Epilogue

Eli POV

I woke up to the sound of machines beeping and the sound of voices around me.

Death shouldn't be this loud… I thought as I opened my eyes. I was in a white room, when my eyes finally focused I saw my friends, Julia's brother, and my family all standing around.

"Oh thank God." Someone breathed and hugged me.

"What the hell?" I asked and pushed myself up in the bed so I was sitting.

"I know you just lost her, but we did too. None of us took a bunch of sleeping pills about it!" Tony snapped while he paced with Kam. If I didn't feel like shit I would've laughed.

"Lay off kid, he's hurting just as much." Gage snapped.

"Eli, we're taking you to a therapist about this." My mother said softly. My eyes widened, she thought I was crazy? Grief stricken yes, but crazy? No.

"No, no I can deal with this myself." I protested. My voice didn't sound like it should, it was too scratchy. Damn modern medicine… it couldn't save Julia but it had kept me alive? Her killer? Life was screwed up.

"Obviously you can't, you just tried to commit suicide." My dad said from the doorway. The look he gave me made wish the pills had kicked in faster.

"When can I go home?" I asked. I was so emotionless, so disappointed. I'd failed her again.

"In a couple hours, just try and rest." My mother said and kissed my forehead as she ushered everyone out. I got sympathetic looks from all that passed which really sucked, I didn't need that. I needed Julia.

I let my eyes shut and I drifted off, I started having the nightmare though… Julia walking away, Julia getting hit, then dying in my arms. Over and over again. This time it was different though.

"Eli." A voice called. I turned around. Everything was so bright; I knew what was playing out in the scene under me. It was at one of the worst parts-there were many-Julia being taken from me. Her eyes dim, lifeless, and her body cold.

"Eli listen to me." The voice called again. This time much closer. I turned around again, there she was. She looked radiant, angelic, dressed in all white.

"Julia." I breathed. I was stuck in awe watching her glide over to me.

"You need to go on living without me."

"I can't, losing you was like losing a limb or another vital organ. I don't deserve to live without you."

"People lose those all the time Eli, then they get prosthetics and move on." She replied. By this time we were face to face. "You'll find a prosthetic that's so much better to you then I ever was and ever could be."

"I love you." I said as she wrapped her arms around me tightly.

"I love you too, that's why I have to go now." She replied and pecked me on the lips. "You'll be okay, this wasn't your fault remember that." With those last few words she was gone.

A few hours later my family came and took me home. I couldn't stop thinking about my dream, about what she'd said.

You'll find a prosthetic that's so much better to you then I ever was and ever could be.

That sentence stuck with me the whole way home. I went into my room and laid down on my bed as soon as we got home. Stuff was taken from me, I knew that would happen.

I wouldn't be getting my math compass, any pills, or sharp objects until my parents were sure I wouldn't kill myself. I sighed as I fell asleep again; surprisingly there weren't any nightmares this time. I was afraid of what would happen when I got to school the next morning.

I woke up and got ready like I always did, I skipped eating and drove to school in Morty. I took the long way, if I went down the street she died on I'd lose it. I parked and found everyone that was in my hospital room-minus Gage, plus Carla and Casey-waiting for me.

"They're having a memorial for her today after English, she's getting a tree." Tony said. He was surprisingly serious. "They want all of us there."

"I guess you'll drag me there anyways." I sighed.

"Why are you acting like it's such a huge hassle for you to do anything that involves her?" Zora snapped.

"You wouldn't get it."

"Why not?"

"It's complicated! God dammit leave me alone." I turned and walked into the school alone. I spaced through all my classes, none of my teachers seemed to care, or I didn't notice their useless attempts to get my attention.

After third period I just went to hide. I couldn't face everyone yet, especially when I'd be eating alone. I waited until the bell rang then my friends came and found me. All of us went to Julia's memorial together.

We helped pick a spot in front of the school then watched as teachers planted a tree. She would've laughed at the tree, while she said something that made me laugh and kiss her without anyone seeing. People-most of who weren't even close to her-got up to say a few words. I was last, which was fitting for me. I walked to the tree and picked up the picture they had of her.

"She was the most real, kindest, beautiful girl I've ever met. She's always with me, I loved her, and I'll miss her till I die." I couldn't think of anything else to say that wouldn't make me start crying like a girl.

I started walking down to the crowd of people surrounding the small tree. We were dismissed and everyone walked in, I waited until all the teachers were gone and ran to the parking lot, got into Morty and drove home as fast as I could. I rushed in and threw myself on a couch. My life really sucked. An hour or so passed, my mother came home oddly cheery.

"Eli you're home early, great I can tell you the news now!" She trilled and smiled excitedly at me.

"News?"

"We're transferring you to a new school next year! Degrassi High, it's closer so you won't be late ever again."

"You mean so I'm not reminded of Julia every day." I said.

"Well, that would be a plus. I don't want you to be depressed anymore it's for the best." I considered what she said. It'd be a new start, with new friends and a new rep to build. It seemed like a good idea.

"Sounds like a new start, I'm never gonna forget her though Ma."

"You never forget your first love Elijah, trust me on that. You'll find someone else though, I did." I didn't question her further about this because of how vulnerable she looked.

I'd heard things about Degrassi, but I guessed it couldn't worse then facing the others year after year without Julia.

I know I know the ending really sucked. A little bit of writer's block . Anyhoo, thanks for reading and reviewing you guys are/were the best readers ever! I'll be coming back soon with new stories, subscribe to me to know when I post it.