Death Wish

He holds her close at night, pretends he doesn't notice her trembling or the wetness on his clothes. He doesn't mind it, not really, doesn't blame her at all.

He can't blame her for sneaking into his room at night, either. If he didn't already know she would come to him, he probably would have sought her comfort in her quarters in the late hours, too, frightened as a child.

"Sometimes," she says through her subtle sobs during their most recent late night meeting. "I wish that the morning wouldn't come, so that I could stay here, in your arms, until I'm dead."

"Sometimes," he replies, voice steady, but questionably quiet. "I wish you wouldn't say what you think."

She looks up sharply at him, but he doesn't look at her, knowing he will see her betrayed face, angry and sad and if he looks he'll fall into some kind of pitiable mess and-

He doesn't look at her.

He still doesn't look at her, even as she makes an enraged sound and pushes away from him. She leaves the room in a huff.

Takashi misses the warmth of Rei's body before she even shuts the door.

He feels knuckles on his head and it snaps him out of his muddled thoughts. Saya stands just behind him, eyes narrowed in annoyance, her glare all-too-familiar and cat-like.

"Komuro...you look even more idiotic than usual." She states blandly. Takashi can hear the seething beneath her tone. He respects her patience with him.

Barely.

"What's up, Saya?"

His question seems to annoy her further and he almost cringes when she leans in close to him. Takashi feels his cheeks flush when he realizes what a spectacular display of cleavage she has inadvertently shown him.

"I'm the one who should be asking you that, idiot!" she screeches. She inhales deeply before continuing in a voice much more suited to a sane person's conversation, leaning back. Takashi is relieved by the pressure those breasts have lifted off his shoulders with their disappearance. "What happened? You don't have a school stairwell to brood in anymore, but I can still tell that you managed to screw something up."

Takashi frowns at her, accusing her of pulling her conclusion out of her tight ass, even if he knows she's hit the nail on the head. "It's my problem, I can deal with it on my own."

Saya raises an eyebrow at him before sidling to his side, watching through the window as the rest of their ragtag team readies themselves for another trek out there with all of them.

It's peaceful for a second, but then Takashi remembers that Saya likes to stir up trouble when she can. She can be such a bitch sometimes. "Komuro...Takashi. Rei's been acting very strange today."

He catches the flash in her eyes, her startling intelligence, and he knows he's been caught. He tries, futilely, anyway. "Really? I can't imagine why."

There is a sudden jab in his ribs and Takashi flinches before backing away from Saya's finger.

"Komuro. Fix it. I don't know what you did, don't really want to, as I have my assumptions, but if it messes up our chances of survival, I will wring your neck. And after that, I will tie your spine in knots. And after that, I'll have Hirano blow your freaking head off."

"...but wouldn't we be dead?"

"No one said we all had to die. No, you'll end up as one of them and that is when I will do all those horrible things to you. Fix this problem, Komuro." Saya ends the conversation and backs away from the window.

She is the second girl in less than twelve hours to walk out on him. Takashi wonders if he just has girl problems.

He didn't get the chance to talk to Rei. They are advancing from everywhere, almost spontaneously coming into existence, and his team is on its last legs to hold the tiny shelter they acquired.

Rei is at his back, bayoneting a few of them, and he is firing his gun as quickly and accurately as possible. She is right there, but he still can't talk to her.

Or so he thinks.

"Takashi...," he barely hears Rei's voice over the unsettling groans from them, the crunching sounds, the splattering of their efforts on their battlefront, but it's there and he grasps at it.

"Rei?"

There is silence for a moment and Rei moves from his back. He feels terror climb up his spine for a second, missing her warmth again, but then the familiar weight against him returns.

"Takashi, what did you really mean last night?"

Takashi almost freezes up, but then remembers that he's fighting, not only for his life but for hers and all the others, and he pulls the trigger again. His target was almost too close and he feels its cold, blackening blood splatter onto his face.

This is it, the chance to explain himself.

"Rei," he says, and her name is almost too heavy to force out of his mouth. "If things were like they were last night, forever, until you die, what will I be left with?"

"Takashi?"

"You've lost Hisashi, Rei. I was so envious, I almost didn't mind him dying."

"Takashi!"

"It hurts, to think I'm capable of that. And then I remember how heartbroken you were, how much it hurt you when he was dying, and when I took him out."

"Takashi, what are you getting at?" Rei sounds angry again. He doesn't blame her, he never blames her, and maybe that is why she is still alive. If he blamed her, how many instances had passed him by where he could have taken vengeance?

Too many.

"So you said you'd like to stay in my arms until you die. Will I die, too? Because if you die, and I'm right there and I can't stop it...I think I might. And if I don't die, I don't think I'm as strong as you are. I can't take losing someone like you did. I can't take losing you."

They both take out one of them on their respective sides. Rei is suspiciously quiet, but he can feel the tremor in her back.

He's made her cry. Maybe he does have girl problems, after all.

A/N: Another HotD ficlet for you guys. Set in no specific point, just know that they're surviving.

...and I wanted to write some TakashixRei.