A/N: The lyrics fit the first half of this more than the second really, but it's a song that was suggested to me by Lexi [luvlexi714] a very long time ago!

I'm actually quite proud of this fic to be honest, it feels like my best Addex to date, some of you may be a little pissed at me for where I ended it but I felt like it was where it had to end, if I'd have carried on I don't think the fic would have the same, meaning I guess. I wrote the first 4000 words last night, from start to finish with no breaks, I've never done that on an Addex before!

Things you need to know: Set in 4x13. 6 months after Addison left Seattle. S4 Alex stuff didn't happen.

I really hope you enjoy this and would really appreciate any feedback you can give me :)

A thousand times I've seen you standing
Gravity like a lunar landing
You make me want to run till I find you
I shut the world away from here
Drift to you, you're all I hear
As everything we know fades to black

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending

I, never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink, to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same
- Love Remains The Same by Gavin Rossdale

Love Remains The Same
[1/1]
~x~

She hated feeling the way she did but he'd been the last person she slept with and that was 6 months ago and she's really desperately needing someone to scratch her itch. She'd tried the shower head massager as recommended by Naomi and Violet but to her sex was still a two player game and he was the last man to make her cry out with pleasure, he was the last man to be inside her, to make her stomach clench as she tried to prolong her orgasm for as long as she could. She forgot all the feelings she may or may not still have for the intern turned resident and focussed her mind on the thing he could do with his tongue against her clit. That's all she was thinking about when she passed him in the hallway and dragged him into a supply closet before he could even say a word.

"What the…." he started.

"I know this is completely crazy of me" Addison said breathily "And I know you don't want me, but I really need you to fuck me right now"

Alex just stared at her, his jaw slightly dropped, he looked into her eyes, she didn't look hopeful or desperate, he just saw pure lust, when he sees them darken he steps forward and crushes her against the door, his lips on hers, their tongues tangling together as he turns the lock, they somehow turn so they're up against the shelves, ignoring the boxes falling off beside them. They both strip off their lab coats, Alex pulls Addison's shirt over her head and pulls her skirt up to her waist, he kisses his way down her center, Addison grabs onto the shelf above her with one hand and a lower shelf with the other as he pulls her panties down to her ankles, she kicks them off her heels, not even taking in where they land because then he's on his knees and her legs over his shoulder and his tongue is on her clit and she's gasping loudly.

"Oh god" she said with a moan as he swirled his tongue and dipped it inside her, she buckles a little as the pleasure builds but he keeps her steady with his arms, she bites down on her bottom lip to stop the moans becoming so loud life outside the closet will hear but then he nudges her clit just right and she moans out a loud "Alex" and her hips buck a little, soon enough she just needs him inside her so she tells him that and he's back on his feet, Addison pushes his scrubs and boxers down and pulls his shirt off him because she really needs to see that chest again and it's exactly how she remembers it, and she remembers why Pete isn't the only one she had dreams about.

Alex kisses her as he slides into her dripping wet opening, both of them letting out slight gasps into each others mouths, Addison still has a hand gripping onto a shelf above her head but now another is wrapped around his shoulders, digging into his skin slightly at each thrust, he moves his hands to grip underneath her thighs and he lifts her, her legs instantly wrap around his waist, she lets out a slight giggle as a box falls from above her and smacks him on the head, it's an even better sound to him than her moans, he moves them so she's pressed up against the wall, no chance of anything hitting him on the head there, she cries out loudly as he hits up against her cervix and he groans as she clenches around him.

"Fuck Addison" he hissed as her walls continue to clench and he knows her orgasms coming, as it hits her she bites down on his shoulder to muffle her scream and he groans into her hair as he comes inside her, Addison moans again at the feel of his cum mixing her her juices, he drops one of her legs, the other now resting on his hip, staying buried inside her as they pant against each others skin, their bodies glistening with sweat, he lets her clench around him as she comes down from her high, and then minutes later she lets out a slight moan of his name and both of their eyes seem to widen as he becomes hard inside her.

"Well hello there" Addison said with a slight grin, which instantly falters as he pulls out of her but then he's turning her around and bending her over in front of the shelves which she reaches out to hold as he thrusts himself in her from behind, and this time it's quicker because he knows he won't last as long and the sound of their skin slapping together echoes against the walls and he even brings his hand down on her perfectly shaped ass once or twice which causes her to squeal a little and clench around him, and then she's cumming again and Alex is pulling out of her, turning her back around and cumming into her waiting mouth as she falls to her knees in front of him, she swallows his cum and licks him clean before they both end up collapsing with their backs against the wall.

