Flashback

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There had been a time in Zack's life when everything had fit together so perfectly, it had been that time just before he'd made 1st Class, Angeal was mentoring him, ShinRa was at the peak of its life, he'd never have guessed that it was all about to go so horribly wrong and that the fall from the top could be so painful, he'd never have thought it could have shredded his heart the way it had. He had lost Angeal, Sephiroth, ShinRa, Aeris and as he stood in Hojo's lab, beneath ShinRa manor, Cloud crumpled in his arms and Mako filling his lungs he didn't know where he planned on going from there. He had travelled for what felt like an eternity, aimless, uncertain, yelling to the heaven's for some sort of guidance, Angeal hadn't answered him and he felt so alone.

He gripped tightly to Cloud in the night, trying to rip the boy from his Mako poisoning; they'd lay beneath the stars, Zack's hand entwined in the boys hair, focusing on the soft breathing that seemed barely there, he'd whisper stories, told him everything and anything until his words ran dry and with each day that passed he worried more that the boy wouldn't ever pull out of his comatose state, he was completely dependent on Zack and the elder willingly did everything for the blonde, for the way that he made his heart flutter in his chest, the soft feelings that had been so quiet at first but grew with each day, he tried so desperately not to put a word to those feelings, had tried to forget the kiss he had placed to soft lips when he had gently changed the boys Mako soaked clothing to the SOLDIER uniform he was now adorned in.

As the days had passed though he began to feel more and more helpless and Cissnei had smiled and been warm but he had disliked the way her gaze had lingered on Cloud, as if he were some fascinating experiment, he had questioned her humanity in that instance, wondering if she were just like Hojo, just like all those other Turks and ShinRa employee's the one's that asked no questions, that smiled and pretended they hadn't seen, Zack was disgusted to think he had once been so similar. She had left with her humanity and the elder had found solace in that,

When he had been left with Cloud again, burying his face into the boy's silken hair, everything had ebbed away until it was just the two of them and Zack swore that Cloud's hand had flinched against his chest. That his lips had moved against his neck, if not then he wasn't sure how to explain the soft moan that had slipped from his throat.

He had been at his lowest when Reno had come to him with a smile and a cigarette that the SOLDIER never touched, Reno's aquamarine eyes had softened when they fell on Cloud and he explained how he had tried to save them, Zack remembered the pages from the researchers diary scattered around the house, he had always assumed they had referred to Tsueng, he was grateful to Reno for the attempt, even more so at the way he looked at Cloud with the same shame and self-loathing that he himself did.

"I'm here to offer an alternative," the redhead had smirked around his cigarette, the smoke stretching up to the stars above and Zack followed it carelessly with his eyes, his hand secretly entwined with Cloud's own behind his back, out of Reno's eyesight.

"Oh yeah, what would that be, I don't fancy going back to being a lab rat," Reno shrugged and took another drag from his cigarette.

"Well ShinRa are going to kill you if you don't," Zack's eyes flared dangerously, "that's why I said alternative, gotta start payin' attention, I do talk serious from time to time." Their eyes locked and Zack's hand gripped Cloud's a little tighter, even allowing himself to believe that the limp grip had tightened back.

"Well then what could you possibly offer, you work for ShinRa right? Surely there's nothing you can do to help without putting your own job on the line." Reno chuckled rolling his eyes and lifting the cigarette from his lips to where he stubbed it out on the ground in between the bark and grass.

"I work for A ShinRa yes, the one making you this deal, Rufus Shinra, surely you've heard of him,"

"The President's son?" a nod, shock of red stark against the darkness,

"That's the one, look we're no fools, we know ShinRa's falling apart at the seams there are no First Class left, they've lost their Hero, presumed dead actually insane arsonist, there are no elite, all they're left with is grunt's barely following orders, Lazard's gone and they're holding onto the last few reigns that haven't snapped. The President has no idea how to run the company, how to fix this, they've got terrorists blowing up reactors, scientists experimenting beyond their means, Rufus plans to sit by and watch everything fall, only to rise from the ashes and rebuild a new ShinRa, a beneficial one, we're not the bad guys Zack,"

"What do you want from us?" he asked pulling Cloud a little bit closer,

"Rufus wants a First Class SOLDIER, the last, think of it as being a bodyguard, you do what he says and he'll lift the price from your head, take away the death sentence and he'll fix your friend so he can walk and talk again,"

"I didn't see a choice in there," Reno shrugged lighting up another cigarette,

"There's always a choice Zack but I'm letting you know this offer ain't a bad one, trust me I've seen a lot of bad offers in my time," Blue/violet eyes narrowed, Mako flaring softly,

"What about Cloud?" aquamarine eyes looked sullen for a moment,

"We fix him up and send him on his way," Zack's eyes narrowed his grip on the boys hand so tight it threatened to break,

"I'm not abandoning him," he all but growled, and Reno lifted his hands defensively,

