Hopefully I don't need to set rating any higher, since I end the lines before they get anywhere…

Ps. I think a perverted Naruto brings out the best in Kakashi. :D

Chapter Five: Icha Icha Naruto!

Kakashi pulled out his trusty orange book as he felt Sasuke and Sakura's chakra signatures hurrying out to the trees around him. He snuck a peek up over his book to check on his last student, Naruto.

Said boy was standing there finger shaking as the pointed wide-eyed at him. "I-is that – Is that –"

The Jounin looked down, noting the incriminating cover of his precious novel. "Ahh, well, it's a good book…" the man said in his defense. That poor innocent child.

"It's Icha Icha!" Naruto cried out.

"There's nothing wrong with a good read."Kakashi continued to defend his literary choice.

"Icha Icha!" Naruto repeated, almost in a daze.

"It's filed under 'good porn'." Kakashi tried to placate.

The blond demon-container clearly had enough of the pervert, as he launched himself at his teacher. The older man spun back to avoid, as Naruto's face buried into the ground beside him. The genin quickly jumped back up, spitting out dirt.

Kakashi had expected anger; had expected furious words spat at him, as he quietly positioned himself to launch an unsuspecting "Thousand Years of Pain" at the boy. What he got was a laugh and a squeal in excitement.

"I love you, Kakashi-sensei!"

Eh?

"I love Icha Icha too!" The blond yelled.

A bigger 'eh'?

"Oh mi-gosh, I can't believe you like it too! It's, like, my favourite novel of all times! I've read it so many times! My favourite part was when Kitou caught Kagura under the moon and dragged her onto the sea-side, stripping every step, an- "

Kakashi raised a silver brow at the genin dropping his fingers, "Aren't you a little young for this book?" he asked, cutting off the rambling.

There was a pause. "Are you saying I shouldn't read it?" Naruto whined.

The Jounin snorted, "Of course not." Icha Icha was God.

The blond grinned at his teacher's words, "You're the best Sensei ever!" the boy cheered. "So anyways," he continued, "I read another good novel. It's similar to that volume of Icha Icha, except instead of Kagura as a wealthy mistress, the main character is actually…"

Kakashi listened intently, burning story titles and plotlines into his brain. "Hmm," The silver-haired Jounin nodded, considering the boy's words. "Sounds interesting. Read any good novels containing harems lately?" he wondered out loud.

Naruto practically bounced on his feet, "Oh, yes!" he said cheerily. Kakashi eagerly leaned closer beside him in response.

A hidden raven-haired genin, hiding behind a tree, took this distraction as his cue to attack. "Porn freaks!" Sasuke yelled, running out with a flying kick.

Kakashi caught him and flung him away easily. "Be quiet, Sasuke," the man order. He turned back to Naruto happily, "Continue, please."

And continue the blond did, chatting on and on about more similar novels he read that Kakashi-sensei might also like. The silver-haired Jounin nodded to himself, trying to keep track of all the new series he never heard about.

Ahh, maybe the Hokage was right; it was about time he accepted a genin team for once.

"Begin!"

Naruto flipped over the paper at his word, hand immediately poised on top of the exam to write. He read the first question. …er… let's skip that for now. Second, …er… maybe later. Third… oh, hehe, let's move on…

Naruto laid slumped on the table in panic. What was he going to do now? Sakura and Sasuke would kill him if he failed!

His fingers twitched, pencil tapping on the wooden table. Maybe they wouldn't notice if he pretended he knew what he was doing? No one needed to know, right? With that in mind, Naruto started writing random sentences in the answer boxes with concentration.

…And then his mind wandered.

"Thirty-four, out!" A chunin yelled as the genin in question suddenly jumped out of his chair, face red, and scrambling as far away as possible from his half-written exam paper.

"But-"

"No excuses," the chunin cut him off, "it's your fault for leaping out of your chair for no reason."

More bickering ensued, but Naruto ignored them. He was really getting into writing.

'So after that scene,' Naruto thought, as his brain already supplied him with the next sentence. His fingers moved furiously, writing as quickly as he could.

A chair clatter behind him as a genin fell out of it holding his nose. Naruto obliviously ignored him, pencil scratching fast.

"…his hand wandered lower, slipping in to the dark, wet…"

There was a 'clunk' as a genin fainted at her table.

"… her mouth widened, hungry; eager. Deep laboured breathing fill the air with hot, sweet breaths, as she …"

Three more were kicked out as their papers slowly soaked blood-red on their tables. But Naruto paid them no heed as well. Who knew writing was so much fun.

