Three.

Artemis opened his eyes to find himself lying on the floor and looking up at...himself. He almost bolted upright, but it was a good thing he didn't, because that would mean that his forehead would come into contact with the forehead that was currently five centimetres away from his.

"Oh, you are awakened," Orion said, still much too close to Artemis for his liking. "T'is fortunate, for had you not regained consciousness, I would have been forced to administer the kiss of life to your person."

For once, Artemis was speechless. Orion straightened up and dusted his clothing, seemingly oblivious to what he had just said. Even in his stunned state, Artemis was able to note that Orion had switched outfits to a doublet and a pair of breeches. He emitted another strangled noise, and sat up to find himself back in his Fowl Manor office.

"Where's Holly?" Artemis immediately demanded, grasping his counterpart by the shoulders.

"I know not, my odious other," Orion replied with a heaving sigh.

Artemis released Orion and turned in the direction of his desk. He grabbed his black leather chair, wheeled it over and pointed at the seat, to make sure his meaning was idiot-proof. "Sit, please."

"No, I shan't 'sit please'." Orion pouted and folded his arms. "You're going to go questing for the fair princess, aren't you?"

"Incorrect," Artemis said. "I am going to go and look for Miss Short. Under no circumstances at all will I be engaged in the act of 'questing'."

And without further ado, Artemis strode off into the shadows. He returned a minute later with an unreadable expression upon his face.

"That was a quick quest," Orion quipped. "Game over?"

"I think that Miss Short is still in her own mind space."

Orion dropped his antics and switched to serious mode. "Do you think that we can venture there?"

"I just tried. Her subconscious threw me out," Artemis said curtly.

As Orion had already refused to 'sit, please', Artemis took the vacant chair, and drummed his fingers upon the armrest.

Holly was supposed to be with them right here, right now. They'd been linked together through the electrodes, so their brainwaves had to be in sync with each other. It all made sense in theory, but what if something had gone horribly wrong?

"What if she has been captured by your number fours?"

Artemis had forgotten about them. His fingers dug into his armrests as he straightened his back and turned his head this way and that, searching, until his eyes landed upon the eerie blue glow emanating from his oaken bookcases. There they were, spying on him from the recesses of his shelves. Hidden behind times and tomes of books, they occasionally peeked at him, only to whip away before he could do a head count. They giggled in a conspiratorial manner, delighted in having been discovered.

One of them winked knowingly at Artemis, and that was what sent him off the edge.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, Doctor Argon had connected as much machinery as possible to both Holly and Artemis. He was currently monitoring their heart rates, blood pressure, brain waves, sugar content, and intestinal matter, but the only thing the stats told him was that Holly and Artemis were perfectly fine, except for the traces of sedative in their blood. The drug had been designed to keep the patient completely knocked out until it wore off. He'd shaken them both, and even resorted to scare tactics such as the surprise scream, but neither human nor elf responded.

He didn't dare touch the electrodes. Everything had suddenly spiralled out of his control, and it was all the gnome could do to keep himself from climbing into an examination couch to have his own personal breakdown. No doubt Cumulus would be having a field day if he was here right now.

No, I can't let that quack doctor gloat!

His eyes rested upon the electrodes again. That piece of tech had never been manipulated in this way before. Argon didn't understand what was going on, but he knew of someone else who would definitely be able to.

Come on, pick up. Doctor Argon stared at his phone, willing for the call to connect. However, there was a very good reason why Foaly wasn't picking up...

THIRTY MINUTES AGO, ATLANTIS

There was no one under the sea who could do a better impression of a stern statue, Foaly thought, sneaking another glance at Butler. This sentiment seemed to be shared by a few returning tourists. Undeterred by the recent catastrophe, and out to get the most value of their hard earned holidays, the holiday-goers managed to get in a few sneaky snaps of the bodyguard before their tour buggies trundled away. No doubt there would be images posted up on the Ethernet first thing tomorrow.

Mulch had called up Foaly again, this time to complain about being arrested for being in possession of an LEP vehicle without any relevant credentials. His charges also extended to alleged kidnapping of a Mud Girl, despite said Mud Girl taking out the officer who'd tried to arrest Mulch. It had taken Foaly a minute to clear the situation, and then Mulch had launched off onto a completely irrelevant topic. The dwarf couldn't resist talking to him.

Foaly was about to hit the hang up button when Juliet's voice punctuated the line. "Hey, Mulch, let me speak to my big brother for a minute."

"A minute? You're a Mud Girl. You'll be there for centuries!" The sound of female indignation reached Foaly's ears. Mulch decided to change tactics. "My pockets aren't made of gold...anymore. Do you know how expensive it is to make this long distance call?"

