New story and It's finished so I'll let out a chapter every few days. Tell me what you think. The characters are a bit more mature and I think an M raiting may be better then a T but it's not very explicit.

Drama/Romance/Comedy, The story gets lighter later. There is also a time travel part for the second half.

It had been a mistake, what had happened, nearly a year ago right after they returned home from the Aizen war, a mistake they kept making. For it wasn't the first time. It had happened the evening they returned from spending the day together at the beach about a year and a half ago, the night before she left for Hueco Mundo, and before that, the first time, she had found comfort in his bed not long after the death of her mentor Shiba Kaien. Neither spoke about the events or the passions that took place in those evenings, neither dared. Neither had forgotten about them either.

Since the moment Rukia woke up, she was having a bad day. It was New Years Eve, what should have been a day of celebration for a city that was rebuilding after several years of non stop chaos, was looking pretty black for her.

She really didn't know what was wrong with her today. Lot's of her friends had paired off during the last few months and all of the hard work she had been doing to help the reconstruction effort had left her with only one companion, her brother Byakuya.

For some reason it bothered her to be so close to him, to be his closest friend, to know him in ways many girls only dreamed. She knew the things he desired and what pleased him, but she didn't dare touch him since that night a year ago. He seemed content confiding in her and treating her as his closest friend and sister. Still she couldn't tell what it was that she wanted from him and she was restless.

Byakuya, on the other hand, never showed what he was feeling. If anyone dared look at him long enough they might notice that he was in the same mood as Rukia. The girl sitting in front of him was the only one to notice, after years of practice, that he was also out of sorts today.

"Is something bothering you today Rukia?" Byakuya asked.

"I am not really sure." she said solemnly.

"At least try to finish your breakfast. Some nutrition may help your mood. I have noticed you not eating well the last few days. I trust it was nothing I have done."

"No it is not you. I will try. Thank you for your concern." she said.

"Yes well I need you healthy for negotiations next month. I can not do without your charm. It was… constructive, last time, and I hope to make use of it again….. I am very pleased with your change of speech, although I do miss the lack of formality we used to share."

"Charm. The same kind as last time." she said moving her food around.

"If it pleases you." Byakuya said.

He knew what they were referring to. The last time there were negotiations was right before the final war. He insisted she go with him and they traveled to neutral territory. She noticed he was tense, and he was never very good with people when he was tense. They were very close when he confided his uneasiness to her as he stood by a garden door waiting impatiently. She had taken the initiative that late afternoon and he responded eagerly as she knelt before him and relieved him of his stress. Negotiations had been favorable that day, staving off a territory war.

"Are you still planning on working tonight?" she asked.

"Yes since most will be at a party somewhere it is my responsibility to take an extra shift."

"You should come with me to Matsumoto' party. You should not be alone in your office on a holiday." she said, not really sure why she just asked him to go to the party, knowing he couldn't.

"To be honest Rukia, I do not find myself in the mood for a party." he said sipping his tea feeling disappointed at her less then eager response to his innuendo.

"I do not really want to go either. I would really like to just go back to bed right now, but I am working on going out more and Rangiku-san would be disappointed if I did not at least show up for a few hours. Although I could always drop by the sixth and keep you company instead. I hope you will not be completely alone." she said picking at her food.

"You should go, it pains me to see you in such a mood. It was just last night I was enjoying your smile. I am sure this is somehow my fault. You have kept me good company every evening for the past year. I am not much company for you and it would be beneficial if you were to spend time with friends you have not seen in a long while. An evening of dancing will be refreshing for you." he said.

"I guess. I would not want to upset my new maid who went through the trouble of picking out such a lovely kimono for me."

"I thought you hated wearing them. You have fought me for years."

"I have become accustomed to them since you have provided me with so many and I spend so much time in them since you take me out to dinner so much. I was hoping to see Renji tonight. It has been quite some time." she said.

"Yes my lieutenant has been pestering me for a while, about your availability and it is affecting his progress." he said.

"There were some things I have been wanting to talk to him about for a while." she said her expression changing but unreadable.

"I am sure you both have much to speak about. You should feel more free to invite your friends over when your schedule permits. My shift ends at midnight perhaps we can toast the new year when you return." he said.

