Chapter Eight

"Dial it again," Sheppard said.

Radek shook his head. "It is no use. The gate must have been affected by the anomalies, maybe even displaced or destroyed."

"Just dial it."

Radek sighed quietly, but turned in his seat in the control room and tapped the well worn symbols for the umpteenth time. And yet again, the wormhole refused to form. It had been several hours since Rodney had left them.

Sheppard sighed. "How could he do something like this?"

Radek frowned. "Perhaps you should consider how he could not have done anything?"

Sheppard hadn't even taken off his tac vest yet, proceeding straight from the Jumper Bay to the control room. He'd stayed there as he attempted to dial the Porvush gate over and over and over, his eyes were red rimmed with tiredness and his face had taken on an unnervingly haunted look after the first hour had passed.

John looked over the balcony into the gate room, his eyes inexorably drawn to the empty ring and dull symbols on the Ancient structure. "You're right. Had we all worked on Rodney's plan, maybe he would've been alright. Even if he survived and managed to land on the planet after the gate's destruction, he's not exactly going to be welcomed with open arms by the locals."

Radek furrowed his brow, "I know. And it is a while before the Daedalus arrives to retrieve him."

"Every single one of their settlements was the same," John said in exasperation. "We tried to help them, but got chased out with spears and shouts at every turn."

John's eyes drifted back towards the DHD and he decided it was his turn to try it this time. He hammered the symbols and held his breath as he pressed the engage button. To his surprise the wormhole formed and he fumbled for his radio, "Atlantis to Jumper Twelve."

There was no answer.

"Sheppard to McKay. Please respond."

Radek shook his head solemnly.

Mr Woolsey had heard the commotion and come over. He hovered behind the consoles and after he shared a look with Sheppard, he nodded to the Colonel.

John tapped his radio and called Ronon and Teyla, "Grab your gear and meet me in the Jumper Bay. We're going on a rescue mission."

Radek quickly stood. "I will come with you also. What has happened is partly my responsibility and I should be able to help with your search as well as taking some readings."

John nodded and disengaged the wormhole before dashing up the stairs to the Jumper Bay to begin preflight checks.

xxxxxxxxxx

The Jumper glided out of the gate and into orbit above the planet Porvush. Zelenka was sitting in Rodney's seat, and something about that made John's skin prickle unpleasantly. He was fighting a battle between anger and worry about Rodney, but worry was winning out, especially since it had been John's fault for not taking just ten measly seconds to listen, really listen, to what Rodney had to say about his plan.

But John was a go-to guy, much like Ronon and Teyla. He couldn't bear to sit around and wait for the intellectual plan to take shape on whiteboards and computer screens. He had to be out there doing something - shooting guns, or rescuing people, not sitting on his hands back on Atlantis when things needed doing. Therefore he had not seen it from the other side. He went for what he thought at the time would be the easy option, the safest one that would not only save everyone on the planet, but also keep everyone on Atlantis safe.

But he now saw that he had made a grave mistake, and one that may have cost Rodney his life - the man he thought of as his most trusted best friend. And Rodney had died alone, thinking he had been abandoned by John and all the military personnel on Atlantis, whose only duty was to protect the civilian charges in their care.

"There is no damage to the planet," Radek said with his eyebrows raised.

John's heart plummeted further.

Ronon said, "So either it worked, or the wave hasn't hit yet."

Radek frowned, "Oh no, the energy wave has definitely hit. I am detecting particles and after effects consistent with the energy wave on one of the other planets in the system."

"And Dr McKay?" Teyla asked, her face carefully concealing her emotions, but John could see his own worry mirrored in her eyes.

"Scanning for Jumper Twelve." Radek frowned while he worked.

John's main problem, even three years after Rodney had begged for his trust to make the Doranda project work, was that he still didn't totally and utterly trust Rodney as he once had. That, in combination with the way Rodney had lacked confidence in whether his plan would work or not, was what had forced Rodney into a corner and made him do what he had just done. It was a complete reversal of what had happened before. Rodney had lacked confidence this time, but his plan had definitely worked, judging by the way the unblemished planet glistened brightly beneath the Jumper as it hunted for its companion in the deep black of space.

"I have something!" Radek called out.

John and the others craned their necks to see what Radek had seen on the computer screen in his lap.

"HUD please," Radek said.

John furrowed his brow at having to be asked – Rodney usually hijacked his control with his own ATA gene and brought it up himself.

The screen appeared and Radek said, "I am detecting a metallic object at these co-ordinates."

John adjusted course.

"There is no power, but... ah, yes. One life sign. Faint, but definitely there."

John let out a sigh of relief as he lined the Jumper up with the other one that was turning end over end, but dark inside when the window rolled past. He clicked the comm, "Sheppard to McKay. Come in please."

