A/N: Hi everyone! Some readers have asked me to post this story that is currently on Twilighted here as well.

This is an AU Eclipse fan fiction. It starts with the fight with Victoria and the newborns, but then it goes a direction that is all my own.

This story contains mature themes and is not for minors.

Enjoy!

BELLA

"Tell me your favorite night," I asked him.

"That would be two nights ago, when you agreed to marry me. Does it make your list, too?"

I made a face.

"Yes… I guess it does."

Suddenly the air was erupted by an earsplitting howl of pain.

In horror, I realized that Jacob was close. Jacob had heard every word we'd said.

"You knew."

"Yes."

I stared at nothing.

"I never promised to fight fair," he reminded me quietly. "And he deserves to know."

My head fell into my hands.

"Are you angry with me?" he asked.

"Not you," I whispered, "I'm horrified at me."

"Don't torment yourself," he pleaded.

"Yes," I agreed bitterly. "I should save my energy to torment Jacob some more. I wouldn't want to leave any part of him unharmed."

"He knew what he was doing."

"Do you think I care whether it's fair or whether he was adequately warned? I'm hurting him. I have to go find him."

"Bella, he's already miles away, and it's cold."

"I don't care... I have to- I have to…" I cried. I didn't know how to finish the sentence.

Edward followed me outside.

"I'm sorry I did that, Bella" he whispered.

"You didn't do anything. It's my fault. I did this. I did everything wrong. What if he…"

"Bella, Bella."

His arms folded around me and my tears soaked into his shirt.

"Do you want me to see if I can bring him back, so you can talk to him? There's still a little time," Edward murmured, hushed agony in his voice.

I nodded into his chest.

"Stay by the tent. I'll be back soon."

His arms disappeared. He left so quickly that, in the second it took me to look up, he was already gone. I was alone.

A new sob broke from my chest. I was hurting everyone today. Was there anything I touched that didn't get spoiled?"

I waited forever. Then, Seth started growling.

"It's just us, Seth," Jacob called from a distance.

Edward walked into view first, his face blank and smooth.

"Bella, I'm going to give you some privacy. I won't go far, but I won't listen either. I know you don't want an audience, no matter which way you decide to go."

Only at the very end did the pain break into his voice.

I had to never hurt him again. That would be my mission in life. Never again would I be the reason for this look to come into his eyes.

"Hurry back," I whispered.

He kissed me lightly on the lips and then disappeared into the forest.

EDWARD

I stood a distance into the forest and tried to block out the thoughts of those around me. It was easier to block everyone than to try to block specific people. I knew that I had time before the fight, so I could just focus on shielding myself. The forced concentration had an added benefit. It allowed me to control the raging emotions inside. Bella thought that I was cold, but that was far from true. I wanted nothing more than to rush back and tear the mutt limb from limb.

What if she chose him?

I paced back and forth trying to push away the despair. I knew that I should let her go, but the agony at the thought was overwhelming.

Could I let her go?

He was much better for her. She was in constant danger because of me. She would be safe with him. Even more, she could have a real life with him. She could marry, have children, and be truly happy. She would never have any of these things with me. I was a dead end.

I knew that she loved him because she called him "my Jacob" in her sleep. She may not know it but she loved him, too. She could be happy.

Suddenly, I heard sounds coming from behind me.

I let my mind open up to the voices.

"Hello, Edward. I'm so glad we found you…"

BELLA

"Jacob, I'm begging you to stay with me." I would have fallen to my knees if I could have moved at all.

"Stay." I begged.

He shook his head. "No, I'm going." He paused as if deciding something. "But I could leave it to fate."

"What do you mean?" I choked out.

"I don't have to do anything deliberate- I could just do my best for my pack and let what happens happen." He shrugged. "IF you could convince me you really did want me to come back- more than you wanted to do the selfless thing."

"How?" I asked.

"You could ask me," he suggested.

"Come back." I whispered.

He shook his head, smiling again. "That's not what I'm talking about."

"Will you kiss me?"

His eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed suspiciously. "You're bluffing."

"Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back."

Jacob lurched forward closing the gap. He grabbed me into his arms and his lips crashed into mine.

At first, I held very still - my eyes closed, my fingers curled into fists at my sides. But the utter defenselessness of his sudden joy cracked my determination, disabled it. Against all reason, my lips were moving with his in strange confusing ways they'd never moved before- my fingers grabbed a hold of his hair.

Suddenly, a howl erupted in the woods.

Jacob's head shot up and I stumbled backwards dazed.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I need to change so that I can hear his thoughts."

As he ran for the woods, he shimmered and changed in front of my eyes.

Then I was alone and I was alone for a long time.

Thousands of thoughts kept flying through my head.

The vampire pack had found our location and Edward, Seth, and Jacob were fighting for their lives.

Or.

The Cullens and the pack were in trouble so they rushed off to help.

Or.

Edward and Jacob were killing each other.

I sat down on the ground and pulled my knees up to my chest and tried to control my shaking. I think I started to doze off after a while because I didn't hear them approaching.