"If you don't let me talk to him, I'll tell him to crush you to a pulp the next time he sees you."

"You wouldn't do that...Foaly?"

"Still here, dwarf," snickered the centaur.

"Is the Mu-"

Foaly heard the phone being snatched away and then a female voice replaced the dwarf's gravelly tones. "Hey Foaly, is my big brother nearby?"

"As a matter of fact, he is. Hang on, I'll patch you through."

Patching Juliet through meant establishing contact with Butler via shuttle comms. There was a short burst of static, and then the centaur's tinny voice came through the sound crystal wedged in Butler's ear.

"Hey, Butler, you have a phone call. It's your sister but I don't think she's in any mortal danger. I'm a bit particular about my hardware, so would you mind if I just put my phone on speaker and then let you guys do your talking? Granted, it'll mean that I'll be able to hear everything you say, but I promise I won't butt in unless one of you starts singing."

Butler's face said no. Foaly suppressed the urge to shrink in on himself possessively.

"Heh, thought so. Couldn't you just let me reroute the line to you? It'll only take about five minutes...you don't like the sound of that? Carrotsticks," the centaur muttered. "Hang on a second..."

Foaly opened a hatch and slid the phone into a metal cradle. Leaning over his control desk, he pressed a button and a metal hand closed over the phone. Foaly pressed another button, and a small panel on the front of the ship slid open to reveal an extending metal arm that was elongating in Butler's direction. Attached to the arm was a hand, and attached to the hand was Foaly's waterproof and shock resistant phone.

"Don't drop it or get any scratches on it or scare it or press the button that says 'detonate' or -"

Foaly's words were cut off and he watched in horror as a shadow, a.k.a. the giant squid that he had failed to keep an eye on shot forwards with jet propulsion and engulfed the metal hand with its tentacles. The tentacles then bloomed open to reveal a phone-shaped pocket of water before the giant squid zoomed off with the spoils of war. All of this happened faster than one could say: 'Trolls cause terrible trouble in a tantrum.'*

Unfortunately, Butler was still holding a corner of a city, so there wasn't much he could have done. He wasn't quite sure what the noise coming through the sound crystal was, but he guessed that the strangled whinny translated to something unprintable.

"Foaly, snap out of it! How fast can your shuttle go?"

"My phone..."

Butler ignored Foaly as the centaur began to list his phone's various specifications, as if he were reading a shopping catalogue. The bodyguard shifted himself so that he was supporting the weight of Atlantis with one hand, and jabbed his free fingers at collective groups of workers. "Alright, you, you, you and you! I have something very important to do so I need you to play fairy pyramid for a short while."

A few of the gnomes opened their mouths to argue, but they were cut short by a sound blast from Foaly's comms.

"Do what the Mud Giant says and I'll personally write to the LEP to ensure you get bonuses!"

"Ten percent?"

"Three." Foaly ground his teeth.

"Seven!"

"Four plus two extra work holidays. Final offer."

The workers pretended to think. One of them glanced at Butler, and almost turned to stone.

"Deal."

And with that, they abandoned their tasks and swarmed up to take Butler's place. Thirty fairies standing on top of each other and swearing whilst supporting a corner of a city would be a wonderfully amusing sight any other day, but right now, Foaly's mouth was set in a grim line.

Butler stretched his aching muscles, revelling in freedom for a second, before he snapped his attention to Foaly's shuttle. He began to make his way over, but Foaly's voice buzzed through his sound crystal. "Butler, your pressure suit contains magnetised metal. Hold on tight."

The next thing the bodyguard knew, he was flying through the air and had his breath slammed from his lungs in a very painful manner upon bodily impact with the shuttle clamps, just as the shuttle lifted off the sea floor and propelled itself in the direction of the giant squid. There was only one word Butler could use to describe his current feelings, and once again, it was the same one borrowed from the fairy lexicon. "D'arvit!"

NOW, ARGON'S CLINIC

When Holly came to, she found herself in a cold and dark tunnel with a light at the end. Her first thought went something along the lines of, "By Frond, I've died!" and then her memories were kick-started. After a few seconds of analysis, she concluded that she couldn't yet rule out the possibility of being dead.

Holly pushed herself off the ground, expecting to hurt all over, but surprisingly enough she felt fine. How odd. Something else that she couldn't explain was why the light seemed to be getting closer. And multiplying.