"Thank you" she breathed.

"No, thank you" he said with a slight laugh, they sit their for a little while, in a comfortable silence, and then Alex notices Addison shiver slightly so her wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her into his body, his lips brushing against the top of her head.

"Are you smelling my hair?" she asked with a small smirk as he inhales deeply through his nose.

"Yes" he replied honestly "I wanted to see if it still smelt the same even though it's darker and you've gone all LA and at one with yourself" he said dryly "It does"

"I don't think anyones ever said anything about the smell of my hair before" she said with a small laugh "It smells good right? It doesn't smell disgusting or anything"

"It's smells great" Alex smiled "It smells like, Vanilla"

"Hmm" Addison sighed "Well I guess, I guess I should go" she said moving out of his arms and searching for her underwear "I'm having drinks at Joe's before my flight so…."

"You're leaving tonight?" he asked quietly.

"I don't have anything to stay for" Addison shrugged "The patients stable, any problems can be handled by the doctors here, I have a job in LA I need to get back too"

"You really like it out there?" he asked bluntly "Working in some fancy pants practice with no OR"

"It's, different" Addison sighed "I still get surgeries, I have rights at the hospital down the street, I can get surgeries if I need them, it's nice to be able to come home at a reasonable hour and relax"

"Are you happy?" he asked as they finished dressing.

"Sometimes" Addison said softly "Happier than I was here"

"Well that's, I guess that's good"

"Yeah" she breathed.

"Look um, I know I should've asked this before but, we uh, didn't, use anything" Alex said awkwardly "And um, I just uh…."

"Don't worry Alex" she said hanging her head a little "I'm as barren as a girl can get"

"Oh" he said quietly.

"Well, I'm gonna, head off" she said before he could get a sympathetic word out, because that makes it real and it kind of means he cares and she doesn't want him to care "And um, thank you, for, that" she stuttered, Alex pulled on her arm, a small smirk on his lips, he kissed her softly, his hands in her hair.

"Have a safe flight" he whispered against her lips.

"Goodbye Alex" she said with a small smile.

"Goodbye Addison" he smiled back, and then she was gone, and Alex was left stood their feeling as empty as he did the day he'd discovered she was gone 6 months earlier.

~x~

He can't stop thinking about her. Ever. No matter where he is or what he's doing he's thinking about her. Her perfect body and the vanilla scent of her hair, her beautiful eyes and the small giggle he knows has probably only been heard by a select few. He can't stop thinking about her. And he wonders if she's thinking of him. If when she's in a NICU she thinks of the time they almost kissed. If she thinks of him when she drinks a vanilla latte, a drink not only used to piss off Mark Sloan but a drink they always shared in the morning before they saw their first patients, the styrofoam cup passing between them as they flicked through a chart. He knows it's his fault. Her moving to LA, it's his fault. Because of his stupid fucking insecurities about barbecues and catch. And he hates that she can't have kids because he knows about much she wants it. He knows he has no right to even think about her. But he can't help but. He doesn't care that she basically used him for sex because it gave him the time to feel her in his arms again, and that's all he really needed. He knows he needs to do something. He just doesn't know what.

~x~

As soon as Addison leaves the supply closet she regrets sleeping with him. Not because she didn't enjoy it, because she did. Because she knows that all of the feelings she buried deep inside her are right back up on the surface. She puts on a smile as she sits in Joe's with Callie and Erica, she's playful with Mark when he asks one of them for a dance, she makes her opinion on the ridiculous break-up of Meredith and Derek very clear to the woman herself and then she leaves. She sits on the plane and stares out of the window as the city below her gets smaller and smaller, tears streaming down her face silently, she can only cry over him in the sky she decides, because in the sky it doesn't count. She puts a smile on her face when she goes back to work but then it's 2 weeks later and she's in the kitchen at the practice early one morning, before patients even think about arriving, holding a Vanilla Latte in her hand and the tears fall again, and this time it does count, and without even thinking she's throwing the stupid fucking styrofoam cup at the window and it explodes against the glass, dripping down onto the floor, Addison slides down against the cupboards, crying into the knees she pulls close to her chest.

