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Rooftops

AppleMistress

The clock that hung on the back wall of the English classroom was ticking relatively slow. Not that I cared or anything.

I finished reading over Clare's English paper, finished evaluating it. And she was still busy, reading my three-paged assignment with genuine interest in her crystal blue orbs. She liked to take her sweet time when she checked over my papers—probably trying to figure out why my marks are always just a little higher than hers. The very thought made me smirk. She was adorable in her own way when she upset over her grades.

So I sat there for three minutes longer, stretching in a way to take a discreet glance at the clock. Fifteen minutes until class was over. I guess I could handle that. Letting out a silent sigh, I glanced at Clare's notebook of rough draft assignments for this class that was still settled on my desk. Although I've probably read them all already, I decided to turn a few pages. Reading her work was probably the only way I could entertain myself at this point.

It took about a minute of page flipping to find a piece she'd never shown me before. I raised a brow in interest, lifting my downcast gaze to look at the brunette in front of me. She was still hunched over her desk, scribbling little notes on the side of my paper. Taking that as a sign to proceed, I focused on her familiar neat handwriting… I couldn't help but notice that it looked just a tad sloppier than usual. Deciding not to overanalyze that all too much, I began to read.

"The air is colder than usual tonight. The harsh winds beat against me ruthlessly—though really, that's the least of my problems. My heart pounds violently against my chest with panic and exhilaration. I'm taking deep breaths to supply my demanding lungs with oxygen as I step closer to the edge. I can get a bird's eye view of the busy people and cars buzzing around in the lively city below. I can feel my pallid fingers trembling as I step even closer to the edge.

I'm standing on the rooftop of the highest building in the city. The building's electric blue lights against the dark purplish night skies are so breathtakingly beautiful that I'm sure no one would notice if I jumped.

I won't jump if I hesitate. I remember feeling distraught and hurt when Darcy attempted suicide. Mom and dad raised us to believe it was wrong, after all.

But mom and dad are hypocrites. Mom said she and dad fixed things; she said they talked, and they wouldn't fight anymore. Lies. They fight even worse than before. Dad's never home anymore and I can hear my mom's seemingly 'silent' sobs from downstairs as I write these very words. I can't even look at her without tearing up.

If I jump, will they realize their mistakes? Would they try to kiss and make up for my sake? Or… will the fighting only get worse? Maybe they'd blame each other for my stupid mistakes.

I look up with blurry vision, pushing the conflicting thoughts of my parents aside for a brief moment. I wonder how everyone at school would react if I were to suddenly disappear. I'm sure some people would notice… But I highly doubt anyone would make a big deal about it. I'm little baby Edwards. Saint Clare. The girl with mousy brown hair who merely blends in with the crowd, just trying to get by.

I take a step closer to the edge, my mind is a battlefield of emotions.

I flinch, and take a step back. Now I'm thinking about my friends; the simple things they do every single day that make me smile.

Alli's been by my side for quite a while now. Although sometimes she can give bad advice and her conversations about being a part of the 'popular' crowd can get a little annoying, she's so loyal. I can talk to her about almost anything. My jumping off a building would probably affect her. The last thing I want to do is make her cry.

I take another step back.

K.C…. Should I even mention him? I still think about him from time to time… But we're over, done. Just the memory of him looking at Jenna with admiration and love while we were dating still makes my heart swell. He wanted to be friends, but I refused his offer. If I jump off now, will I regret rejecting his friendship? He's not the same guy he used to be, though. I find myself confused.

Maybe Connor and Wesley and Dave would be surprised if I jumped. Even if we don't talk as much as we used to, it's a possibility that they'd be shaken.

Adam… I don't know what to say when I write his name. I have no idea how he'd react… But I want to be around to help him when he needs someone. That's what friends are for, right?

And so, I take another step back.

Eli… It's no mystery that I like him. His smirks and gestures make me smile… Our conversations are hard to describe with simple words—but they make me feel so… so… happy. Happy is a simple word, and using a synonym for it would have probably made the sentence look nicer, but that's really the first word that comes to mind when I think of it. And now I find myself remembering the pained expression he wore when we were sitting in his hearse. When he told me about his girlfriend's death. I… I can't do that to him. I don't have the heart to leave him. It'd be too cruel.

I'm turning towards the stairway. I'm not going to jump.

"Sylvia Plath killed herself." I remember saying that after hearing Mrs. Dawes statement in regard to Eli and I as English partners.

I think it takes courage to turn away from suicide. I won't make my sister's mistake.

Looking up at these words I've written, I realize it's sloppy and poorly structured. But Eli was right—expressing your emotions through writing really helps.

Sincerely,

Clare Edwards"

Not only was the handwriting a little sloppy; some of the words were smudged with tear stains. My mouth slightly agape, I gently brushed my fingers across the delicate paper, skimming over her heartfelt words over and over again.

I lifted my green eyes just in time to notice Clare turning around in her seat to look over at me. She looked the same as ever, smiling innocently as she set my graded paper down on my desk. She tilted her head to the side in her own Clare-ish way, raising a brow. I hastily wiped the surprised expression from my face.

"So… What'd you think? I thought writing about bullying in schools would help the school board to come up with a better way of handling situations with bullies—I know you feel strongly about that." She smiled sheepishly, running a hand through her short cinnamon curls absentmindedly. "I-I mean, your way of handling things can be a little violent. I don't want you to get hurt."

It's funny how two simple pages of her writing taught me so much about her. Was it really Saint Clare of all people narrating that story? Of course. She had feelings, just like everybody else did. She just took too much time trying to help the others around her that she had no time whatsoever to express her own pain and fears. But I don't want her to know that I read what she wrote—not yet, at least.

So I offered her a grin, raising a brow as I flipped her notebook shut and handed it over to her. "I feel strongly about the issue, yes." I offered her a playful glance, "But since when did you feel so compassionate about it, Edwards?"

Clare rolled her eyes, hugging her notebook to her chest. "I already told you, Eli. You really worry me sometimes." She shook her head before offering me a somewhat playful smile.

"Hand in your grading rubrics! We'll wrap things up tomorrow!" Mrs. Dawe's voice rang from the other side of the classroom as the bell dismissed the class. Clare stood from her seat, gathering her books in her arms.

I followed suit, but grabbed her arm before she could leave. "Let me walk you to class?" I suggested, raising a brow as I smirked at her. She melted under my glance, smiling her signature innocent 'Saint Clare' smile.

"Sure." She said softly, her gentle blue eyes sparkling with enthusiasm.

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Agh, I'm pretty sure this looks terrible. I wanted to submit something in order to support my huge Eclare obsession, though. I've got a stuffy nose and I'm tired from school. I hope it looks okay…

This is my first shot at Eclare; hopefully I'll get better over time.

I know that Eli sits in front of Clare, but I changed it around just so this would work out.

-AppleMistress