When the door to the bedroom opened, the light was almost blinding. Naruto peeked out from under the bedsheet and was greeted with a grumpy looking Sasuke.

"Have you even moved today?" he asked Naruto.

"I moved my fingers and my toes. I think I rolled over a few times. And I went to the bathroom once or twice."

"I hope not on the sheets," said Sasuke as he leaned against the doorway, not blocking out enough of the cursed light.

"How was teaching?" Naruto asked, eager to change the subject.

"Way to change the subject. It went fine."

"That's good. So what are you making me to eat? I'm starved. I haven't eaten all day."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "And that's my fault how?"

Naruto wrapped the sheet around him like a cloak as he got to his knees. "I'm the guest here. It's your job to take care of me."

"It's not my responsibility to take care of the useless. I'm the one who worked all day. You should be a good wife and have dinner ready for me when I come home."

Naruto scowled. "But I get confused. I'm American. I don't understand how kitchens in your country work."

"You're pathetic, you know that?"

"Duh. If I thought any different I wouldn't be hiding away in your brother's bedroom under the sheets all day."

"You could've at least gotten dressed."

"I could have, sure," Naruto agreed and glanced at the ceiling. "But," he said and looked to Sasuke as he spoke, "Then I wouldn't be able to have you come home and tell me things like this."

"So you do this on purpose to piss me off? I'm too tired to even care. Stay in bed the entire time you're here if that's what you want."

"That's not what I want," Naruto argued.

"So what do you want?"

Naruto leaned his head to the side. "I don't know."

Sasuke shook his head. "You're such a moron."

"I was thinking we could make out now that you're home. Is that gonna be out of the question because I didn't get dressed or move from the bed?"

"It's out of the question because that means your hygiene sucks. Did you shower? Did you brush your teeth?"

Naruto cupped a hand in front of his mouth and blew out, sniffing his breath. "No? I might have ran my finger across my teeth earlier? I forget."

"You're disgusting. I'm going to my room."

"Good," Naruto said, "That's what I want you to do."

"Uh huh."

"Hey Sasuke!" Naruto yelled as Sasuke turned to leave. Sasuke glanced at him over his shoulder.

"What?"

"Uh... I love you?"

"That's wonderful. I'm leaving. Should you decide to stop being immature any time soon, you know where I'll be."

"But your room is too far!" Naruto whined.

"Goodbye, Naruto."

"You suck!" Naruto shouted after him, but Sasuke left him there in the darkness as he closed the door behind.

Naruto pouted for a while. He gathered the sheet around him and started rolling back and forth across the mattress until he finally stopped and stuffed his face into one of the pillows. "He's no fun," he muttered.

He lay there for another ten minutes before he got up and, very slowly, went through his suitcase, picked out some clothes, and dragged himself into the bathroom for a shower.

When he was all squeaky clean and had even used mouthwash, he walked into Sasuke's bedroom and found him on the computer.

"I wanna check my e-mail," Naruto said. He hadn't brought his computer because it was evil and addicting.

"Then you should have brought your own computer."

"What are you doing anyway? Don't you think it's rude to write papers while you have a guest here?"

Sasuke snorted. "Are you a guest or are you a refugee, because you've been here long enough that you no longer qualify as a 'guest'."

"I am a refugee," Naruto replied as he towered over Sasuke from behind, purposely hovering in his space to annoy him. "A refugee... of love."

"Shut up, moron. I'm trying to concentrate."

"Concentrate on me!" Naruto grabbed onto Sasuke's shoulders and shook him in protest.

Sasuke sighed. "Hands off. Now."

"Or what?" Naruto gave his shoulders another squeeze. Because he enjoyed pushing Sasuke's buttons, and he was bored. "I'm bored. Entertain me. Can I check my e-mail?"

"Has anyone ever told you you're really annoying?" Sasuke grumbled as he got up from his seat and left the room.

Naruto looked at the computer for a brief second and then decided to chase after Sasuke in case he was going into the kitchen and then he could bug him into making him something to eat.

"Hey, are you going into the kitchen?" Naruto asked, watching the heels of Sasuke's feet and wondering if he could get away with stepping on them.

"No. I'm not."

"Where you goin' then, huh? Are you going to a brothel? Can I go?"

"No. You wouldn't know what to do once you got there," Sasuke said and started down the stairs that led to the living room. Naruto wasn't too far behind.

"That's not true. You pay, you have sex, right? I'll let you watch me blow someone if you'll just make me dinner."

They entered the kitchen together, and while Sasuke sorted through the mail on the table, Naruto started opening and closing the cabinets. He couldn't find anything. Everything was in boxes or cans and had to be made. That was too hard for him.

"I'm gonna starve if you don't feed me soon. I feel light-headed already. M'gonna sit down."

Sasuke had already taken a seat at the table. Naruto sat in the chair next to him.