"Addison?" she keeps her head down at the sound of Pete's voice "Addison?" he said again "Addison what's, what's wrong? Addison?"

"Out" Naomi said as she appeared behind him "Pete, get out" she said pushing him, he reluctantly backs away.

"What's going on?" Violet asks quietly as she walks towards Naomi, Naomi gestures for her to come in and closes both the kitchen doors, they leaves Addison to cry as Violet cleans the window and floor of Vanilla Latte, glaring at each of the men who try to get a look in, when she's finished cleaning she moves to sit next to Addison who's slowly starting to get her breath back, Naomi sits on her other side.

"You done?" Naomi asked quietly.

"Yeah" Addison sniffled "I'm done"

"What happened in Seattle Addie?" Violet asked with a sigh "You've been, acting a little, off"

"I did something stupid" Addison whispered "It was supposed to be just sex…."

"Oh god" Naomi said cutting her off "You didn't sleep with Mark again did you?"

"No" Addison said with a laugh "No, not Mark" she sighed "It was supposed to be just sex, he was the last person I slept with, and I needed sex so, we had sex, and it was, amazing, so much better than the last time, it was incredible, it was supposed to be just sex, but, but then he has to hold me and smell my fucking hair and tell me it smells like stupid Vanilla and be the stupid caring Alex Karev I fell for before he screwed me over and now I can't stop thinking about him and I can't even drink a stupid Vanilla Latte without breaking down and I want to kill him, I want to kill him with my bare hands for turning me into an emotional wreck because this isn't me!" she said frustratedly "I don't turn into an emotional wreck, I am strong, I am strong and I do not need a man to define who I am"

"You're right" Violet nodded.

"I know!" Addison exclaimed.

"I'm not going to lecture you" Naomi sighed "You know what you did was stupid, but I know why you thought it was a good idea. So, you can do one of two things, you can either try and move on, or, you can call him and tell him you love him, it's your choice Addison"

"I need to move on" Addison said with a sigh "He doesn't want what I want, I know he doesn't, I'm just going to, try and move on"

"Well alright then" Naomi smiled "Now, let's get off the floor and do some damn work, ok?"

"Ok" Addison said with a slight chuckle.

~x~

Everyone thinks he's crazy when he's found by Cristina, Izzie, Meredith, Derek and George in the Grey kitchen sat at the table with mounds of adoption papers. They tell him straight that they think he's crazy. But he doesn't care. He wants to do it. He spent 2 whole months thinking about it. He doesn't tell them that he secretly hopes he can turn up on Addison's doorstep with a kid and she'll welcome them with open arms. He isn't naive enough to believe it would happen like that anyway. In the end it's not about Addison. It's about taking a kid who would otherwise have no-one and giving them someone. He knows how to raise kids on nothing but food stamps and cold running water so he knows he can do it with all he's gained since he was a scared 12 year old holding his newborn sister in his arms knowing that the responsibility of taking care of her was really down to him. It's 9 months later when a newborn baby boy is placed in his arms. His baby boy. His son. Jacob Adam Karev. In the first month he doesn't really even think about Addison, he's more focussed on the crying baby in his arms, but then he's in the kitchen in the early hours of the morning, and Jacob's finally asleep against his chest, and he happens to glance at the calender that's pinned to the refrigerator and he realizes that the following day would mark a year since he last saw the woman he didn't think he could ever stop loving, and he knows he has to at least try.

~x~

Addison swears herself off men. Completely. She turns down every date she's asked on, every cup of coffee she's offered, every drink she's sent when she's out with the girls. Men are dead to her. That's the way she's going to get over him. That's her theory. She knows it's a load of crap. She tries not to think about him but then she gets a case that's almost a carbon copy of little Laura Grey and she can't help but think about the moment her lips almost touched his over her isolate. And sometimes when she's sitting at a bar with a drink in her hand she flashes back to the night their lips touched. St Ambrose is full of constant reminders of him, supply closets, on-call rooms, ORs, it all screams Alex Karev at her. But she ignores it. She has too. She's kind of happy with her life. When she forgets about her sham of a love life. She's happy. She has great friends and a job she's learned to love. She loves nothing more than to sit on her deck at night and watch the sunset or lie in her bathtub surround by bubbles and candlelight. She'll adopt one day she decides. She doesn't know when. But she will, one day. On the anniversary of her brief return to Seattle Addison is fine. She's fine until she realizes it's the anniversary of her brief return to Seattle. And then she's thankful for her lone patient because she can escape to her house and curl up on the sofa in her sweats with a tub of ice cream and cry at pathetically romantic movies. A week later she hears the doorbell ring as she sits out on her deck, she picks up her wine glass and drains the liquid, leaving it on the kitchen counter as she moves past it towards the front door, and she is not expecting what she sees when she opens it. Alex Karev. With a baby. On her doorstep.