There was no response, but he hadn't really been expecting one. He left the channel open, but if the Jumper was out of power, the comm would be too. That also meant no life support, so no warmth or air.

John checked the alignment and synchronised the Jumper to spin in exact time with the other one. He was infinitely grateful that the science team had kept the grapple installed on one of the Jumpers for operations such as these. He really didn't feel up to a space walk.

He fired the grapple into the rear hatch of the other ship and began towing it back to the gate.

xxxxxxxxxx

Rodney was jolted out of his dreams of lying on ice with a polar bear sitting on his chest by a loud clang and a sharp tug. It took him a while to remember where he was, and even longer to gather the strength to pry his eyes open. He swore the polar bear was gnawing on his right forearm and getting heavier, because it was so hard to breathe.

He whispered as images flashed through his mind, "ZedPM. Puddle Jumper. Energy wave."

Rodney opened his eyes to darkness. There was no polar bear, or ice, but the air was thin and he struggled to draw breath into his painful chest. Then a glimpse of stars out of the window made him remember. He was dying and the planet must have been destroyed because he had been knocked out before the energy wave had completely passed.

His breath fogged as a shiver rolled through him, but it did nothing to warm him up.
There was a voice talking from the cockpit and he saw the faint outline of his portable radio stowed. The voice was muttering and tinny - something about the stargate, a grapple line and the drive pods, which were too wide to fit through the gate. There was talk about Rodney dying and then regret that nothing could be done.

Rodney grimaced and glanced up at the emergency controls from where he floated without the arficial gravity. He remained motionless, unable to find the oxygen or motivation to fuel his muscles and move. All that he had to do was reach up and pull one lever – the very same one he personally installed in every single jumper – complete with its own separate power supply. It allowed the retraction of the drive pods, an important safety feature after the Jumper he was once inside got stuck in the gate for the same reason.

But in that moment, his mind woke up a little more and other more unpleasant memories surfaced. His betrayal became apparent to him once more, and how he was going to lose everything the moment he set foot back on Atlantis. He felt so numb, and allowed his body to drift in the weightlessness – no pressure or sensation, just guilt and fear.

Rodney thought he heard John's voice over the radio – how could that be? He thought he had utterly exhausted the number of saves he deserved from the Colonel. Not only that, but he'd turned into a man that couldn't be trusted to follow any form of authority at all - a dangerous commodity on Atlantis when so many lives were at stake.

Rodney McKay was no coward though, it would be easy just to let himself float away and die so that he didn't have to face up to what he'd done. But his survival instincts fuelled him, along with the knowledge that he still had so much more work to do back on Atlantis, so many things to discover and argue with Radek about.

Maybe it had been Radek who'd organised the search party.

Radek... it really would've been inconsiderate for Rodney to leave his second in command and friend behind to take all the blame for this when Rodney should be there to take everything. Rodney was the head of the science team and the main culprit in this little operation, and that also made him the one who should take the punishment for all of it. He couldn't let anyone else take the blame.

They still cared enough to rescue him, and Rodney cared enough to give them something to rescue. At least he was hurt, so he'd hopefully get some leniency and compassion. Besides, as far as he could see, he hadn't really done anything wrong. Except for perhaps the obedience problem, but Rodney was never a man who lacked initiative or followed leadership like a moronic sheep.

Rodney reached up and pulled the lever. There was a scrape and thump on each side of the Jumper. But the motion made Rodney's ribs grated together, and he'd used his bad arm in his deliriousness. Blood spread out into the thinning air in a cloud of droplets and the tinny voices on the radio faded to nothing along with Rodney's awareness.

xxxxxxxxxx

Chapter Nine

Through some very careful manoeuvring on John's part, the rescue Jumper successfully pulled the other ship through the gate. Although when the ship piloted by Sheppard started to rise on autopilot into the Jumper Bay above, the one without power hung vertically and thumped into the stairs in the gate room. The stairs remained intact though. Tough Ancient workmanship took a lot more pounding to be damaged than a solid hit by several tonnes of Ancient spaceship.

John had called a medical team the moment he had dialled, but he still sprinted out of the Jumper he landed after laying the other one down flat in the Bay. Ronon, Teyla and Radek were on his heels, but John made it to the other one first.

The rear hatch lowered and John found Rodney sitting against the rear bench, wheezing for breath, his face pinched and his legs tangled in cables.

John turned to Radek, "Will we get electrocuted?"

"It is not electricity, and no, it appears to have been disabled somehow. There are severed wires."

John climbed over them and crouched down next to Rodney as his gasping breaths eased with the air flooding in, until Rodney could let out a groan in his semi-conscious state.

