DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything in here~ Okay? YAY!

PS: The Uchihacest fic was 'The Prodigy's Apprentice'. by ItachiSasukeSama- Scratch that, the title was changed to 'An Ototou's Happiness' because she got so off track with the Uchi-porn the plot somehow changed. 8D Seriously. The only problem I have is that Saso and Dei are too stubborn to admit that they love eachother, and the day Deidara calls Itachi Ita-Chan in anything but a mocking, sadistic manner, is the day the world explodes. (Laughes hystaricly) PFFFFT. Sasori's little blonde fuck bunny. (Dies)

Also, the inspiration to write this chapter out finally came from a little poem about never forgetting your childhood dreams. 8D

I'm gonna be a writter, voice actor, librarian video game developer! 8D Or at least writer, that ones' budget-controlable. Just sit on your ass all day, beating writers block away with a stick. I can do that. 8D And then I spend the royalties making my own video games. 8D And voicing them? All with a part-time job at the library. Hey, I can do it all! 8D I AM AWESOME!

... 8D Yeah, that's what got me to write more in it- but then I stopped again and while writing a diffrent story I thought- HEY! YOU KNOW WHUT I COULD BE DOING!

8D... THIS ISH FUN.

This is the last planned chapter, after that, everything becomes random. Until the last chapters, which hopefully won't get stalled- you know what, I need ta' write them while I write these chapters, then they'll be ready. Yeah. I need ta' do that. Hnnnnn~

So it is finally no longer SUNDAY! Finally the wittle Chibi Akatsuki have made it to Monday. Awesomeness.

Cutsy wittle Chibi Akatsuki. So cutsy wittle and babish and adorable and ZOMFG AKATSKEH!

8D... Baby Akatsuki... Baby-baby-BABEH!

GIMME LOTS OF IDEAS FOR THINGS BABY AKATSUKI CAN DO! YAY!

PPS: I gotted in a car wreck, 8D twas' awesome. Originally this was in bold italics but it was so long ago I dun' give a shit now.

PPPS: And now the fucking cat died. Poor Beastie, hng, well, I already have him in here .

PPPPS: We got another cat, Scamperz! I call him Sasuke cuz he's stupid and tiny and cute and an asshole.

PPPPPS: 17,365 WORDS! I AM LEGEND-WAIT FOR IT... DARY! MUTHAFUCKAS!

-Formation AKATSUKI-

Madara Uchiha yawned loudly, arching his back to stretch. He walked silently through the giant, white marble halls of his giant mansion left to him by dearly departed Mommy and Daddy.

Last night, after returning his son and coming home, he had found numerous phone messages. About 35 children were scheduled to come to the Daycare today. And he had to set his clock to make sure he was there by six, since he didn't feel like cleaning anything in the entire free day he had somehow amazingly obtained.

He made it through the maze of halls, down the steps and to the large kitchen, he poured cereal- yummy yummy Mini-Mintio-burgs, and upon seeing this very depressing set-up, decided he also needed a newspaper.

He walked through the dining room, sitting room and through a secret passage way for the shortcut to his front door. Upon arriving, he opened it-

"Good morning."

"AHHHHH!" Madara Uchiha somehow jumped backwards, flying back a ways, and landed on his back. Hashirama Senju, his dear, dear friend. Looked down at him.

"Sleep good, Madara?"

"What the fuck are you doing here!" He yelled at his dear, dear friend.

"Just making sure you're awake, you've got a busy day today." He handed the Uchiha caretaker his newspaper, and another paper. It had a list of all the children to come to the Daycare today, in the order they would arrive.

Hashirama was clearly proud of his accomplishment, and since deep, deep down, Madara Uchiha is a relatively good guy, he decided not to mock on how he had already memorized all this simple crap before going to bed at a reasonable hour last night.

Yet.

Because Hashirama Senju was his dear, dear friend.

And he had a hot wife.

Madara got up on his feet, and followed his dear, dear friend through the mansion. Hashirama knew the layout of the infamous Uchiha mansion as much as if not more then the Uchiha that lived there, and still remembered all the rooms. Along with the fact that it was slightly larger then his mansion. A Mayors mansion, which in his mind just wasn't fair.

But he didn't say this, because Madara is a dear, dear friend of his, and he didn't like stooping to his level.

In any case, Madara and Hashirama both ended up back in the kitchen, where Hashirama circled the room while Madara sat and ate his yummy yummy Mini-Mintio-burgs. The yummiest cereal in the world, as the Akimichi family logo read on every box.

And Madara agreed, yummy, yummy Mini-Mintio-burgs. The Big-Big-Mintio-burgs were good too, but needed more concentration when eating.

"Madara?"

Madara was snapped out of his dreaming of the delicious cereal by stupid Hashi-Chan. "What?"

"You're all ready right? I can give you a ride today, a bus circles around and can drop you back off on this street at the end of the day."

Madara mumbled through munching the cereal. "You sure do put alot of energy to this when it isn't your problem."

"Well, I want to make sure you can learn everything early on." Hashi rationally explained.

Madara rolled his eyes. "Uh-huh, I already got through one day."

"Not every day will be the same."

"I beg to differ."

As Madara slobbered his cereal, Hashirama rolled his eyes and took a seat. "Madara, I'm actually kind of worried about you. You might need a therapist, what with all the job stress, military trauma and family problems you have."

Madara looked up, at his dear, dear friend. "What the fuck gave you that idea?"

-Uchiha Household- A diffrent one

In a diffrent Uchiha home, miles away and much smaller, there was the Uchiha branch known as 'Fugaku's Household'

Fugaku Uchiha was the honored, award-winning, ingenius Chief of Police. He had received countless honors and medals and other things to describe how talented he is. And he still left his office to man the roads sometimes when he just plain didn't trust the rookies. (And in Fugaku's mind, if you were any younger then him, you were a rookie, but if you were older, it was time for retirement.)

When you're pulled over by Fugaku Uchiha, expect to be charged for everything. Be it too much junk obstructing the backseat, lack of seatbelt, improper hand placement on wheels, cell phone usage, dead body in trunk, the works.

As for the lovely local starlet Mikoto Uchiha, she was known by every housewive on the block as the ideal woman. She was president of the garden club, wife to a supporting, successful husband, and she also had a adorable, polite little son.

Which brings us to Itachi Uchiha. The young Uchiha heir, and next in line to be Uchihawesome.

Because Mikoto likes wordplay and Fugaku has high expectations-slash-was a nazi.

Which came to the reason of why they were working on another child. In the case that for any reason, their current one might decide to turn against them.

But why would that happen?

Mikoto lovingly lifted her sons covors and nudged him awake, "Itachi dear, time to wake up."

The little weasel-boy blinked his eyes and tiredly lifted himself up. Emitting a heartwrenchingly cute yawn as he did so.

"Itachi, did you put your toys away last night?"

"Mostly." Itachi-chibi cooed. Both people looked over at the toybox, stuffed animals hanging out by their necks onto the closed lid.

Mikoto shuffled over and flipped the poor little bodies completely in, then making a shushing noise to Itachi. Last time his clean-up job was mildly imperfect, he hand-washed the dishes for a week. And they had a two ultra-strength dishwashers.

But today was allowed to be an exception, at least for Mikoto, because they were up late last night, and out of relief of finally getting out of the Dinner party without having to talk to Minato Namikaze, Fugaku Uchiha had been in a relatively joyous mood, enough so at least to be a calm human being and tussle with his only son for a little while before passing out.

Itachi rolled out of his bed and Mikoto took his hand to walk with him down the stairs. Fugaku was downing his complete pot of coffee for the morning.

Today Fugaku had scheduled himself to re-edit everyones paperwork, man the busiest roads, and argue on the phone with the buisness board for more special police training because the newbies just wern't enough like him.

Mikoto had set herself up to announce a few new types of hybrid seeds she'd found to the other local housewives. Now they would no longer have to decide weither to get Lilies or Roses for loved ones, Lises would be for every occation!

So due to this wittle babeh Itachi was set up to go to uncle Maddie's Daycare center. Which big ole' Daddy Fuga wasn't so happy about.

"It is hardly at all legal for that man to handle with children." He grumbled, once again, gulping cup number four.

"Well if he's really that unfit it'll close down." Mikoto chimed. "But then there won't be a daycare, so where will the children go?"

He huffed. "They can stay home and play baseball in their backyards! That's what they used to do."

Mikoto blinked softly, and looked to her son, chomping down his breakfast so, so innocently. And returned to her husband. "Honey, Itachi's four."

"When I was four I was working on my fathers cars and head of the pee-wee football team!" He declared, grumpily downing the rest of his coffee, and pouring cup number five.

Regardless of her husbands insanity, Mikoto sighed and picked up her and his plates. Itachi continued nibbling on his omlette.

Itachi, unknowing to his parents, was actually listening very intently. And he knew that he was not going to be fixing cars, and certainly not play football. Baseball maybe, but he wanted to be a teacher when he grew up.

Be a teacher and teach children not to act like his father.

-Hoshigaki Apartment

Etsuko Hoshigaki was once pulled over by Fugaku Uchiha, for being guilty of all of the previously mentioned things he pulls people over for. Including the dead body. She'd been asked to bury her sisters cat that day.

Etsuko had gone to two years of college to be a proffesional secretary, for this was her dream. In this whole time she never figured out she would have to become technologically able. So her only hope after getting knocked up with her darlingest son was to be a secretary to someone who just doesn't care about life. So she worked at a paper company.

Etsuko Hoshigaki hated paper. She hated it and everything they ever were meant for. She didn't learn to read properly until she was fifteen, she got a papercut every flipping time she touched a piece of the white squares, and she even hated the paper her birth certificate was written on! She wasn't old enough yet to lie about her age- but she was expecting she would someday.

Etsuko lived in a tiny, tiny one-bedroom apartment. She had converted a large closet to be her sons room. What? It's a REALLY big closet! Seriously- walk in, like- like in that one episode of The Nanny where Fran thinks Miles is a serial killer. Or was Miles the father?

Etsuko doesn't remember.

She always had the TV on Nickoloden. Which since her and her son were gone all day and Etsuko slept all night, meant little baby Kisame was very savvy on The Fresh Prince, Full House, Cosby show and the one that's on really really late about some nerds.

...As you can imagine, this means both mother and son have a tendancy to sleep very, very late.

The alarm had been buzzing for about an hour now, high-pitched like a stove buzzer. On a tiny, old-fashioned digital clock Etsuko had needed her son to read the directions to her for learning how to set correctly.

Finally, a screeching cat outside was what startled wittle baby Kisame awake. Well- not really baby- He was six after all. But he still drank out of a bottle whenever he had a bad dream.

Kisame was old enough- however- to know the importance of puncuation. He rolled out of his closet/room, troddled over to his mother and poked her limp, deeply unconcious corpse/sleeping form. "Mommy, wake up~"

"Hnng, honey the alarm hasn't gone off yet... What's that noise baby?" She looked up wearily, and upon seeing her clock vibrating with noise, screeched and fell out of bed. "Kisa! Kisa honey get your clothes an-an-an-and your pants! Find Mommy's pretty long skirt and a clean shirt for her alright?" She fumbled and wrestled out of her entwined covors and started crawling towards the shower.

Kisame thought to himself- Mommy's pretty long skirt- fancy clothes drawer.

Check, remove, set nicely on the bed with no wrinkles.

Clean shirt- Mommy liked wearing frilly shirts to work, he could recall- Top drawer.

Kisame grabbed a chair, dragged it to the drawers, got on top to reach the shirts drawer, and threw a white, frilly pirates-top onto the bed. Check.

Kisame figured Mommy'd like her working shoes with her clothes too, so he brought them to the side of the bed, partly-way under the bed so she could see them but didn't trip over them like last time.

His own clothes, when he asked his Mommy why he had to wear fancy clothes to his first day of Daycare, she said he wouldn't have to wear then any of the other days. So he found his favorite green, slightly stained shirt, and a pair of shorts incase it got hot. He'd already kicked his sneakers off next to his bed, so he threw the other clothes there.