"I uh…." she started "I um, I, uh, hi" she stuttered.

"Hi" he breathed.

"Um, uh, come in" she said moving back into the house, leading him through to the living room, he drops an overflowing baby bag onto one of the chairs and shoves some car keys into his pocket, holding the baby against his body with his other arm.

"This is Jacob" he said simply as she stared at him expectantly, perching on the arm of her sofa "Jacob Adam Karev, my son" she keeps her eyes locked on him, she still doesn't know what to say "I adopted him, got him the day he was born, he's 5 weeks old tomorrow" he said adjusting Jacob a little "He's a crier, wakes up at least 3 times a night, he drinks enough milk to sink a small ship, when he's awake he looks right at you with really wide eyes, like he's taking everything in, he's really aware of his surroundings. I get scared sometimes that I'm going to break him or something, cuz he's so small, Yang says it wouldn't matter if I dropped him at least once because she was dropped once by her Uncle and she turned out ok, since she said that I keep hold of him even tighter" he said with a slight laugh "You've probably moved on, probably got some hotshot doctor boyfriend who fits into your world, but I just had to come, and ask you, if maybe, maybe me and Jacob could fit into your world, if you want us" she continued to stare at him, her whole body seemed to be frozen, her hands gripping into the fabric of the sofa, he can tell by the look in her eyes she's probably not going to speak anytime soon.

"I haven't been to the bathroom since before we got on the plane" he said breaking the silence, he stepped forward and passed Jacob to her, her arms instantly taking him "He's probably hungry, there's a bottle in the bag, it'll need heating up or he won't drink it, so uh, upstairs?" he asked, she nodded slightly in reply, he goes to the bathroom, takes longer than he normally would because he's not quite sure what's he's going to come back to. He moves back down the stairs and finds her sat on the sofa with Jacob in her arms, a bottle in his mouth, he moves to her side and sits down.

"You're right" she said quietly after a minute "He's really aware"

"Yeah" Alex said with a small smile "And guzzling down that milk like there's no tomorrow"

"Yeah" Addison said with a slight laugh, they sit there in silence as Jacob finishes his bottle, Addison moves him so he's upright against her body, his cheek resting against the burping cloth she'd took from the baby bag, she stands up and rubs his back slowly as she moves into the kitchen, dropping the bottle into the sink, she pats against his back as she walks up and down the room.

"How would it work?" she asked quietly as she moved to pace in front of the sofa where Alex still sat "I mean, where would we live and, what would we, be?"

"We'd live here" Alex replied "I'd move here, get a transfer, and we, we'd be a family, me, you and Jacob, we'd be a family"

"Would he be, my son?"

"Yes" Alex said instantly "I'd want you to adopt him, as soon as it's possible"

"What if, what if we had to get married for that to, be possible"

"Well, that's kind of what I meant when I said I wanted us to be a family" Alex said softly "Don't you get it? I'm in love with you Addison"

"It's been 18 months since I moved here" Addison said quietly "It's been a year since we last saw each other, how can you still love me after all this time? How do you know it's not just, something you want to be there"

"Because I'm not the type of guy who talks about feelings, it takes me a long time to realize how I truly feel about someone, and I'm not naive, I knew coming here was a huge risk, it's still a huge risk, I know how I feel Addison, I know that I love you, I know that I hurt you, and I hate myself for doing that, I hate myself for not coming after you sooner, but I think, I think we've both had a lot of things to think about, to move on from"

"Like Ava?" she asked with a slight whisper.

