Disclaimer: I own only the three PSYCH books and three seasons.
Summary: Carlton makes the mistake of buying canned pineapples.
Author's Note: Yeah, so I wrote this while sitting at the doctor's office waiting for my aunt so it's short and slightly rough but sweet, cause I'm a sucker for fluff.
No beta so all errors are mine.
Canned"What is this?"
Carlton looked up from his daily newspaper crossword puzzle at Shawn's softly spoken words. The fake psychic stood at the fridge, door wide open with a can of pineapple slices in one hand and a carefully blank expression.
Carlton hesitated, uncertain why he was asking. "It's pineapple, right?"
Shawn sucked in a sharp breath, "Pineapple? No, there is no way this can be considered pineapple. This…this is a cheap mockery of the golden heaven that is a real, true pineapple." He turned his soulful gaze from the offending metal container toward Lassiter, eyes watery and face on full pout. "Did I…do something wrong?"
His voice was so tentative and unlike Shawn that Carlton was instantly on his feet. "What? No, of course not, I mean nothing more then usual." He could only watch in bewilderment as Shawn apparently took no comfort in that, bursting into completely genuine tears.
"Shawn?" Shocked, he was quick to his boyfriend's side and instantly pulled the psychic into this arms.
"Then why? Why would you do this to me?" Shawn gasped and tore himself away to stare at Carlton. "It's true isn't it? You really do still hate me, don't you? And after everything, I can't believe you could do this to me."
"What? Shawn, no. That's not…I don't understand!" Frustrated and as confused as he'd felt the first time he kissed Shawn, Carlton floundered, at a loss for what to say or do to correct his apparently grievous mistake. Either way he was too late, for Shawn took off, disappearing into their bedroom and the door slammed closed with a tone of finality that Carlton really didn't like. For a long minute he could only stand there, his coffee going cold on the table and his crossword no closer to being solved. Finally, he was able to rouse himself from his stupor and an idea popped into his head. Pulling out his phone he thumbed in a series of numbers and waited almost nervously as the rings sounded in his ear.
"This is Burton Guster." A calm, business voice announced after a click.
"Guster."
There was a telling pause. "Lassiter?"
"Yes."
"Wow, umm, what can I do for you?"
"It's Shawn."
"Oh, God. What'd he do now? Is he okay?"
The pharmaceutical's panicked tone clued Lassiter into the fact that he really could have opened that better.
"Yes, yes, he's fine." Carlton reassured quickly before pausing. "At least I think so. Physically he's fine."
"Oh." There was a relieved breath then a pause, "Oh, what happened?"
"Honestly, I have no idea."
"Okay, so explain what happened."
Lassiter explained, briefly, how their morning was perfectly normal right up until Shawn finally pulled himself out of bed and had started digging through the fridge to make breakfast.
"And then he just started bawling over a can of pineapple."
There was a sharp snap over the phone and Lassiter flinched.
"Uh-oh." Guster's voice sounded worried and that in turn worried Lassiter.
"What? What 'Uh-oh'? Why is he so upset over this?"
"Why did you buy the canned stuff?"
Odd question, even more so since Gus seemed almost suspicious.
"Because the store was out of normal pineapple but I figured that given his obsession it wouldn't matter if the stuff was canned or not. Apparently I was wrong."
"Yeah, Shawn has a strange little complex regarding canned pineapple."
"Complex?"
"He's really serious about pineapple, so much so that he has a fear of sorts for canned versions of the fruit. In fact…"
When the other man didn't go on, Carlton frowned and his unease grew. "Guster?"
"My God, he thinks you're breaking up with him!"
"What?"
"Whenever someone gives Shawn canned fruit it's always been right before they leave him. It's also the last thing his mom gave him before she left. I guess he feels that canned fruit means that a person doesn't care about him anymore."
"That's…absurd!"
"I know but try telling him that. You know Shawn has a strange way of seeing things. Anyway, you just unintentionally gave him the worst news of his life."
"Aw, damnit." Lassiter sighed and rubbed at his forehead. "Okay, so what do I do to fix this?"
"Ummm, beats me."
"What do you mean? You don't know?"
"Nope, I guess the only thing you can do is convince him that you're not leaving him."
"And how do I do that?"
Gus sighed, sounding exasperated. "I don't know, he's your boyfriend you figure it out." With that the other man hung up, leaving Carlton to scowl at nothing. Sighing, he slid his phone back into his pocket and cast an uncertain glare at the bathroom door. One more sigh and Carlton set his shoulders in determination, he was not going to let some silly misunderstanding ruin the best relationship he'd ever had. Sure Shawn has some issues (canned fruit, really?) but then so did he (fear of snow globes for example) which just made them fit so much better because they both understand problems. Now though, it was time for Shawn to get a reality check.
