tried so hard… and look what it got him"

"Forgive me, Shepard, but I've discussed this with some of your crew. I'm told it was… very sudden."

"He was taken by a seeker swarm. They just… carried him off."

"I apologize. I should not have brought the subject up."

"No, it's alright. I haven't really gotten a chance to talk to anybody about it."

"Will you be alright? I can come back tomorrow if you'd like some company."

"I'll be fine. But thank you, Liara. I think I needed this."

"Then I suppose I'll get back to my ship." She set down her empty glass and began gathering her massage tools. "Would you like to keep the diffuser? I thought if might help you sleep."

"Thank you. It's a nice scent."

"It's from a flower that only blooms at night on my home world. When I was still living there, I found it very peaceful to go to sleep with the fragrance wafting through the windows."

"I appreciate it."

Liara hugged her then and when she pulled away her eyes were sad. "Be well, my friend. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make things easier for you."

Shepard walked with Liara to the airlock before saying good bye. The ship was lonely again. It had been bad enough losing most of the crew during the sneak attack by the collectors. Those who remained – Tali, Doctor Chakwas, Joker – had their own troubles, their own losses to deal with. She knew it was not proper for a commander to lean on her crew in such an emotional way. It would do them harm to see her in this state, and so she kept her peace with everyone except Liara.

And so she forced a neutral expression onto her face and started to head back to her quarters.

Joker's voice came through her headset then. "Commander, the Illusive Man is sending a transmission."

Shepard's lip twitched. She didn't have the energy to spend on that sick bastard now. "Tell him I'm not home," she droned into the mic.

"I'm afraid you'll have to excuse the interruption, Shepard." Somehow the Illusive Man was transmitting through the ship's comm system; that meant everyone aboard could now hear him. What an asshole.

"There's something I'd like to discuss with you as soon as possible. It's a private matter, and one I think you'll be pleased to hear. I'll expect you in…" She imagined he was glancing down at his watch and taking a long drag off his cigarette during this pause. "…exactly two minutes. Go."

"Dammit," Shepard grumbled.

"Uh, Commander?" Joker came again through the headset. "Remind me again why we're still working with that guy?"

"He pays the bills, Joker."

"Right."

Shepard rolled her eyes, the sarcasm lightening her mood slightly, and began jogging toward the communications room. The holographic transmitter hummed to life as darkness descended. For all intents and purposes, she was standing in the lair of the Illusive Man… wherever that was.

"Shepard," the Illusive Man said emotionlessly, flicking his cigarette into the built-in ashtray of his chair. "Glad you could make it."

"Let's not waste time," Shepard spat. "What's so important you had to mock me in front of my entire crew?"

"I find it rather amusing, the way you continue to play the high and mighty hypocrite. You don't agree with my methods or my ethics, but you have no qualms about spending my resources. Surely you know where that funding comes from."

"I try not to think about it."

"Probably for the best. Now, let's get down to business, shall we?" He stubbed out the cigarette and lit another while Shepard waited, arms crossed. "It has come to my attention," he said at length, "that the loss of a certain turian crew member has had a less than desirable effect on the Normandy crew. Namely, their commander."

"Garrus was a good friend. His loss is felt by everyone. But his… death isn't affecting my work."

"No. On the contrary, you've been more productive than ever these past few months. Nothing like work to keep your mind off things, eh, Shepard?"

"Get to the point, please. That certain Turian crew member had a lot of responsibilities aboard the Normandy, and Tali and I have had to assume most of them on top of our other duties. So just say what you're gonna say and let me get back to work."

"As you wish," he said, smoke pouring from between his too-perfect teeth. "The point, Shepard, is, you've given a lot to humanity and earned Cerberus a more comfortable reputation than we've ever enjoyed."

"Well, I'll sleep better at night now that you've said that."

"Cut the sarcasm, Shepard. The fact is, I feel I owe you a favor. I'd like to give something back."