Mommy was hurridly shampooing her hair, using the extra suds for soap, and was nervously humming while getting it all off.

Kisame remembered that this usually took a while because of the last time when Mommy didn't rinse good enough and her hair got funny and smelly like burnt plastic. So Kisa found he had time for a small bowl of cereal.

He scampered in, grabbed his Freddy Fish bowl and Pajama Sam spoon. Poured in the Mini-Mintio Burgs, put in much too much milk and set his bowl on the counter.

A lightning bulb moment- he went over and pressed the coffee maker button for Mommy, he'd noticed she'd forgotten to set it yet again last night.

He went over and ate his cereal. Crunch crunch, slirp, crunch crunch, slirp- When he'd decided no more Minty-burgs were in the bowl, he jumped off the chair and went to change.

As he changed, the shower turned off and Mommy was jumping for towels and slipping around everywhere. Kisame remembered something else- He reached into the dressers bottom drawer and threw bra and panties onto Mommy's clothes pile.

She then fumbled out of the bathroom, wrestled previously stated clothes on, wraped her hair in a towel and wrestled her clothes on. Then slipping into her shoes.

By now, Kisame himself was done, and he was checking his bookbag. Yup, yup, yup, yuppers, he was ready.

Etsuko ran into the bathroom again to apply makeup while Kisame dragged his heavy bag to the door. The empty bag on the doorhandle reminded Kisame he should fill it with any toys and other items he wanted to bring to the Daycare today.

He went over to his corner of the living room that had a pile of toys in it. He took some action figures and any other toys he knew the Daycare didn't hold.

He put them into his bag, just as Etsuko made it out of the bathroom. "Okay baby! time to go- are you all ready?" She took the coffee in the coffee pot and drank it out of the pourer.

"Yes Mommy."

"Okay!" She finished and grabbed her suitcase and then her sons shoulder, and pulled both out the door. She trotted over to the elevator and kicked the down arrow.

"Mommy, you forgot to lock the door." Kisame commented.

"Dangit!" She put all her things down and ran over- before realizing she'd also forgotten her keys inside- so she went in, and started tearing things apart, looking for her keys.

The elevator door opened and a little old lady in a ridculously large sunhat came in. "Hello Miss Sesami!" Kisame greeted.

"Oh, hello Kisame dear." The old lady was half-blind, so she was one of the few people who conversated with and didn't scream in fear at Kisame. She slowly creeked out of the elavator. Kisame held the door open, waiting for Mommy.

"FOUND IT!" Mommy Etsuko then skidded out the door, locked it, and ran into the elevator with her son. "Okay we're ready!" She said happily as she started pounding the close door button.

The doors began to close. "Mommy your briefcase."

"Oh!" She snatched between the doors and grabbed it before they shut.

So, Etsuko Hoshigaki was happily beaming with pride the whole ride down the elevator. When it hit the bottom floor, she rushed out and to the outside. Before realizing something.

She'd left her car at the Town Hall last night. After realizing her license was still suspended.

She looked around distressingly. She spotted the bus down the street, leaving.

"Wait-wait-wait WAAAIT!"

-Itakura House

Tetsuya Itakura was another wealthy buisness man of the town. He was a manager at Konoha National Bank. And other dignified information can go here.

His wife Sun-Cho had been a happy, giddy little housewive. Before her death, a few months ago of cancer.

This meant that their house, a four bedroom mini-manor, was now deathly quiet compaired to it's status not even a year ago.

Their son, Kakuzu, now had to go to Daycare everyday after school. They had a maid- but... Tetsuya didn't trust her a whole bunch...

"Mistor Tatsugi, me need more Lemon Pledge."

"I gave you money for that yesterday, Consuelako."

"No, no, you, you buy it for me."

"I don't have the time for that. Consuelako. Buy it yourself."

"No, no, you, you buy it for me."

"No, Consuelako."

"Lemon Pledge."

Tetsuya twitched, vividly. He was distracted from his anger when noticing out of the corner of his eye- "Kakuzu. What did I tell you?"

Kakuzu set his fathers coffee back down, returning his hands to his lap.

"Do you want to stay short forever?" Tetsuya lectured his son.

Kakuzu merely blinked. "Father, it's scientificly impossible for coffee to have any effect on a childs height. That is an old wives tale."

"But it will give you caffine, which is an addictive substance, do you want to be an addict, Kakuzu?"

"If you don't believe in being a caffine addict, you would not drink it yourself. So you would need to either stop drinking coffee, or allow me to drink it." Kakuzu countered.

His father was a banker, not a lawyer. "How about the 'Do as I say not as I do' line?"

"Pigwash. That's possibley the most disgusting and ridiculous phrase man has ever come up with." Kakuzu continued.

"I need more Lemon Pledge."

"Not now!" Tetsuya went on. "How about you just listen to me and drink all you want when you're eighteen?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "That sets off the problem, not the source. There's nothing wrong with me drinking coffee. If it's so dangerous- tell me, would you ground me if you found a baggy of coffee grounds under my bed?"

Tetsuya shut his eyes tightly. Kakuzu had inherited his own intelligence joined with his mothers stubborn persistance. "How about you have one sip every morning. Alright?"

"If I'm allowed to have one sip why not one cup?"

Tetsuya put down his paper, staring intently at his son. "Kakuzu, you are not drinking the coffee at all then."

Kakuzu blinked, softly. All logical comebacks decreasing. He fluttered his eyes innocently. "Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Am I good enough that I'll go to Heaven with Mommy?"

Tetsuya stared at the paper on the table. Mind blank. Facial muscles imploded. He moved the coffee cup to his son.

Kakuzu took the cup and jugged it down, with long, verging on comical glugging sounds.

"Mistor Tatbuga. I need more Lemon Pledge."

"My name is TETSUYA."

"Mistor Titsuka."

"AGH!" Titsuka got up and walked out, setting off to find something, anything, else to do.

Consuelako went to Kakuzu. "Little Titsuka, I need more Lemon Pledge."

Kakuzu finished the whole cup and stared at the woman. "...Do you have green papers?"

"No, no, I no need to talk to you. You no cop. I want lawyer."

"I thought so."

"I need more Lemon Pledge."

-The Ai Household

"GAAAAAAAAAAH!" Wittle Hidan-loo-hoo yelled. "LEAVE ME ALONE I DON'T WANNA WAKE UP!"

His mother held him still, onto his bed. "Hidan honey you need to get ready for Daycare- Okay? Hon- honey- hon- honey how'd you- wait- Honey is that icecream in your bed!"

"You said I could have icecream!"

"And I gave it to you! but where did this come from!"

"I ate more."

"Hidan!"

Wittle Hidan rubbed his eyes, and squirmed out of his mothers grasp. "I wanna sleep! you keep saying sleep is good for you! Let me sleep!"

Hidan tried to crawl back under his covors, but his mother snatched up the chocolate-ridden blankets before he dirtied himself anymore.

"Hey!"

"These need to be washed- look at you! Hidan lets go give you a bath!"

Hidan didn't give his mother the time to take a breath, before he opened his mouth and started screaming.

Predicting his next action, his mother dropped all her things and lunged for him. But he shot out and dashed away around her and out of his room.

Hearing this, his father jumped out of the master bedroom and tried to chase after him, but he was downstairs much too soon. "Mikono! he's coming for you!"

Now, a pause for the Ai households backstory, as the name suggests, the Ai's are a very loving family. It's large, it's happy, and it's close-nit. Happy happy, fun fun.

In this particular one, it held Jin, who- bless his soul- was married into the family. And his wife, Kamiko. A pure-blooded Ai.

Mikino, Kamiko's twin sister- well- triplet sister, it was Mikino, Nana and Kamiko. But Mikono- the doll, deserted her man-whore fiancee and now had to live in her sisters guestroom. With her little daughter Chi-Chi. Goo-Goo, gush-gush.

The house was a tiny three-bedroomer, with one bathroom... A bathroom Hidan was currently determined on avoiding. So- back to the chase-

"Gotcha!" Hidan went between Mikino's legs. "Don't gotcha!"

"!" Hidan ran in circles in the living room.

Wittle Chi-Chi, whose motor skills wern't fully developed yet- made a grab for cousin Hidy-kuu, and ended up pulling his pants off.

Chi-Chi giggled, and Hidan didn't seem to notice, but his parents found they had to go with plan ABH2.

His father made a grab for him as he passed, effectively pulling off his shirt. Aunty Mikino grabbed his undies and yanked them away. Nakey little Hidan continued screaming and running around.

Momma Kamiko went to the door as Jin went out the kitchen window. After a few moments, Kamiko opened the front door. After a few more laps, Hidan ran out the door.

"!" Hidan ran around the yard before his father sprayed him with the gardenhose. "DAMMIT! AAAAHHHH!"

Hidan writhed on the ground. His father stopped spraying long enough to set him on a rock and properly hose him down.

"Gaaah! you're evil!" He blinked his eyes. "Ahh! the light! turn it off!"

"That's the sun, son." He finished with the hose. "Okay, now come inside and put on your clothes."

"Gaaaah!" Hidan pouted on the rock, before he glanced down. "Ahhh! I turned into a girl again! DAAAAD!"

He ran inside, where his mother tackled his with a towel, dried him, and wrestled a short and a shirt in one swift move. She's had lots of practice.

Hidan looked at his clothes. "Not my stupid evil bunny shirt again!"

Kamiko rolled her eyes. She went up to her sons room, followed by a whining Hidan. She dug through the drawers, and pulled out a diffrent bunny shirt.

"Yay!"

Kamiko sighed, "Hidan, honey, will you brush your hair for Mommy?"

"NO!"

"...Will you watch TV while Mommy gets ready?"

"...Okay!"

Hidan ran back downstairs, turned on Disney XD and started watching. "Haha- that dude just got nailed by that beard guy!"

...Okay, forget that other chapter, Hidan might just be the spawn of Satan.

Or- well-

No, we won't make that joke yet.

-Nen Household.

"KYYYY-kikikikiii!"

"DEIDARA! GET OFF OF THAT!"

Unlike Hidan, Deidara gets up early. Very early... Four in the moring early...

Thankfully, they have several live-in maids that just love him. But Deidara kicks it up a notch whenever he sees-

"Gampa Onoki Gampa-Gampa-Onoki!"

"GHAGHAAAAAA!" The little tot jumped off the chandelier and onto his Gampa's head. Giggling the whole while.

"Dad?" Kitsuchi, Onoki's eldest son, came inside. Upon seeing his father be eaten alive by the adorable three-year old, he paled, and measured his care for his fathers life over his own.

Okay, let's get to this ones back story!

Deidara is the adorable little son of the woman that Onoki's godson is married to... This woman was a whore, along with Onoki's godson. Onoki had five of them, that he raised since they were babies, and only one son of his own, being Kitsuchi.

The whore godson with the whore wife had Deidara, who's real father is who-the-fuck-knows. The whores 'cared' for him for about two years before they finally dumped him off and social services brought him to Onoki. The whores then had another child, didn't even bother to name it, just left it at the hospital and disappered.

Onoki retrieved that one, and Kitsuchi named him Akatsuchi... Because he's just... quirky like that, I guess. He adopted him and named him his own...

Then there's Deidara...

Kitsuchi refused to take Deidara. Now- like we just said- Onoki had raised several children. He knew how to control a child, he knew how to teach one. The maids and nannies fed and took care of them, but he was sure he knew how to control one.

... The concluding information doesn't need to be explained.

Lets just go with Deidara's very special...

Cute, but special...

As in insane...

"Kaaaaaah! kikikikikiki!" After some inner soul wrestling, Kitsuchi decided it was best to tear Deidara off his fathers head. So he 'gently' tossed the toddler aside. The little angel rolled over and shot off again.

One of the younger maids trodded in just as Deidara zapped out of the room. "Um- Mr. Nen, should I get Deidara ready-"

"YES YES JUST DO IT! DO IT! GET IT DONE!"

The poor girl blinked. "Okay..."

