Usopp tried very hard not to wither and die under the two feminine, baleful glares pinning him to his seat in the Thousand Sunny's galley. This moment was scarier than anything leading up to One Piece. The next few words out of his mouth could well determine whether he went through life as a mad-genius stud or a whipped, deprived eunuch. That made this decision far more epic than any stupid Pirate King memento!

"Make a choice, you wilting lily!" Nami snapped, her hand clenched into tight fists as she fought the tears aching in her eyes and the desire to just bash him on the head and end all this drama.

"Which one of us do you love more?"

"Usopp, I don't understand this," Kaya stated with the clinical voice of ineffable reason and surety - a tool in her mental doctor's bag of tricks to sooth, cajole, or force a patient as was necessary. "Let's just finish packing and go back to Syrop. You can think and make decisions much better without any pressure on you."

Nami snapped her head back to seethe at the blonde woman next to her. How dare she be so sneaky and manipulative with just words! That was her forte! Before she could even consider her next motion, Nami's hands had dragged Kaya back from the cowering sniper and hauled the woman up to her nose by the lapels of her yellow sweater. The doctor, for her part, had tangled her own hands in Nami's tank top, yanking it by the straps.

"Don't you dare try to haul him onto your territory and whip him your way, bitch!"

"He needs off of this ship and time without you bullying him!"

Usopp really was trying to follow the arguments, but with Nami yanking the sweater off Kaya's shoulders just so and Kaya pulling out the straps to reveal the cleft of Nami's bosom right there- Well, even Zoro would have difficulty passing up on the beginnings of a good cat-fight.

The air in the galley was suddenly full of the sounds of ripping cloth. Usopp's eyes were as wide as his favorite pair of sniping goggles.

"My favorite sweater!"

"My new tank top!"

Both women now stood in the kitchen, shreds of soft cotton in their hands. Topless. Bra-less. Creamy, soft flesh exposed to the cool evening air, which apparently rather cool judging from the growing effect it had on their goose-fleshed skin and tight...tight...

"Once upon a time," Usopp began, licking his suddenly dry lips reflexively, "Once upon a time, there was a young banana."

"One day, as it neared ripeness, this banana decided to go out into the world and seek a companionable fruit to be his close companion in flavor. After much searching, the banana had found, to his delight, two fruits that suited him very well - a tangerine and a peach."

Usopp got up rather shakily, pushing the chair far too hard and ignoring it as it toppled over. Of course, that wasn't the only thing pushing hard at this point. The long-nosed marksman teetered over to Nami and cupped one of her fine, ample globes in his hand, caressing it even as he turned his eyes to Kaya.

"The tangerine," he continued, pinching a certain turgid knob of sensitive flesh like that as he reached a quavering hand out and placed it on Kaya's soft, soft hips. "The tangerine was tangy and exciting, just as its name suggested, with a hint of sweetness and strong, juicy flavor. It had a thick skin that it had developed for protection, but it was very easily peeled by nimble fingers."

Nami wasn't quite certain how it happened, but her skirt and panties seemed to have disappeared in quick succession. Damn that cowardly man and his sneaky quick hands! The navigator had to suppress a squeak of surprise as Usopp swung his attentions to drawing her closer, one hand on her luscious bottom.

"The peach," he began again, his other hand daintily flicking open the buttons on the remainders of Kaya's dress until the only thing holding the garment onto her body was her shoulders. She tried very hard not to moan as the hand rubbed the top of her bosom and flicked her thick node of pleasure.

"The peach was very, very sweet, with plenty of flesh and juice. Its flavor was more subtle, but quite endearing and long-lasting. It had slightly softer skin that bruised easily, but that made it even sweeter."

Slowly, ever so slowly, both women found themselves tucked under the sniper's chin, their heads laying on his shoulders as he drew lazy figure-eights on their backs.

"Eventually, no matter how much he tried, the young banana couldn't figure out who his smooth, mellow, thick flavor should mix with. He tried to mix himself with the peach-"

And then Nami was ring-side for one scorchingly hot kiss between her gunner and the doctor. Usopp was surprisingly aggressive and bold in his actions - tilting her chin just so, turning her head with a brush of his phallic nose, nipping her bottom lip smartly as he withdrew with a knowing smirk before speaking again.

"-But the banana's flavor was overwhelming the peach's subtlety. Then, the banana tried to mix himself with the tangerine-"

Kaya's eyes dilated greatly as Nami assaulted Usopp - biting the tip of his nose harshly before thrusting herself into his passively waiting mouth, visibly staking her claim with each swipe of her tongue and flick along his teeth before he was finally able to pull himself free, panting loudly.

"-But the tangerine's flavor dominated the banana thoroughly. The tangerine and the peach even tried...they even tried to...they - oh fuck, that is so hot..."

Nami and Kaya threw themselves into their kiss, each woman trying their best to impress upon Usopp their - skills, as it were. The competition was so fierce and fiery, it appeared that the two women had forgotten what exactly it was they were striving for as their free hands - the ones not wrapped around Usopp - began to sneak around neater waists and narrower shoulders. Usopp tried not to burst in elation (or at all, really) at the long string that remained connected to both women's lips as they finally broke apart, panting.

"So then the tangerine," Nami started breathily with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

"And the peach," Kaya interjected in a sultry whisper.

"Decided that all three fruits should try to mix together!" both women crooned as they fell upon Usopp's collarbone, biting and sucking so hard that he knew he'd have hickeys, even on his dark skin. His last, coherent, lust-free thought was that he'd have to borrow money from Nami to buy all three of them new clothes.

And then, he heard the sound of his shirt being ripped and overalls being undone.

[~~~]

"Now this is a fruit smoothie!" Sanji exclaimed as he, Jewelry Bonney and Zoro finally found themselves down in the galley for the pink-haired woman's pre-breakfast snack. "What made you come up with this idea for Nami-swan and Kaya-swan? Peaches, tangerines and bananas is pretty robust, isn't it?"

Usopp smirked as he turned his back on the chef and continued to man the blender. Zoro squinted sharply as he spotted a pair of dark marks on either side of the sniper's neck, plus a number of suspicious scratches on the dark shoulders exposed by the overalls. Sanji noted that neither Nami-san nor Kaya-san had come down yet, which was mighty peculiar. And were those thongs in the long-nose's back pocket? With another pair peeking out from the corner?

Bonney just sniffed the air and grinned wickedly while she held her hand out for Usopp's latest creation. He wasn't at all surprised when she winked at him conspiratorially. He grinned then turned to answer his nakama.

"Call it a talent for flavor combination. Now, try this blueberry, strawberry and honeydew melon mix. Trust me - it matches you three perfectly."

Author says:

*Koff* As requested, Sacred! I swear, we should just call this OP OT3 week... :P