"No" he said with a small smirk "I never wanted her Addison, that was all in your head"

"You went after her" she said quietly, for the first time tears started to build in her eyes "You went after her, you didn't come after me! You went after her. I sat in that church and I watched you leave to go after her. I wanted you to tell me I was wrong, that you didn't want her, that you did want me, I wanted you to realize that I'd been in love with you for months, that I risked my friendship with a guy I've known since med school for you because I loved you, I wanted you to want me back" she said with a slight sob "I wanted you to come after me" she whispered, she slowly placed Jacob in Alex's arms, never meeting his eye "I thought you cared about me" she said quietly "It wasn't about love. I could've coped if you just didn't love me, but I thought, I thought you cared about me enough to treat me like a person, a person with real feelings, not just another girl you could sleep with and throw away. I need, I need to lie down" she said with a slight whisper, her hand coming to her cheek to wipe her tears away "You can stay in the guest room, the one at the end of the hall, I can't do this now, I need to lie down"

"Ok" Alex said softly "Ok" he nodded.

"Ok" Addison whispered before disappearing up the stairs, Alex made a brief trip to his car to grab his duffle bag and the 'Snuggle Nest' he'd brought so Jacob could sleep in the bed next to him, he brought the car seat in with him too so he had somewhere to put him the next morning, he headed up to the guest room and settled Jacob on the bed before changing into an old t-shirt and sweats and climbing into the bed next to him, he kissed his forehead softly before slowly drifting to sleep.

~x~

That night as predicted Jacob woke 3 times. And Addison heard each one. But she couldn't bring herself to get out of bed and offer to help like she usually would. Alex didn't expect her to help, but he knew she was awake, because everytime she woke more tears would fall. He knew he had to leave her alone no matter how much he wanted to walk into her room and take her in his arms. At 6-am he finally decided to give up on sleep and he headed downstairs to feed his crying son, he made up a bottle and settled down on the sofa. Addison walked down the stairs half an hour later still looking a little sleepy, her eyes obviously sore from crying.

"Hey" he said looking up to her "Did he wake you?"

"No, no it's, I have to be up for work anyway" she said quietly "I need to be there in an hour so…."

"Oh" he nodded.

"Look um" Addison started, standing near him with her arms crossed over her chest "I'm not ready to talk about this yet, I really need to think and, I understand if you need to get back to work but, if you could stick around, at least for today, then that, that would be good"

"I'm on paternity leave" Alex said softly "For another 2 months, I can stay as long as I want"

"Oh, right" Addison breathed "Ok then well, I'm just gonna, grab a coffee then go and get ready for work, I should be home by 4 unless I get called into a surgery, help yourself to, anything, I have food in and, stuff so, use whatever, so I'm just gonna…."

"Ok" Alex said with a small smile, he watched as she poured herself some coffee and headed upstairs "Hey little man" he whispered as he looked down at Jacob "Y'know, no matter what happens, you're always gonna have me, I promise" he smiled softly, when Addison returned downstairs dressed and ready for work Alex was putting Jacob in his car seat so he could drink his coffee.

"I'll see you later then" Addison said quietly.

"Addison wait" Alex said standing up and moving closer to her "I know you're not ready to talk about this, but I just want you to listen, I went after her because you told me to, I didn't want her, I didn't love her, I loved you, I love you, and I know I messed it up, I know I treated you badly, but I only did that because she heard you talking to Callie about barbecues and catch and it freaked the hell out of me and, I know that's pathetic, I know, but I'm different now. I pushed you away because I didn't believe I could be what you wanted, and because of that I did what I did, I didn't want us to get serious and then, and then you be heartbroken when I couldn't be that guy. I did what I did because I loved you. After you left the last time, I couldn't stop thinking about you, and I knew I had to change, so I changed, I grew up, I became a father" he said softly "And even after all this time, I'm in love with you, I'll understand if you don't want to do this, I'll go back to Seattle and never bother you again, the balls in your court Addie, you just have to decide what to do with it" he slowly leant forward and pressed his lips to hers softly, quickly, he stepped back, Addison nodded a little and walked away, leaving Alex wondering if that would be the last time his lips touched hers.

~x~

When Addison arrived at work she greeted everyone with small smiles but no sound passed her lips. They all sat in the conference room and she stayed quiet as everyone around her talked about their patients. It was an hour later when the discussion started to end and she didn't even notice everyone trying to get her attention. She couldn't stop thinking about Alex, or Jacob. He was one of the most beautiful babies she'd ever seen. And he could be hers. He could be calling her Mommy. All she had to do was say yes. She loved him. She knew that. But if she was going to say yes, let them into her life, she needed to be able to let him love her back. Let them be a family.

"ADDISON!" Naomi finally shouted after saying her name at least 10 times.

"Huh? What?" Addison stuttered "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Are you ok to consult with me at 12?" Naomi asked.