Once it clicked that there was an army of fours stampeding towards her, Holly promptly began to run in the other direction. More concerned with her personal survival than trying to figure out what was going on, her hand went straight to her hip, but found empty air. D'arvit, where was her Neutrino?

The roar of an exponential number of fours was gaining on her. Up ahead, Holly saw a green door that looked oddly like the entrance to her home. It swung open, urging her to hurry...

And then the fours swarmed over her and under her, engulfing the poor elf so that she was lost below a mass of glowing, blue digits. Holly yelled for all she was worth, but her cries were drowned out by high-pitched giggles. Her world buckled as she lost her balance, and was swept back in the other direction, borne by the pointy tops of number fours. If she survived this madness, she would never look at a number in the same way again.

-x-

"No, I do not wish to play 'I-spy' with you, Orion. What I would like is for you to go on a quest and bring me back some elbow grease, sky hooks and tartan paint."

It took Orion a minute to realise that he had been insulted. "Artemis, why are you so mean to me? It's not like I spend my every waking moment trying to-" He broke off, and his tone suddenly changed gears. "Oh my rainbows, there's a monster four coming through the window!"

Artemis instantly snapped his head up, pulse sky-rocketing.

"Only joking, it's coming through the bookcase!" Orion cried, springing to his feet in anticipation of the battle that he had been preparing for, for his entire existence.

Meanwhile, the colour drained from Arty's face, and he surreptitiously inched his chair so that he was out of the line of fire. Had they been plotting against him all this time? Was this their new secret weapon? What if Orion couldn't save him! All these thoughts whirled desperately through his mind, causing him to shrink in on himself with a tremor. I am going to be defeated by my own mind, he thought bitterly, forcing himself to cast his gaze back to the action.

The monster in question seemed to be an amalgamation of fours, held together in the form of a diminutive bi-pedal entity that glowed an eerie blue. It possessed a foul mouth, and appeared to be expending more energy punching itself than at paying attention to Orion's medieval declarations of war.

"D'arvit, d'arvit, d'arvit!"

Artemis' ears pricked up and he cocked his head to the side, from the safety of his desk. Could that blob be...

The blob in question lunged for a bust of Archimedes from his desk, and began to beat off the squealing fours methodically and relentlessly. Patches of elf finally began to emerge from the blue glow.

"Holly!" Both boys cried.

Artemis jumped from his hiding position but didn't come too close. After all, the elf appeared to be doing a pretty good job of fending for herself. Orion seemed to have adopted the role of Florence Nightingale, and was busy picking up the battered fours, all of which seemed to be very scared of the raging Holly.

"There, there," Orion cooed, petting one mewling four before setting it upon the desk. Artemis couldn't tell if Orion's next words were meant in awe or fear. "Holly, you are a lean, mean, slaying machine!"

Holly rolled her eyes and bared her teeth at the remaining fours, which leapt from her with squeals and darted for the safety of the bookcase.

"Fascinating," Artemis said, taking a step towards the elf. "They seem to fear the Captain. Holly, I have a proposition for you. How would you like to spend the rest of your days, employed as my cerebral bodyguard? The benefits are endless. Negotiable work hours, incredible work bonuses and the privilege of living in my head. Consider it."

Holly looked at him as if he was crazy. Which he was.

"Did you send them after me?" Holly growled, folding her arms. Her foot began to tap an angry beat.

"Not in the slightest, Holly." After all the tension, Artemis found that he was overwhelmed by feelings of relief. "Holly?"

The elf looked up, eyebrow raised in question.

"May I endeavour to hug you?"

"Um...OK."

Holly stood there, eyebrow still raised. Meanwhile, Artemis stayed where he was standing, expression unfathomable. Rolling her eyes in exasperation, Holly stepped forwards and put her arms around the boy.

"Like this."

"I know."

Orion clapped. "My turn?"

"No." This came from both Artemis and Holly.

Before Orion could complain, Holly spoke. "Right, I don't understand what in the name of Frond is going on, and I am not going to try to. All I know is that you pulled me in here to talk, Arty, so can we please get onto it?"

"Of course, of course. In my currently more lucid state of mind, when I look back over everything, I begin to feel that several courses of action were perhaps a tad unnecessary."

"Such as the drugging."

"Yes. However," Artemis raised a finger, "For future reference, we now know that this technology can be used in this way to ensure complete privacy in conversation."

"Whoop-de-do, and the Nobel Prize goes to Mr Fowl," Holly muttered. A chair appeared behind her, and she sat down with a decisive thump.

Artemis' response was a wolfish grin.

Whilst they had been talking, Orion had slipped away. Now he returned, bearing a silver tray with a teapot, cups, and biscuits.

