Okay, I just want to point out that everything before the first set of x's is a preface kind of thing. Everything after is before she starts cutting and stuff. Sorry if it's confusing. And there is going to be mentions of rape and self harm, just to warn you guys. Not in this chapter, though.

Disclaimer: I don't own *tear*

"When it falls apart and your feeling lost all your hope is gone, don't forget to hold on, hold on 'cause an empty room can be so loud It's too many tears to drown them out So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on"

xxxxxx

You know you have a major problem when every time you see something relatively sharp, like a piece of broken glass or a knife while you're doing the dishes, you think about whether or not it could cut your skin well.

That's my problem. I cut as an escape. Sometimes it works, sometimes I have to do it a few times before it helps. I know you're probably wondering how exactly harming myself helps with my problems, am I right? Well, it puts me in control of my own pain. I have the power to stop it, unlike everything else, I'm in control.

It's oddly reassuring. With everything going on, it makes me feel better to know that, at the end of the day, I am still in control of something. I can't save my parents marriage, I can't take my virginity back from the bastard that stole it, I can fix my broken heart, and I can't trust anyone, anymore, but I still have control over something.

And that is all that's keeping me from going over the edge.

My control.

xxxxxx

"Clare?" Ms. Dawes calls, pulling me out of my slumber. I didn't get much sleep last night, on account of my parents bickering. I don't know how much more I can take it. They fought until four thirty.

I shoot up, pulling my head off of the desk and glance around. My face turns a dark scarlet when I notice everyone staring at me. I bow my head slightly, in hopes my red cheeks would be less noticeable. "Sorry, Ms. Dawes. It wont happen again." I say, glancing up at her, threw my eyelashes.

"Clare, what time did you go to sleep last night?" Crap. What am I suppose to tell her? 'Oh, I was up until four in the morning, because my parents couldn't shut up long enough to let me sleep'? Yeah, I think not. My face turns a darker red and Eli turns in his seat slightly, confusion and worry apparent in his eyes.

I clear my throat before answering. "I, um, well-" Ms. Dawes cuts me off.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a detention." She says, and turns back around. "Now, who knows when-" I block out her voice, shocked. I have never gotten a detention. Well, besides that one with Eli. But still, my parents are going to- not even notice, I think. Tears well up in my eyes at the thought that my parents will be to busy fighting to even notice I'm not there.

"Clare?" Eli says, bringing me out of my miserable thoughts. I look up and see he's turned around in his seat, staring at me.

"You're going to get into trou.." I trail off, looking around to see that everybody is sitting with their English partners. I look back at Eli. "Um, what exactly are we suppose to be doing?" I ask, more than a little confused. I avoid his gaze.

Instead of the smirk I was expecting, he frowns. "Clare, are you alright?" Eli asks me, trying to catch my eye. I manage to avoid his questioning eyes.

Of course I'm not alright, my parents marriage is falling apart and my dad could careless, my best friend is ditching me to hang out with the girl that stole my boy friend and a guy that might be using her, I now have detention, and on top of all that, I think I just might be in love with you. Yeah, like I'm going to tell him that.

I put my poker face on. "Everything is fine," I lie and change the subject. "So? What are we suppose to be doing?" I question again. I don't want to put all my problems on him.

His smirk returns, but it seems forced and he study's me closely as he answers, "We're editing each others papers that we were suppose to have written yesterday…" He trails of when he notices the panic written all over my face. "You.. Didn't write it did you?" He asks, his fake smirk falling off of his face.

I swallow the lump rising up in my throat and hold back tears. I shake my head, not trusting my voice. He grabs my hand to calm me down. It doesn't really work, instead, my heart rate speeds up and I forget how to breath.

Both of which seem to go unnoticed by Eli as he says something about helping me write it. And as he's talking, the only thought I can process is that this really hot Goth guy is holding my hand. And, oddly enough, I'm enjoying it.

xxxxxx

It took all period, but Eli and I got my paper done. And I felt really bad that he wasted the whole period on me. "I'm really sorry you had to help me with my paper." I said as we walked out of English. "I never even got to edit yours." I really felt bad.

Eli stops walking and turns to face me. His eyes lock with mine as he says, "I didn't have too," He says, smirking. "I wanted too." I smile at him and he turns to walk away. I start to turn too, but he turns back, walking backwards towards his next class, he says, "You can make it up to me. Meet me at my parking spot after you get your stuff from your locker." He calls, smirking at me, before turning back around.

"Wait! Where are we going to go?" I call, but he just keeps walking and even though I can't see his face, I know he is still smirking. I smile and turn around, only to come face to face with the very people I have been avoiding for the last few months.

"Hey, Clare Bear." Jenna's sugary sweet voice hits my ears and I frown, avoiding their eyes, I search for an excuse to get away.

"H-hey," I say, my smile instantly dropping from my face.