"That sounds good. I did not plan on staying long after, so I will be home right after you. I would not want to go to bed without wishing you a happy new year." she said giving him a small smile.

"I will try to meet you and walk you home on my way. Otherwise do not go home with out and escort. Many will be intoxicated and it will not be safe."

"But…" she protested.

"Do not argue with me for once."

Rukia didn't feel her mood improving the rest of the day. She did find herself looking forward to the end of the long day when she would greet her brother and wish him a happy new year. It was in fact her only thing she was looking forward to, in reality.

Confused would be the best word to describe her feelings for Byakuya. She had become used to spending all of her time with him, learning from him, and telling him intimate secrets she did not share with others. But what her feelings were exactly, were just as much an enigma to her as that of the passions they occasionally shared.

It wasn't Byakuya she was hoping to see at the party that night, she told herself. There was another she was more determined to see as the day rode on. For years she had harbored feelings for this man, for her childhood best friend. Her once lover, the man she once expected to marry. He had made the mistake of letting her go to the Kuchiki house because of his own feelings of inadequacy. If he had more confidence at the time, he would have made her stay with him, and Ichigo would never have been changed to stop Aizen.

But even that part of her life, going to live with Byakuya was Aizen' plan. All part of the will of the Hogyoku. Everything had lined up, and she wondered if her sisters illness was his doing as well, as the two were scandalously close when she served under the traitorous captain, her short time there.

Rukia did not judge her sisters actions. She understood her abandonment so her sister could go to the academy, so one of them could survive. She understood her sisters need to look elsewhere for the affection she could not get from a husband with new heavy responsibilities and an inability to open himself the way a sensitive, week girl needed and she understood why Byakuya never held it against her.

The Hogyoku had granted everyone their inner desires. Rukia knew her desire was to be free of her guilt from Kaien' death. Reunite with her childhood friend and to make peace with her brother. But there was no peace to be found with him. They had become friends, they had known each other carnally before and after, she denied that had been her deepest and darkest desire. Byakuya had wished to free himself from his promises and self torturing. Especially the promise to his dying wife to take Rukia as his sister. He had wished that he had never had to take Rukia as his sister, it was not the relationship he wanted from her and it only made things more difficult.

Rukia was the stubborn sort and had her mind set on Renji for a long time. He would somehow fix everything and life would go back to the way it was before all of this mess had started so long ago. She assumed that this was the reason her mood was off. It was just nerves or fear or uncertainty.

She would have normally been so determined to go, just to be with him, but somehow she felt like her going was betraying someone or something she couldn't quite put a finger on. But that was impossible because she used to belong to him, she had liaisons with others over their years of separation, to fill one need or another, but he was the only one she had ever agreed to belonged to, the only time it ever felt innocent, there was no reason it couldn't be that way again.

When work finished she went home to change her clothing. The kimono was a lovely deep red and well fitted to her body. Wrapping around the shoulders, it seemed more of a gown then a kimono. It was just as extravagant as she had become accustomed to, and she knew looking as she did, dressed in the kimono, she would be able to achieve her goal. Tonight she was going to make a last effort of securing the widely known feelings of a too tall red haired lieutenant.

After smoothing her kimono and looking at her older and emotionless reflection she had noticed the way she held herself had changed over the course of the last three years and the slight gray at the temples from all of the stress and constant drains of power. She looked the pillar of strength, it was proud and superior and jaded. She barely recognized the person who was looking back at her. It had all been building over the years. But one thing was for certain, she looked the grand lady of the house, like she was a born noble, like a very part of the house itself. By now none of the servants or other nobles remembered that she hadn't always been the face of the lady of the house.

It started the day she believed Renji didn't want her anymore. Then came the influence of the Kuchiki' relentlessly trying to perfect her. And then came Shiba Kaien, a married man and a typical noble who taught her more then swordplay. He taught her the meaning of pleasure for the sake of pleasure and for a while she couldn't get enough. Then the feelings for him settled into complacency and friendship. She loved him but not enough to let him leave his wife. They remained the closest of friends until the day he threw himself upon her sword. It only added to her guilt and melancholy outlook.