"Who's that from?" Naruto asked as Sasuke opened an envelope that looked like a bill, but he really just wanted to annoy the crap out of Sasuke as much as he could. Because he was hungry. So that made him irritable.

"It's from your mom," Sasuke mumbled as he read the contents of some boring, stupid bill.

"Oh yeah? How is she?"

"She's great," said Sasuke, voice lacking any enthusiasm. "She says she's ready for you to go back home and to leave me alone."

"She said she wants me to leave her alone?" Naruto asked, swiping his finger over the table just to create a smudge. Because doing that was more fun than watching Sasuke open bills.

"No. She wants you to leave me alone."

"God I'm bored, Sasuke. And I'm hungry! Can you just make me something so we can go to the brothel?"

"Naruto, we're not going to a brothel, even if you promise to blow everyone in there and let me watch. There is food in the fridge. Eat some fruit. It's good for you."

"I'm too bored to eat fruit. I'm gonna die of boredom in the three steps it takes me to get to the fridge." Giving up, Naruto dropped his head onto the table and moaned.

Sasuke refused to humor him, and so there was a silence for five minutes until Naruto reminded Sasuke just how bored and hungry he was. In case he'd forgotten. Naruto liked to be helpful in that regard.

"Isn't it time for you to go home yet?"

"Home is where the heart is, Sasuke. And you are my heart."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Naruto watched him do it, with half of his cheek smashed against the table.

"You're so gay," said Sasuke as he finished opening the final envelope.

"Who's that from?"

"Sakura."

"What does she want?"

"You."

"Awesome! She wants me? Well, I want her, too. Especially if she can cook and entertain better than you can 'cause you suck at it! I thought if I came here you'd take care of me because life's made me emo and doubt humanity and stuff."

"Uh huh. Then go to her place, you ungrateful idiot."

"Why do you call me idiot all the time? I'm not really that dumb."

"Sure you are, idiot."

"I'm going back to bed. I can't believe I showered and got dressed just to watch you go through your dumb mail. If I knew how to get around this dumb town, I'd go find that brothel."

"Why? So you can crawl under their sheets and sleep and not do anything?"

"Shut up," said Naruto as he got to his feet and shoved the chair under the table. "I'd do plenty. I'd do everyone."

"Great. Well. Send them my regards." Sasuke waved him off without looking up from his letter.

"I hate you," Naruto grumbled as he left the kitchen and lugged his way up the stairs again. "You suck!" he yelled it from the second floor before he went into the bedroom and slammed the door behind him. Not satisfied enough with that, he opened it again and slammed it a second time in case Sasuke had missed it the first time.

Ten minutes later, the door opened.

Sasuke sighed as Naruto rolled over to look at him. He had a plate in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"You brought me a sandwich!" Naruto exclaimed.

"I brought you a sandwich," Sasuke confirmed drolly and sat on the side of the bed.

Naruto snatched the plate instantly and inhaled one half of the grilled ham and cheese. He started to choke because he'd swallowed too much too fast, and Sasuke handed him the glass of water. Naruto drank it and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Thank you!"

"You're hopeless."

Carefully, Naruto set aside the plate and put the glass on the nightstand. He grabbed Sasuke's shirt and gave him a brief peck on the lips. "This is why I came here 'cause deep down you care."

"Keep telling yourself that," Sasuke replied with a smirk. "Eat the other half and then I'll take you for a walk."

"Ooh like a dog! You spoil me!" Naruto grabbed the other half of the sandwich and, this time, ate a little more slowly as he watched Sasuke watch him.

"You eat weird," said Sasuke.

"How so? How do I eat weird? How can anyone eat weird? It's not weird unless they eat it through another orifice besides their mouth."

Sasuke stared at him blankly.

Naruto finished the other half of his sandwich and gulped the rest of his water, this time wiping the residual oral goo with his shirt sleeve. "I'm ready."

"Alright. Let's go." Sasuke got up and headed for the door. Naruto crawled off the bed and went after him, tempted to push the other man down the flight of stairs. He decided against it because he really wanted to take that walk.

"Are we walking to the brothel?" Naruto asked as he purposely stepped on Sasuke's heels.

Sasuke stopped, turned, and shoved Naruto away from him. Naruto stumbled back, grinning. He swiftly caught up to Sasuke, who was busy putting on his shoes near the door. Naruto grabbed his pair of sneakers.

"M'ready," he said, looking proud even though one shoe lace had already come untied.

Sasuke gave him a once-over. He put a hand on his shoulder, but moved it to flick Naruto in the ear.

"C'mon," he said and left the door open.

Naruto followed, closing the door shut behind him, attempting to step on Sasuke's heels until they were outside, and then he'd become bored of it.

They didn't make it to the brothel. But they did go around the block a few times, and then they went back to Sasuke's and watched some episodes of House dubbed in German.

end.