.:. The Beautiful Letdown.:.:.

Prelude: Perfect

Written by: SilverMistKunoichi

"Popular in our time, unpopular in his. So runs the stereotype of rejected genius."

Robert Hughes

Perfection.

It was the one title every member of the clan strived to be.

It was the sole reason my father constantly used to pressure me on a daily basis.

It was the one word that struck me to the core, a little bit more each day.

I detested that word growing up; and have since carried that revulsion close to my heart even now.

For instance:

"Sasumi, you're doing it all wrong, why can't you be more like your brother?"

"Practice this jutsu until it is perfect, so that you may one day have the pride of wearing the Uchiha fan on your clothing."

And my personal favorite:

"So you've finally mastered it, your brother did as well when he was half your age."

Quite a letdown if I have ever heard of one. Really inspiring words to hear, I know.

Never a simple, "good job," or any praise was offered to me by the one that I craved it from the most.

But he did.

Itachi always praised me and rewarded me in his own unique way. And for that I began to form mixed emotions of my older brother. On one hand, I admired him in childish awe; I wanted to be just like him in every way possible.

Training harder than ever, I kept at it until I eventually passed out and Mother or Brother had to come and fetch me to be put to bed. I wanted to be just like him at my age, and at times, I just wanted to be him. Plain and simple.

Bordering on the immature side when I look back and think about it, but I was a child. Maybe that could discard my foolish antics at the time.

I grew out my choppy shoulder-length hair and pulled it back into a low, tidy ponytail; just as his. I began to distance myself from my peers and started paying earnest attention in class; just as he always did. And I also inadvertently began to draw in the attention of all people; just as him.

My childish fascination with my role model, however, also warped into something mankind has long since known and feared.

Envy and pure hatred.

Those two deadly sins had always long since swirled very deep inside of me whenever his name was mentioned in my mere presence.

And the anger I felt when compared to someone so great, so utterly perfect, nearly drew me to drastic measures to capture someone's, anyone' s attention at all.

'I feel your jealousy'

But then it happened. My naïve and selfish childhood was tarnished by that one person that was everything to me.

Oh how the village was at a shock once they heard the news of what had happened that fateful night.

The noble Uchiha clan, murdered by one of its own? How could this have happened to such a peaceful and perfect village?

And the hundreds upon hundreds amount of pity filled looks I received, even months after my entire clan's funeral.

'I feel your confusion'

I was eight years old when I had to bury my parents.

Did anyone really and truly care about how I felt throughout all of this?

Did anyone even care?

'I feel your pain'

Their eyes constantly said this to me; did they truly know what this frightening nightmare felt like?

The villagers, I couldn't go anywhere without them looking down at me with those fucking fake eyes pressing towards me, always speculating to see if I would have a sudden breakdown at any given moment.

Always judging, and never caring.

You know nothing about this pain.

'I feel your fear'

They expanded upon the story of my family's brutal slaughter, whispering under a hushed hand of how my brother tortured and ripped apart each family member; were any of them actually there?

If and when his name was ever mentioned, they clutched their children close to their bosoms, as if he suddenly had a new motive to come after them personally now.

When would this nightmare end?

'I feel your hate'

And they groomed me.

They encouraged me to allow the hate of my brother into my "darkening" heart. They praised me to train to kill off my brother for them. To taint my hands with his "foul" blood.

They took no consideration as to what I wanted; they just pushed me towards the direction of finishing off their dirty work for the "sake" of the village.

I guess living to kill your last living blood is now accepted into this society.

'And I feel it all'

The Third Hokage tried, he really did. Once locked up in the hospital, he visited often enough and at least tried to sympathize with me. Not actually acting like he knew what I was going through like all of the others did.

But after the first sloppy suicide attempt that I one day tried, he sent me straight back to the hospital again for another mental evaluation.

How could they honestly expect me not to fail it?

I honestly believe anyone would try to end themselves after some of the most vivid nightmares I received every night. Crying my eyes out with absolutely no one to comfort me.

But it made me grow up. And fast.

I can hear those things you don't expect me to hear.

"Poor little Uchiha girl, orphaned and all alone?"

You would whisper this under a grumbled breath, but every street corner I'd turn to escape this; it would be the same story. You all talked about this for months on end with no respect of my deceased family or me in mind.

Did you ever think to put yourselves in my shoes?

"Backstabbing little slut, abandoning us like we're some kind of trash like her brother?"

You girls I had once befriended in kunoichi class, you dropped me once I didn't rush right back into talking to you right away. While I sat silent in my thoughts, you all mocked me amongst yourselves.

You were baffled when I didn't elaborate why I had been missing the past few days of class. Why I wasn't excited to see you all after being gone so long.

I'm sorry that I had to numbly sit through my family's funeral arrangements, how very inconsiderate of me.

But how could they not know to an extent; that I had witnessed my family getting killed?

By my own brother?

I guess their beloved parents might've left that part out.

"One and only survivor, broken and scarred?"

This is what everyone knew me by, not by my personality or my abilities, or even my many faults that I know I most certainly have.

But by an unofficial title.

This is what foreign ninja came to know me as at a mere glance at what is on my back.

As a lone survivor.

Let me tell you this right now, I should've died that day. I guess a piece of me went with them, wherever it is that they went.

Possibly Hell?

"Cold, stuck-up bitch, with 'everything' you want?"

Couldn't you see how I didn't care for their advances? That I didn't even want to be there at class at all.

I didn't have the time to form relationships, to form bonds all over again. But most of all, I couldn't have everything taken away from me again.

I'm just a shell of what I used to be.

Maybe you'll realize this one day.

...Or maybe my absolute favorite.

And the official label I had unwillingly obtained.

"A blood-thirsty avenger,"

Allowed to become twisted and dark, so she may murder a man you're all too cowardly to kill?

So many names, and so many labels.

When will you all come to terms that I'm really just Sasumi Uchiha, a kunoichi with a dream of one day having a normal and boringly average life?

Or just settling down after my career as a shinobi and starting a quaint family.

I'm just a girl striving to repair what she can of her family, and yet you would all deny this of me.

You want me to be just like him, and I refuse to accept that as my fate.

Well Konoha, be ready for what I have in store for you. Because I promise you, you will not be pleased by what I'm going to do.

Not in the slightest.

A/N: Well what do you think?

I think it shows a side of a Sasuke that many haven't really thought about hm? :) The italics used were drawn upon a deviantart artist, which the link is given on my homepage.

And yes, this is a FEMSASU story, so if you're all against genderbending, I'm sorry. :D

I'm planning to make her different then the canon, male Sasuke. Such as what life would be like with a female in her position in her clan, and what is to come of it. I'm also, quite possibly, going to make her personality into something more appropriate.

She's a female, so she'd obviously handle this differently than her male counterpart. ;)

Wish me luck!