"I thought that we could all have a nice tea party. For you, fair maiden," Orion said with a bow as he poured a cup of Earl Grey tea for Holly.

Holly took the cup and cautiously sniffed the contents before taking a sip. Her eyes widened in surprise at how good it tasted. Orion poured out two more cups, one for himself, and the other for Artemis, who decided to save the metaphysical questions regarding brain food for later. They all sat in their respective seats and drank in an awkward silence for the first few minutes, trying not to make eye contact with each other.

"So...THE TALK."

Now that the moment had come, Artemis wasn't sure if he wanted to face it. But that was ridiculous. Worrying about this was the sole reason for his relapse out in the real world. So, he drew in a deep breath and took the plunge.

"Holly, whilst trapped in my own mind space, I do recall you saying to my significant other that we would need to have a long and serious talk."

"Yes, you did," Holly said. She chose her next few words carefully. "After giving the matter some considerable thought, I've come to realise that there isn't really much to say."

That didn't sound good. Orion's face fell, whilst Artemis remained impassive.

"But look at Turnball Root and Leonora!" Orion spluttered.

"Exactly. Look at what happened there." Holly waved a hand for emphasis. "This is not meant to be."

"Fair princess," Orion began, and then he threw himself at her feet, "You cannot deny that there is nothing between us." Holly opened her mouth to speak, but Orion continued, "I am very much aware of the absurdity of the situation, but if vampires and werewolves can make it work, then so can you and I, baby!"

Orion reached to take the hand of Holly, who was currently too stunned to react. Orion inclined his head, and gently pressed his lips to Holly's hand.

Wait, what? That backstabbing traitor!

"This is preposterous!" Artemis cried, standing up in a violent motion.

Orion discreetly glanced at Artemis, and shot the boy a cunning grin. For the time being, Holly was still too shocked to respond.

"Holly, you cannot be seriously considering that moron's proposal!" A strange look passed across Artemis' face. "You barely even know the fool!"

Holly opened and closed her mouth weakly, like a fish gasping for air.

"But I am simply you, without the boorishness. So your protest falls. Any other objections?" Orion asked. His eyes still held that sly expression.

At once, Artemis averted his gaze, refusing to acquiesce to the blush that was creeping upon his cheeks. Blasted hormones.

"Orion, this is ridiculous. And even if it wasn't: She. Would. Never. Pick. You." Each word was thoroughly punctuated and enunciated through gritted teeth.

Holly seemed to have recovered somewhat, and hastily withdrew her hand away from Orion. As the only adult in the room, she felt it was her civic duty to do something before war broke out.

"Both of you, stop it now!"

"Not until Artemis admits what he cannot deny any longer," Orion grinned, folding his arms.

Holly hadn't expected Orion to take this line of attack. Well, now that it had been brought up, Holly couldn't really ignore it either. She'd been hoping to take the conversation at her own pace, to try to minimise the awkwardness, but things just kept on spiralling out of her control. Artemis was clearly mortified, and as for herself? Well. Let's just say that she was doing her best to ignore the uncomfortable churning in her stomach.

"Well?" She turned to Artemis, with a gentler tone to her voice.

She noticed that he was unconsciously fiddling with a circular piece of gold, turning it over again and again. For a split second, the coin was angled so that she caught the hole in the centre.

Oh.

"My dearest elf," Orion said, to fill in the silence. "Do you remember my proposal, back when we were still in Iceland?"

"Not another proposal," Holly muttered. Artemis' sudden 'do you want to be the bodyguard in my head' proposal had been enough craziness. And yes, she distinctly recalled the shock of facing Artemis' other personality for the very first time.

Just then, the ground shook, sending tea splashing out of the cups. Everything went blurry for a few seconds, before settling back to normal.

"What was that?" Holly asked, wide-eyed.

At last, Artemis revolved to face his friend. "I fear that we have been discovered by our dear acquaintances in the real world who are now endeavouring to try and wake us up."

Holly frowned. "This means that our time is running out."

She reached out and placed her hand upon Arty's arm. For a millisecond, Holly felt his muscles tighten, but then he relaxed.

"After this, I don't think that Doctor Argon will allow me to visit you again, so please talk to me, Arty."

Artemis couldn't run away any longer. His shoulders slumped with a defeated sigh.

"Alright, Miss Short."

Will this dispute be resolved before time runs out? Find out in the next (hopefully shorter) chapter! On a side note, everything here came out just how I wanted it xD

*Quotation from The Eternity Code, Chapter 9.

Comments please?

~ Sakina xxx

21.08.2010