Renji approached the door of the Kuchiki mansion. He was dressed in his best uniform and looked very polished and neat. If there was one person who hadn't changed over the years it was Renji. He wondered what he was doing there. All rational thought told him to go on ahead to the party alone, he would see her there. Some part of him worried that if he didn't knock on that huge door, she would not show up. So he found himself taking a big gulp of air and knocked loudly. He was shown into a reception room with the normal formality of the household.

"It is a pleasure to see you in my home but I did not expect your presence here tonight." Rukia said formally after a servant had slid the shoji door to the room open and she bowed as she always did when she received someone in that room. It was all more habit then anything else.

Renji didn't speak for a moment. He took her in. When did she give in and become one of them? Her commanding and darkly beautiful presence struck him and stopped his speech. The gap between them had never been more apparent then it was now. She seemed so off limits. He noticed her brothers influence right away and it nearly killed him.

"Well?" she demanded playfully with a chuckle.

"I um…I wanted to…I wanted to know if you wanted to walk to the party together. I mean If you have a date coming that's cool and all…but some have started celebrating early and the streets are filling with drunk cadets…I mean I'm sure your brother would want me to make sure your safe." Renji said.

"Oh did my brother send you to take me?" she eyed him.

"No…I just thought that since we haven't seen each other in so long, we could go together. Rukia you look so…you're a woman."

"Well the last time I looked I was. Did you think I was a boy?"

"No…that's not what I meant…I mean…I you look nice that's all."

"I am just kidding and stop acting like we just met. You look very handsome as well."

"Yeah well I had this pressed 'specially." he said looking at his uniform proudly.

"Come, let us go." she said taking his arm and pulling him. While he was coming out of a stupor.

They approached the building where Matsumoto was holding her party. It was much larger then either of them had expected. Rukia nodded to several people, she knew not all that well, and walked with Renji over to where the drinks were being served.

"Here's your fifteen year old Cognac. Sorry he didn't have anything older." he said handing her a drink.

"Thanks." she said.

"Yeah you should have seen the look on the bar tenders face when I ordered two of that. He must've thought I was planning to run out without paying. He gave me an even stranger look when I handed him your credit card. Whatever happened to ordering the local sake?" Renji said laughing.

"What are you implying?"

"You've just changed is all. I guess you can't help it being given the best of everything over the years."

"I guess I really do not enjoy the same things I used to, I never even realized. The price of that bottle could have fed the village we came from several times over. That was so long ago and I count my blessings. Do not think I have forgotten. But you…you have not changed one bit." she said becoming more comfortable and relaxing.

"I guess I haven't. Are you happy Rukia?… What I mean, was it the right decision for you to become one of them?"

"I am very happy. Although I often find myself wondering what life would be like if I had made different choices, if I had never said yes. It is funny because I can not picture myself anywhere else." she answered.

"So you've found your place? Where you belong?"

"I believe I have." she said.

"I can still tell when your in a bad mood. I've known you most of your life, you know. What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm not sure." she said honestly.

"You know, so you better tell me or I'll take you out back and beat it out of ya." Renji said playfully.

"I'd like to see you try." she smiled. It was nice to hear him joke around like they used to.

"What is it?"

"Well see I have this friend and there's these two…um Chappy plushies she really likes. But she can only choose one. She thinks she can have the nostalgic one easily but the other I…she does not think she could ever have no matter how much I…she wanted… the Chappy. They're both great in their own way but she's not sure which one she really wants…well she's pretty sure which one but not which one is the best choice for me…her, even if she could have the one she can't. She does not know which is best to…buy. Do you follow?"

"This is about Chappies?"

"No not Chappies but you get the idea."

"Oh well as I see it she should chose the one she likes the best. I've never seen you back down from a challenge if you want something you think can't get. But I think you wouldn't be disappointed if you chose the one you could have, I'm sure that nostalgic Chappy would try his hardest to make you happy."

"Is it wrong to be with one Chappy if it is to forget the other? If the other Chappy needs to be forgotten because it hurts too much to be separated from? Could happiness be found with the other?" she said and Renji thought she was talking about Shiba Kaien.