Here's another funfact- miscommunication from social services had Onoki mistaken Deidara as a girl. So he had sent out all his maids to fill a little girls wardrobe. When the mistake was discovored, all the pretty dresses had to go to the Salvation Army.

And ignorant to the maid's urging, Onoki insisted that all the sparkly pink shirts and frilly flower pants were unisex. And he refused to allow them to re-stock the wardrobe until Deidara grew out of them.

... So anyway- despite the gender confusion- Dei-Chan was already quite the little charmer, all the maids just adored him, and for them, at least, Deidara was semi-tolerable.

...

Getting to the point, Deidara's a cheek-pinchingly cute little pyschopath- isn't that so predictable-but-adorable!

"KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-kihi-ke-didee!" He's so cute~

"Common Dei, time for dress up!"

Rule 1 for caring for Deidara. Use fun words, like scuba-boat time instead of bathtime and fluffy head time instead of hairbrushing.

Deidara made little clappy hands as he hopped on his fluffy little castle-bed.

Maid number 4574 giddily walked into the closet and picked up the nearest pair of pants and the first shirt that matched.

After inspecting the shirt, she noticed it was a hot pink sparkly tee with 'Princess' written in red rhinestones...

She tossed it behind a box and grabbed a yellow bumble bee shirt.

She came back and held them out for Deidara. "Come on- super transformation!"

"Ki-hee-hee!"

"GAUGH!" Onoki fell through the door, before jumping up quickly to avoid being climbed on.

That wouldn't help any, though. A kitten doesn't know you're not wearing pants, they just climb up your leg.

"Gampa Gampa!" Deidara giggled as he fell backwards, trying to wrestle the shirt over his head.

Onoki blinked grumpily. "Why me?" Deidara hopped up, finally dressed. He zipped through the room and between Onoki's legs, out the door. "DAMMIT!"

-Akasuna Household

Okay! time for Akasuna! Wonder what that means? oh, screw it. Just scroll down.

Sasori's a evil little shit. Okay. We learned that. Then there's Chiyo- she has dentures, and they were currently sizzling in a cup of that stuff you clean your dentures with. Don't look at me like that- I'm a wittle baby. I don't know what it's called- look! dialog!

"EBIZOOOOOOO!" Chiyo thundered through the house. Big house- it's big and it's cool and it's really old and victorian-styled. Chiyo's got money, dood.

Ebizo, her poor, mentally failing brother, was currently in a healthy enough mindset to want to hide. Chiyo had taken to hiding the car keys from him, so Ebizo had locked himself in the bomb shelter in the backyard.

"Ebi-ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chiyo bellowed again. But alas- nothing was there. She grumpily rolled her eyes. "Gah, selfish old loon."

Chiyo stomped up the stairs, if Ebizo wouldn't submit to her, all she had was to pick on Sasori. Rawr, irritation fuels her.

She pushed open the door, looked around, Sasori's room was full of things that had been thrown around when Chiyo tried to get Sasori dressed in the morning, and some snacks she would leave alone for him to pick at when she didn't feel like cooking. Or waking up. Or if she died and something accidentally locked Sasori in his room.

She stomped to his bed and yanked the blanket up. Sasori was curled in his usual little crosslegged ball. Sitting there, motionless, staring at nothing...

"Heeeey, little bugger." She sneered down to him, he glared up. "Hungry? Huh? wanna stay a pee-wee little midget forever?"

Growls emmited from the boy. Yet again.

Chiyo picked him up by the back of the collar. Bringing him though the halls, into a room, through a secret elevator, and into the kitchen. Yeah, big house. Not as big as the Uchiha houses but definately more hiding spaces. No giant, furnitureless rooms here.

She shoved Sasori into his high-chair- because sometimes there was no other way to keep him still- and started on making some oatmeal.

Sasori was six, but due to his emotional retardation, Chiyo was keeping him out of school until he... well... started functioning... Yeah...

Chiyo doesn't even remember last time he went to the bathroom... hnnnnnn...

After boiling the food until the water was gone, Chiyo dumped it into a bowl and brought it to Sasori. Dry food is best because it's easier for her to just push it down his throat. So she stirred it enough so that it would mix together, and took some clumps. "How much do you hate me bugger?"

More growling.

"Can't heaaaaar yooooooou!"

More, growling...

"Open your mouth you constipated little dwarf."

Sasori didn't make a noise, he just glared.

Chiyo brought up her hand to wretch his mouth open, Sasori quickly glued his mouth closed while she wrestled with him.

When Sasori finally did open his mouth, Chiyo knew what it meant and she pulled her hands away. He chomped down and smacked his jaws together, cue cutsy whining from baby Sasori.

Chiyo brought his chin down and looked in, she stuck a finger in his mouth and pulled something out. "There's your last baby tooth!"

Sasori put the arm of his doll in his mouth and started gnawing on it. Omnomnomnom.

"Well, fine. Splinters are a better breakfast then any." She got up and threw the bowl of dried, chunky oatmeal onto the counter and then Sasori's tooth into a wooden pear-shaped object. After closing it, she handed it to Sasori. "There, a new rattle."

Sasori took it and after inspecting it, he started pounding it on his chair. Still gnawing his doll in the other hand.

Chiyo went back to moving things and throwing things around in the kitchen. She smacke a underhanging radio attached to the bottom of a cuppard and cranked the volume up. Sing/screeching loudly.

"CA-A-A-AN YOU TELL ME WHERE MY LOOOOOOVE HAS GOOOOONE? HE'S MY JAAAAAPANEEEEEESE BOOOOOOOY! LALA LALA LA LA LAAA. LAAA LA LAALALA LAAAA!"

As she sing/screeched, squirting various dishes with soap, Sasori gnawed louder to drown it out. Their little kitty, thriving in pain in the corner, eventuall had to dash out of the room. Where as Ebizo was sneaking through the back door, slowly trying to inch towards the phone to call for a taxi, carrying his fishing gear.

Sasori looked up at his Grand-uncle-pappy. He made a indistiquishable gacking noise, signalling to Chiyo, who spun around. "THERE YOU ARE!"

"Gah dammit."

"Gimme your credit card! it was advertised in a newspaper a lady found a pair of shoes and I want to get to them before the real owner does!"

-The Uzumaki Orphanage

A long time ago, this pretty little orphanage was called 'Memento Mori Orphanage'. Memento Mori means remember you will die.

So, when Mito Uzumaki was given control of it, she quickly changed the name. Sadly, she couldn't think of anything. There was a three-month-standing poll on what to call it. No one gave a single suggestion. So, it was called Uzumaki Orphange. What spirals have to do with orphans is anybodys guess.

Mito still used her last name Uzumaki originally to keep people away from her with the paparazzi and- you know- orphans don't like cameras following them around.

They're sad, you know. Orphans are sad.

But alas, she was happily married to the mayor, Hashirama. Their love story is sweet and darling, but that's not why we're here.

This orphanage was homed to some cutsy wittle tikes. Yay!

Want to know the layout? think Madeline.

When the sun rose up, shining through the girls' side of the building, it his the little cobalt head of Konan-sweetest. The cutest wittle lady chibi in the friggin' world.

She fluttered her eyes open, upon noticing the sun shining, she quickly sat up in her bed and jumped out. Tip-toeing past the other girls, all groggily pulling their blankets over their heads.

She eased the big creaky door open and slipped out, padding down the hall, she crossed a few rooms before she reached the other side of the building. She had to duck away from a few workers, all tiredly getting up themselves, but she made it to her wittle destination~

Just as before she eased a big creaky door open, tip-toed past the boys, and on the count of three, threw herself on one of the beds. "Naga Naga! common get up!"

Nagato shook his dreary head, looking up at her giddy, smiling face. "What time is it Kona?"

"Suns up silly!" She cooed, the whispered. "We gotta wake Yi'ko up!"

Nagato was pulled out by his darling Kona and he tiredly followed her around and to the next bed. She shook Nagato a few more times for good measure, so he would be awake enough for the next task.

Both wittle tikes counted one-two-three, before throwing themselves onto one of the beds. "Yahikooooooooooo!"

"GAH!" The carrot-top tike fell out of the bed and his friends both spout out in cutsy wittle hystarical laughter. Yahiko jumped up. "Not cool! I was at a part in my dream where the aliens were about to dissect me!"

More laughing at Yahiko as he fumed and whined. Before a worker opened the door and came in. "Konan! not again! go on back to your hall."

"Yes miss!" Konan jumped off the boys' bed and went on her merry way to get ready.

A few months ago, there was a daycare on the other side of town- it blew up randomly. Very terrible. A few workers were killed and others badly injured. Which- was one of the reasons Akatsuki Daycare was getting so much service.

The thing was- people that were working at the orphanage also worked part-time at that Daycare. So the orphanage had also lost a few people. And since orphans need alot of care and are mostly extremely traumatized, they had to send a few of their less-needy children to the daycare for the time being.

Okay, so- Konan's parents died in a carcrash when she was a baby, Nagao's were murdered by a pyschopath, and Mito was a distant relative, so that worked out. and Yahiko was just found wandering around aimlessly in the street when he was a toddler. Yeah...

There was also Jiraiya, who was left in a hospital dumpster when he was a baby. And Orochimaru, whose parents were frozen to death beside him when the families car got trapped in a snowdrift in the middle of the woods for two weeks...

Arugably this made Orochi the most traumatized of the bunch, but he still had to go to daycare because Jiraiya's the only one he doesn't scream in fear from and there were lots of other attention-needing orphans around. Yeah, orphans are sad. Save the orphans.

Wittle darling sweet Konan was brushing her teeth quickly before running on out of the girls' bathroom to join her boytoys. Yahiko was currently picking the living hell out of Nagato. Which included- as per usual- tugging on his hair and pushing him around.

"Yahiko stop poking him!" Konan lectured.

Yahiko stuck his tongue out at her- she grabbed a hold of it. "Hbah! Kobab! bop bip!"

Konan let go and Nagato was freed from the carrot-top terror. "Thankyou Konan."

Konan fluffed up her pretty victorian lolita dress while Yahiko complained about wanting to go attack something or otherwise terrorize things, while Nagato stood there, awkward and in a constant state of fear.

A bunch of the children were waiting in the opening hall room waiting for their darling Missus Mito. Who would come- and as was the new schedule, she would take all the little tikes on the list and take them to the daycare. Before coming back and help take care of all the pyscho wittle babies.

Mito herself entered the door. All the children chimed- "Hello Missus Mito!"

"Good morning kids~" She cooed to them all. "Okay, Jiraiya, Konan, Nagato, Orochimaru and Yahiko all come out, time for daycare."

Four of the five kids cheered giddily and went to cling to her legs. Mito batted away Jiraiya when he tried to pull up her skirt, and then she brought them all outside.

"Everyone get in the van and put your seatbelts on."

"Mito Mito! I had a dream and the aliens put me in their experimental spirit-switching chair and they were going to detach my arm and them put it back on and they used a seatbelt to hold me down while they probed my brain and-"

"PUT YOUR SEATBELT ON YAHIKO."

"Okay."

-Akatsuki Daycare

Madara had finally gotten Hashi-chan to shut-the-hell-up by pretending he forgot the address and letting Hashirama drive him there. So now, after finally getting rid of that bitchy little nag, Madara was able to do something... Ummm... that didn't include Hashirama bitching in his ear. Yeah.

The first one to arrive was Hashi's little daughter Tsunade. She played twenty questions, but upon noticing all of Madara's answers were 'you in a bloody mess' she stopped and went to poutingly play with the dolls.

Another group of kids were scheduled to come any minute. So Maddie was banging his head against his desk. "Gaaaaaaaawd. I hate you." He looked up at the ceiling. "You too, Izuna. You sadistic little fucktard."

When Madara said that, in his head he could hear the jingling of that damned swear jar. He searched his brain for any pre-made censor modes. Lessee- Death 2 All mode. Annoy Hashirama mode. Make everyone like me mode. Horror movie watching mode. Piss-off anyone in a twenty feet radius mode. Recently made Dad mode- and even that one didn't include censorship.

