Understanding Me, Loving Yuu

You Give Me Something by James Morrison

I didn't understand. Lately I found that I rarely did, and that in itself wasn't very understandable at all. Stretching my arms above my head, I squinted my one good eye as I stared up at the sun. Though the sun was out, it was winter and there were no clouds to keep even the slightest heat in. The wind was bitter and cold, somehow managing to get through my uniform.

Of course it was sunny now. Not yesterday, or the day before, when Yuu and I had been fighting Akuma for 48 hours straight in a torrential downpour. I'd slept after that, collapsing the moment Yuu destroyed the last one. I glanced over my shoulder at the Japanese exorcist. He was bare-chested, soaking his uniform in the creek to try remove some of the blood. As always, he was the dirtiest one of us both but I guess that's what's to be expected when one fights with a blade.

Back to what I didn't understand. Him. I didn't understand Yuu. He hadn't slept at all and yeah, I was worried, I'd be worried about anyone had they fought for 48 hours and then not slept afterwards, but I wouldn't worry this much. My heart was beating something fierce as I noticed the strangely slow healing wounds, deep and painful and still bleeding because Yuu was stubborn and refused to allow them the chance to seal over a bit.

Ok maybe I didn't understand me more than anything else. Especially my heart. I was so utterly confused it was ridiculous. I'm pretty sure it was love, which was stupid because I'd never loved before so I couldn't understand how Yuu caused these feelings. I never thought I'd love someone. It's strange.

I turned fully and went to give Yuu a hand. I stopped where I was, watching as suddenly he curled in on himself, clutching his stomach, and hurled. My heart clenched and I jerked forward, catching him as he tried to stumble to his feet. Ok, yeah, something was seriously wrong.

With both of us, it seemed, because my hand was sparking where it was touching his heated skin. Not literally sparking but close enough, damn it. It was scary, these feelings. And I'm pretty sure this could be nothing but you know, I'm willing to give it a try.

Yuu looked up at me from between his bangs. For a moment he seemed so childlike as he waited to see what I would do. My hand was still around his upper arm, supporting him. Well, I wasn't really supporting him anymore because he was standing just fine on his own two feet and really, I was just holding onto his arm for some weird reason.

I withdrew my hand as if I'd been burned, and took a step back. Did I mention he was deathly pale and that something was seriously wrong? Yup, let's stick to this train of thought and not how much my heart is beating... again.

"You all right?" I asked quietly, hoping he'd get the seriousness with which the question was asked. I knew him well enough to know he wouldn't lie to me when I asked like this, but he wouldn't answer either, because that would be admitting weakness and the possible need for assistance.

So just as I thought he would, he stood there silently, still watching. So I sighed and stepped towards him. We were unbelievably close now. I could feel his breath on my jaw as he turned his head swiftly away. Bad move. He swayed dangerously, before collapsing against me. He was panting now, pained and panicked. I grabbed him securely and held him against me. My hands were slipping on his wet blood.

You give me something, that's for sure, hey Yuu? I thought. And it still scared me. As did this. I sat us down gently. His face was flushed and fevered, his eyes barely open. I cradled his head against my shoulder and tried not to react to his hot breath against my collar bone.

"F-fucking poison," he laughed bitterly, eyes fluttering.

I smiled gently and brushed his hair away from his sweaty forehead. I can't believe I hadn't even seen the turn coming. He distracted and captivated me that much, that I'd missed the obvious signs of an oncoming fever until it was at its peak. He'd be stuck with it for a few days at least, and he'd be too weak to get home unless I carried him.

But I had to at least get him to the inn. We were close enough to the creek for me to reach over and grab his uniform and pull it out. It was heavy and I shifted Yuu a bit so I could wring the damn thing out.

Once I'd shoved it into the pack we'd brought along with us when looking for the non-existent innocence, I put it on my back then grabbed Yuu before he could back away. He looked up at me, wary of what I was planning.

"Sleep," I muttered, pinching a nerve in his neck. He slumped forward against me and I placed my hands on his shoulders. He'd go off at me later but I couldn't deal with him struggling the whole time.

Scooping him up, I looked down at him. Please give me something, I thought, beginning to walk towards the village we were staying at. 'Cause someday I might know my heart. I wanted this love to be returned and yeah, there was a high chance that it would be. Yuu trusted me most out of everyone at the Order, that much everyone knew. I myself don't even know how I earned that trust. But one night he's in the Infirmary, screaming and thrashing against the monsters in his nightmare and it's my name he's calling for, begging for, and I knew just what I meant to him and what he meant to me.

For now, that would have to do.

'Cause you give me something

That makes me scared, all right

This could be nothing

But I'm willing to give it a try

Please give me something

'Cause someday I might know my heart

I never thought I'd love someone,

That was someone else's dream.