"Where's that med team?" John called out, as Rodney threatened to slump over, and John caught him in his arms and held him loosely.

Rodney looked at him blearily and said, "Thought you'd leave me... to die. I deserve..."

"To live," Sheppard cut in. "You did good, Rodney. But you shouldn't have gone alone. Don't worry, I'm not angry with you, I know I was for a few days, but that was years ago and I've moved on."

"Well, I haven't. Not really, not where it matters." He pressed a shaking, bloody hand to his chest while his other arm lay completely still and out of shape on the deck, his sleeve soaked through with blood. "In here."

"You just saved thousands of lives, Rodney."

"They wouldn't have needed saving if it weren't for me."

Rodney coughed and John felt the motion transfer through his arms. Rodney drew in a shuddering breath and then went limp just as Keller and her med team swarmed in with bags of gear, oxygen masks and bandages.

John helped Radek untangle the cables entwined around Rodney's legs and soon Rodney was loaded onto the waiting gurney and whisked away.

Radek pressed the cradle holding the ZPM in place and it lit up. He momentarily frowned at the display readout before he gasped in surprise. But when he looked up, John, Teyla and Ronon had already gone after Rodney to the infirmary.

xxxxxxxxxx

Rodney's team had to wait for a several hours until Rodney was wheeled out of surgery.

Jennifer came over to them, looking flustered, but hopeful. She ran through a list of injuries. "Well, he's nicely bruised just about everywhere, along with a mild concussion. Those bruised ribs have gone a bit further now and some are broken. But the worst of it was his arm - he had an open fracture of his right forearm that we've just had to surgically pin. He lost a lot of blood."

Teyla furrowed her brow, "Will he be alright?"

Jennifer nodded. "Barring complications, he'll be fine. But he's going to be sore and grouchy for several weeks."

Ronon said, "No change there then."

Jennifer turned to John, who had not yet spoken. "Would you like to see him? He's still resting under the influence of all the drugs we gave him."

John nodded slowly and Jennifer pressed her lips together tightly, as she led the others to gather around the bed of the sleeping, and now bandaged and well medicated Rodney.

Jennifer looked around at his team and said carefully, "I know it's not really my place to say anything, but I read the report of what happened on Doranda before Rodney just did what he did."

The others remained silent while she continued, "Even if you still blame him for what happened, he's going to need your support to get through this."

John nodded, for he too had now well and truly learnt his lesson. Just as Rodney had learnt not to say he could do something when his science team were telling him he was wrong, John had learnt that being angry with Rodney was a waste of time and energy, and only had the opposite effect than what he wanted.

If Rodney was wrong about something, he was intelligent enough to know. And if he made a mistake that was pointed out to him, that was punishment enough for a man so arrogant and proud of his knowledge about all things.

Jennifer said, "You can wait if you like. He won't be out for too long."

Teyla took Rodney's unhurt hand and squeezed gently, while Ronon looked on impassively, and John continued to fight the warring emotions within.

xxxxxxxxxx

John was the only one in the infirmary when night fell, as Ronon and Teyla had excused themselves for dinner. Whether Rodney was awake and ignoring them, or still out cold after surgery, John couldn't tell.

John sighed and shifted in the uncomfortable chair the infirmary staff had provided and peered at Rodney's pale, bruised face. John saw there were also dark circles around Rodney's eyes, whether through injury or tiredness, he wasn't sure. But he was betting Rodney had worked himself into the ground to get the ZPM shield plan to work, even though he knew it might be the last thing he did for Atlantis and earn him a one-way ticket on the next flight home.

It just went to show that Rodney cared about people, even those he didn't know, whose leaders weren't very nice to him. An admirable quality in a man who on first impression only seemed to care about himself and his myriad of tiny day to day woes.

John spoke to the possibly sleeping form of his friend, "Did you know that Radek came in earlier and told us the ZPM's fine. In fact it's better than that. Something about a time distortion passing through it and turning back the clock. It's actually recharged a little bit."

Rodney breath hitched slightly, but John couldn't tell if he was faking sleep.

"I don't see how Woolsey can be upset about that. I'd already forgiven you before I found out."

John narrowed his eyes at Rodney's face, trying to detect a twitch that would show whether he was awake or not. There was no reaction, so he continued to speak. "And you should also know that the shield plan worked. I don't know who you bribed or how many favours you called in the get it to work, but I'd call that nothing short of a miracle."

Rodney's face really did twitch at that and John leant forwards and asked, "Are you smiling?"

Rodney's mouth resolutely turned down.

"You are smiling! Come on, just a bit more."

Rodney winced a little and then he couldn't help himself as corners of his lips moved up and he opened his eyes, drew in a shaky breath and looked at John.

