Disclaimer: Does it really need to be disclaimed? If I were JKR I'd have shipped Dramione all the way! And I'd probably have made Hermione the star of the Harry Potter series. Hermione Granger and those other people. In fact, the rise and fall of Moldy Voldy would have just been a precursor to the steamy romance of our favorite duo. *sigh* I WISH!

A/N (2019): Revamped because it seriously needed it. I changed this to a multi-chaptered fic because as I was editing it, it just kept getting longer and longer. After page 19, it could no longer be considered a one-shot. It's in essence the same but I changed some of it...ok I changed almost all of it .. I couldn't help myself!

The millicent repeller

Chapter 1:

Draco finds out that there's only one thing that can possibly keep Millicent Bulstrode away from him…a certain muggle cat. DM/HG

Present day

"DRAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCOOOOO. Waki waki sunshine!" Draco's worst fear visited him even in his dreams.

"It's me! Drakie, waki waki or…I'll kiss you!" Draco suddenly jerked up, immediately awake as if the word 'kiss' was an enchantment. He banged his head against his abuser. Blaise hit the ground laughing and wheezing at the same time.

Draco had been peacefully sleeping in his bed and Blaise-rotten-Zabini had had to wake him up hadn't he? Probably because he knew that this was the fastest, if only way, to awaken a sleeping Dragon.

He ought to hex off his eyebrows.

Calming himself from the fit of laughter, Blaise breathed in deeply.

"Oh, that was priceless mate!" Blaise had taken to making Draco run around with the precinct of Draco's not-so-secret admirer.

"So is this!" yelled the blond.

WHACK! A pillow slammed against the raven haired boy's head.

This made the git laugh harder.

Eyebrows it is!

Draco was laughing now.

"Why are you laughing?" Blaise asked suspiciously.

"A look in the mirror might explain that question away," Draco suggested.

Blaise screamed, "Give me back my eyebrows now!"

"You look quite stunning with that look Blaise. It's very...au present," Pansy said admiringly when she strode in.

Blaise gestured to her rudely.

"Give me back my eyebrows! Why did you do this to me?"

"For laughing at me, you Neanderthal!"

"Huh?"

"Evidently, Blaise you weren't paying attention to the subtle details in our archeology class."

(Neither had Draco. He had actually heard Hermione Granger insult a third year with this slur but no one needed to know that. He rather liked that Granger had a comprehensive vocabulary owing to her voracious 's that for fancy words hey hey?)

"As much as I like to see and hear this daily debacle, Draco we need to be getting to class," Pansy said very matter-of-factly. Contrary to the school's belief, Pansy Parkinson was a stickler for class attendance and made sure that her boys made it to class on time, every day.

"You have ten minutes to get ready. I've sent Milli down to the West wing on a wild goose chase but she'll be back soon when she realizes it was a ploy." God bless Pansy.

Draco got up from the bed groaning. Did he have to think of Her first thing in the morning? She was a horror, a real life nightmare. He could never get rid of Her.

Who? None other than…

…Millicent Bulstrode.

Blaise parted the curtains to reveal a blissfully sunny day.

"Hey. Look at that. It's a sunny day. Aren't those your favorite kind of days Draco?" the grin he sent him meant he remembered that Draco hated all sunny days.

"Keep grinning like that and I'll take out your hair too!" the blond threatened.

Why were sunny days a sore subject?

Because all his problems had started on such a sunny day.

Blissfully sunny…the air was warm...the world was wonderful...

000

Flashback to 2 weeks months prior

Draco had been having a splendid day...

He had bullied a first year into swearing fealty to him and him alone (Blaise already had seven and Draco only had five sworn allied first years), he had flirted with a few of the girls in his year, had forced a fourth year to give him his pocket money in exchange for not telling anyone that he was snogging a third year Griffindor classmate. That had pretty much consisted of his day.

Perfect in every way.

After lunch in the great hall, Draco-unsuspecting-Malfoy, the poor soul, stepped out into the sunshine and decided to laze around the Squid Lake. During this time, he heard a loud commotion. A crowd had gathered around the Astronomy tower and Draco went over to investigate. Where there was a crowd, there was a mob. And Draco loved mobs.

"Get down from there!" he heard someone shout.

Some sensible beings had run to get the teachers.

"I heard from Padma who heard from Lavender who heard from Ginny who talked to Neville who heard from Tomas who spoke to Aadhira who talked directly to Millicent Bulstrode. Apparently she's attempting suicide," Terry Boot told Draco in a panic.

"Good, it'll reduce the wastage of resources considerably," muttered someone. Draco suspected it was Pansy but could not be sure.

Sure enough there was something dangling from the top of the tower. Some people were trying to persuade the reluctant figure down.

Draco rolled his eyes. She wasn't trying to commit suicide, she was about to fall. What she needed was a broom or a rescuer. Potty he thought immediately in distaste and looked around to see the resident hero.

He snorted loudly much to the chagrin of his fellow classmates (Goody Gryffindors naturally).

"You try getting her down then!" Hannah Abbot retorted, irritated.

"Oi Milli. What are you doing up there? Get down you big oaf!" He yelled. Apparently Millicent yelled something back.

Later Draco would regret his words. Words without consideration lead to bad consequences Nana used to always say. She must've been able to see the future because that was repeated to him many times. He hadn't listened and spoke without consideration.

"Will you bury me?" She screamed at him.

"Of course! It would be my pleasure!" he replied to her yell.

000

Milli was dangling from the Astronomy tower. She hadn't meant to fall. She'd just been out here trying to get a better vantage with which to see the pecks off of Adam Sanderstien but instead she'd leaned too far and had barely caught herself.

Soon there was a large group that had formed under her and one over her from where she'd fallen through the open window in the tower.