"… he moaned out, while keeping his hand in her throbbing …"

He ignored Ibiki's speech, and ignored the broken glass shards as some random lady jumped into the classroom to greet them. He only left the table when Sakura grabbed him by the ear telling him to hurry up, all the while prattling on about a possible bug going around causing nosebleeds.

Naruto frown, sulking as Sakura continued dragged him away. Who cared about some stupid diseases flying around? He just wondered if he could ask for his exam back.

He still wasn't done writing his porn yet.

Orochimaru's tongue grew, wrapping around the raven-haired boy. Sasuke shook him off with a kunai and a low kick to the stomach. The man licked his lips, "That wasn't very nice." he purred.

The Uchiha swore, diving to his right as the snake-like man advanced again.

"Ohh, this would be so good of Sasuke was a girl." Naruto groaned, blearily from where he had been flung to early on in the fight.

"A little help would be nice." the raven-haired boy snapped.

Naruto distractedly looked up at him, "Give me a second." he said, hands busy. His hands fumbled through his weapons pouch as he tried to find what he needed.

In front of him, Orochimaru leaped after Sasuke, eyes glistening in perverse glee. He pounced on the younger boy, pinning him down.

"Naruto!" Sasuke barked.

"Give me a sec." the blond repeated.

The Uchiha struggled under the Sannin's grip. His eyes found their way to Naruto again. "If you have the energy to take notes, get fighting!" he spat at the blond.

Naruto ignored him, pencil still scribbling frantically in the notebook he finally found in his pouch. "Yeah, yeah," he said dismissively.

"Naruto!"

"Yeah, I know, but this is quality stuff." the blond snapped back at him. His blues eyes flickered desperately between the scene and his papers, trying to jot everything down.

Orochimaru leaned down on the wriggling Uchiha. Sasuke could feel his hair rise as Orochimaru's hot breath breathed down on his neck.

"Naruto!" the Uchiha all but whined in plead.

The blond finally looked at him, "Yeah, yeah," he said, "I'm getting-" His voice tapered off as something caught his eye. He lit up in glee, "oh, Snake-man, move a little to the right. Yeah, like that! Perfect! That's the exact scene I had in mind, just, you know, without the clothes in the way."

"… I can arrange that."

Sasuke flopped dangerously on the ground. His Sharingan spun wildly in agitation, "Naruto!" he screamed, "Help me! Get me out of here right now!"

"But-"

"NOW!"

The blond finally got up, carefully storing away his notebook. He rushed at the older man, ready to kick him off his teammate.

Too late.

Orochimaru leaned down, mouth widening. Without a warning, he bit down on Sasuke's neck. And then he was gone, already hopping down trees less than a second later.

Naruto slid across the ground trying to stop the momentum. His eyes lingered on the scene trying to mentally replay the image. His blue eyes widened hugely, "Ohh, this would make such a good sequel to my story."

"Ah, good, you're both here." Kakashi greeted as Naruto walked towards him. Sasuke sat up on the bed of the made-shift hospital room he was staying in. His body still ached from the cursed seal that was placed on him. Kakashi turned towards the blond and got straight down to business, "I'm afraid, Naruto, I can't train you for the Third Exam"

"What?" the blond shrieked.

"Now, now, I've managed to find a good teacher for you, Naruto."

Blue eyes glared back at his teacher, "I bet you're going to train Sasuke, while I get stuck with some lame-ass teacher." he pouted.

The Jounin chuckled, scratching his cheek at the accusation. He couldn't deny it.

The glare deepened for a second as Kakashi gave a guilty smile back at him. After a short pause, the demon-container finally let out a sigh in acceptance. "Ahh, well, fine, I suppose." Naruto grumbled out.

Kakashi looked relieved. Sasuke smirked out in triumph at the fact that their teacher favoured him.

"I mean," Naruto continued, "He has a lot to learn, I suppose. He's such a square. He can't even look at a porn novel without blushing," the blond pointed out. Naruto looked at Kakashi-sensei seriously in the eye, "I don't mind if you train him, he has a lot to learn, after all."

The Jounin looked thoughtful at that, "Maa, you don't have to remind me," Kakashi replied sorrowfully, slowly and sadly, with a shake of his head.

The blond nodded at his teacher, completely ignoring his teammate. "If you need to borrow anything from me – you know, books, or whatever you need for training him -, feel free to just take them." he said.

Kakashi smile, "Ahh, don't mind if I do." he said cheerfully, eyes already sparkling with glee.

On the bed beside them, Sasuke shivered, watching their faces grow more and more perverse. He honestly wondered if they both were even talking about the same kind of training he had in mind anymore.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to go training alone with Kakashi…?