"Um, yeah, yeah that's fine" Addison nodded "Sorry, sorry it's just, it's nothing, I'm fine"

"Men, out" Violet said firmly.

"But…." Cooper started.

"Out!" Violet exclaimed, all the men grumbled, gathered up their files and left the room, Violet and Naomi moved to the seats on either side of Addison "Spill it" Naomi said simply.

"Alex turned up at my house last night with a 5 week old baby he adopted and he says he wants us to be a family and that he knows it's been so long since I left but he still loves me and he won't ever stop" she said in one breath.

"Oh my god!" Naomi exclaimed with a slight laugh "I mean, that's, what the hell is that?"

"It's a little insane" Violet said with a breath "Wow"

"Right" Addison sighed "He's so perfect, Jacob, the baby, he's, perfect, even though he wakes up 3 times every night and drinks a hell of a lot of milk, he's perfect, if you hold him out in front of you he looks right into your eyes, his eyes are already turning blue, he scrunches his nose up and makes these little gurgling sounds and, he's perfect, and I would love to be his Mom it's just…."

"You don't want to be with Alex just because he has a kid" Naomi finished.

"No" Addison replied instantly "I wouldn't do that, I couldn't do that, to him, or to me, I love Alex, I love him" she said with a slight whisper "I just, I don't even know if we'd work as a couple, he could pick up his whole life and move out here for me and, it could all go wrong, and I can't do that again, I can't go through another divorce and lose the man I love, and I can't get attached to that baby, and mother him, and then lose him too"

"Addie" Naomi said softly "You can't live with a guard up for the rest of your life just because you've been burned before, this is your chance, Addie if you love him, then you need to take the chance, what is it you're always saying about chances"

"You don't get unlimited chances in life to have the things you want, and nothing is worse than missing an opportunity that could've changed your life" Addison said quietly "This is my chance"

"This is your chance" Violet said with a smile "Call him, tell him to meet you here at 4"

"Why would I ask him to come here?" Addison said with a raised eyebrow.

"Because if you leave this place without telling him you'll back out" Naomi shrugged "This way we can beat you into it"

"You just want to check him out don't you" Addison smirked.

"Yeah" Naomi and Violet laughed.

~x~

Alex spent the day not really doing much. He watched TV and made himself some food. Fed and changed Jacob more times than he could count. Sat out on the deck, lying on one of Addison's loungers, Jacob sleeping against his chest, watching the waves, he even started to nod off himself but was disturbed by the sound of the phone ringing inside the house. As he stood up and walked into the house the machine picked it up.

"Hey um, it's me, Addison" Addison stuttered "Look I, I'd really, can you come to the practice at 4? It's on the corner of 4th Street and Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica, Oceanside Wellness, 5th floor, I'm just, I have a lot of paperwork to do and, we need to talk, so, I hope you get this and haven't, gone back to Seattle yet, because I really need to talk to you and…."

Alex picked up the phone "I'll be there" he said quickly "Sorry I was just, outside, the view is pretty perfect huh?"

"Yeah" Addison said quietly "Well, I have to go, I have patients and stuff so, I'll see you later?"

"I'll be there" Alex smiled, before he could say another word she hung up.

~x~

Addison was a nervous wreck. She was ok with patients, ok with all her work, but inside she was a nervous wreck. And she was clock watching. No matter how much Violet and Naomi scolded her for it she couldn't help but check the time. Every hour that passed caused more nerves. She was sat behind her desk by 3, staring down at the files on her desk, the words all seemed to jumble together. She tried everything to get her concentration back. But it wasn't coming. All she could think about was who was going to be walking into her office at 4. Naomi and Violet both stopped by to make sure she was still on track to telling him how she felt. She was. No matter how many nerves she was feeling, she was going to tell him.

~x~

Alex couldn't help but think about what was going to happen when he got to Addison's office. The only time when he wasn't really thinking about it was when Jacob was sleeping and he himself drifted off. It was 3 when he finally woke, startled by the sounds of Jacob's familiar cries. After he'd settled him back in the car seat he started to gather up all of their belongings. As he drove to the practice he couldn't help but feel nervous. He didn't know if he'd be going back to Seattle for good, or just to pack up. He sat in the parking lot until it turned 4, he climbed out of the car and took Jacob out, still in his car seat. He walked into the building and headed to the 5th floor, as soon as he stepped out he headed towards the desk.

