In an undisclosed location,

In a pure white room,

Staring into space,

Obviously Hitomi was not paying attention. She was supposed to be learning a life lesson. Unfortunately, for her, her brain was detained.

It was watching the never-before-seen performance by the Crazy Candy Canes. Before that show no one knew the 'Canes' could pull off a kickline while squirrels tap danced on their heads, the squirrels had perfected their jazz hands. It was spectacular.

In the meantime Hitomi was saying "yeah" and "no" when her boss paused during her lecture. Suddenly Hitomi sound herself on the floor with a big bruise forming on her forehead. She stared dumbstruck at her creator from the floor.

"What do you mean, 'no'?" Hitomi's creator yelled, apparently this lecture was an important one. She continued in a calmer voice, "Listen well Hitomi, I may appear to be just an average ordinary teenager." The room suddenly went dark. Lightning flashed, illuminating her figure and revealing that her eyes had turned red. Her voice too, had deepened to a demonic tone. "But to you I am the all almighty, all knowing goddess of your universe. You will not question or challenge me." The lights turned back on and she tilted her head, closed her eyes, and smiled sweetly. "Okay?"

Poor little Hitomi had not paid that warning any attention. She was too busy checking the 'Canes' for injuries and trying to convince the squirrels to come down from the ceiling.

Three weeks later the all almighty, all knowing goddess would smite Hitomi. It could have been avoided if Hitomi had just paid attention. Oh well.

In an undisclosed location,

In a pure white room,

Sitting in a large throne-like chair,

Hitomi's creator sat. She was dressed in a black suit and had her legs crossed at the ankles. She folded her hands in her lap and licked her lips. Altogether she appeared a little nervous and a little formal. She was careful to keep her voice calm and to give it a British accent.

"Hello readers. I know it has been far too long and for that I'm very sorry. I have an explanation, and I will say it, but I know that doesn't make up for any disappointment that you might have felt."

She interrupted herself and dropped the accent, "But let's be realistic there are a ton of Naruto fanfics on this site alone. I'm sure you managed to fill the gap somehow."

The accent returned, "So to show my regrets I will let you do whatever you want to Hitomi with one condition; she is my ninja, I created her, so I need her able to do missions and for that she can't be too badly scarred for life. This counts for both her body and her mind. Also, please do not break any laws while punishing her. I will not be held responsible and if you get caught I will do what any concerned and shocked guardian would do and sue you for everything you're worth and then some. Other than that go on, do whatever you want.

"Now for my explanation. Recently my imagination was wished away and stolen by goblins. That was of course after a hot white-blond wizard cast a spell on me. Sadly my imagination wasn't the only thing that was taken away from me. I have some teachers that held an Evil Teachers of America, ETA for short, conference recently and they came to the conclusion that research papers, ten page papers, and multiple projects are just the thing to zap all the life out of their students. Did you know they are collecting our 'life forces' to turn the summer into winter to eliminate recess and summer vacation? Any ways if you want to 'forget' to do something for them and save your life that's fine. I'm not responsible. To further make my life miserable a piece of glass decided that it liked staying in my foot, thankfully a doctor banished it. And have I mentioned I've been studying history with the Doctor, not the one who banished the glass."

She stopped and sucked in a large gulp of air before rushing on. "Now I know you don't care about all of that so I'll get on with the important stuff. There have been some requests for us to go and investigate Jirahya. If you've read the manga or watched the anime, and considering you're reading Naruto fanfiction you have, you know that he tends to…mysteriously disappear so that he can …well you know what he does, he's a 'super' perv. This makes him very hard to find. So we haven't been able to do that yet. But we will, I promise. In the mean time I have sent Hitomi on another mission. She'll be returning shortly with the black- information" There was a long pause while her eyes darted around. "That is to say she will be return shortly with the chocolate chip cookies. Yeah that's much better."

TWO HOURS LATER:

Hitomi's creator was slouched over her chair with a little trail of drool sliding down her check and onto the floor where a puddle would soon be forming. She was sleeping like one of the many random ninja in Naruto. That is to say she was sleeping like the dead or the doomed because if your face isn't visible you're defiantly not going to make it.

When the door began to open she twitched but didn't open her eyes. However, another pair of eyes peered in. They paused on her form but darted to make sure nothing was blocking her path. The door opened farther and the person slipped inside.