"Rukia I…." Renji was cut off.

"Renji, Rukia-chan!" a drunk Matsumoto interrupted hugging Rukia tightly between her breasts and kissing Renji on the cheek.

"Wow Rukia where'd you get that necklace and the earrings? They're so beautiful. It must have cost a fortune." Matsumoto was referring to the diamond and ruby snowflakes that surrounded her neck and hung from her ears.

"Oh thank you. Byakuya-sama surprised me with it last week at dinner. The waiter presented the set during desert." Rukia answered.

"Wow how fancy and on a first name basis? That's the sweetest thing, I can't believe taicho trusted a waiter with something like this." Matsumoto said.

"He didn't steal the sapphire earrings that they slipped in my champagne the week before. But I told them not to do it again, I almost choked to death. We go there a lot. Byakuya-sama likes the private balconies and string quartet to play during dinner." Rukia said to a very attentive Matsumoto who couldn't get enough of hearing about the romantic setting.

"Eh I really haven't seen you in a long time. I barely recognize you, you look so pretty and ladylike. Doesn't she Renji." she winked. " We have to make some time to have lunch and you can tell me all about your dinners with that hunk of a brother of yours. Maybe this week. I should be able to get away from my stick in the mud captain. I've dumped all of my work off on the third seat so I have lots of extra time." Matsumoto said waving her hand.

"Matsumoto!" Hitsugaya said from behind her, startling her. "Tomorrow we are going to have a long talk."

"Oh dear I better get you another drink so you forget what I just said." Matsumoto said making Rukia and Renji laugh.

"I know! Shiro-chan wanted to dance with Rukia tonight. So come on Renji." Matsumoto said pushing the two short people together and dragging the red head away so she wouldn't get yelled at.

Rukia found herself on the opposite end of the room getting stuck dancing with one ranking officer or another she couldn't refuse. She watched as Renji was stuck on the other side of the room with the same fate. She did her best to try to have fun and enjoy the people around her. But found herself spacing out into deep thought.

'If Byakuya were here he would never stand for this and she would be by his side all night. No one would have dared to ask her to dance, and anyone who dared would have been met with a fierce refusal.' she thought to herself with a chuckle.

'It's a nice to be able to dance for once with someone else for a change, I guess. I wish I could shake this feeling of formality. It's just part of me now.' she kept thinking.

'I wonder if I'll always be a Shinigami. My swordplay will never surpass my Kidou. The lady of the house does not serve in the corps. What am I thinking I'm not really the lady of the house and will never truly be unless I marry my brother and that will never happen. I'll always be a Shinigami because I'll marry a normal Shinigami and we will need the money. I knew at the academy that this was only a means to stave off starvation. I don't love it, not like Renji does, it comes so natural to him. I bet I could get into the Kidou corps in a few years. That would be nice. I would miss my captain though.' she mused to herself while dancing with a Shinigami she wasn't speaking to when Kyoraku cut in.

"Well Rukia-chan I'm glad I finally get to dance with you without your big brother threatening to kill me if I ever asked. There is something different about you." Kyoraku said sensing the spiritual mark of another man on the girl that only made him more excited.

"He's not that bad." she said smiling.

"Oh well I must disagree, but he may be right to keep me away from you. I must say the way you are dressed tonight makes me want to throw you over my shoulder and take you back to my quarters. I would right now but lieutenant Abarai hasn't taken his eyes off of you for a moment and I'm afraid he would be right behind me and I have no interest in fighting tonight. I'm sure your brother will also be nipping at my heals, he has a sixth sense when it comes to you. You have become such a mature looking woman." he pulled her much closer.

"You make me sound positively ancient." Rukia said.

"That is not what I meant my dear. I just mean that you have grown quite a bit since I last saw you and much more beautiful. You've filled out a bit too. I see now why your brother keeps such a close watch on you, he must have known that you would become so… tempting. Such a protective brother." he had his hands on her behind and she felt his hard on pressing on her. He started to whisper to her. "We should leave here and…Ouch! Nannao-Chan."

"Don't Nannao-chan me, and if your hands get any loser on miss Kuchiki, I'm not the one your going to have to worry about when her brother finds out." she said.