He banged his head on the desk again. "Ugh."

Then a couple of kids started coming in. First one's there were Mito with all those cute little orphans. "GAAAAH Orochimaru you SUCK!"

This was followed by the poor, greasy-haired little pervert crying hystarically.

Mito almost lectured them but then Jiraiya pulled Orochimaru away and over to Tsunade. Mito sighed before looking to Madara. "Morning Madara. Doing good?"

"Peachy, lady. Just peachy." He puffed. "Just these kids from you?"

"Yes."

Konan skuttled up to Madara. "Hello Mister Maddie!"

"Hey, blueberry muffin." He poked her pretty little head. "Don't call me Maddie."

She blinked innocently. "Will you keep calling me blueberry muffin?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

"Then no." He turned her around and hustled her off.

"I'll call you blueberry muffin Konan!" Yahiko cheered giddily.

Konan blinked innocently, again. "I don't want you to call me blueberry muffin." Yahiko slumped down and whined. "But Nagato can call me just blueberry." Yahiko whined some more...

The three wittle babies went off into the room. Madara groaned. "Can you tell your hubbie to not play wake-up call to me again? It made me extra pissed at the world today."

Mito rolled her eyes. "I can try, no guarantees. But if he asks, I came up with it on my own."

"Yea-ng."

Mito went on out. And Madara thunked his head back down on his desk.

A few more kids were brought in, the next notable one was wittle Itachi Uchiha. Brought in by his gawd-aweful Mommy.

"Hello Madara!" She cooed sweetly. All smiles and caffine.

Hello you souless, fake, ignorant, incestuous whore. "Hey Mikoto." Madara cooed back.

"Say hello to uncle Maddie honey!"

"Hello uncle Madara~" Madara grin/sneered at the boy, just looking so innocent holding his mummys hand.

Behind them came in Etsuko Hoshigaki and her son Kisame "Hellosir Kisamummyluvsyou I'llbehereatten thankyouverymuch loveyouhoneybye!" She was out with that.

Kisame waved at his newest best friend. "Hey Itachi! I brought my Rescue Warriors playset! I got the winter- vehicle and original sets!"

"Okay~" Itachi and Kisame both skuttled off to a corner to play.

Mikoto blinked. "Was that boy blue?"

Yes he was, you judgeful nazi woman. "Huh? I didn't notice. Bye Miko." Silently, Mikoto eventually turned and left herself.

Next up, was Satan incarnate. "THIS PLAYS SMELLS LIKE DONKEY BALLS!"

The voice came before the boy, the boy came before the mother, and the mother came before she could think to run the other way and not come back.

Madara glared at the white-haired little little demon. "Have you ever seen a donkey, kid?"

Hidan cocked his head. "Huh? no."

"Want a mirror?"

"What does mirrors have to do with this!" He pouted. His mother bowed in apoligy.

"I'm very sorry about him."

Madara brushed it off. "Eh, no reason to be sorry. Not when he's going to be like this his whole life."

Hidan's poor mother blanched at the thought. She forced a smile to her son, and then turned around and rushed out the door.

Next notable, came after Madara heard the ominous sound of a clunky car rolling onto the street outside.

But, instead of Chiyo, an old man, bruised, bandaged and balding, brought Sasori Akasuna in.

Ebizo nodded at Sasori, who emotionlessly started out into the room. Ebizo looked at Madara. "You won't keep me too, would you?"

Madara, however feeling extreme pity for the man, had to shake his head no. Ebizo sighed in his depression and started out-

"DANNA!" A golden blob zipped through the door. But before it reached it's target, it's target smacked it across the face with a dolly. "Ow!"

Poor, darling little baby Deidara started bawling at the latest slap in the face from his Danna. Poor baby.

"KEEP HIM! KEEP HIM AND DON'T GIVE HIM BACK!" Was the echoing voice of Onoki outside. He never even came in. Smart man.

Now both old men were gone. Deidara quieted down to little sniffles, he made a grab at Sasori again.

Sasori had a advance, now. He would just hit Deidara before he ever even got close to him. So this is what he did. And Deidara started crying again.

Madara got out of his chair, and picked both kiddies up. "Okay shrimp, you sit over here." Sasori goes in one corner. "And you go here, trany." Deidara was set in the other corner.

Madara was just about to walk away when the little blonde baby latched onto his leg. Looking down, Madara tried to kick him off... Not working... Madara limped over to his desk, took a bottle of pepper spray from his desk, and sprayed it on his pants next to where Deidara clutched. The baby screeched at the smell and dashed away.

Madara made sure to dose the rest of his pants incase this occured again. And also decided to make this a regular routine.

The last notable child came next. Tetsuya Itakura had to carry his son through the door. "Hello, apologys for our being late. Kakuzu doesn't feel well today."

"Stop talking so loud!" Kakuzu whined, clutching at his frizzed little head.

Madara looked at the squirming little brat. "What'd he do? find the liquor cabinet?"

"No, just the coffee maker."

"YOU'RE STILL TALKING TOO LOUD- Ooooow!" The boy winced at his own voice.

His father set him down. "That's why I kept saying no. Now go play in a corner or something."

"Hnnnn!" He whined more~

The father bid them goodbye and left. Madara looked down at Kakuzu. "Wow, kid. You sure over did it."

"Caffine is evil, it kills people!" Little Kakuzu moaned, on the verge of tears from his headache. "I'm going to pop a blood vessel in my brain and have a seizure!" Kakuzu whined and cried and started fumbling slowly into the room.

Madara made a mental note to find something to help the boy. But first- he thought to himself, thinking on the former line 'Caffine kills'... Story time!

In their Junior year of college, Madara was sharing a dorm with all of his childhood buddies, Hashirama, Izuna, Mito and Tobirama.

They were all hailed by proffesors as the most intelligent students they'd ever taught, but one proffesor wasn't convinced. He made a deal with all of them.

For the entire final semester of their Junior year, Madara, Izuna, Tobirama, Hashirama and Mito would not study. They would take their final exam papers based on things they'd already learned and knew. If they were faking all of their papers, they would bomb and not get a passing grade. Or, they would ace it, as always, and be awarded a giant grant to pay off all their debts and future purchases for their Senior year.

And, if they failed, not only would they be thrown into Academic Probation, but they would all be forced to change their Mayjors to Art. Mito- since her Mayjor was already Art- would have had to change it to Economics... Ew...

They took this chance so that they could pay off their college debts and start their own fortunes not based on their already wealthy familes. The thing is- the proffesor was insane. Driven insane by these evil little smart people. So, the week before the final exam, he poisoned their mac-n-cheese...

A large amount of it, infact. Everyone in the dorm got sick, especially Izuna, Hashirama, Mito and Tobirama. Madara didn't. Because on some serge of divine intervention, he had been pissed at Hashi that day, and cranky, and impatient. So he shoveled his food down, and minutes later, gacked it up in the dorm public toilets. In the girls public toilets, to boot. Mito and Izuna had to hold his hair back, and try not to laugh loud enough for him to hear.

But by the end of the day, everyone had terrible food poisoning- that wasn't just food poisoning- but it attacked their entire immune system. Hashirama got mumps, Mito got chicken pocs, Tobirama got a very aggressive form of the flu, which included the worst sinus infection in history, and Izuna seemed to have pnemonia, mumps and the second worse case of sinus infection in history. Not to mention the runs.

Madara, who'd gacked all up, was the only healthy person in the dorm. And now- we get to the point of this flashback.

It was decided by the schoolboard that the final exams of the people in the dorm would be delievered to the students early and turned in the exam day. Determined to reliquish cheating, the evil, crazy proffesor disconnected all electric appliances, and even took out all usable books in the dorms library... Yeah, seriously...

So this is what happened. Madara stayed up, stayed up, STAYED UP. No five minutes of sleep- hell, not even a meal, for a week straight, doing the papers of him Hashirama, Izuna, Tobirama, and Mito. All by himself. This would have been easy, if he wasn't also caring for all of them.

On the exam day, the exams were processed. Most of the people in the dorm had pretty failing grades, except for Madara, Izuna, Hashirama, Tobirama, and Mito. Who all aced.

Madara had even taken care to forge his friends' handwritting. The professor had no idea he had done them all himself. He went crazy, and was dragged out of the campus by men in white.

This was the only insane stunt Madara has ever pulled that Hashirama has never brung up again.

Madara has not drank coffee, soda, or anything else with caffine since then. Since after that, Madara still stayed up, he still didn't sleep, or even eat until he took Izuna's last temperature that finally read '98.6'

This took about two weeks. So for nearly a month, Madara had not slept. When everyone was better, Madara slept... He slept... for roughly one-hundred hours... And had to sleep about fifteen hours everyday before his system was right again.

Do you have any idea what it's like when a meth addict goes through withdrawal? Well, Madara had strikingly simular experiances when he went through caffine withdrawal. Possibley due to the fact that he had lived on coffee and Mountain Dew for a month...

When he was done with the sleeping portion of his recovory, Hashirama himself had spent a great deal of his grant on a single night, at a resturaunt, feeding Madara. Feeding him with whatever he desired, thought of or threatened for. Filling his stomach out. They were there until the place closed. While at home, Mito explained to the proffesors why Madara hadn't been attending class. Izuna did all of Madara's assignments, and Tobirama cleaned. Cleaned that entire dorm. Because it was horribly riddled with tissues, trash, and what appered to be adult diapers. To prevent anyone from getting sick again...

Yes, they were all most certainly the best of friends...

As Madara reminised all of this. He sat there, lazily watching nothing. His head was pointed in the direction of the children, but his eyes were seeing only the pictures in his head.

When the pictures started to fade and all of the desired memories were complete. The smell of those adult diapers finally faded, and it was replaced with the smells from outside of his head.

This smell was the smell of something burning. Madara turned around.

The microwave was still going, he hadn't been thinking that long. He went up to it, the food was still in there, fine, but smoke was coming out of the bottom of the machine.

Madara lifted to machine carefully, a disgusting, fruity, black-and-red substance was smoking from underneith the microwave.

Hashi's henchmen had cleaned this place up and down. But anything invisable, like under this microwave- (or, unknowing to Madara- the covored hole in the wall-) Was left to grow black mold and kill these cute little children.

Madara rolled his eyes. Knowing he would be staying up that night, finding all of these places.

He set the microwave down, turned it off. And turned to the kids. "Okay you little buggers! who wants to play outside?"

-Outside

Madara had brought all the little children outside in the backyard for them to play and frolic and such. Since the Daycare was currently filling up with foul and possibley lethal red smoke.

He brought out every outdoor-worthy game and toy he could find, along with one of the little plastic tables. "Okay kids, play with these. If you have to use the bathroom, there's bushes over there, and there, and there." He pointed to the various shrubs before going to sit on one of the little, tiny, baby lawnchairs.

Oh yes, he was feeling rather lucky at his lack of needing to do anything.

Meanwhile, we move to three, cute wittle orphans. Who are cute. Look at them! oh, wait, guess you can't.

"Okay!" Yahiko declared. "I have decided! We will look for members to join our group here!"

"Who are we going to let join?" Asked wittle Konan.

Yahiko was silent, for a few moments... again. "Uhhhh, lets look around!"

Quick scene change.

Over by the little plastic table, Itachi was making little playdoh trees for a little playdoh town while Kisame went around picking up leaves to stick on the top.

Dei-Dei-Chan was also playing with playdoh. He made a giant hill, of rainbow colors and prettiness. Yaaaaay!

His Danna was curled up in a corner, throwing rocks at anyone who came within a foot of him. And sometimes Deidara, just to remind him to stay away.

The latest rock landed on top of Dei's mountain, so he happily pushed it in.

"I got more leaves- and here's some rocks- and here's some dirt to put everything on!" Kisame put the items he collected on the table next to Itachi.

"Okay- we need more leaves and dirt- and some icecubes."

Kisame blinked. "Why icecubes?"

"We can use them to make the lakes and pools!" The wittle weasel gushed.