"I'm not sure what state he'll end up in Zack... Mako poisoning... well you've seen it before haven't you," freedom sure is pricey, he glanced at Cloud briefly, tracing the contours of the blonde's face with his eyes and the worsening condition of the boys health had pushed him to make a decision he normally wouldn't have. He said yes to Reno, to Rufus Shinra and wondered if he'd sold both himself and Cloud out to the devil but then he presumed that he'd already done that with the old ShinRa, how many things had he pretended not to see, had he left unmentioned, it had just been the SOLDIER way, they had people to do the thinking, he was to do the fighting, no questions asked, that had been the way they'd always liked it. He didn't feel truly human anymore,

Rufus Shinra had kept to his word in some twisted way, he'd fixed Cloud as best he could, his scientists and doctors piecing the boy back together, whenever Zack had looked at him though the recognition had been void in the shimmering sapphire eyes and he came away each and every time with a heavy heart. The rumour had been spread that Zack had been killed, shot down on a cliff outside of Midgar, no one had questioned it even with the lack of a body and the way Rufus Shinra's bodyguard sounded and looked surprisingly similar, he was kept out of view for the most part, watching as the world began to fall apart.

He had been watching over Cloud, the figure never moving as he spoke words that Angeal had once spoken to him, a hand had fallen on his shoulder and he had glanced up to meet aquamarine eyes and striking red. Reno had smiled and sat beside him, watching Zack more so that the blonde, he sighed heavily, his words weighing on his heart,

"He won't get any better here, with you," it had took everything he possessed to stop himself from slamming Reno against the wall so hard that his head caved in,

"I'm all he's got," he snarled at the other, teeth clenched dangerously and Reno's eyes softened, pleading to be listened to,

"He's all you've got, and I get it, I really do, but is this how you want him to be, he barely remembers who he is let alone who you are, there is nothing more we can do for him and keeping him here, with you... with us... is hindering his recovery." He watched Reno's mouth move, listened to the words as they tumbled from his cigarette stained lips and the pain in his heart showed in his eyes, he didn't wish to let Cloud go, but the boy had no memory of him, he stared at him as if he were a stranger and he's not sure what hurt more. "It's up to you Zack," he mumbled, standing and leaving with a sigh and the dark haired male watched him go, he waited for a heartbeat before standing himself and sitting on the edge of Cloud's bed, he clasped the boys hand in his own, bringing the appendage to his lips and placing a tender kiss to the slightly calloused flesh.

"You're my living legacy Cloud, I may as well be dead... I just... I did it for you... all of it and I'm sorry for what I involved you in, be everything that I'm not Cloud, be the hero I failed to be, all my hopes and my dreams, they're yours now, I don't need them here. I wish you remembered me kid... maybe all this wouldn't hurt so much if you did." He leant forward, gently pressing his lips to the younger's there was no reaction, his forehead fell against the blonde's own and he allowed a hand to trail through the Chocobo-esque spikes, "make sure you treat Aeris better than I did," he stood, his hand leaving blonde spikes the gesture oddly reminiscent of sand trickling through his fingers.

He had told Reno to take the boy to Midgar, he had watched them leave, the blonde glancing at him for a bit longer than usual but he ripped his gaze away to keep the pain from bubbling into his eyes. He wasn't sure what had happened between there and Midgar, but Reno had told him that the blonde had managed to lift the buster sword the other had given him, that the lights began to flicker behind sapphire orbs once again, Zack had smiled and retired to his room, it had felt worse than loosing Angeal, Aeris, so much worse.

Reno had sat beside him, squeezing his hand sympathetically, they sat in silence, all the while Zack thinking about the letters that Aeris had sent him, the way they had been so sweet and loving but unable to stir at his heart.

"You told him I was dead didn't you?" the red head sighed and leant back against the wall,

"Kid barely knows anything, he mumbled your name a couple of times, sure as hell don't mean he knows your mother's maiden name or remembers the first time you met, it's better for him this way Zack, it's better for you."

"You know nothing Reno, now get out," the redhead sighed and rolled his eyes, chuckling softly as he stood and stretched,

"You get so mad when we mention him, got a little thing going there Zack?" violet specked eyes narrowed dangerously and the SOLDIER merely pointed at the door, Reno got the hint and disappeared with a slam of the door. He stared at his hands in the darkness, the feeling of humanity slipping from him and he wondered if this is how it had felt for Sephiroth, had the General sat by and watched as he lost himself, as the doubt flooded his veins and Genesis' words imprinted into his mind, had he even considered it to be lies, or was the grandeur too great? Sephiroth had always desired to be so much more...

Amidst all the missions he was sent to do for Rufus, all the smirks from Reno, the all knowing glistening in his aquamarine eyes, he still managed to keep an eye on Cloud. To see the man he had become, see how much he had changed and it had destroyed him to see him forget, to see him become something that he wasn't, he was so hardened to life now, as Sephiroth had been. He had seen Aeris perish, Reno's grip on him tight enough to puncture flesh and he would never be able to explain the heated kisses that had followed.

He had seen Cloud at his lowest and he had fought with Reno and Rufus like a dog would a cat, he had demanded, he had begged, but in the end he had made the choice and he was where he was supposed to be.