"I…er..um I'll take the next dance if you please." Jushiro said getting Rukia out of the argument.

"Thank you Ukitake-taicho. You always have a habit of saving me.'

" Well I've known the good captain for a long time and it is not wise to leave a woman alone with him too long." he said.

"You have never referred to me as a woman before. Have I really changed so much?" she asked in his confidence.

"You've had a difficult life Rukia but I think you have overcome everything well. You were so young and innocent when you first came to me. We all have to grow up and face our responsibilities sooner or later. I've watched you change slowly over the years. I think you've just finally grown into your position, and rather nicely I must say. I believe you brother has been a positive influence, I am glad you have become so close over the last year. I wonder if you should be dancing with Renji instead of me." he said old enough and experienced enough to have sensed the warning her brother left on her the very day he placed it there a year ago.

"It is getting late." Rukia said matter of factly with an intense need to leave at hearing Renji being mentioned.

"You have been spending too much time with your brother. You must stay at least until midnight. Besides what's at home for you anyway?" he said as she looked at the floor.

"That's what I thought. There are more interesting things here." he said.

When Rukia finished her dance with the captain her mind was too distracted to dance again. The evening was quickly coming to an end as midnight approached. She left the building and sat on the stairs outside contemplating the stars and feeling the cool night.

'What was at home for me? But what's here for me? The only person I feel I can be myself with, can reveal myself to when no one is around is not here. Even Renji, what's come between us? I can't wait for this night to be over with. Will I feel better tomorrow? What's wrong with me? The more I try to think about being with Renji, the worse I feel.' she wondered.

Byakuya was in his office standing by his window looking up at the sky. He wondered if Rukia had thought to bring a coat as the temperature had been dropping and he knew she liked to be out in the cold. There was no reason for him to be in his office anymore. It was a quarter to twelve and he knew she would still be at the party. If he started now he would be in time to catch her, perhaps before midnight, and he could use the excuse to give her a quick peck on the lips and share a drink or two. He turned out the one light on his desk that lit the darkness in his office and locked the door behind him.

Rukia was still outside, she didn't notice that she had began shaking from the cold. But she was content sitting outside away from the noise and merrymaking inside.

"Hey." Renji said sitting next to her.

"Hey." she answered.

"Whatcha doing out here? I've been trying to get to you for the last hour."

"I just needed some air. You know how I feel about crowds." she said not looking away from the sky.

"It's almost midnight." he said.

"Do not let me detain you. I am sure there is someone you wish to share the last and first kiss with." she said in a detached manner.

"I wanted to share it with you Rukia…I mean who better then your best friend, right? I mean unless you had someone else in mind, like Kyoraku-Taicho or someone else here." he said placing an arm around her to warm her but she didn't laugh at hi joke.

"No there is no one else here I want to with…like you said, who better then your best friend." she said still aloof as the count down inside began.

This is what she thought she had wanted so badly, this is what she thought would make her happy. She had waited for the moment of revelation to come for years. It was going to happen. It would just be a kiss between friends, she feared she was making more out of it then it was, no she feared he would.

The moment came and the crowed yelled one. Rukia's lips met his, chastely at first. Neither moved and the crowed was already beginning to sing inside. At that moment her thoughts wandered to someone else and it scared her so she was the one to deepen the kiss to hold onto a relationship with someone she didn't want to lose.

Renji kissed her back not allowing her a chance to pull back . He didn't want her to get scared off which is why he let her make the first move. This was a different attitude then he was used to with her. He never remembered her being that aggressive. But much of her had changed. It was like she was clinging to him for deer life. Something told him to stop touching her, to get away from her. He didn't care, he had wanted it for so long, that he held her just as closely. Neither noticed the stunned captain who watched the passionate kiss from the distance.

Byakuya turned, cursing himself for leaving work and seeing the unfortunate spectacle before him, and walked home. He would have given anything to avoid seeing what he had just witnessed. He had never had to think about his feelings for her before, knowing only that he had to keep her close and available to him. He never considered that he did not have her heart secured for himself, and the jealousy and bleakness of the situation made him feel hopeless.