There's No Place Like Team Rocket

The day started out normally - well, as "normal" as it gets for Team Rocket. They tried the old pitfall plan again in an attempt to catch Pikachu. But, this time, Bulbasaur helped Ash and his friends out of the hole, and a good old-fashioned Pokemon Battle ensued.

"Go Wobbuffet!" Jessie called, throwing out the Pokeball.

James followed Jessie's lead. "Go Victreebell!" Then, after Meowth had pulled him out of Victreebell's mouth, he added: "Razorleaf on Bulbasaur!"

Ash smirked. "All right, Pikachu. Thunderbolt attack!"

"CHU!"

The electrical charge went through the trio, though by now they were pretty used to it. Even so, they screamed to make it look more dramatic.

"Staryu, hit 'em with your water gun!" Misty ordered.

The star did as it was told, and the spout of water sent Team Rocket up and out, blasting off once more and fading out with a ding.

"Razorleaf on Bulbasaur? Really?!" Jessie snapped as they soared through the air. "When there was a Staryu standing right there?"

"I didn't see your Wobbuffet helping!" James retorted.

"Wob!"

Meowth spread his paws sadly. "Why'd you even think that old trap was gonna work, Jess?"

"Well if you two had dug the pit as deep as I'd said, then-"

"Us?! You're the one who-"

They all trailed off, realizing with a start that while they'd been bickering, both Jessie and Wobbuffet were flying farther and farther away. Anger forgotten, James and Meowth threw out their arms and Jessie did the same, but Jessie's fingers were only just able to brush James's before momentum pulled her out of their reach.

"Jessie, come back!"

"I'm trying!"

"Wooob!"

Jessie was so busy trying to correct course - running, swimming, crawling, whatever might trigger those Team Rocket physics that always helped them land in one piece - that she didn't see the Pidgeot flying right at her. Her head smacked into it, and everything went black.

Jessie woke up in a sunny, happy-looking town. She rolled off of something uncomfortable, only to find it was her own Wobbuffet. "Where am I?"

She took in her surroundings. There were small cottages dotted along green lawns with a sparkling lake in the center. All of the houses were unusually small, like they belonged to Leprechauns or small Pokemon. A road made of red carpet ran through the center of the village.

"I don't think we're in Johto anymore," Jessie remarked.

"Wob!"

She stood up, dusting off her Team Rocket uniform and trying to figure out which way would get her back to James and Meowth. As she walked, she thought she saw little golden heads pop up from behind a wall. Jessie whirled, but they ducked down immediately, giggling.

Jessie glared at them, brandishing a paper fan. "All right, who are you!? Quit screwing with me!"

A white flag waved in the air, then six Pikachu heads popped into view. "Pika!"

"Huh?" Jessie was rendered speechless as parties of Pikachu came out of the houses, from behind trees, and over gates.

"Pika, Pikachu!" said a distinguished-looking one.

"Um, hi," Jessie said timidly. The wheels in her head were turning; if she could catch all these Pikachu, maybe the boss would give her a nice raise.

"Pi, Pikachu! Pika pi!"

Jessie smiled sweetly, holding out a hand. "Nice little Pikachu. I'm not gonna hurt you. Why don't you come with me and meet some friends of mine, hm? You can ride in a nice, comfy Pokeball too..."

The Pikachu cocked her head. "Pika?"

"Can't you understand me?"

"Pika!" She nodded. She pointed at Jessie, then back at herself. "Pi pikachu!"

"I don't have a clue what you just said, little rat, but if you come with me I know a great translator-"

The Pikachu let out a shrill whistle. A couple seconds later a turquoise cloud floated down from the sky. It landed on the ground, then took shape and became a boy in his early teens with black hair and a blue headband. He was wearing a lush silk robe that reminded Jessie of a sorcerer in a fantasy movie.

"Who're you?" Jessie asked.

"Uh..." the boy seemed to be thinking hard. "Just a sec." He pulled out a sketchpad, muttering, "What's my line, oh, what is it...?" He found what he was looking for. "RIGHT!" He tucked the sketchpad back in his robes, then looked at Jessie. "Ah-hem... are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"

"A good WHAT?" An anger vein popped out on her head. "Where do you get the nerve callin' a beautiful girl like me a witch, huh? Come down here and say that again, you little twerp!"

The magician held up his hands. "Oh, no, I don't mean it like it's a bad thing. I'm a witch - well, a warlock - too. Call me Terrance, the Good Warlock from the North. I just figured you were a witch since you defeated the Wicked Warlock from the East."