"So, you and that emo kid, huh?" Jenna asks me, looking slightly disgusted. I scowl at her. How dare her, first she steals my boyfriend, and now she thinks she can waltz over her, with said ex, and ask me about my love life and trash my friend.

"He's not emo and he's not my boyfriend, and it's none of your concern." No matter how much I wish he was, I add mentally. She scowls back at me.

"Well, you don't have to be so rude." She says in her nauseating voice. She's one to talk.

I glance over her shoulder and find my escape. "You know, as fun as this little chat has been, I really have to go save Adam." I say, running past them and towards Adam, who is currently being harassed by Fitz. "Hey!" I call and Fitz and his cronies stop messing with Adam and turn to look at me. "Leave him alone, you jerks!" I say as reach them.

Fitz looks me up and down, licking his lips. I suddenly feel my lunch about to show itself again when he calls his friends off Adam and steps closer to me. I back up, fear apparent on my face, but he just steps closer until my back hit's the locker and his face is hovering above mine.

I look at Adam, my eyes pleading for him to go get help. He runs of towards Eli's next class, glancing back at me once, before disappearing around the corner. I slowly move my eyes back to Fitz, who is smiling widely at me.

"You know, I have always had a thing for smart girls," He says, playing with one of my curls. Okay, eww. His breath smells horrible, and I hate that he is so close that I can smell it.

"Poor me." I mumble under my breath, but, to my horror, he hears me. Fitz takes a hold of my shoulders and pulls me from the lockers slightly, only to slam me back against them again. I cry out in pain as my shoulders, back, and head hit the locker.

"What. Did. You. Say?" Fitz asks, his teeth clenched tightly. I frown, tears well up in my eyes as I look over his shoulder, hoping to see Eli, but he's not there.

I swallow before speaking. "N-n-nothing." I say, scared to death.

He smiles again and runs his dirty hand up and down my sides as he leans in to whisper in my ear. "You wanna go some where a little more private?" Instant pictures of him attempting to rape me ran threw my mind and I freaked.

"Let me go!" I shouted, shoving his shoulders as I tried to pry his hands off of me. Everybody passing by glances at us in mild interest, but doesn't stop to help me. Where the heck is Adam at with Eli?

"Hmm, let me think about that." He pauses, pretending to think.

"Wow. I didn't know you were capable of thinking." I'd recognize that smug, cocky voice anywhere. I look up and saw Eli. He looked angry. No, scratch that, he looked absolutely livid . I allowed myself a moment to be happy that he was so mad at Fitz for the position he had me in.

Fitz smirked at me. "Don't worry, red, we'll finish this later. I promise." Okay, I'm seriously about to barf here.

Eli came over and ripped Fitz off of me before punching him in the face. "If you ever touch her again, I will kill you." He says, throwing punch after punch. Wow, he's mad. I feel my face heat up a little and I smile. When Fitz gets out of Eli's grip and throws his own punch, I snap out of it and try to get them to stop.

"You guys, stop!" I call, but they ignore me and continue fighting, so I turn to Adam, who winces slightly when Fitz gets another hit in. "You have to stop them!" I say, in complete panic. He just shakes his head.

"There is no way I can stop them. Eli is pissed that Fitz had his hands on you and Fitz is pissed that Eli interrupted-" He pauses. "Well whatever he was doing." Adam says and I have to fight back a smile, because I'm flattered that Eli is so mad.

Finally, Principle Simpson cuts in and pulls them apart. "My office. Now." He says and heads towards his office and Fitz fallows him.

Eli turns his head and winks at me, before heading after Mr. Simpson and Fitz. I blush again and head towards my locker, before heading out to wait for Eli with Adam at his hearse.

xxxxxx

"So how much trouble are you in?" I ask Eli as I clean his lip off. He ais currently sitting on the hood of his hearse and I'm standing in front of him, waiting for Adam. He forgot his Algebra book in his locker, and he had to go get it.

"Well, it was either suspension for a week or detention for two weeks," Eli says. He is staring at me so intensely I feel a blush coming on. I busy myself with cleaning his lip.

"So which did you chose?" I question, turning to throw the bloody paper towel away. Eli stands up, too.

"Detention, my dad would kill me if I got suspended." He says and I turn around, only to come face to face with him. I feel my heart speed up and he steps a little closer, if that's even possible. And I thought my face was red before.

He leans in slightly and I'm paralyzed. All I can think is, "He's gonna kiss me. He's gonna kiss me. Oh my gosh, he's about to kiss me."

"You have something in your hair," His voice tickles my neck as he speaks and he lightly pulls a piece of lint out of my red hair.

I bit back a frown, more than a little disappointed that he didn't kiss me. Damn it. I mean, darn it. Sorry god, I send a quick prayer up to God.