He couldn't believe it. Canned pineapple. Lassie bought him canned pineapple. He'd thought things had been going awesome between them but obviously Shawn had been deluding himself.
Canned pineapples equals Lassie leaving. Shawn didn't think, no, he knew, that he couldn't handle it if Carlton left him. For the first time in his life Shawn was happy in a relationship. He'd felt no restlessness, no boredom, no urge to back a bag and hit the road. Hell, he had a feeling he couldn't leave Lassie even if he wanted to. The only problem with that sentiment was that he couldn't be sure Carlton felt the same. And obviously he didn't.
Shawn sat down heavily on the closed lid of the toilet, head in his hands. His tears were unstoppable, as was the breaking of his heart. He really should have known better. As if someone like Lassie, passionate, virtuous and honorable could ever truly care for a fraud like himself.
He laughed without humor into palms and scrubbed hard at his face, trying to wipe the wetness away.
What was he doing? Sitting here crying his eyes out in another man's bathroom, how mature was that? No, he couldn't do this. It was time to leave and never come back. It would take everything he had and it would hurt but he seemed to remember Seattle being pretty nice this time of the year.
Decided, he stood and stared at himself in the mirror for a minute before turning toward the door and pulling it open. Only to jerk back a step because Lassie was right there, in the doorway blocking his escape.
"Where do you think you're going?" Lassie's voice was low and toned with that sense of command that never failed to send a pleasant shiver down his back, and this time was not different.
"Home." He said shortly, ignoring the temptation that particular tone of voice offered.
"No."
Surprised and irritated at the quick shut-down, Shawn scowled. "Yes." He snapped. "Now kindly step out of my way."
Instead of backing away, Lassiter narrowed his eyes and stalked forward, his advance sending Shawn retreating until his legs hit the cabinet sink.
"Your home is here, Shawn." Carlton growled and Shawn froze, giving him the opportunity to crowd in, bodies close as he settled his hands on the fake psychic's waist. "And I won't let you leave, not when I need you so damn much."
Shawn swallowed but made no move passed that, his eyes fixed on some point over Lassiter's shoulder.
Carlton lowered his head until their mouths nearly touched and Shawn was forced to look him in the eyes. "Please." He whispered gently, "Don't leave me. If you promise me, right now, to never leave then I'll swear on my badge that I will never leave you. I want us to be together forever. Can you do that?"
"You…don't want to leave?" Shawn questioned softly, almost holding his breath.
"How can I? I love you, Shawn." Lassiter's intense blue eyes were serious and earnest and just like that the so-called psychic was lost in a way that he didn't care if he was ever found. His mouth moved completely without his permission, repeating those three words passionately before crushing their mouths together, sealing the deal.
The kiss broke all too soon but Shawn smiled with real emotion, embracing a happiness he hadn't felt in a long time and his soft, relieved sigh morphed into a moan as Carlton's wandering hands slid under his shirt.
"Also, I promise to never buy canned pineapple again." Lassiter said with a small smirk, startling an honest and loud laugh from Shawn before sliding to his knees and proving his feelings beyond his boyfriend's doubts.
Later they would return to the kitchen to find that offensive can gone and a real pineapple in its place along with a note, which read;
SHAWN:
I had a feeling Lassiter would convince you to stay but just incase I took the evil you know what and left you this as emotional support. If you're still around you'd better split it with me later or you'll owe me $2.50 on top of your other charges.
LASSITER:
If Shawn leaves consider yourself a dead man. Have a nice day.
BURTON GUSTER.
"How the hell did he get in here?"
"Never doubt the Jackal, Lassie."
"And what does he mean 'dead man'? Guster's afraid of ghosts and terrified of me, what makes him think he can take me?"
"That's Gus speak for he'll tell my Dad and Henry will kill you and he'll help dig the hole for your body."
"…Right…Of course."
"Aww, don't look so worried, Lass. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere so no worries, right?"
"Yeah, that's true."
"Besides, my Dad likes you so he'll probably only go as far as maiming. Maybe."
"Ugh."
"Lass? Lassie, where are you going? Carlton, I was kidding! Mostly. Carlton!"
ENDAuthor's Note(again): Alright, I just wanted to say that when I started writing this I intended for it to just be a funny little what would happen if Carlton bought Shawn canned pineapple instead of real pineapple thing but instead it became all angsty and then sappy and gah, not what I wanted to do but it's what came out. So, I'll live with it. Hope you liked anyway.