I realize I haven't written on this in FOREVER, but I've been busy with kids and life in general. Writing took a backseat to reality. Assuming anyone is still reading this story, I hope you'll be glad to know I'm writing on it again. A friend of mine recently reminded me of it and inspired me to keep going. And for the love of all that is holy, I hope my writing has gotten at least a little bit better in the two years I've been away. ;)

Chapter 11

~ Elena ~

"Some party, last night, huh?" I said to Damon as I saw him with his head planted against the polished wood of the bar, one hand lazily wrapped around a small glass of half-finished bourbon. If I didn't know better I'd think he had one hell of hang-over. I was walking up to the bar on the deck to see if they had any manner of edible breakfast food since apparently the leprechauns running the show only believed in serving dinner, but upon seeing Damon I momentarily forgot my quest for sustanance.

"Yes," he replied, raising his head and giving me his best fake grin. "I had a blast and there weren't even any sorority girls. Imagine that."

I rolled my eyes. "Stop it, Damon."

"Stop what?" he asked incredulously. "I haven't killed anyone in…too long. Oh wait, there was Bella. But that doesn't count because she's still kicking and according to her, I did her a solid. So…you should be really proud of me. Surely I deserve a naked hug?" He wiggled his eyebrows in that flirty way he reserved just for moments such as this; when he was trying to deflect me from wanting to have a real conversation with him.

"I am proud of you actually. You were really there for her. And honestly, I do think you did her a favor. I wouldn't want to spend an eternity as a vampire, but Bella? She seems better off for it. So you can stop drowning your sorrows in alcohol."

Damon looked at me like I had five heads. "Drowning my sorrows? That implies that I feel guilty about something. Guilt implies that I care and since Bella is clearly fine" - he gestured toward the opposite end of the deck where Bella was sitting at a cement table testing her new strength by arm wrestling various creatures while Edward and Emmett watched in approval - "I have nothing to feel guilty about. I'm sitting at this bar enjoying glass after glass of bourbon because there's not a single other thing for me do."

"So you're telling me that you're sitting here drinking because you're bored?" I asked, my voice dripping with disbelief.

Damon nodded his accession and added, "unless you'd like me to assuage my boredom in other ways. There's no one on this boat I'd expend the energy to kill so that leaves…sex." He gave me another slight eyebrow wiggle accompanied by his most charming half-smile. I couldn't help but notice the twinkle in his eyes and for only a second, I wanted to smile.

Just as I was about to tell him to cool it with his flirty comments and remind him of my commitment to his brother, he turned his head away from me toward a coquettish-looking woman with a carefully styled up-do who was just walking into the bar area wearing a silken blue evening gown. "And that was a great idea, Elena. I think I'll do that." He took a sip of his bourbon, handed me the glass and sauntered off toward his new conquest.

I was left standing at the bar staring after him feeling an unfamiliar pang of…what? Jealousy? No way. Surely I was just dreading what sort of mess Damon would get himself in with any woman that wakes up and puts on an evening gown at 8:30 in the morning and what Stefan would potentially have to do to get him out of it. Damon was better than he was allowing himself to be and it made me sad to see him withdraw and deflect every time someone started to see the good in him.

I smacked the glass down on the table and decided to leave Damon to his own devices. He was right; there were no sorority girls on the boat so the risk of human casualties was at a record low for him and he didn't seem to be in one of his diabolical moods so maybe I had no reason to worry. There was just something about his behavior that was a little off, I thought as I walked back to my and Stefan's cabin, forgetting all about my need for food. If Damon wasn't worried or feeling any guilt about Bella, then why was he being mopey?

"Mopey? How so?" asked a female voice from somewhere beside me. I looked around for Sookie knowing that she was the only one who could have heard what I thinking aside from Edward who was A.) not a female and B.) busy making bets on Bella. When I didn't see her anywhere I started to think I was just hearing things, but then she raised her hand up from a white lounge chair to my right. I walked over, laid back in the empty chair beside her feeling silly for laying in a lounge chair in jeans while Sookie sunbathed looking like a super-model in a tiny white bikini and matching shades. Who looks like that this early in the morning?

"Sorry, sometimes I don't know when to keep my mouth shut," she apologized.

I assured her it was okay and as I did, a vision of Damon day-drinking popped in my head of its own volition.

"But since I already opened my mouth, can I just say that day-drinking doesn't seem all that out of character for Damon? It just doesn't scream mopey to me. He's a little licentious maybe, but I wouldn't say he's mopey."