It's weird, lately, I hadn't been as religious as I used to be. It's not that I've lost faith, far from it actually, I just don't feel as close to God as I once did. I guess I've been so busy with my family and friendships that are falling apart, that I just haven't had time for God. That thought made me feel horrible and I promised myself that when I got home later, I'd sit down and read the bible or something.

He backs away, his infamous smirk planted on his face.

"Hey guys! Thanks so much for waiting for me. If I had left my book, I would have failed that test tomorrow, for sure." Adam babbles on, and normally, I would have at least pretended to pay attention, but after the thing with Eli, I couldn't pay much attention to anything. Eli winks at me from behind Adam. Needless to say, I could have died on the spot.

I numbly walked to get into the passenger seat of the hearse, Adam sitting in the back, still chatting, not even noticing that we aren't listening. I was to busy freaking out on the inside and Eli was watching me out of the corner of his eye.

We dropped Adam off at his house and said our goodbyes, before heading to a place unknown. Well, to me it was unknown. "Where are we going?" I ask, speaking for the first time since we left school.

He just smirks, not even bothering to answer my question. I pout, "Eli," I know I was whining slightly, but I didn't care.

He glances at me for a split second, before turning his eyes back to the road in front of him. "Sorry, can't tell you that." He ignores my protests and turning the radio up and his screamo fills the silence.

I raise my eyebrows slightly when we pull up at the Dot. "The Dot? You couldn't tell me we were going to the Dot why?" I ask, kind of confused.

Eli smirks, man he does that a lot. "I didn't feel like it." He says as he opens the car door for me. I roll my eyes at his comment.

"Whatever," I mumble, not in the mood to argue with him.

He, again, opens the door to the Dot for me and we head in. After we get our orders, Eli breaks the slightly awkward silence. "Let's play twenty questions," Eli says, taking a bite of his burger.

"Okay, you start." I demand, hoping to give myself sometime to form a good question. Eli seems to think so too, according to what he says next.

"Need sometime to think of a question?" He raises an eyebrow at me. How does he read me so well?

I throw a fry at him, which he catches and shoves into his mouth. "Just ask me a question, already." I say, feigning annoyance, which he sees right through.

"Okay, okay." He puts his hands up in an 'I'm innocent' gesture. "What's your favorite color?" Eli asks and I pause to think.

"Very original," I mumble before answering. "Red." I say, deciding. "Now, I'd ask you, but I think it's pretty obvious what yours is." I mumble, chewing my burger. "Why do you drive a hearse?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"My grandfather owns a funeral home. And I got it for free, considering it keeps breaking down." He says, shrugging as if it was no big deal. And to me, it wasn't anymore. "Does it freak you out?" He asks.

"Is that your question?" I ask, before answering. He nods and I continue. "It did, a little bit at first. But, now, not so much," I shrug. He smiles a rare, genuine smile, which causes me to smile. "Your turn." I mumble, looking down.

"What type of music do you listen to?" Eli asks, finally deciding on a question after a few moments of silence. That's an easy question.

"Mostly indie rock, some punk and alternative." I say, before asking my own question. "Do you have any brothers or sister?" I ask.

"Nope." He pops the 'p'. "You?" I nod.

"Yeah, a sister. Her names Darcy." I say, frowning at the thought of her. I make a mental note to call her when I get home. I haven't talked to her in a while. "What's your favorite number?" I ask.

"18." Eli says, and pauses, probably trying to think of a question. My phone suddenly starts vibrating, so I pull it out to see a text from my mom.

Mom: Where are you?

I quickly type in a response.

Clare: At the dot. Y?

She responses pretty quickly.

Mom: Your father and I need to speak with you. Come home now.

I rack my brain, trying to figure out why they'd need to speak with me. I did the dishes, I made my bed, I haven't failed a class. So why? Then I remember Eli's words from a while ago and frown.

"Well, do you think their getting a divorce?"

Crap. I glance at Eli, who's openly staring at me. I clear my throat, "My mom wants me home. She says her and my dad need to talk to me." Worry is evident in my voice and he frowns.

"Alright." Eli says quietly, before paying for our food.

All I can think about on the ride home is why they'd need to talk to me. I prayed harder than I ever had before that they wouldn't tell me their divorcing. Eli held my hand the whole way home, but I was to distracted to blush and stuff.

When I walked through the door, after telling Eli goodbye and promising I'd call him when I got the chance, I walked up to the door. I paused, allowing myself a few minutes to prepare myself for whatever was going to happen next. "Hold on, Clare" I whisper to myself. When I open the door, I know instantly why I'm here. I swallow my tears.

Maybe I should have held on a little tighter.

A/n: Dun dun dun. Yay! My first cliff hanger. Anyways, I wont blame you guys if you hate me. Hell, I'd hate me too, but if I didn't end it here, I'd type at least five more pages before I found a good place to end it. And I didn't want to do that. So yeah.

Review and I'll love yah forever J