"Bella…"

I looked up and saw Jacob and Alice standing in front of me with identical looks on their faces. It took me a moment to recognize the emotion- grief. I looked around them worried.

"Is someone hurt? Where's Edward? What's happened?"

Jacob crouched down in front of me and said, "Bells, I need to tell you something…"

I looked up at Alice. She was looking up at the sky trying to fight the look of grief on her face but failing.

"Where's Edward?"

I jumped up and scanned the trees in panic.

"Edward, where are you?"

Jacob put his hands on either side of my face and forced me to meet his eyes.

"Bella, you need to listen to me. We don't know what happened. When Edward left us, he went back into the woods to wait for us to finish … talking… " He shifted uncomfortably.

"Seth went to look for him, but he couldn't find him. Then he picked up his scent which lead further into the woods where it crossed paths with other vampires. As he followed the scent further, he started to smell smoke. He found an open field that was in flames and he smelled the scent of burning vampire. That was when he called me."

I looked uncomprehendingly at Alice.

How could she not have seen this?

As if hearing my thoughts, Alice responded.

"I couldn't see his future because I can't see anything when the werewolves are close. I never thought that any of you were in any danger..." she said with a sob in her voice.

I looked back at Jacob who was staring at me with anguished eyes.

He had to clear his voice before continuing.

"Once we got the flames under control, we looked for any sign of Edward," his voice broke on the word "sign."

I started to shake uncontrollably. I didn't want to listen.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said and opened his hand to show me something.

I looked away not wanting to see what he held. I knew that whatever it was would destroy me.

I looked down into Jacob's open hand and saw a clump of singed bronze hair.

I had run my hands through that hair hundreds of times loving its texture, its color. And now here in front of me was the only piece of Edward I had left.

I couldn't breathe. I clutched at my chest trying to force air into my lungs.

"Oh, God… This can't be happening… this can't be happening… this can't be happening… Edward, please… no," I wailed, falling to my knees.

It has been almost three years since Edward's death.

The first six months, I was in denial. Even though every sign pointed to Edward's death, I couldn't admit it, because without Edward I would lose my mind.

I went through my reasons for believing that he was alive over and over again. The body that was burned in the fire could have been another vampire since they couldn't get a clear scent because of the smoke. The hair could have been pulled from Edward's head during a struggle.

I was able to rationalize everything except for Alice's lack of visions about Edward. According to her visions, he ceased to exist after the fight.

I made Jacob and Seth take me to the field and we went over every square inch of it. For weeks, I went there almost every day looking for any sign that he was still alive.

The Cullens also refused to believe that he was dead at first, especially Emmett.

Emmett became crazed at the news of Edward's death. That was the only way that you could describe it. Before Alice and Jacob could even finish telling them what had happened, Emmett took off into the woods searching frantically for Edward. He tore half of the forest apart snarling and raging looking for any sign, but everything led back to that fire and that clump of bronze hair.

Eventually with the absence of any new evidence and no visions from Alice, people started to accept that Edward really was dead.

Once, I started to accept it, anger set in.

I refused to talk to anyone besides Charlie. I blamed everyone for Edward's death, especially Jacob for taking me away from Edward when he needed me the most and Alice for not seeing what was going to happen.

However, I was angriest at myself.

The same nightmare plagued me every night. The last words that he said to me would worm their way into every memory, every fantasy.

"Bella, I'm going to give you some privacy. I won't go far, but I won't listen either. I know you don't want an audience, no matter which way you decide to go."

He had thought that I might choose Jacob over him.

Did he know that I asked Jacob to kiss me?

Was that the last thing that he heard or saw?

These thoughts tortured my every moment.

I stopped sleeping and eating. I knew that I was frightening Charlie, but I couldn't live without Edward. The worst was the day of our wedding. Edward had suggested a summer wedding after he proposed to me and I grudgingly decided on August 21. I woke up that morning thinking that it was the day that I would have become Edward's wife. He had wanted me to be his wife so badly and I had fought him every step of the way. Why?

I started crying and couldn't stop. Charlie came into my room and sat on the edge of my bed and after some hesitation took me into his arms and rocked me like I was still a little girl.

Soon after this, Charlie shipped me off to Florida to live with my mother. I knew that he did it because I needed to get away from Forks and everything that reminded me of Edward, but it still felt like he was getting rid of me.

I was so angry.

Eventually, though, even the anger burnt itself out. But without the anger, I was a shell. I went to classes, talked to mom and Phil, and went through the motions of daily life but I was gone.

Eventually, I reached the conclusion that I couldn't continue to live this way. I knew that I only had two choices at this point- kill myself or start living a life without Edward. I frequently found myself wishing that I would get hit by a vehicle as I crossed the street because even though Edward didn't believe it I knew that he would be waiting for me in heaven.

However, when I seriously started to consider taking my life, my parents came to my mind. It would destroy my parents which would mean that I would be taking their lives as well as mine.

So instead, I chose to start living my life for my parents. I was going to try exist for the people I loved.