"Not yet. But this is how it starts with Damon. He's like a time-bomb. You just never know when he's going to explode," I explained.

"And why do you care so much if he explodes?" Sookie prodded.

I sighed and tried to think of how to word it. I knew what she was getting at, but I was tired of people hinting to me that I might have feelings for Damon. I cared for him because as annoying as he can be, I can see the good in him. He's my friend.

I knew Sookie lifted all that right out of my head, but I still elaborated aloud anyway because I wanted her to really believe me for some reason. "Because when Damon explodes bad things happen to the people around him. He doesn't just hurt himself in the process - he has to take as many people with him as he can manage. It's like he wants everyone to hate him. And I just don't want to give him the satisfaction," I smirked. "Seriously, he can be a good guy. I just want to see him be okay. I know that would make Stefan happy, too," I added.

"You know this isn't about Stefan." At the resentful look on my face Sookie quickly added, "I know you love him. I don't have to be a telepath to know that. But I don't have to be a telepath to figure out that you care for Damon in a little more than a friends sort of way either. Don't look at me like that! You don't want to admit it and I understand why - trust me, I have plenty of my own drama in that department - but sooner or later you're gonna have to face it. And then you'll have a choice to make."

Confused, I thought to myself, between Stefan and Damon? Well that was a no-brainer.

"On whether or not you're going to let Damon go. Let him be mopey or dangerous or a man-whore or whatever it is that Damon is or if you're gonna constantly keep reminding him of the good you see in him. It can be…misleading. Damon isn't the kind of guy who can just be friends with you, Elena. I can read his thoughts, too, ya know. You either let him go or you get in deeper."

I let her words mull around in my head for a second and then said, "sounds like you speak from experience."

"Now that is a whole other drama," she laughed. "I've had both Bill and Eric's blood which means I'm bonded to both of them. I love Bill, obviously, but the blood bond makes me have…specific and completely unwanted feelings about Eric. There are times when I'm not sure whether it's the bond or not, but then Eric does something particularly repulsive every time and it reminds me that there's no way I could ever have real feelings for him. I just have to wait for this stupid blood-bond to wear off. It's not something I can just turn off or walk away from."

"And if you could?" I asked.

"If I could, I honestly don't know what I'd do. I'd like to think I'd stay the hell away from Eric, sure," she chuckled, "but Bill? I love Bill, but he's put me through so much. I hate to say it, but my life was so much simpler when he wasn't a part of it. Not that it wouldn't have eventually gotten complicated anyway - fairy-blood, remember? - but there's a lot that could have been avoided if I'd never met him. Either of them. But when you love someone that much, it's harder to walk away."

"I kinda get that," I admitted. I turned my head toward the sky and laid a hand over my eyes to shield them from the recently-risen sun and let Sookie's words ring in my ears for a few minutes. A lot had happened to me since meeting Stefan, too, but given the chance would I take back all the happiness I'd experienced because of him just to keep all the bad stuff away? I'd like to think I wouldn't, but the fact that I didn't immediately have an honest answer struck me with a sense of profound clarity tinged with sadness. I had never thought of it before and now that I had, I was afraid it would be all I would think about.

And as far as Damon goes, I was kind of confused. He was my friend and that was all I really wanted out of our relationship. I cared about his well-being just like I would any of my friends. Was I really leading him on with that? Or was I kidding myself that there wasn't more to our relationship? Could I really walk away from him and let him self-destruct if he wanted to? And why was I sitting here thinking about Damon when he clearly wasn't thinking about anyone other than that girl whose dress was surely up over her head by now?

I let the thoughts slip away, deciding that Sookie was right and Damon was going to do what Damon was going to do regardless of if I sat here and worried about him or not. Plus, he was probably fine. Day drinking didn't indicate much about his demeanor except that he was on a cruise, trying to forget the past several days of stress we'd all been under on the cruise we were supposed to be enjoying. It was a vacation. Day drinking is what people do on vacations. And sex. People do that on vacations, too. I should be doing that.

I started to get up from my lounger and I saw Sookie turn her head in my direction. "See ya later, Elena. Tell Stefan I said hi. Or actually…don't. That might be an awkward time for my name to come up," she smiled.

I smiled at her in amused agreement, thanked her for the talk and made my way back to the cabin.

"No food?" Stefan asked.

"I decided on something else for breakfast," I replied as I stepped out of my converse sneakers toward Stefan and lifted my shirt over my head.