"Hi uh, I'm here to see Addison, she knows I'm coming and…."

"Alex Karev?" he turned around to see two women walking towards him.

"Um, yeah" he nodded.

"Naomi Bennett" Naomi said shaking his spare hand.

"Violet Turner" Violet said shaking it after.

"Nice to meet you" he said with a small smile "So uh…."

"One thing first" Naomi said quickly "You hurt her, in Seattle, you really hurt her, and she has spent the last 18 months trying to get over you and it hasn't worked, so you better be worth it Alex Karev because so help me god if you hurt her again I will make your life a living hell"

"What Naomi means to say is" Violet said with a slight laugh "Her office is right down the hall, and please, don't mess it up at the last minute"

"I'll try" Alex said with a laugh "And for what it's worth, I'm not going to be stupid enough to hurt her again"

"Go get her" Naomi said squeezing his arm a little, Alex nodded with a smile before heading to her office, he reached the open door and knocked a little on it.

"Hey" she said looking up to him "Come in" she moved over to the sofa and sat down, Alex sat next to her, placing Jacob's car seat on the coffee table.

"How did you manage to get a newborn?" Addison asked after a silent minute, her eyes locked on Jacob "Newborns don't come around often when it comes to adoption"

"The Mom, the birth Mom, she was 19, in college, the father walked out as soon as she peed on the stick but she couldn't get an abortion, she almost did, but she sat in the waiting room at the clinic and she couldn't do it, so she decided on adoption, she didn't have a father growing up, he walked out when her Mom was 8 months pregnant, and she picked me, said even though there were all these perfect couples she read my file and loved the fact that I was a guy doing it on my own, and she knew that one day, some woman would come a long and see what I'd done, and, I think her exact words were 'look, you're good looking, you're a surgeon, if you weren't old I'd fall in love with you' or something like that anyway" he said with a laugh "She handed him to me an hour after he was born, we said goodbye, and that was that"

"Wow" Addison said with a slight whisper, Jacob started to whimper softly, Addison instantly reached out and picked him up, sitting back against the sofa with him laying against her body, her hand softly rubbing against his back.

"I'm scared" she said quietly "I can't let you in again to lose you, again, it's just too hard"

"I know" Alex said softly "Trust me Addison I know, I don't want to lose you again either"

"And, and I can't get attached to Jacob and then have him taken away from me if things do go wrong and…."

"Hey" Alex said squeezing her knee a little "There is no way I would do that to you, to him, if you want to be in this Addison then he's yours, for good, you're his Mom, no matter what happens, I promise you that"

"Alex, I love you" Addison said quietly "I've been in love with you for, so long, and I just need to know that you love me because I'm me, and not because I can be a mother to your son"

"I would love you even if Jacob wasn't here, I want you for you, I want to wake up every morning and see your beautiful eyes staring back at me, I want to hold you and feel your soft skin, and bury my face in your hair and smell the Vanilla shampoo you use and, I want to sit out on the deck with you and watch the sun set, and, I want, I want the rest my life to be with you"

Addison took a second before resting her head against Alex's shoulder, kicking her heels off and pulling her legs onto the sofa beside her.

"We're going to need to decorate the guest room" she said softly "He needs a proper room"

"Ok" Alex said wrapping his arm around her shoulder, kissing the top of her head and breathing in the scent of her hair "He has a lot of stuff in Seattle, I stayed at Meredith's place, I just was so busy with everything and I didn't look for a place, he sleeps in the bed with me in his snuggle nest thing, but I was going to look for an apartment if, if this didn't go well, he has a ton of clothes, even Yang bought him something, this little white onesie with a stethoscope printed on the neck" he said with a small smile.

"Well, maybe when you're in Seattle, I can start clearing out the guest room, I can get some of the guys to help with the heavy stuff, how long d'you think you're going to be?"

"A couple of days maybe" Alex shrugged "I can start the ball rolling on a transfer well, now I guess, but I want to stick around for a little while, at least for another night or so, if that's ok"

"It's ok" Addison said softly "Oh hey sshh baby" Addison whispered as Jacob let out a whimper "Mommy's got you" she said soothingly "Mommy's got you" she said a little firmer.

"I love you" Alex said stroking her cheek softly and bringing his lips to hers.

"I love you too" she smiled, feeling for once, that maybe everything really would be ok.

The End
~x~