Everyone was begging her not to jump. Not to let go. But she could barely hold on. In this moment of desperation, one voice came through the cacophony of student voices.

"Oi Milli. What are you doing up there? Get down you big oaf!" He yelled.

Draco.

Her savior.

"Will you catch me?" she yelled as loud as she could.

"Of course! It would be my pleasure!"

She promised herself that if he caught her, she would make sure he was hers. Grinning, she let go.

000

"Of course! It would be my pleasure!" Draco yelled and when Milli continued to hold on for dear life, he turned to Abbot and said, "tried, it's evidently not working. You can't rush these kinds of things. She'll fall when she's ready," He rolled his eyes sarcastically.

Just as Draco turned to leave the circle expanded to give room (Being the only one who wasn't interested in Millicent's end, he hadn't seen the incoming missile).

He looked up just in time to see something come cruising down on him.

In a moment, a rather cheeky looking Millicent Bulstrode was sitting on his back.

"Thanks for breaking my fall Drakie," she said.

A week after the incident...

He spend a week in the hospital wing for broken bones. Millicent came to visit everyday to thank him for his courageous effort in catching her so bravely…it had started all the episodes of her trying to woo him.

000

The Bulstrode family was unconventional in that the family head was not a man but a woman. A very strict, masculin (or feminine if you thought about that gender really was...I mean constructions and all…) woman. And in the Bulstrode clan, a woman picked and wooed her man. And Milicent Bulstrode had chosen Draco Malfoy to be her starling horse.

000

The day Draco was released, Millicent tried to drag him into a closet and make out with him (as a possible note of thank you). Luckily, the cupboard was already occupied by Weasel and some black haired girl he didn't have enough time to take note of.

"Fancy seeing you here!" he heard Milli say to the closet-people. Draco was just thankful for the distraction as he fled all the way to class.

000

Back to the present day...

Draco, Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle were making their way to the great hall. Blaise was pondering how to get away with murder. It wasn't a particularly unique thought to have considering the house he belonged to. He was just weighing the pros against the cons. On one hand if Blaise murdered Draco, he'd instantly become Quidditch captain. On the other hand, Lucius Malfoy would be baying for blood.

Crabbe was thinking about the crest cakes he could eat if Goyle were to be distracted or dead. He was the only real rival when it came to the food in their hall. These two were one of the reasons Slytherins were so food aggressive. It was eat or be eaten (or have your food eaten as was the case).

Goyle on the other hand was not thinking about murder like the rest of this devilish group. His mind was considering entirely different possibilities. What he was interested in was a person, not food. Well food too but for once, that came secondary to her.

While all of them were deep in thought, Draco was on the lookout for-

"DRACHO," Millicent boomed breathily standing in front of them, blocking the way to the Great Hall.

"Blaise," Draco squeaked, jumping behind him.

Blaise was having a fit, wheezing with laughter.

"Remember what we talked about!" He said and Blaise forced himself to sober up.

"Position one!" Blaise called and Crabbe and Goyle snapped back into focus and into their respective positions.

Draco darted left and Milicent followed. He plunged forward back into the safety of the group and took off in the opposite direction. She was too confused and also trapped between three men to continue chasing him.

Blaise couldn't contain his laughter anymore. He was back on the floor rotating in his fit of laughter.

Millicent looked profoundly confused. While she was scheming of all the naughty things she was going to do to the blond, he'd run off.

"You can run but you can't hide!" she called out.

Draco shuddered as he ran full speed to the safety of the Great Hall. Safety in numbers. Safety in numbers he kept telling himself but he knew it was only a matter of time before she found him once more. He needed a more permanent solution to this sticky situation.

000

3 days later

Draco reveled in his single minded astuteness. He had outsmarted her now! The blond king was sure she wouldn't come to the library, much less look in the exact cupboard that he had magically expanded to fit himself in.

Brilliance.

He was having a moment of soliloquy and talking to himself much the same way mad geniuses in films talked to themselves (mostly for the benefit of the audience).

"She will never find me here!"

"Who dear?" Asked a voice as it opened the door to the exact location he was in.

Draco barely scrambled out of the way, attempting to evade her but she caught him. He'd known Milli for many years before these incidents took place and never had she looked as threatening as she did now. The girl towered over him and wrapped her arms around him. He tried to wiggle free but was unable to.

"No please let me go!"

"You can run but you can't hide Drakie. Playing hard to get is my favorite game," she said softly. Her grin sent shivers down his spine.

"Unhand him!" Came a voice. "He clearly doesn't want to be in your grasp Bulstrode" said the voice keenly.

Last names meant a non-Slytherin entity.

"I'm giving you three seconds before I hex you Bulstrode!" Hermione said resolutely.

"He's mine!" She hissed.

"I said unhand him!"

"If you want him, fight me!"

He heard a spell cast and suddenly he was released. Draco barely scrambled out of the way before Milicent fell face first onto the carpeted floor.

"Well don't thank me all at once," He heard her mutter as she levitated the girl towards a sofa.

"Granger." Draco stated as a matter of factly, his heart racing. He'd had a thing for her since their third year when she'd sucker punched him but at this moment, he found her irresistible.

Was this how it felt to be a damsel in need of saving?

"You need to set her right. She has issues," Hermione stated, eyeing the sleeping beast with trepidation.

"She has issues alright. She's part veela, part giant."

His heart fluttered when she cracked a smile and giggled slightly.

"I'm actually not joking. She really is. Unfortunately it turns out that isn't the best pair for the ideal outcome. Veelas have fixation issues."

"Is that why she's fixated on you?"

Draco shrugged. Who knew what could get them off.

"Well you better go. I'm going to revive her."

Draco hurried off, irritated that his heart was still pulsating in something very different than fear.