I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye is a woman made of steel. She is calm, cool, composed and has only one weakness that she guards jealously.

First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye is a sucker for cute eyes.

Which is how she ended up in this particular predicament.

Yesterday

"Hawkeye, can I please requisition a box of chalk?"

Hawkeye blinked over the stack of paper at the Fullmetal Alchemist. She opened her mouth to refuse – why did Ed need chalk anyway? But a pair of big, sweet eyes batted guilelessly at her.

Instead of refusing, she found herself probing, "Well, I'd need a reason, Ed." Ed shuffled his feet on the floor and grinned. "I'm thinking of working on some delayed reaction transmutations. Y'know, kind of like timed experiments. And I'm afraid I need chalk for that." Her brow wrinkled but it made sense. After all, how could Ed possibly use chalk for nefarious purposes? She was thinking about it too much.

"All right." She quickly scribbled out the form and signed it with a flourish. "Take it down to Supply." Ed's face lit up and he snatched the piece of paper, disappearing out the door.

It was then that she realized Al had been conspicuously absent from this exchange. But Ed's sparkly golden eyes swam before her again and she ruthlessly squashed her suspicions. After all, the Fullmetal Alchemist always got excited about new experiments and his results were usually worthwhile, if destructive.

Ed could hardly keep himself from skittering manically down the hall in fiendish laughter. He had the form. Hawkeye knew he travelled and so she had given him about twenty dollars' worth of chalk, which was good, since he was currently broke. Al wouldn't give him anymore of Ed's food money for "essentials." Al didn't believe that rubber chickens were essentials, which they obviously were. And the last time Ed transmuted Mustang's tires into rubber chickens, Mustang wouldn't shut up about Ed's height deficiency for weeks.

So here he was, merrily scamming the Amestris military out of chalk. Actually, he hadn't expected Hawkeye to give it to him, but she did and that made him happy, planting the paper down triumphantly. The crotchety old clerk-lady eyed him skeptically, but she and Ed both knew that Hawkeye's signature was gold.

Ten minutes later, (seven of which were spent watching the clerk fumble around just to irritate him) Ed was settled in the darkest corner of the library, contemplating the large box of chalk. Now all he had to do was wait until dark.

Crickets sang cheerfully as Ed scribbled away, taking care to leave the circles in obvious places. There was only one person that needed to step in just the right hidden spot and Ed knew how to make him do it. Cackling evilly, he finished with flair, eyeing the detested stiff statue expectantly. "You're my partner," he grinned, patting the pedestal. "Tomorrow will be your finest hour!"

Fast-forward to present

Cute eyes. She knew she should have broken that weakness. In fact, she almost had broken it until a colonel with black eyes and a smooth smile came along. Her defenses crumbled further when the colonel picked up a sunshine-haired midget with a penchant for brilliant smiles.

None of which was helpful at present.

Hawkeye rubbed her fingers against her temple in small, carefully controlled circles as Mustang turned a rather fascinating shade of fuchsia. "I don't care how you do it," Hawkeye said finally. "Just put it back."

Mustang growled. "I can't. The blasted shrimp's circles all over the place will destroy it before I can fix it." Al's helmet was unusually expressionless, but Havoc whistled in awe.

"You have to admit Colonel, the Boss really outdid himself this time."

Surveying the mess, Hawkeye sighed. The Fuehrer's statue had morphed into a beautiful replica of Mustang, staring commandingly out over Central. All of Ed's deconstruction circles had been avoided disdainfully until Mustang set foot on the one hidden circle. Now those destructive circles were aimed at the statue. "We can't just recreate it?" Havoc offered lazily, still sniggering at the brilliance of the prank.

"No," Mustang snapped shortly. "That's Ed's area of expertise, not mine. I could reconstruct it, but you'd be able to tell. And that'll get us in more trouble." Hawkeye's headache intensified. "The Fuehrer will be here in fifteen minutes. And given the rather nice likeness and the 'defenses' around it, the colonel will be listed as the culprit. Al?"

Al shrugged. "I can't. Brother stole all my chalk overnight." She turned to Mustang, who rifled through his pockets. "That little…my chalk's gone as well." Hawkeye could see all of Mustang's ladder climbing sinking down the proverbial drain with alarming rapidity.

"Sooo…" a lazy voice drawled. "How much will you lot owe me if I fix this statue and get you out of this rather interesting situation?"

Suddenly, Hawkeye knew she'd broken her weakness.

Because those eyes were twinkling merrily and they only furthered the urge to chase him about with his favourite rubber chicken until she could wrap it tightly around his teeny tiny throat.

The gun magically appeared in her hand, her eyes hardened and Edward Elric, terror of the military brass and celebrated Fullmetal Alchemist, realized fully why Mustang feared this woman.

"Fix it. Now."

Meekly, Ed dissolved the deconstruction circles and returned the statue to normal. Far too meekly for Hawkeye's liking. "Turn over the camera, Edward. And the film." Sure enough, the camera was produced from a back pocket.

Mustang sniggered until she turned her glare on him. "Childish pranks are one thing, defacing military monuments are another. Don't do it again. Now, that's all we will say on the matter. Colonel, don't you have work to do?" Mustang hemmed importantly and sidled inside, away from the terrifying woman.

Sitting at her desk fifteen minutes later, knowing that the Elrics were on the next train out of town for the next two weeks, Hawkeye allowed herself a small smirk.

The kid did take good pictures.

She'd keep them for posterity's sake only.

Really.