Jessie stopped inches from hitting the stranger with a mallet. "The who?"

Terrance pointed to a Pokemon League Hat hat lying next to an unconscious Pidgeot. "The Wicked Warlock from the East. Your Pidgeot and Wobbuffet slammed right into his Pokemon, defeating them in a single blow. Stripped of his power, the Pikkans were finally able to chase him away for good. He'll never be a threat to anyone again, thanks to you."

"This is making my head hurt," Jessie moaned. "Who or what is a Pikkan?"

Terrance gestured to all the Pikachus. "These are the Pikkans, the ones who live here. They've been terrorized by that warlock for years. But, now that he's gone, they can finally relax."

"Pikachu! Pika pi pika pika!"

He translated. "She says you flew out of the sky like an angel and rescued them from danger."

Jessie tossed her hair. "Angel, hm? Smart rat."

The Pikkan smiled. She let off another length of "pikas" that Terrance translated. "She says you're welcome to become the ruler of the Pikkan Territory, if you want."

Jessie's eyes lit up with sparkles. "You bet your little zig-zaggy tail I do!" She stuck out a hand towards the Pikkan leader, ready to seal the deal, but pulled back at the last second. "Oh, but I don't have any of my stuff."

Terrance cocked his head. "I'm sure we can get you anything you need."

"Can you get me a James and a talking Meowth?" She smirked. "I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when I tell them I'm a queen now."

"Wob?"

"Okay, and maybe I'll let them visit my palace if they ask nicely."

"Buffet!"

Terrance sweat-dropped. "A boy and a Meowth count as 'stuff'?"

Jessie ignored him. "So do you know how I can get back to Johto?"

"Johto?" He cocked his head again. "I don't remember reading about any Johto in my geography classes... of course, that was a few hundred years ago..."

"Where are we, anyway?" Jessie asked.

"Pikkan Territory, in the Land of Roz."

Now there was a place Jessie had never heard of. "Oh, who cares where I am? You're a wizard - send me back to my team!"

Terrance shook his head. "I can't do that. My powers don't go past the borders of Roz." He paused in thought. "But... you could ask The Boss."

Jessie winced. "Th-The Boss? Who's he?"

"He's a very powerful sorcerer, the greatest in all of Roz. That's why he's The Boss." Terrance tapped his wand, trying to remember something. "He lives in the middle of the country, in Sapphire City. If anyone can get you home and back, he can."

"Great. How do I get there?" Jessie asked, eager to return so she could bask in the glories of queendom.

The warlock was about to answer when a bright orange streak blazed through the air. All the Pikkans screamed, taking cover under anything nearby. The blur slowed to reveal a preteen girl sitting on a broomstick. She had on a magician's cloak, like Terrance, but also had a pointy hat and red suspenders. Her black, shiny tank top showed part of her stomach.

"All right, which one of you did it!?" she snapped. "Which one of you defeated my boyfriend!?" She glared at Terrance. "It was you, wasn't it!? You were always so jealous 'cause he was a better magician - I bet you attacked his Pokemon when he wasn't looking!"

"Actually," Jessie said, raising her hand, "that one's on me."

"YOU!" The witch turned her glare on Jessie. "You stupid third-rate witch! I'll turn you into a Magikarp and let you suffocate!"

Oops. Bad idea to say that. The witch raised her hand to fire; Jessie closed her eyes and wondered if it hurt much when you got turned into something else.

Nothing happened.

After a few more moments of nothing happening, Jessie opened her eyes again. "Why am I not a fish yet?"

Terrance laughed, tapping her head with his pencil. "Because I gave you the Warlock of the East's League Hat. Old Myst over there can't touch you now."

"Curse you!" Myst screeched at Terrance. "That's against the rules! You can't interfere in my personal business!"

"I can if we're in my territory," Terrance reminded her. "This may be the east, but it's also the northeast. You're useless around here, and I can help whoever I want. Now clear out, missy, before you get beaked by a bird, too!"

Myst looked like she wanted to blow something up, but only stomped her foot angrily. "Don't think this is the end! If she's going to Sapphire City she's going to have to leave your land, and then! Ah, then... I'll get you, and your little Wob too!" She snapped her fingers, and became another blur of orange. Myst was gone in a second.

"What a witch!" Jessie said once she'd left.

"Well... yeah," Terrance agreed. "That's the Wicked Witch of the West. I have a feeling you're going to have some trouble with her if you want to get to Sapphire City. You could just stay here, of course..."

