Hello and welcome to my second VA-FanFiction as I had promised in my last one! This will NOT be a sequel to my other FF but I would appreciate it if you would read it nontheless.

I hope to get at least as many reviews as the old one got and I really hope you enjoy this one also as much.

DISCLAIMER: Unfortunately I do not own the VA-books and their characters. I only borrowed them and added some new ones!

So, now enjoy!

The Daily Fight to Stay Sane

CHAPTER 1 – Breaking the News

How did it come to this? What was with everybody close to me? Was I really such a bad person that everyone wanted to leave me? Or maybe I just didn't wake up this morning and was still having a bad dream of some sort? But Somehow I had the feeling that this just was not the case, as much as I wished for it.

"Rose?" I heard the deep and usual very distant voice of my mentor, Guardian Dimitri Belikov. Right now his voice was filled with concern and – I was sure of it – some small amount of sorrow.

"Ehm, excuse me, I must have zoomed out. What did you say again?" I asked with a shaky voice, fearing his next words. Deep in my heart I knew exactly what words he had just spoken but in certain situations people tent to hear something that's never been said. One could still hope.

"Listen, Rose. I know this must be hard for you, especially now that Mason died only few weeks ago, but I've made my decision. I'm going with Tasha as her Guardian. Please understand that this is the chance I've always been waiting for!" Dimitri practically begged me to agree, but who would? My best friend and secret lover just told me that he wanted to go to live with another woman, protect and start a family with her. And he asked me to understand? Yeah, sure …

"It was always your wish to work for a fire-breathing dragon with a scar in its face?" Sarcasm has helped me getting through this kind of situations before and I knew that it would help me now again. "Well, sure, I cannot keep up with that." I tried to hide the overwhelming pain I felt in my voice but the trembling betrayed me.

"Rose, please, don't …" Dimitri pleaded but that only made me angry. I hated it when people turned their backs on me for no logic reason and his explanation made no sense at all to me.

"Please, don't what? Please don't be mad at me? Please don't cry?" I stood in front of him but had the feeling of towering over him. "I'm sorry, comrade, but I am already mad at you and yes, I will cry because you betrayed me!" I spat it in his face. Every word I sad seemed to cause him pain but this only satisfied me. I wanted him to feel the pain I did.

"Roza, …" he tried again.

"No, never call me that again! You've lost every right to call me that!" I tried to get some space between us to make it easier for me to hate him. Deep in my heart I love him and I always will but it's easier to cope with the betrayal when you can hate someone. And right now I desperately wanted to hate him so my breaking heart wouldn't tear me apart.

It was the first time I saw him so stressed. Nervously he combed his hair bag with one hand while his facial expression changed between sadness, hopelessness and growing anger. Why he was getting angry with me I wasn't sure of – probably because of my attitude but it was everything to keep me together. It was my best defense right now.

"Look, Rose, I know that this is not what you wanted to hear from me but it's all I can tell you right now." He was just trying to make it better but it didn't work.

Slowly I realized that his decision was made and I wouldn't be able to change it. It made me sad that after I have lost my best friend because he got killed by Strigoi a few weeks ago I was now also loosing the man I loved with all my heart. The world just was not fair!

"But … why?" I choked out, my voice already thick with unshed tears. I wrapped my arms around my upper body to hold myself together as I slowly broke apart.

"It's the best way, Rose. It would never have worked out between us and you know it. We would always have to keep our relationship a secret because otherwise they would never assign us to the same person or assign us to persons living far away from each other. It would never be sure whether we protect our Moroi or ourselves in the first place. I've already lost one of my best friends and I'm not willing to go through this again. I'm sorry." Dimitri answered my plea but it sounded like he had learned this speech by heart. I understood that he had known I would ask him this question and in his heart he wanted to tell something totally different. It was just a brick wall he had built up with these words. This even pained me more.

"Well then, … this will be good-bye!" I wasn't ready yet to let him go! I wanted to wrap my arms around him and to plead that he would stay. I would even give up being a Guardian if it would change his decision but I knew that it wouldn't. He's made his decision and he would stick to it no matter what. A similarity between us. One of many.

"Yes, this will be good bye.", he answered. For a split second a trace of sadness crossed his face.

"Good-bye then!" I said harshly letting him know exactly how I felt now. If he would not leave soon I would lose my inner battle against the spilling of tears and I didn't want to show him this weakness.

"Rose, …", he hesitated.

"No, cut the crap and leave already!" I spat.

He looked at me for a few more seconds but I turned my face away so he wouldn't see the first tears escaping. Then he took one step towards me, put a chaste kiss on my head and I heard him whisper softly:.

"Good-bye, Roza!" Then he turned around and left towards the big gates protecting the Academy, never turning around again. And with him he took my heart and my soul.

I can't remember how long I've been standing near the gates looking into the direction in which he had left. I cried silently trying to cope with the heart stabbing pain felt deep down in my heart.

Sometime it started to rain, in the beginning it was a light shower but soon it was pouring down on me and I was not able to differ between rain and tears on my face. I was soaking wet when Lissa found me wondering what was going on. But she only wrapped her arms around me and together we stood in the heavy rain, waiting for nothing. In this moment a song came into my mind:

I'll never let you see
The way my broken heart is hurting me
I've got my pride and I know how to hide
All my sorrow and pain
I'll do my crying in the rain

If I wait for stormy skies
You won't know the rain from the tears in my eyes
You'll never know that I still love you so
Only heartaches remain
I'll do my crying in the rain

Raindrops falling from heaven
Could never take away my misery
But since we're not together
I'll pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see

Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain

since we're not together
I'll pray for stormy weather
To hide these tears I hope you'll never see

Someday when my crying's done
I'm gonna wear a smile and walk in the sun
I may be a fool
But till then, darling, you'll never see me complain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain
I'll do my crying in the rain