Jiraiya looked at Tsunade seriously in the eye, "Will you come back with us to be the Godaime?" Around them, the chattering of the bar they were in almost seemed to quiet down at those words.

The woman, Tsunade, snorted in annoyance immediately, "Being Hokage is stupid; they all die trying to achieve an impossible dream of bring peace to the world. Only idiots want to something like gambling with their lives and becoming the Hokage. No one but a fool would do it."

Naruto suddenly leaped up from his seat at her words, planting his foot on the table. He stared down the blonde before him.

Tsunade just raised an eyebrow, "You have something to say to me, brat?" She spat out.

"YEAH!"

Her eyes narrowed at the boy's words, "Want to take it outside?" she challenge venomously, rising up from her seat.

There was a pause. Naruto blinked, "What? No. Why?" He froze. "I mean I like porn and all, but don't you think I'm a little young to get naughty with you? And we just met!"

Tsunade stopped in her tracks. "So you didn't jump up because you didn't like what I was saying about Konoha's Hokage and the Hokage seat, and wanted a fight?" she questioned hesitantly.

"Err, no. Did you want me to?"

The Slug Princess shook her head slowly, "So what did you want?"

Naruto grinned, sitting back down on his seat, "I just wanted to tell you that I support you in not being Hokage. I mean, you're so better suited for another job!"

Something in the boy's dreamy declaration nudged at Tsunade's suspicions. "What job do you have in mind." she asked, almost dreading his answer.

"The busty heroine of the novel called 'The Princess' Servants' is coming with a movie soon! You so fit the looks. And the novel's great with its reverse-harem, and all the smutty scenes! Kakashi loved it too! He wouldn't give me my book back!" Naruto babbled on, completely missing the older woman's narrowing glare, "I mean, when I first saw you (I mean your boobs), I knew immediately your talents lie in being an actress, and definitely not Hokage! I support your decision completely! I mean, nothing about you screams Hokage. But the busty, flirty heroine, on the other hand-"

Tsunade felt a vein throbbing on her temple. "Jiraiya…" the blonde threatened, turning to her perverted teammate.

"It wasn't me!" the man denied furiously. Jiraiya held a still-talking Naruto in front of him as protection. He scooted as far back as he could in the bar as Tsunade's fist inched closer to his face. "He was like that when I got him!"

Beside him, Naruto obliviously talked away, "Now that you've declined and all, I can get you a job as an actress. I have some connects, you know. You don't have to worry a thing, I mean, you fit the role perfectly like you were born for it! I don't know what the old geezers of Konoha were thinking when they wanted you to take up the Hokage's seat. Honestly, you obviously aren't Hokage material. And besides-"

A vein bursted. "You know what, I think I will accept after all." Tsunade snapped.

Naruto froze. "What? NO!" he wailed. "I was looking forward to the movie!"

Tsunade just smirked at him in triumph.

OMAKE

"What do you know about me?" Inari yelled at the dinner table, tears streaking down his face. "I'm different from you. You're always clowning around, acting so cheerful. You don't know how hard life can be!"

Naruto snapped. "So you think it's okay to just cry all day? You're nothing but a sissy!"

The boy looked up in shock, and ran outside, tears still streaking down.

"Naruto!" Sakura yelled out.

Naruto gave out a sigh. "Fine, I'll talk to him again." He followed after Inari's little footsteps. He found the boy sitting by the dock outside his house.

"Kid." The boy looked away. "Look kid, I didn't mean any harm. I know what you're feeling. I grew up alone myself as well. I was an orphan without my parent, and the kids hated me in the village."

Inari looked up, shocked that they were in the same boat, "But you never stop laughing or smiling."

"No," the blond said, "Never. Once, when I was a kid like you, I felt like giving up, but then, I found out about it."

"It?" the boy parroted back.

"Yes, it." Naruto leaned in, whispering, "The Porn God."

And after hours of converting… Kakashi smiled with approval from the rooftops where he was listening in. He quietly sneaked a familiar orange-covered book under the young Inari's pillow as a gift-offering. He had high hopes for that boy.

All hail the Porn God.

OMAKE 2

Ibiki went around the room, collecting the exam papers, quickly skimming each one. When he got to the Uzumaki's paper, he stopped. And did a double-take. And read. And read. And read some more.

The man nodded to himself. If this was what was going to come of it, they needed more teachers like Hatake Kakashi.

And then he stuffed the exam paper in his pocket for safe keeping.

A/N: lol, anyone recognize Omake1 scene? It's from chapter one!