"Okay!" Kisame went out to find more shurbs and such.

Itachi took another pile of playdoh to being the next tree trunk...

Wittle baby Deidara... blink blink blink.

Now, there's a long, well-worded, almost heart moving paragraph for why what is about to happen is gonna happen.

But, getting to the point... Deidara's an mentally traumatized, bratty, violent, attention-whore.

Which is all the explaination needed for why Deidara jumps on Itachi and takes a chunk out of his shoulder.

CHOMP

Zip, grab, pull, set. Madara is very efficent. He got all that done before Itachi started crying.

So while he was, Madara held Deidara up by the collar infront of him. "Okay twat, what was that for?"

Deidara growled.

Madara raised his eyebrow. "You're evil, aren't you?"

More growling.

Blink blink. "Hm, should probably stop calling you a trany."

Blink blink. "Wuz' a trany?" Deidara innocently asked.

Blink blink. "Youknowwhat? I think you make a good match for this one." He set Deidara down next to Sasori. Sasori immidiantly wacked him with his doll and Deidara began crying. "Hey, shrimp. Do that again and I'm taking your dollie."

Sasori growls.

"...Yeah, you two deserve eachother."

Madara walked away. Deidara tried for Sasori again, this time he just bit him. "OW! Bad Danna! bad!"

Over with Itachi, Madara tapped him. "You okay kid?"

"Hn." He was back to playing with the playdoh. Tears dried.

"Okay." Madara went on his way.

Kisame came back. "Okay I got alot of dirt but I couldn't carry anymore so-... Itachi are you crying?"

"No." ...

Meanwhile~

Kakuzu had curled himself into a bush, and was currently trying to bury his head in the dirt. Guess what happened? OMG you will NEVER guess!

Hidan walked up! Surprise, huh?

"What're you doing?"

"Hmpf hn hn hn hmpf hn hng."

Hidan chewed absently on his fingers while he watched him. After a few minutes, all joy was spent. So Hidan started kicking him. "What. Are. You. Doooooiiiiiiiing?"

"Go away!"

Hidan feeded off the agony of others, so he kept kicking him. "Are you hung over? My uncle Gen was hung over once- and he was on the bathroom floor- and he kept saying he was dying and curling up like you are- and he told us to write his will and call Grandma- and then he fell asleep."

During the rambling, Kakuzu had urged together enough strength to glare at him. "You're an idiot."

"And YOU are an al-key-bow-lic."

Kakuzu's withdrawal was finally to the point where it was painful enough to kill all judgement but eased enough to not get nausious in jumping up and mauling the person closest to you.

Zip, grab, pull, set. You know the drill.

Hidan cleaned the guck out of his hair while Kakuzu curled back into his fetal position. Madara looked down on them. "Why do you two keep talking if you don't like eachother?"

Good question. One neither could answer.

Madara rolled his eyes as he returned to his special little seat. He was about to kick the rump of the little kid that had just stolen it, until he noticed something familiar.

Swirly orange familiar.

Madara looked at his son. "When'd you get here?"

Tobi jumped up, waved giddily at Daddy, and then sped off.

Back with Yahiko, Konan and Nagato, they had finally come up with the plan.

"... The plan... is... um... we... we pick whoever we... see... and... like... uhhhh..." Steam was about to start pouring out the poor carrot-tops ears.

"Oh for glory sakes!" Konan huffed, jumping up. "I'll pick who's in the group!"

"Perfect!" Yahiko jumped up. "That's awesome! Told you I'd think of something!"

Both ran off, to begin on their quest, Nagato sat there a moment. "...My friends are fucking imbeciles..."

He then jumped up and followed after them

-And so the journey begins!

"Are you okay?"

"I hate you."

Kakuzu had wedged his head inbetween his knees and was giving the occasional moaning noise. They were just sitting there, doing nothing, in their own little unoffical timeout.

A soft little gasp brought Hidan's head up. Konan had scuttered over to them. "Is he okay?"

"I asked him and he just said he hated me, first he said he hated Barney and then it was Q-bert, though."

Konan sat down infront of Kakuzu. "Common, Missus Mito says I give really good head rubs!"

Originally Kakuzu had looked up to glare at her but when her sweet little hads came up to rub his temples he couldn't complain anymore.

Yahiko and Nagato came up. "Konan! common no time to play nurse!"

But Konan was already giggling happily. "I want these two to be in it!"

"Hnah?" That was Hidan, no word to explain how he said it.

"Yes!" Yahiko raised his arms in another one of his declarations. "We are forming a group of super-awesome beings! You two may be our first to join!"

Hidan was already staring up in cutsy awe. "Omigawd really?"

"Hng." Originally Kakuzu was going to insult them, but Konan's hands fell for a moment and his head was pouding again. "Okay." Konan clapped happily, which he winced at, but then she got back to her soothing.

Eventually, Kakuzu wasn't whimpering at the loss of her touch, so they were able to continue on with their journey.

The four boys followed Konan around as she giddily skipped around, waiting for something to catch her eye. Something did, it was blue. Really blue.

She skipped up to the blue thing that was picking at the bushes. "Hi! what's your name?"

Kisame blinked, holy crap. Another person was talking to him, and it was a really pretty girl. GAAAAH!

"Hello?" She blinked so sweetly. "What's your name?"

Must, not, let, chance, pass. "Op-op-o-bop. Blip blop."

Konan giggled. "I like you too! Yahiko I want this one!"

Yahiko skidded into view, arms raised, you have the image. "Hello our dear-... blue?... friend." Yahiko cocked his head, but then he continued on. "Okay! Nice to meet you! you're now in our group! common!"

Kisame almost got pale when the cranky boy from the other day was present, but, apparently not remembering him, Hidan cocked his head too. "Why are you blue?"

Kisame blinked. Hn, no one's really taken the time to ask him that. "Mom said I didn't get enough air when I was in her tummy."

Kakuzu looked at Hidan. "Hm, I think that's what might've happened to you."

Hidan wasn't listening, just staring in shock. "Forget that! what was he doing in a tummy!"

While Yahiko tried to spout the same question, Kisame jumped up. "Can my friend Itachi be in it too?"

Konan jumped about giddily. "Uh-huh!"

Konan followed Kisame back to the plastic table whie Hidan and Yahiko debated what it meant to get into a tummy.

Hidan believed it was a magic fairy spell. Yahiko was convinced you could only crawl in if the bellybutton was a inny.

Konan and Kisame made it to the table. "Itachi! we just got invited to be in their group!... Oh, and I got the leaves!"

After a moment of blinking and a headcock, Itachi took the leaves, jammed them into the little green balls he'd been making, and set them on the treetrunks. "Okay! we'll finish tomarrow-" He jumped up. "Whatta we get to do?"

Konan raised her arms to mimick Yahiko's declaration stance. "We getta do awesome stuff!"

"Cool~" Now, Yahiko, Nagato, Hidan and Kakuzu had caught back up.

"Konan you're too fast! stop liking everybody!" Yahiko panted.

"Sorry~" She looked around. "Ohohoh! that one that one!" She sped off again.

"Gaaah!" Yahiko yelled and stomped after her.

Konan had went over to the corner and pointed to a wittle golden baby. "Yi'ko, I like that one!"

He examined the beautiful little Dei-Dei-Chan. "What's her name?"

Nagato came up and tugged Yahiko's sleeve. "I think it's a boy."

"Is not! stupid-head!"

Konan poked him. "Yes it is you silly! that's why I like him! he's a boy but he's pretty like a girl."

Deidara unknowingly blinked as he watched them, while Yahiko rolled his eyes. "Fine, he's allowed in."

Konan bent down to him. "You're our new friend! okay?"

Deidara blinked and giggled. "Okaaaay!" He then made a wittle exclaimation and grabbed to the red thing his his right. "Wha' about him?"

Konan didn't notice the equally adorable red-head hiding in the shadow, that was now growling. Konan didn't register this, just how pretty his eyes were. "Ohohohoh! yesyes! Him too!" She gasped giddily. "Can I play with your dolly?"

Sasori growled louder, and he was seconds away from lunging for her when she darted down to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Iluvhim Iluvhim Iluvhiiiiim!" She squeed.

It might have been that her arms were softer or that her voice was less screeching, but Sasori chose not to bite her.

Yahiko started flapping his arms around. "Waitwaitwaitwaitwait- okay- too many kids- I can't remember thius many names!"

Konan blinked to herself. "..." She looks at everyone. "What're your names?"

Hidan, Deidara, and Yahiko all raised their hands excitedly.

"Yi'ko I already know your name!"

"Oh..."

-And it starts!

"Okay, so it's Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Kisame." Konan counted off all the boys that were sitting in their new little circle. "Can you remember that Yahiko?"

"Uhhhhm-... Deidara like daytime like his hair. Sasori for sucking becuz he bit me." Yahiko was still rubbing his bite red spot on his arm, when he'd leaned too close to him. "Hidan like he-says-damn-alot. Uhhhm, Kakuzu like clock like buisness like stuck-upness like he is." Kuzy-ku raised an eyebrow. "Itachi like it's-a-she because he's really nice like a girl. Aaaaand- Kisame like kissing-me like noones ever gonna want to do to him becuz he's blue." Sniffles from Kisa-chan.

Nagato was tugging Yahiko's sleeve again. "Yahi, what's that?" Everyone turned to look as it was just noticed that a kid with a piece of swirly orange-colored paper was sitting in their circle.

"..." Konan jumped out of her seat. "I want him too!"

"GAAAAH!" Yahiko grabbed at his head. "It's too much! I can't remember their names again!"

Konan sighed while Nagato banged his head on Yahiko's chair.

Konan got down and crawled over to the newbie. "What's yooour name?"

He pulled a mini dryboard and marker out from behind his back and after writing on it held it up. 'TOBI'

"Tobi!" She cooed. "Okay Yahiko- it's Tobi like to-be-continued like what you always hate to happen in your TV shows like you didn't like us deciding on another member!"

Yahiko fluttered his eyes. "YES! I GOT IT!"

"Yaaaay!" Konan clapped giddily. Tobi did a little dance.

Konan then went around and hugged all her newest boytoys who either screamed in terror or giggled and tackled her back.

Yahiko jumped up to stand on his 'leaders chair' "Okay! now we are going to have fantastical adventures!... Who has an idea!"

"Lets be cops!"

"Lets be knights!"

"I wanna climb a tree!"

"OW! Danna stop bi-ing me!"

"Lets stop yelling..."

"We can name the group first~"

Everyone stopped short. Hnnnnn. They needed a name.

Yahiko blinked absently. "What are we gonna name it?"

"Awesomesauce!"

"Musketeers!"

"Totally cool dudes!"

"But I'mma GIRL!"

"Whaaaaaaa!"

"The order!"

"Annoying."

"Shutupshutupshutupshutup!" Yahiko quieted everybody down. "Okay, uhhhhm... I kind of like awesomesauce." Kisame cheered. "Buuuut- we need to agree on something- it needs to be something legendalary, something that strikes fear and en-vin-an-ie." Yahiko smacked his lips together. "En-vindy." He pursed his lips. "En-vinlediesl." He pushed his cheeks together. "Eb-onby...Ebooby!...Eviny- DAMMIT!"

"Envy?"

"Shuttup nice one!- OW!" You dun' tell Kisa's first friend to shuttup. Yahiko learned this.

While Yahiko was thriving in pain on the floor, everyone looked around, waiting. Then, Nagato crawled up onto Yahiko's chair. "Les' call it Akatsuki."

"What-the-fuck's Akatsuki got ta' do wif it?" Hidan mumbled.

"Well, we all met here, sooo- I guess it works."

Yahiko shot up off the floor. "Perfect! I like it! good work Nagato you'll be posted as co-writter of our namesake!"

A hand raised. "I like him more dhen' I do you!"

"Shuttup girly one!" Yahiko was mauled by a little golden girly-baby.

Nagato continued on, trying best to ignore the screams. "Okay, so we are now Akatsuki, we all stick together forever more."