I'd never abandon you...

He had seen ShinRa fall before his eyes, Midgar disappear into rubble, he had seen Sephiroth fall at Cloud's hands, he'd always assumed that he'd be able to save the General from what he had become but it was not what Rufus had desired and he had little choice where the President was concerned. AVANLANCHE had thought they were working alone but really they were just like him, just like the Turks, they were all Rufus Shinra's puppets, leading to his gleaming future.

All Zack had ever known faded before his eyes in fire and smoke and he turned away from it all with a heavy heart with eyes downcast and a wish to return to a time before, to when everything had been perfect, simple. If he could go back... if he knew what he knew now back then, he wondered what he would do differently, there was no other life for him besides SOLDIER, nothing else he could put his hand to and make succeed, he wanted that life back, Angeal with his wisdom, Genesis with his quoting of LOVELESS, Sephiroth with his strength and courage, Aeris with her bright smile and Cloud with his shimmering sapphire and pure innocence.

Geostigma had bit into the flesh sharply, if seemed to affect Rufus the worse and Zack could sense Sephiroth in it, in the way it choked and bruised, the way it caused Mako to flare as if tempting it to burst from the flesh. Zack never let it show but he noticed it on Cloud almost immediately, the fear had been crippling and as he'd watched him speak to Rufus through the crack in the door, he saw the boy he had once been hidden inside, scared, he had wanted nothing more than to hold him then, to forget Rufus and the promises he had made. He knew though that it wouldn't have helped the blonde to see him then, not when he had so much to deal with and though it bruised his heart in ways he couldn't understand he had watched the blonde go, had seen the sympathy reflect in Reno's eyes when the blonde had looked straight at the door Zack was stood behind, as if somehow seeing him. He disappeared shortly after,

Kadaj had appeared not long after and Zack had allowed him to rough up the Turks a little, under Rufus' orders of course, the President had wished to speak to him and when everything had become too much he had stepped in. He'd seen Sephiroth in the boy immediately and the surprise in the boy's eyes at seeing the SOLDIER didn't escape him.

"Well well, isn't this a twist in the tale, you kept a FIRST CLASS, very sneaky of you Rufus Shinra, I wonder if big brother knows, I believe...he mourns you still," he smirked stepping closer to the elder who merely smiled in response, "do you know where mother is?"

"Hell, we can only hope," Kadaj had lunged for him and he dodged the blow easily catching the boy off guard and kicking his legs out from beneath him, the silver haired male flipped himself back up quickly. Withdrawing his sword and Zack gripped for the Buster Sword that Reno had returned to him long ago, an exact replica standing on the cliff outside of Midgar where Cloud believed that he had died.

He wondered if he could go back now, if he could tell Cloud that it had all been lies, just like everything else, he didn't know how the boy would take it, would he understand or would it push him to fall apart?

"You shouldn't say things like that," Kadaj had mumbled, pushing the former SOLDIER against the wall with a loud thud, Zack's eyes had narrowed dangerously and he'd pulled away punching Kadaj hard enough to separate the two of them and send the smaller male stumbling.

"Stay away from Cloud," Kadaj had chuckled sheathing his sword as he backed towards the door,

"No can do," that hideous smirk again, "Can't have a proper reunion without our big brother," he was gone after that and Zack had glared at Rufus. He had found it so easy to blame all his shortcomings on Rufus, the man was guilty of so much after all, deep down Zack would never escape the fact that it had been his choice,

Sephiroth had fallen again and Cloud had suffered, Zack had known he could do it but his blood had boiled as he had stood in Rufus' shadow, a marionette on strings he could never break from. He had been walking the streets behind the President later, had bumped into a boy with brown hair and blue eyes being dragged around by a girl with a pretty pink bow much like the one he had given to Aeris so long ago. The boy had stopped and glanced up at him, staring at him with a look of mild confusion mixed with familiarity, Zack had smiled at him.

"You ok kid?" he had asked, kneeling down so that they were at eye level and the boy noticed the Mako that glowed in the elder's irises, so similar to Cloud's. "What's your name?"

"Denzel," he had answered with a smile "yours?" Zack had chuckled and ruffled the kid's hair the boy had raised an eyebrow at the gesture but continued to smile despite the confusion.

"Ah... well that's top secret," he chuckled standing to his full height once again, Tsueng was looking at him now, arms folded in a way that told him he was pushing it, he scratched at his head and shrugged softly, "looks like I have to go, take care of Cloud alright buddy," Tsueng wondered why he hadn't shot the idiot years ago, Zack merely smirked at the Turk as he strolled past him. Marlene came running back to Denzel, capturing his hand in hers once again,

"What are you doing?" she asked with a smile and he shrugged,

"That man seemed so familiar..." she had merely ignored him and continued to drag him towards the church...

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I do love Denzel lol, I don't know why I have so many Chocobo muses all of a sudden but they're all too cute to resist ^_^

So yeah had to post this, been wanting to for ages but laptop decided it was time to die instead, anyway enjoy and please review for a lollipop...