John smiled back and said, "I'm not going to lecture you about the means justifying the ends. All that I'll say is that you were right." John took a deep breath. "And I was wrong. You shouldn't have to ask us to trust you. It's something we need to place in you unconditionally."

Rodney whispered, "What about Woolsey?"

"He'll be alright, I'll have a word with him. I don't see what he can do, considering it was the whole science department in on it."

Rodney's expression instantly changed to worry. "Mainly me though. The ringleader. Make an example."

"But the best we have. I'm sure it'll be alright, try not to worry about it until you're feeling better."

Rodney nodded slightly and shut his eyes again.

xxxxxxxxxx

A few days later, with his arm in a cast and sling, Rodney went back to work.

He couldn't do anything other than give verbal direction as his ribs were too sore to type or fiddle with Ancient artefacts, but his scientists didn't mind. He swore some of them were acting differently around him now, with more reverence and quiet respect than Rodney could stomach. The mood was soon broken when Rodney lost his temper and started shouting about some bad coding and how a certain line would blow up the lab rather than fix the problem.

And things went back to normal from that moment onwards.

But Rodney knew he still hadn't faced Woolsey about his disobedience, and unlike Sheppard, Woolsey was the one with the power to remove him from Atlantis.

Therefore it was with a heavy weight of dread that Rodney was called to Woolsey's office a week after he'd got back from his daring and painful stunt over the skies of Porvush. Although the Daedalus had now run some scans and confirmed that the energy wave had dissipated to such an extent that it wouldn't cause any problems should it hit more planets in its path.

Woolsey looked sternly at Rodney when he went into his office. But unlike Elizabeth, who had instantly started shouting and railing at him the moment he got back from Doranda, despite Rodney still reeling from nearly being killed, Woolsey was perfectly civil and didn't raise his voice at all.

"Dr McKay."

Rodney sat down slowly and shut his eyes until his injuries had settled and stopped hurting so badly from the shift in position. He held his cast with his opposite hand and needlessly checked the sling was secure.

Woolsey furrowed his brow a little, but kept speaking, "I called you here today, not to punish you, but to tell you what I have decided about the little escapade that happened last week."

Rodney frowned in confusion, but the tight knot in his chest that wasn't to do with his sore ribs eased a little.

"As the leader of Atlantis, it's my duty to consider the best course of action not only for the inhabitants of the city, but also for the protection of Earth. Know that I could never have authorised the use of the ZPM in the way you suggested, because there was too much risk that it would be lost and then there would be nothing standing between the Wraith and Earth should they find the city before we find another ZPM."

Rodney said, "So you knew what was going on, but turned a blind eye."

"You'd be surprised how much I know about the city and what's going on."

Rodney widened his eyes.

Woolsey waved him off, "Let's just say Dr Weir and Colonel Carter left some notes."

"So what happens now?" Rodney asked. "Do I have to spend some time in the brig, or manually type out lines of boring code."

Woolsey opened his mouth to speak, but Rodney ploughed on, listing all the punishments he'd doled out to his subordinates when they'd destroyed priceless artefacts through incompetence. "Scrub out the water tanks, mess hall duty, have my work checked and decisions questioned?"

Woolsey quickly uttered, "No."

Rodney looked up, his face bright with hope. "Really?"

"I think your physical injuries are punishment enough, and besides, we all need you exactly where you are and doing what you're currently doing."

A silence fell between them, but it wasn't the tense one that Rodney had been dreading, but rather a mutual respect.

Rodney asked, "What will you tell the IOA?"

Woolsey gave him a sly smile. "That your plan was the one we favoured, and had the full backing and support of the science department based upon their unwavering confidence that it would work."

Rodney gave him a lopsided smile.

Woolsey returned it. "The truth in other words."

"And if it hadn't worked, and we'd lost the ZPM...?"

"Let's not go there."

Rodney left Woolsey's office with a light bounce in his step. He was feeling better than he had done for over three years. The fallout from the Doranda incident was finally resolved and he was free from the guilt of what he had done. His friends and colleagues had actually acknowledged that he'd learnt his lesson and that they held no grudge against him, which he had never known before. Although it would've been nice to have known that sooner, rather than them being forced to say it by the latest averted disaster.

Rodney had even accepted the help this time. Although he still hasn't regained the blind trust he had had prior to the incident on Doranda. It was unlikely he ever would. But maybe that was a good thing.

*Fin*

A/N – Thank you so much for all your support during my writing of this. It's been a rough ride for me and I honestly don't think I could've finished at all without your lovely comments spurring me on! I intend to have a breather now, perhaps write some more stressless oneshots - chill without the cliffhangers! :)