"Are there any rules?" Kakuzu asked, because everyone was fine with ignoring Yahiko's screams of agony.

"NO BITING ME!" Yahiko wacked Deidara in the head, the wittle baby started crying.

Konan hopped over and wacked Yahiko. "Be nice! Deidara's our baby!"

Yahiko joined the same state as the little baby. But Konan only cuddled one. Poor Yahiko.

Nagato continued on now. "Um, okay, so. Yahiko's leader because he's more charismatic then me."

"What's charismatic mean? Is it something about being loud?"

"SHUTTUP LOUD ONE!"

Konan wacked Yahiko in the head again. "Stop being mean to everybody!"

"GAAAAAH!"

At the rising voice levels, Nagato nervously left his seat. "- Yahiko? what do you wanna do?"

Yahiko sniffled and rubbed the tears from his eyes. "I'm taking a bweak. Evewy one ewse decide."

"Climb a tree!"

"Boss everyone around!"

"Make a mini-village!"

"Death ray!"

"Plushies!"

"Whaaaaaa!"

"SHUT UP!"

"...I didn't know he could talk."

"Okay okay everybody!" Konan tried getting their attention. "We hafta' figure out somethin' good to do and-... Hey where's Tobi?"

Everyone stopped their arguing and looked around. Before they noticed the little black tuff of hair, behind them, dissapearing into the woods.

"Uh-oh."

"Tobi!"

"AFTAR HEEEEEEM!"

The most of them dashed off- or were dragged off- into the bushes. Kakuzu stayed standing there with Kisame.

Kakuzu blinked. "I seem to remember a girl named Alice making this same mistake..."

"Yeah, this doesn't seem like a good idea." Kisame agreed-

"Kisa! common!"

"Coming Itachi!" The blue boy dashed off. Kakuzu blinked. Sighed. And slowly followed.

Meanwhile...

Blink blink.

It was the rustle of a bush and side-glance of something disapearing that re-grabbed Madara Uchiha's attention.

Suddenly, this made him notice something. That the yard was a whole lot emptier then it was a moment ago.

Wasn't there a bunch of kids screaming over there?

And Tobi was sitting with them... Where was Tobi?

He counted the kids- okay, he was down at least ten.

He tried to pick out which were missing- Tobi, Itachi, blueberry muffin...

Shit.

"Okay kids!" He got up to make another annoucement. "Today's special event day! Scavanger Hunt in the woods!"

"Whatta we hafta find mister?"

"Uhhhh-" Notepad- in his pocket- penpenpenpen- yes- found one! "Pinecone, uhhhh, leaf, uhhhhhh, bird fountain, uhhhhhh, moss, uhhhhhh, uhhhhh..." Dammit what else do you find in a forest! "Pretty flower."

He wrote down all that came to his head and handed the slip to the nearest kid.

"Share it, don't find over it, or you don't get... a... uh, cookie. Yeah, cookies are the reward."

"Cookie!"

"Mister will you carry me?"

"Uhhh- no."

"Please?"

"I want you to carry me!"

"Carry me too!"

"Pleasepleasepleaseplease!"

"Will you marry me?"

DAMMIT!

-In the magical forest of terror!

"To-biiiii!" Konan whined. "Don't go so fast! Missus Mito won't like it if my dress rips again!"

The wittle group of tikes had finally gotten caught up to their wittle masked friend, who was skipping around and dancing and knocking on the trees.

Yahiko, by now, was crawling along. "This... is... ow- OW! nyaaaaa~ Konan-Chan I gotted a thoooooorn!"

Hidan came up behind him and yanked it out of his hand.

"OW!"

"Ur' a whiney baby."

"SHUTTUP!"

Deidara was gigglingly jumping over all the sticks and stones and fun little things. Everyone once and a while he would have to go back and tug Sasori through. Then let go when he tried to bite him. Yes~

"Dannaaaaa! you gotsta' do somethin! Miko-Chan saided' tha if you don't move you can't move no more!" He got behind him and tried to push him through the forest. Alas, Sasori hated the outdoors, he hated green stuff, he hated Deidara touching him, and he hated motion.

Hell, the only things he didn't hate were Konan and his dolly. Sasori calmly motioned to bite Deidara again, but the golden baby jumped back.

"No Danna! no! I'm not to eat!"

GOD he was an idiot.

Itachi and Kisame were trailing along in the back. Itachi was instructing Kisame to scratch at everyother tree with Kisame's mini-knife. It was dull-to-all-getout and hardly a threat to any possible kidnappers... Good for jabbing trees with, though. Guess Kisa's mom's paranoia wasn't fruitless.

"And that one~ and that one~ and this one~" Itachi cooed as Kisame hopped over to each tree and jabbed at them.

"Itachi, why are we coming all the way out here?"

The darling wittle Uchiha baby cocked his sweet wittle head. "Uuuuum~ I dunnooooo~"

Logic was telling Kisame they wern't going to find anything. But for Itachi, he was just having fun getting the fresh air and playing with their new friends. Plus Konan was pretty~ Which was also a reason for Kisame.

And everyone else~

But- however Kakuzu no longer had his caffine withdrawal headache, he was now developing the begginings of a Hidan headache.

Hidan felt the need to explain the facts of life with Kakuzu. "And then there's this whooooooole big conspiracy between the goverment and the fairies use of our honey."

GOD he was an idiot.

"And those poor bees are stuck in the middle of it-"

"Will you shut, up?"

Hidan stared at him in OMG awe. "Are you heartless? it's like you don't even care about the gaggles of starving ghostwellow girls!"

"Are you brainless? and what one earth is a ghostwellow?"

Hidan blinked. "They're the fairy girls that bring romantic feelings through a willow tree and tragedy to romance."

Kakuzu blinked at him... Just... blinked... "...God you're an idiot."

And so, Hidan blinked back. "...Eh?"

Moving on to ahead.

"Konan, where do you think he's going?" Nagato whispered to her as the slowly stalked after their masked friend.

Yahiko was still crawling to catch up, apparently not learning his lesson from the thorn. "We... are on... a... really... cool... adven... adven... adveeeeeeh... I'm tired."

Konan sighed at the silly, silly boys she had chosen to be her friends, but then she noticed thqat figure they'd been following had dissapeared. "Tobi?"

Her and Nagato looked around. "Where'd he go?"

"Tobiiiiii!"

Everyone gathered around the spot they last saw him. "Gah! I knew he was evil!"

"Maybe he's a changling?"

"Shut-UP!"

"I'm hungryyyyy~"

"Me too."

"How far in are we?"

"Okayokayokay calm down! Maybe he had to pee or something!" Yahiko tried. "Maybe- if- uhhhh, we keep going in this direction, we'll- uhhhhh, catch up... to... him..." Blink blink blink. "... Let's go!"

Yahiko turns and dashes off-... then he... dissapeared. However a yell was accompanied this time.

"Yahiko?" Konan and Nagato went after him, followed quickly by everyone else. And so they all, 'dissapeared'

CRASH

"Owowowowowowowowwwwie!" Yahiko was rubbing his head. Owwie. "What just happened?"

"We're in a diffrent demension!"

"We're in a dried-up ditch, idiot."

All of the new, darling, cutest wittle sweetheart Chibi Akatsuki, had now fallen into what was sadly a dried-up old lake. Very steep, very hard to get out of.

Already bawling, wittle-bity Deidara just happened to notice the absense of something. And looked up, "Danna!"

Everyone followed, and they all got to see a nice, mocking view of wittle Sasori, standing up and the lip of the ditch, just watching them.

"Scary one!" Yahiko exclaimed. "You! go get help! go on! tell em' we're in a well or something!"

Sasori slowly blinked his eyes... Not moving.

"Sasori! is there a rope or something for us?"

No response...

"Sasori-chaaaan!" Thankfully, this was Konan. "Can you help us?"

And since it was Konan, Sasori had the courtesy to shake his head no.

THUNK

A rock sped up and wacked him in the center of the forehead. Thrown off balance, Sasori slipped down and into the ditch with them.

Deidara threw down his supply of back-up rocks. "Danna!" And so he jumped on him.

Everyone- especially Kakuzu- stared awestruck. "Oh my GOD."

"Nice one girly." Yahiko huffed.

Knock, knock, knock.

Oh, more sound effects, The chibi's all turned around.

Tobi sat in the middle of their little hole. Pounding on the ground.

The dirt suddenly stirred, and Tobi started hopping in joy. Out popped a little green plant creature, named Zetsu, he smiled at everybody.

After a few moments, Konan pointed at him. "I want him too!"

Hidan also pointed happily. "SEE! SEE! FAIRIES ARE REAL!"

Kakuzu stared agap at the little chibi human-plantoid creature that'd just popped out of the dirt.

"I TOLD YOU SO!" Hidan shook him rapidly. He then paused for a few moments. "OHMYGOD DON'T KIDNAP ME!"

-Meanwhile, with the wonderful wizard Madara

"Mr. Madara, can we go farther into the woods to look?"

"No- that's cheating, you have to find everything on this trail."

Madara knew full-well this was not a pinecone forest, but that was the point.

He also knew they wouldn't run into any Poka-Dotted-Fruit-Trees that he also had on the list,

"Mr. Madara?"

"WHAT!"

"Is this the leaf you wanted us to find?" A little girl held up a pop-culture leaf-favorite.

"I know that one! it's in one of my Dads movies!"

"That's Mary-Jew-Anna!"

Madara swiped up the plant and flicked it into the woods. Drugs were bad, they warped your mind, and Madara was never a fan of warped minds, especially when trying to find a large group of small children.

"No kiddies, the leaf needs to be shaped like that, and be-... blue."

"There's blue leaves?"

"Yes." In the rainforest...

Madara wasn't having a very good time right now. He was holding two kids and had one on his shoulders. The older ones were incredibley suspicious of what-the-hell he was doing, and if one more kid said they had to pee he was going to kill himself.

DAAAAAAMMIT.

It would be fine, yeah, none of the kids were scheduled to be picked up until at least six...

It was... three, yes, Madara had three hours to find them and bribe them into not telling their parents anything.

...Oh, he wished Hashirama wasn't thinking of dropping in for any check-ups.

-The Mayors Office

Hashirama was currently wondering if maybe he should spend his lunch break checking up on Madara... Hnnnnm...

A vase the flew across the room. "What the hell?"

He jumped up and went over to it. He looked at it. Nothing weird, just a broken blue vase. No super-powered magnet in it or the wall. He went to inspect were it had originally been. Nothing. The dust mark was still in the center of the endtable it was on.

He blinked, because today was the national day for blinking. "What the hell was that?"

-In the Akatsuki hole

All of the new little members of Akatsuki were poke-poke-poking their newest member Zetsu.

"Eeee! he's so CUUUTE!"

"What is he?"

"He's a FAIRY!"

"He's my friend!"

"What's that on his shoulders?"

"Can he talk?"

"He's kind of creepy."

"He's... he's... not cool at all... no... I'm cool... not him..."

"Danna dun' bite him!"

Zetsu-Chan was fine with this. It tickled~ tee hee~

It was allllll so fuuuuuun~

Oh, wait, they were stuck in a ditch. Oh yeah.

Slowly, once they had poked up as much as they could possibley poke at with Zetsu, they sat around and pondered this situation.

"I'm, um, kind of really hungry." Kisame mentioned again.

Deidara started bawling. A three-year-olds way of saying 'me too'

"Okay!" Yahiko did his declaration again. "We're gonna be for a while, so we're going to have to work together and build ourselves our own civit-anal-islotion!" ... "...Civ... it... al... eyes... afit shun- GAAAAAAAAAH!" Yahiko yanked his hair out and curled into the fetal postion.

Konan hurridly assumed his place. "Okay! our leader is incabapa-...inca-... in... ca... pass... it... ate... ed... right now! we all have to work to build our own-..." She quickly pointed to Nagato.

"Civilization."

"Yes!" She continued. "Now, we need food, water, houses, and a shelter. I don't know what a shelter is but that's what they talk about in the movies. So does anyone have any of those?"