She moved across the floor dramatically with flips and a pair of black sunglasses on. When she got halfway across the room the person in the chair moved. Hitomi froze and stared. In Hitomi's demented little mind a dart shot out from her eyes and landed perfectly in the neck of the evil tormenter otherwise known as her torturer or her creator. In the real world her creator just turned to face the other way, which was kind of interesting considering that to do this she had to arch her back and that should have knocked her off the chair, which would have been really funny but really bad.

Anyways, Hitomi now was moments away from opening the second door and being free to hide the evidence.

Just then a huge cage with thick metal bars slammed down from the sky. (Ok it didn't come from the sky but it might as well have.) Red lights spun around and sirens screamed. Hitomi covered her eyes and then her ears and then her eyes again before realizing she couldn't do both at the same time. With this epiphany she covered her ears and curled into a ball. It made her look like a crumpled wounded creature since she was still standing.

Hitomi screamed, "What's going on? What's this," she shook the bars, still trying to cover her ears. Her creator charged the cage, gripped the bars, and pressed her face close. The red lights scrapped across her face making her look like a blood thirsty demon, which she sort of was. When Hitomi spun around and saw this she screamed again. "What do you want from me? Why are you wearing cat ears?"

Hitomi's creator did not answer her. "SILENCE! Give it to me!"

Hitomi pushed away from the bars that she held in a death grip and pushed her back into the bars on the other side. Her hands once again were holding the bars in a death grip. She was treating her creator like some horror movie mass murder and of course she was the beautiful innocent soon to be victim.

Hitomi had two voices screaming in her head; one in fear the other in anger. Any sane person would have listened to the scared smart one but since she had voices in her head it was clear she wasn't sane.

"NO!" Hitomi screamed.

"WHAT?"

"I SAID NO!"

"WHAT!"

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

Her creator glared at her and dramatically pushed a button. Hitomi cringed and waited to be squashed. Instead of Hitomi dying by some terrible fate the sirens stopped. "Alright now, what did you say?"

"NO!"

"Geeze do you have to shout?"

"I THINK I'M DEAF OR SOMETHING!"

"If only. Now seriously hand over what you found." Hitomi's creator had one hand on her hip and the other waiting for Hitomi to drop something into it.

"No I'm not going to."

Hitomi's creator sneered at her. She took a big step back and held out her arm. Then she uncurled her fist and let a long black cord hang down. At the end of this cord was a shiny red whistle. "You asked for it," she said in an uncaring voice and then she slowly raised it to her lips. Just when the whistle rested on her bottom lip she peered up from under lashes at Hitomi and raised an eyebrow. Last chance.

Hitomi raised her chin and locked her jaw. Then the whistle blew.

Once again the big weird men were back. "Boys she's refusing an order," Hitomi's creator spoke like a tough and confident feline fatale while wearing cat ears and a To-Err-is-Human-to-Arrr-is-Pirate T shirt. Hitomi briefly wondered how she could pull that off because when she tried it while wearing that stupid cursed logic defying tutu not even a mouse had been frightened. "Convince her otherwise," Hitomi's creator finished.

Hitomi had broken out of her day dream just in time to see the men stomp their feet down and dramatically draw feathers out of their uniforms. "What the…" They attacked.

They surrounded the cage and waved their feathers everywhere. Hitomi soon couldn't breath from laughing so much.

The whistle gave out a short note and all the men stopped. Hitomi's creator stared at her. "Do you give up?"

"Never," Hitomi gasped.

"Step two, boys." The whistle blew again. The men put away the feathers and pulled out water balloons. Hitomi had no idea where they came from but she had a feeling that she didn't want to know. Within seconds she was soaked.

The whistle blew again. "Now?"

"Never," Hitomi replied between her chattering teeth.

Her creator gasped dramatically and rushed to the cage. She grabbed the bars and leaned her head against them. She spoke in a soft desperate voice, "Hitomi please just give in already. They can't put honey and feathers on you when you're wet so they have to…they have to…do other things. Terrible things."

"I will never give in." Hitomi hissed.

Her creator shot up and stumbled back. "No, Hitomi." She turned her head away and lifted up the whistle.

It mercilessly blew once more.

The most adorable, soft, cute, heavenly stuffed animals appeared en mass. But along with them came chainsaws, flamethrowers, giant scissors, and a little five year old girl swamped in pink and glitter. A metal clamp emerged from one of the bars and gripped Hitomi's head. It held her eyes open while the terrible devices of mass destruction descended on the precious stuffies.

The rooms trembled with Hitomi's screams and dirt fell from the ceiling. Then it was quiet.

