My name is Lisbon and I kick ass

Big thank you to my awesome cousin, Claire, aka HelloQuote. The idea was pretty much hers, but since she is the SINGLE MOST AWESOME COUSIN EVER (look at me laying it on thick, Clela), she gave it to me! Dedicated to you.

Disclaimer: No, I own nothing. It's sad really.

"I can't believe you just did that."

They were walking down the street, towards where the SUV was parked. They had just come from interviewing a suspect and, as usual, Jane had crossed every line imaginable to beckon a reaction. He insulted, invaded privacy, stole evidence, intruded…

"I'm sorry, my dear, but you have to admit, it worked. He confessed, didn't he?"

"I don't care that it worked, Jane! If you continue breaking rules left and right like this, I swear, so help me…"

"So help you what? Face it, my dear, you care about me too much to hurt me."

"Is that right?"

"It's absolutely right. You'll get really mad, you'll throw staplers, you'll threaten till you get blue in the face, but you'll never really do anything to hurt me. Face it, Teresa, it just isn't in your nature."

"Excuse me, but in case my reputation has escaped you, I kick ass, thank you very much!"

"Well, as kick-ass as I'm sure you are, it's usually to protect someone. Doing your job. Argue, you're too good-natured to hurt someone for something as trivial as breaking a few rules."

"So I'll bark, but won't bite? Is that it?"

"That's exactly it." He turned to look her in the eye as they approached the SUV.

He expected the glare and scowl on her face.

What he didn't expect was the tiny fist heading to his face.

"Oh my gosh!" Van Pelt jumped to her feet as Jane and Lisbon entered the bullpen. Lisbon headed to her office, calm as ever, and Jane went to lie on his couch. His eye was a horrible shade of purple.

"What happened to you?" She kneeled down, worriedly looking at the eye. "Did the suspect attack you."

"No." he grumpily mumbled.

"Then what happened?"

His eyes darted to Lisbon's office and Van Pelt put two and two together.

"Oh… well, in that case, you had it coming. I'm surprised she held out this long."

Jane glared at Van Pelt's comment.

"Women…" He grumbled. "They're so irrational."

Okay, that's it. It's a really, really short oneshot. Reviews are, like, sunshine in pixel-form. So do your part in spreading sunshine across the world and REVIEW!