Everyone checked their pockets... Kisame had a first aid kit and Kakuzu had a candybar...

Hidan threw his hands in the air. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIE!"

"Aaaah!" Nagato dived behind Konan's dress.

"Nuh-uh," Konan mused. "My friend Jiraiya says you won't die until you haven't eaten anything for three days."

"GIMME THAT CANDYBAR!" Hidan lunged for Kakuzu's candy. He held it out of the way.

"Nh! nh! nh!" Deidara started making grabby hands.

After a moments watching him, Kakuzu opened it and broke of a little piece. "I've giving Deidara some because he's the littlest."

"No!" Hidan shouted, jumping up, waving arms around, the whole tantrum. "That's not fair! no one's going to agree to that! you'll start a bloody mutiny!"

"...Actually, I'm fine with that."

"Me too."

"Awwww!"

"He's too cute!"

Deidara gnawed on the candybar while Hidan stood there... "...This is madness!" Hidan jumped on Deidara and tried to grab it away. "Gimme gimme gimme!"

While rolling around on the ground, they rolled over too close to Sasori...

CHOMP

"OW!"

"Bad Danna!"

Konan rushed over to try and break them up. Kakuzu stashed away his candybar. While the two wittle Uchiha's were off in the corner.

"Okay Mr. Zetsu, We need lots of berries and nuts and some of the biggest leaves you can find~" Zetsu happily nodded before bobbing back into the dirt.

Tobi clapped approvingly, then he giddily skipped over to the others. Where Sasori was still gnawing on whatever parts of Hidan and Deidara he could reach.

Tobi patted over. Hidan was being dragged away screaming by Kakuzu while Deidara finally got the chance to crawl away. When Sasori flipped his head over to glare at Tobi, Tobi bent down and took a handful of dirt.

He threw it in Sasori's face, pulled out a clump of his hair, jerked his doll away from him and then wagged it infront of Sasori's tearing, wide-eyed face.

Everyone stared agap at the wittle punisher Mr. Tobi. Deidara gaspededed. "You! be nice to Danna!"

Tobi did a motion of what would have been a rolled-eyed sigh, only no noise came out, and no eyes were seen. He threw the doll at Sasori's face, who snatched it up and crawled over to a corner.

Konan came over. "Just say 'please stop eating them' next time Tobi~' " She explained.

Tobi cocked his head before eruptly holding his arms out for a hug and grabbing Konan. Who blinked confused.

-Back with Madara and his wonderous magical journey!

"Do you see anything? any people?"

"I WANNA GO HOOOOOME!" Wept poor wittle Orochimaru. Who after being the only one who couldn't run fast enough away from Madara, got volunteered to scope out the area for 'needed items'

Which was why poor baby was latched to the top of a tree right now. "See anything? huh?"

"Look for a blue tree!"

"OROCHIMARU! OROCHIMARU CAN YOU SEE OUR HOUSE FROM HERE!"

"Uncle Madara?" Tsunade tugged on the mans pants leg. "Orochimaru's scared of heights."

He sneered down to her. "Well, sweetheart, you couldof gotten to go up there if you didn't run away screaming. So, Orochi's just going to have to do this." Bending down to her level. "And, when we've found all the items on our little list, we can go back, and we can all have cookies. Okay? sweetheart?"

Tsunade blinked before spinning away and hiding at the back of the group.

Madara returned his attention to Orochimaru. "Are you sure you don't see anything? Nobody moving out there? Um- rival- uh, scavanger groups?"

"I WANNA DIIIIIIIIE!"

"So is that a no?"

-At the Akatsuki Nation

Zetsu bobbed back out of the dirt, setting out his little supply of chestnuts, berries of all kinds, all set onto little leaf plates.

"There, Hidan, you can eat."

"FOOOOD!" He darted over to it. "... How do we cook it?"

"You don't cook it. Just eat it."

"But I don't like cold shiiit~"

Kisame had already pounced on one of the leaf plates and was gobbling it's entirety.

"Well, you're the only one." Kakuzu shook his head.

Yahiko soon after grabbed a plate, followed by Deidara. The others continued in a much more sane manner.

Hidan stayed pouting. Just sitting there, glaring at the yucky, cold lunch he didn't want to eat. He only ate cold icecream! everything else was yuck! Like veggies and sandwiches and frozen pizza. That was especially bad...

But then his stomach growled, he was going to just whine about it again- but then he processed the evil, searing glare in his back.

Turning around, he felt in the pit of his soul that he was just sitting way too close to Sasori. So he decided to skuttle away- but, getting closer to the food translated to feeling hungrier.

After a moment of staring, Konan came over and handed him his plate. He snatched it and inhaled it. Yuuuum~

So, now that they had some good ole' natural sugar in their body, Yahiko was out of his humilation and giving orders and declarations through juicey juiceiness. "Ohm-bay. Sob, now ee aft tchu bebibe ob eep corber abe ab pip borger."

"Huh?"

Nagato swallowed his latest mouthful and translated. "Now we need to decide on a sleep corner and a pee corner."

Kakuzu had went on to trying to beat his chestnut open. During a breather- "Honestly I don't think we'll be here long. We're a bunch of kids meant to be looked after. Someone'll come soon."

-Meanwhile

"DAMMIT WHERE ARE THEY?"

"Are you having trouble finding a bird fontain too?"

"GAAAAAAH!"

-Back with the others

"Nonsense! we're in the middle of nowhere! this is our new land!" Hidan bellowed.

Nagato blinked at him, "You think we're in Lord of the Flies, don't you?"

"I keep thinking about Kid Nation." Kisame mumbled, he was the only one successful with opening his chestnut.

"Kisa, can you open mine please?" Itachi cooed.

"Kisa Kisa! mine too please!" Was Konan.

"This one two!"

"PWEASE PWEASE!"

Kakuzu himself even gave up. "... Please?"

Oh gawd, Kisame never felt so loved.

He opened everyones chestnuts with his little knife and handed them off. Oh yes, this was a very happy day of Kisame~

Meanwhile, after gobbling his own, Deidara brought a leaf over to Danna~

"Danna Danna! Lookie it's yummy!"

Sasori glared at him before going back to glaring at the air.

"Common Danna~ I know you're hungwy~ you wuz' eating people all day!"

Sasori ignored him.

"Lookie lookie! yummy yummy!" He wagged a handful of messy berries in his wittle hand.

Sasori stared at it for a minute, before he just pushed the wittle hand away.

Deidara watched him for a few minutes. "...Danna I think you might be stupid." Sasori glared at him fiercely for another minute. "What? I think you really are!"

But back with the others...

Yahiko finally emptied his plate and sucked his hands clean. "Hnm, oh-tay, so, we- uuuum." He looked around. And pointed to his right. "I like that corner for sleeping."

"I have to pee."

"Use that corner then." Pointing to the left.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew."

"It's not ew it's perfectly natural!"

"You're a GIRL. What about when YOU have to pee?"

"Then I'll go in a corner!"

"I don't wanna pee in a corner where a girl pees!"

"That's how you get cooties!"

While Hidan and Konan argued about the deceases mixed peeing gives you. Wittle Itachi was lapping the last of the juice off his hands when Kisame leaned over to him.

" 'Tachi?"

"Yes?"

"How long are we gonna be here? really?"

He finished his hand and then neatly folded his leaf. "Likely sometime before or just after dark."

Kisame blinked. Blink blink. "You really think so?"

Itachi nodded actively.

-Sceeeene change! it's a really good thing that- chaaangeees the-eh sc-eeene!

Madara really, really, really hated kids.

Especially this particular group of kids, which were evil little assholes. That were going to bring about a heart attack in him. For the soul reason of- he would enduce in on himself just to end this insanity!

And the that would leave these kids lost and crying, and Hashirama would have the shame of allowing a unhealthy man like him to care for and lose these cute little children, who- if not killed by a bear, or a giant fly monster, would probably be irreversably traumatized forever more.

...Haha, and they could blame Hashi. So much for re-election, the ass.

Madara now had to move two kids to his shoulders while he added Orochimaru to his carrying list. Because after getting him out of the tree, Orochimaru was paralyzed on a frieghtening level.

The kids were actually getting less and less suspicious, they were convinced no one would do something this stupid for this long if it wasn't for fun.

Ah, their sweet innocence. If only there were more of them, no?

Madara continued on trudging through the barely walkable paths, telling various kids to shut up and every once and a while checking Orochimaru's pulse.

Thiswasbad thiswasbad thiswasbad thiswasbad- ...

Madara blinked. Blink, blink, blink. Was that a mark on that tree over there?

It was! it was a mark! WOOOOOOOOO! One of those little fucktards was smart enough to mark the trail! YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!

"Hey- uh- kids- I think that's a blue tree!" He pointed to the one infront of him.

"That trees not blue!"

"Yes it is- it's just the way the lights hitting it- everyone get as many leaves as you can off of it. I'm- uh- gonna-... take a leak."

"Ewwy!"

"That's gross!"

"Yeahyeah whatever." He put Orochimaru down. "And- uhhh- get extra leaves for Orochimaru, okay?"

"Oh-taaaaay!"

Alright, military mode on. Madara looked around- if they've been on this trail- and they were walking at this exact angle- for this long- then the Daycare was that way and the trail must have been leading- THAT WAY!

Dashing off now.

-Back with Akatsuki

"Okay! so it's been decided!" Yahiko announced. Um, in a announcing voice. "That corner is Poopville. That corner is Peetopia. That corner is Sleeptown. That area is Kitchenland. And this area is Miss-genie-alley-ness-alley."

"OKAAAAAY." They all finally echoed together. After the very, very, very long debate.

There was a loud squeeky sound, they noticed it had come from Zetsu. "What is it Zetsy?"

He retreated into the ground, everyone hopped over to look down it. "Do the fairies live in China?"

Hidan jumped up. "Everything makes sense now!"

CRASH

"The hell-" Madara shook his head. Registered the kids. And his mind exploded in a big, rainbow-colored orgasm of YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!

Tobi raised his arms and hopped up and down. Mute demon child speak for: 'Hi Daddy!'

"Where the hell have you kids been!"

While a bunch of them ummm'd for a while, Itachi-Chan just blinked. "...Right here."

Madara stood up. "Okay common- listen here's the deal- if you don't tell your Mommy's and Daddy's about any of this-" He paused... "... I won't tell your Mommy's and Daddy's about this.

"OKAAAAAAAY." They were well rehearsed.

"But how are we gonna get out!" Yahiko yelled. "Now you're stuck here too!"

Madara blinked. He looked behind him. The pit was about the depth of himself. Soooo... "...I think we'll do fine."

Nearest by, he plucked Sasori up by the collar, and set him back up on real land.

"Okay, common, who want's to play 'lift to safety'?"

Loud, constaint, excited shouts of MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEEEE!

-Back at the beautiful Akatsuki Daycare!

Konan pulled back to look at Madara. "Mister Maddie, you can be in our group if you want~"

"I said stop calling me Maddie." He spouted back.

Deeper in the woods then orginally believed, Madara finally got all the little tikes back to the Daycare roughly five minutes before people started to arrive.

"Madara?" Hashirama blinked. "Why- do you... uhhhhh... Hello?"

Hashirama examined closely the look on his friends face. That was... Hashirama- he'd seen that face only few times before... It was a face he loved.

It was Madara's 'Yeah you were right you uptight ass' face...

No words had to be exchanged between the two. They knew eachother too well...

So while Madara would go home tonight and sulk. Hashirama would go home, and once no one was looking, he would jump up and click his heels together. All the while singing

Madara fucked uuuuuup~ Madara fucked uuuuuup~ Madara fucked uuuuuup~

He would never discovor why, but, alas, he was happy he had seen it again. He hadn't seen it in years. Not since his bachelor party when Madara had been convinced Mito would want to blame Hashirama for the whole 'three-hours-late-to-the-wedding' thing.

Tsunade, too annoyed by the whole days events. Chose not to say anything. Plus, Madara promised he'd buy her a Barbie Horse Princess playset. And she broke her old one beating Jiraiya with it.