"You've given me The Normandy – I don't expect anything else from you."

"I'm not talking about resources, Shepard – nor am I talking about our mission. I'm talking about a gift, from me to you. With my thanks."

Shepard froze. She felt she already knew what he was going to say. In truth, she'd dreamt of the possibilities, but it was just too much to hope for.

"The Lazarus Project," he said slowly, "is up and running again. We are expanding our horizons to include work on alien physiology. More specifically, they have been focusing on asari and turian subjects – all volunteers, I assure you. With the exception of our first non-living candidate, of course."

"What… are you saying?" Was she dreaming again? What other explanation could there be?"

"We've recovered Garrus' remains from the Collector base, thanks to your decision not to destroy it. So far, we've only run a few tests, but… the data is promising. I didn't want to give the green light on the procedure without your consent. What do you say?"

Shepard inhaled deeply. This was no dream. She could bring Garrus back with a nod of her head. If only her own personal desire to have him back were in question, she could have answered then and there. But she knew Garrus' feelings on Cerberus, as well as those of most of her crew. They were a necessary evil, it had been said. Still, how would Garrus react to being brought back by the people he'd condemned for all the atrocities they'd committed? If she had had a say in her own resurrection, would she have proceeded?

"I… need to think about this."

"Of course."

She turned to step out of the holo-imaging ring.

"But Shepard… Think quickly. I'd like to do this for you, but I need a decision soon. This is still business. If it's not Vakarian, it'll be somebody else. There are a lot of wealthy asari out there who would pay a lot to see their short-lived companions brought back. We need to know as soon as possible."

Shepard nodded slowly and the Illusive Man's dark lair dissolved into the bright overhead lights of the Normandy's conference room. She closed her eyes tightly and rested her weight against the railing while the Illusive Man's offer sank in.

She moved like a ghost to the elevator and pressed the holo-button that would take her to her private quarters. Once inside, she locked the door and took a few shuffling steps inside. She glanced to her right, where a framed photograph of Garrus lay face down on the desk. Slowly she moved toward the frame and set it upright again.

She thought back to the first day she'd stepped foot into this room. Cerberus – more accurately, Miranda – had seen to it Kaidan's portrait had been placed on her desk. Another inner-crew relationship gone awry. At the time, Kaidan had seemed a natural choice. He was an excellent soldier, an honest human being and – moreover – he'd been crazy about her. She hadn't realized just how strong his feelings had been until their unexpected reunion on Horizon.

She'd thought about him many times before that meeting. Had she been in love with him, or was it something more casual than that? When it came down to it, she had decided her feelings for him had more likely been brought on by a simple need for companionship in a time when she had felt vulnerable.

It had been different with Garrus. She hadn't considered the possibility of a human/turian relationship until his close brush with death on Omega. Nearly losing him had sparked something in her she never expected to feel.

Shepard brushed her fingers across the glass, imagining she was touching his rough, stony face. They'd had one night to express their feelings for one another. Well, that might have been saying too much. In truth, she was uncertain of Garrus' true feelings; had he viewed her as a friend, or something more than that? Maybe it didn't matter. Still, she felt cheated. That one strange but somehow perfect two hours in her quarters with Garrus had been all she would ever have… until now.

Which was the right decision? Should she bring him back, knowing he might resent her for it, or let his troubled soul rest as nature intended? She reached over to her terminal and paged Tali. Of the current Normandy crew, she had known Garrus the longest (aside from Joker who had never been terribly fond of the turian rebel). Perhaps Tali could offer a fresh perspective on the matter that would help her make a decision.

While she waited, she paced the room. Some of the fish were dead in the tank. She pushed the button to have them removed and another to feed the remaining survivors. Then she sulked over to the sofa and took a seat. It would have been nice to have Garrus come up to the loft again for a glass of wine, or a vid. She remembered the way his strange three-fingered hand had felt brushing against her face, the way his rough skin felt against hers. The experience had left her wanting more. She would have given anything for it to have been him she heard riding the elevator up to her loft.