When Hitomi's creator turned around the only sign of the destruction that took place was the victim herself. Hitomi was curled in a ball trembling and whimpering. Her creator slowly approached. Her hand rested on Hitomi's head. "There there it's over now."

Hitomi shuddered, "How can it be possible the way they burned and and that brat… that monster how did she do that?"

"I know it was horrible. But Hitomi you can stop this stuff from happening all you have to do is give me your results."

"No I won't if I give up now all that would have happened for no reason."

Her creator turned away from the cage, "Hitomi you've seen a lot of terrible things today and it's not going to end until you surrender. Barney's next."

The men who had not been a waiting their orders jumped. One of the bravest spoke up in a squeaky voice, "But… but milady to do that…it's too much. The damage it would cause. Please, please don't make us do that to another human being. We wouldn't even wish that on Orochimaru."

"Enough! I know what I'm doing. I don't like it either but this is Gaara we're talking about. If it was anyone else I wouldn't do it but have you even met one of his fans. They're…they're, you can't deny them."

Hitomi sat up in her cage. Her hand trembled as she held a manila envelope through the bars. Her creator looked at her with sad eyes and smiled softly. She gently took it from her. "Thank you Hitomi I'm so glad you..." Her eyes went wide before narrowing on the paper inside. "What have you done!"

The men, who had never been dismissed, began to tremble. "This…This is NOT Gaara's secrets. There is nothing wrong here, not even a hair out of place. You let all that happen because of… The toys were…the five year old. Do you understand what you've done!"

"There was nothing I could do he…"

"No not one more word from you…you FANGIRL!"

Upon hearing this the men fled. To disobey the Master was one thing. She would punish you but it would be understandable, it would be merciful. But to fangirl a target was…it was just unthinkable. You didn't do it. The men pounded on the door but it wouldn't open. They franticly tried to escape but were trapped. With no other options they turned horrified to watch Hitomi's fate unfold.

The lights began to flicker.

Hitomi curled into the fetal position.

Cracks spread along the floor in front of the Master.

A twisted grin slid onto the Master's face.

The temperature spiked up.

Her eyes lit up with an unholy light.

The scene began to blur, whether from the heat or from their tears the men didn't know.

The Master towered over Hitomi's fragile form.

Everything went black

In an undisclosed location,

In a pure white room,

Sitting in a large throne-like chair,

Hitomi's creator smiled. "Sorry about that. I'm sad to announce Hitomi's mission was a failure. Instead of providing us with the answers to some of your questions about Gaara, Hitomi returned with some pictures of him. For some reason they seem to be… well it looks like they were taken by a fangirl so that she could stare at them for hours and think unholy thoughts. Then again fangirls are unholy themselves so I suppose all their thoughts are unholy. I've been assured that it was all some horrible mistake. I'm sure that Hitomi will be glad to do this mission again to make up for this once she has recovered…from her mission.

"We hope you've enjoyed this chapter and as always if you have a request just say so. Have a wonderful fangirl/fanboy free day."

Was that funny? Personally I don't like this chapter. But it's necessary for Hitomi to start obsessing over Gaara; it'll come up again. So I thought I might as well do it now.

To everyone that got all those references: You are awesome, so awesome that I just can't describe how awesome you are.

For those of you who didn't get it here's an explanation. Wished away and stolen by goblins= Jim Henson's Labyrinth (It's a movie.). A hot white-blond wizard=Draco Malfoy (Harry Potter). Turning summer into winter and eliminate recess=Recess the Movie. Studying history with the Doctor = Doctor Who (awesome show).

The To-Err-is-Human-to-Arrr-is-Pirate T shirt is from Café Press. (Or at least that's where I saw it.)

Unfortunately I own none of those not even Naruto. Excuse while I cry about how much my life sucks.

Two words of the chapter:

Dramatically-dramatic: (adj) 1 of or pertaining to drama, 2 employing the form or manner of drama, 3 characteristic of or pertaining to drama, esp. in involving conflict or contrast; vivid; moving, 4 highly effective, striking.

Detained-detain: (verb used with an object) 1 to keep from proceeding, keep waiting delay, 2 to keep under restraint or custody, 3 obsolete to keep back or with hold as in from a person.

One last thing, I'm currently in love with Naruto X Harry Potter crossovers. I recommend Telos by Abstracted and From one to the other by IReadNoNonsense. There's also a more serious version of From one to the other by a different author but I can't remember the title.