While Hashirama mentally celebrated- that was when Fugaku Uchiha walked in. "... Madara, you look terrible."

"Fuck... you..." He managed to growl out.

Fugaku, confused but very expectant of this finding, rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Itachi-... Itachi why are you so dirty?"

Itachi looked up at his Daddy. "... I helped Uncle Maddie bring outside toys inside." he blinked, oh, so innocently. "... It's gonna rain later."

Fugaku glanced at his son and the looked back at Madara. "I don't know what this is, but if my son starts acting like you, I'm looking into the database for any past crimes that haven't reached the limitations date yet." He grabbed Itachi's hand. "You hear that? Everything Madara does is what not to do."

Well, duh.

Itachi blinked, looking at his fathers leg. His mouth opened just slightly-

"Common Itachi- ugh, you need a bath." His father tugged him along.

Itachi's mouth closed again. Maybe another time.

Before they could get out the door, Itachi was snatched by Konan. "Bye Itachi!" She kissed his cheek, he giggled.

"Bye Konan~" He perked up. "Bye Kisame!"

"Bye Itachi!" Kisame yelled, he was in the bathroom, trying to clean himself up.

"Let's go Tsunnie, we'll wait for Mom at home."

She turned around. "Bye Jiraiya." She waved at the ground. "Bye... Orochi..."

The boy was still limp on the floor. Unmoving.

Next up to arrive was Tetsuya Itakura. "How's he doing?"

"Fine, actually. He got messy outside-" Madara was fine to mention it now, Hashirama would have done the math- "But I think he feels better."

Kakuzu staggered up. He was doing his own form of math- realizing he was the only one who had blackberries on his leaf-plate. "...I think my stomaches bad now..."

Tetsuya blinked. Uh-oooooh. He turned to Madara. "You don't have a trashcan, do you?"

Madara handed him such.

Tetsuya gave it to his son. "Okay, Kakuzu, hold this infront of you while we drive, okay?"

"Hnnnng."

Hidan tumbled over. "Kuzu? Eh? What's wrong?"

"Don't talk to me you bleaming idiot." Kakuzu moaned.

"Kuzy!" Konan skipped over. "I hope you get better again~"

Konan gave him a big, wet kiss on the cheek. Suddenly his tummy was alittle better. This girl was magic!

And so, poor wittle Kuzy followed his father on out.

Next notable to arrive was Mito.

"Hello kids! did you all have a nice day?"

"Yeeeees!" Said the group. Excluding Orochimaru. Who- um, yeah.

Konan jumped up over to her. "Missus Mito- I didn't rip my dress but it got all dirty!"

"Oooh~ you've been playing all day haven't you?" She cooed. Then she noticed Yahiko. "Yahiko, what's all over your face?"

"The bestest berries I ever ateded." He mumbled out.

Right then was when Onoki, poor, poor old Onoki, snuck in, walking against the wall. "Is it here? Is it still moving?"

"GAMPA!"

"AHHHHGH!" Onoki yelled- thankfully, Deidara stopped when he got to him- back tracked- and tackled Sasori, who had decided his new hiding spot was under Madara's desk, who everyone was usually too scared to approch.

"Danna Danna! bye-bye!" He then jumped back away before Sasori was able to register his hatred and bite him yet again.

Konan grabbed Deidara when he came out. "Bye-bye Deidara!" She gave him his own big kissy that he giggled happily at.

When he re-approched Onoki, he looked down at him. "Deidara what are you covored in?"

Madara stared at all the stains Deidara had on himself. "Oh, yeah, uhm, the kids got to have muffins today." Onoki stared at him, "...Blueberry muffins... Whole wheat, of course."

Speaking of blueberry muffins, once Onoki became ignorant enough not to push the matter, a little darling hand tugged at Madara's pantleg. "Bye bye Mr. Maddie!"

Mito came over to collect the child. "Well, Madara. This whole time I was positive you wern't an idiot, but never once did I think you out to be likable."

"Uuuuh-huuuuh." He mumbled. "Yeah, right. Kid, no more Maddie buisness."

"Pleaaaaaaaase?"

"Oh, Madara, she said please." Mito mocked.

Maddie just hated himself. And God, and Izuna, and the local bus company.

Konan went to cling to Mito's leg while the woman looked around. "...Orochimaru?"

"Yeah, uhhh, I dunno what happened to him."

Mito picked up the limp, wide-eyed, unmoving boy. "This is what happens sometimes. Last it was when a Bee landed on him. She beckoned the remaining boys over to her. "Alright, time to go, say bye-bye."

Konan dashed over to the underneith of Madara's desk. "Bye Sasori!" Not even a flinch to bite when she kissed his cheek.

She came out and caught Kisame coming out of the bathroom. "Bye Kisa!" She Kiss-ah'd him right on the cheek. He slumped, dazed, against the wall. Sliding down slowly.

She turned around "Hidan!"

"AAAAGH!" Hidan screamed. "COOTIES! COOTIES!"

She began chasing him around the room. Wow, poor babies.

This was when Hidan's mother came. "Hello- he wasn't any trouble was he?"

"Noooo." Madara moaned out. "He was an aaaaangeeeeeel."

"AHHHH!"

"Hidan! gimme goodbye kiss!"

Immidiantly, Kamiko's eyes began to water. "Ohmidear he has a friend!"

After a few more laps around the room, Konan's little legs caught up to him tackled him, and held him down while she smothered him with cootie-kisses.

She then jumped back up, as he tried to tear his skin off, and jumped up to the desk. "And Tobi!"

Kissing the front of his mask, she then returned to Mito's side.

Mito, who blinked. "...I didn't know Tobi was here."

Madara blinked, also. "Yeaaaaah." He patted his sons head. "Bye kid."

Tobi jumped down and ran to stand directly under Mito's skirt. Haha, that cheered Maddie up.

Konan, herself, looked up to Orochimaru, lowered down while Mito tried to move Tobi.

"And poor Orochimaru~" She pecked him on the cheek too. He convulsed, for a second. But he was still pretty limp.

Mito and the children all left. Konan gotted to kiss Zetsu-chan too. He popped up just before they got in the car~

Kamiko Ai lifted her son, screaming on the floor, and after many apoligies, she left again.

Finally, Etsuko Hoshigaki. Terribley tired, and zombie-like. Came inside. "Hello, it's a meet to pleasure you again." She mumbled out. "May I please have my son? The bus driver said I have two minutes."

"Hi Mommy~"

"Oh hello baby how was your day I love you lets go home you can have cereal for dinner tonight." She blubbered out. He followed her, waving to Madara. "Bye Mr. Madara~"

"Hng." Madara mumbled out. Finally, it was empty. Madara- not wanting to let a beat pass where he might end up flashbacking to the days events- turned to pick up the microwave that kinda-sorta started the whole mess.

It was stuck...

Madara wanted to sleep. He'd set his internal alarm clock and come back in the morning.

Without a moments waste, he walked to the door, took the keys and turned off the lights...

...

... "... Wait."

He turned the lights back on.

He walked back over to his desk and knelt down. Sasori Akasuna was still curled up, unmoving, underneith it. Glaring at the air.

"Common boy, common, get out, common." He urged him. After no luck Madara rolled his eyes, and just grabbed him.

It took a minute for Sasori to register it, but then he started trying to bite Madara's wrists. Nothing, nothing, Madara's been shot in the head five times. He'd fine.

Putting the boy on his hip, he went out the door and locked the Daycare. "Okay, twerp. Your Grannies got five minutes. It's not Friday." He looked up at the sky. "Izuna, if this is you punishing me, give me a brotherly love break and get her here right now." ... "NOW!"

Clunka-clunka-clunka-BAM

Yup, Izuna still love Maddie. He's just employed himself as Madara's karma distributer.

Chiyo came up the drive, in her clunky car, after five minutes of nothing, where Madara wondered if maybe, hopefully, she was dead. She just HAD to come out, and collect her grandson.

"What's he been doing?" She grumbled. Then she actually looked at him "...What has he been doing?"

Madara blinked. Looked at the poor, battered boy, and the back at Chiyo. "...Playing."

Chiyo stood there, blinked, and then took him. "...Okay." She then took him to the car, threw him in, and then they were off. Finally.

Madara rolled his eyes... thinking- WOW. These parents all suck pretty bad.

He continued down the walk- screw the bus, he wanted to walk the- what- fifty? block/miles/something to his house. He was fine. The night's cold air was good for fixing his blood pressure.

He looked back up at the sign. AKATSUKI CARE... The second 'A' suddenly became crooked.

"...This is the start of something bad."

Bad, good, epic, legendary, insane.

What's the diffrence when it comes to Akatsuki?

-End Chapter-

PPPPPPS: Normally I wouldn't say this- but- as I sit here, in my bed, so very late at night- and really let the length of this chapter sink in- I have to say. I think it may make up for the wait...

8D IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING. I FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED IT. WOOOOOT!

There's alot of typos near the end, though. Terrible APOLGIEZ. I was gonna fix it but I wanted to post it before I felt any more bad- what has it been- six months? Gasp. But anyway-

8D Someone's offered to help revise SOS. 8D Yayz. COATM needs to be revised, and only I will do it, because personally, I don't want anyone else to see it again. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

My darlingest beta ish still busy, but I know she will be back eventually! because I'm just mind-wrenchingly sweet and optimistic like that. XD

This will be picking up, hopefully, since the chapters are no longer to be planned. I just have a list of activities for them to do and will write it out as I pick.

I have one story that won't be posted until it's complete. Awesomeness, I tell ya, awesomness! and then I have to finish the revision of 100 ways to Annoy Akatsuki. Which will be followed by a Akatsuki Halloween Fanfic, and yeah. 8D

My birfdays wuz on August 25th! 8D I-wuz-six-teen-going-on-seven-teen~ And Naruto will be my Ralph that will never be a Nazi. 8D

...GOOD MORNING U.S.A.! I GOT A FEELING THAT IT'S GONNA BE A WONDERFUL DAY! THE SUN IN THE SKY- HAS A SMILE ON HIS FACE- AND HE'S SHINING A SALUTE TO THE AMERICAN RAAAACE!

On a random note, which is really just the copy-and-pasting of a blabber-fest that has no earthly sense for being here other then to consme your time- because I have a mild- very mild considering I do it myself- pet peeve that- If they're not speaking japanese they shouldn't be saying japanese words- I checked through SOS out of wonder.

The only times I used the word 'Chibi' was to discribe Sasori several times. And one time when discribing Tobi's braincells.

'Bi-Shonen' was used three times. Once when discribing Tobi's outfit. Once discribing Sasori's charm. and once aloud by Kakuzu, commenting on Hidan's relationship with Jashin.

The only time the word 'Yaoi' was used was in Konan's line: "Hidan has already recharged, using the power of Jashin-Sama's yaoi love."

PFFFFFFT. BWAHAHA.

Anyway, as for honorfics, well, who can resist? Dei-Dei-CHAAAAAAN, Hidy-KUUUUUUUN, Konan-SEMPAAAAAAAAI, Sori-no-DANNAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

But only when it can roll of the tongue and it sounds right in their voice tone. Something about the Uchiha brothers exchanging 'Aniki' and 'Ototou' so often is absurdly off.

Nothing wrong with a baby Sasuke cooing 'ITACHI-NII-SAAAAN' In the near future though. XD

Things I've noticed for THIS story: In the Saso and Dei chapter, Sasori was mentioned as both six and seven. Typing fail-

Sasori is six. Deidara is three. Kakuzu is seven. Hidan is four. Kisame is six. Itachi is four. Konan, Nagato and Yahiko are five. Jiraiya, Tsunade and Orochimaru are six. Tobi is four. And Zetsu is five...

Yes, plants have age. 8D

Sasuke is negative three. 8D

Things I won't hate you for giving me lots of:

OC's

Reviews

Activities for Akatsuki to do

And cookies. 8D Chocolate chip plz.

I love YOOOOOOOOU!