Instead, it was Tali who buzzed in at the door. It was locked, she remembered, jumping to her feet and running over to turn off the privacy alert. When the door slid open, Tali nodded. "Shepard. What's up?"

"Come in, Tali." Her voice was low and sad; when had she lost the ability to keep her emotions in check around her crew? How could she feel fit to lead others when she couldn't control her own moods?

Tali entered the room and stopped in front of the fish tank, the blue light glowing against her mask.

"Would you like some wine?" Shepard asked absently.

Tali turned and cocked her head to the side. "I wish I could," she said, pointing at her mask. Shepard shook her head at the stupid mistake and headed toward the sofa, gesturing for Tali to follow her.

"Shepard, what's wrong? Is it something the Illusive Man said?"

They sat down on the sofa and for a moment Shepard was silent.

"They found Garrus' body."

"Cerberus?"

She nodded. "And… they want to put him in the Lazarus Project."

Tali stood in surprise. "Keelah. But… Would they really do that?" she asked, stammering. "I didn't think Cerberus had any love for aliens."

"I need to know what you think. I… don't feel comfortable making the decision on my own."

Tali shook her head. "It wasn't right that he didn't come back with the rest of us. I've always felt that way."

"I think everyone did. But still, I don't know if it's right to bring him back."

"He was no fan of Cerberus, that's for sure."

"What should I do, Tali?"

"I can't answer for you, Shepard. But if it were up to me, I would probably try to think of what Garrus would have wanted."

"That's the problem. What if…" She couldn't finish her sentence.

"What if they bring him back and he's angry with you?" Tali was clearly on the same frequency. "I think what you need to ask yourself is, can you go on knowing you had a chance to bring him back and didn't?"

Shepard thought for a long moment before shaking her head. "I don't think I can."

"When do you have to give the Illusive Man an answer?"

"Soon. If I wait too long, they'll pick a different subject."

"Then don't wait. You know what you want." Tali rested a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "Would you like me to tell the others?"

"No. I'll do it. Thanks, Tali."

"Would you like me to accompany you?"

Shepard stood and took a deep breath. "I wouldn't put you through that," she said, forcing a gentle laugh. Nobody enjoyed meeting with the Illusive Man. It was all anybody could do to keep from telling him off most of the time.

Moments later, Shepard stepped onto the holo-imaging platform linking the Normandy with the Illusive Man's elusive office. As the Normandy faded and the darkness of his office took shape around her, Shepard secretly wondered when somebody would find him and take him out, the way she and Liara had overthrown the Shadow Broker. It was bound to happen; in her heart, she was almost eager for that day. She smiled slightly to herself then as she realized that was the type of thing Garrus might say.

"Shepard. Back so soon?"

"I've made a decision."

"A favorable one, I hope."

"I want you to go through with the procedure."

"Excellent news." He typed one-handed into the tiny console built into his chair. "I've just given the order for the new Lazarus team to proceed."

"How long will it take?"

"Three months, at best. Plus a week or two to recuperate before he'll be fit to receive visitors. With any luck, there won't be any inside objection to this procedure, and Garrus will be able to take all the time he needs to recover. You weren't so fortunate."

"Three months? It took two years to rebuild me."

"You were a pile of dusty organs and bone shards when we found you. Garrus' body was found relatively intact and there has been almost no decomposition."

Three months. She could see Garrus again in three months.

"I'd like to be there to watch the procedure," she said.

"I'm afraid that's not possible, Shepard. The Lazarus Project is, like all Cerberus business, top secret. I will inform you the moment Garrus is able to receive visitors. You have my word."

She nodded slowly. "Alright, then. Three months."

"Give or take. And don't forget the recuperation period." He took a long drag and blew the smoke out slowly. "You look tired, Shepard. Get some rest." With that he ended their transmission and Shepard was again bathed in the light of the Normandy.