Jessie bit her lip. As much as she wanted to be a queen, she didn't want to do it in a land where everyone spoke Pikachu-ese and the only other human was some sorcerer who vaguely reminded her of a twerp she used to follow around. Besides, even though she was a still a little angry at James and Meowth for messing up her perfect plan, she couldn't really imagine reigning a country without them in it. "No, I'll go home, but I'll be back soon."

Terrance shrugged. "If that's your choice, I won't stop you. To get to Sapphire City, just follow the red carpet road southwest. You can't miss it. It's a huge fortress made entirely out of crystal. Have fun. And remember, for the love of magic, don't take that hat off!"

Jessie wrinkled her nose. "But it really clashes with my uniform..."

"Trust me, it'll be worth it. Just follow the red carpet road..." Terrance turned back into a blob of turquoise, then disappeared.

"Follow the red carpet road?" Jessie shrugged. "Seems simple enough." She turned to her Pokemon. "Say, Wobbuffet, do you feel like you're in some real old-timey movie?"

"Wob?"

"Huh. Must be my imagination. All right, then, the red carpet road to Sapphire City, where The Boss will take me home!" Jessie marched off down the path, Wobbuffet close behind, with all the Pikkans waving her off.

Not half an hour into her trip, Jessie came upon a field of rose bushes. At the beginning of the field, the road forked, splitting in two directions. Jessie glanced up at the sky only to realize the sun was directly overhead. She scowled. "Okay, so which way is southeast...?"

"Well, most people would say right is right," a voice said.

Jessie whirled, but saw only more sky and rose bushes.

"But, then again, others think right is always wrong, so maybe left would be best." The voice paused. "It's a paradox, I think. Or maybe a conundrum...?"

"Who said that?" she demanded, looking in all directions.

"I did!"

Jessie looked down. There lay a boy about her age, half in and half out of a rose bush. With his dark blue hair pulled back in a short ponytail and friendly green eyes, he could have easily been James's first cousin. She took a startled step backwards, but he just waggled a few fingers at her in a little wave.

"Hi," he said.

"Uh, what are you doing down there?" Jessie asked.

"Looking for a lost bottle cap," he said. "What are you doing up there?"

"Trying to figure out which way to go. Do you think you could help?"

He thought for a moment. "Move to your right."

"Why?"

"Want me to help you?"

Jessie grumbled a "fine," then did as he said. He reached down where her foot had been and picked up something shiny.

"Thanks. I dropped this one, and you stepped on it as soon as I'd found it." He stood, dusting the grass from his pants with one hand. "I'm Florist."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Your name is Florist or you are a Florist?"

"Yes," he said. "And you are?"

"Uh, my name's Jessie." She pointed to the bottle cap. "So, you collect those?"

He nodded. "I've got just about every kind there is. The entire soda pop collection, in fact." His smile dropped. "Well, all except one." He stuffed the cap in his pocket. "I've been looking for it for years, and I can't find it anywhere."

"Aw, that's a shame. Now, about those directions?"

...Was what Jessie thought she'd said, but somehow Florist must have heard "Please, tell me more," because he leapt to his feet, clasped his hands to his chest, and cried: "The illustrious Golden Orange Soda Cap! There were only ten ever made! If I had that one, I'd have the entire soft drink collection, and then..." He flashed a victory sign. "Then I'd be famous, and rich, and famous! The first person to ever collect them all! The world would be my Shellder!"

Music started to play from somewhere. Jessie looked around. "Oh no... You're not going to sing, are you?"

He nodded, and immediately broke out:

"To have a complete collection,
It would be true perfection
My life would be a snap!
With the money I'd be makin'
The world would be mine for the takin'
If I... Only had that cap!

"No I woooouldn't have to spend
All that time at the cap conventions!"

"They have cap conventions?" Jessie asked.

"Uh-huh," he told her, and kept going:

"And my long quest would finally have an end...
To be complete! How sweet!
Aaaaand-"

Jessie held up a hand. "That's plenty, thanks."

"Are you sure? I've still got about three more verses."

"That's really not necessary."

"Your loss." He sighed, slumping against the rose garden's fence. "But it's no good. I'm never going to find it, and I'll always be some boring gardener selling roses to passerby." He looked up at her morosely through his hair. "Want to buy a flower for your boyfriend?"

"I'm good, thanks." Maybe it was because he reminded her so much of James, but Jessie felt a little sorry for him. "Uh, well, I'm going to see this sorcerer called The Boss. He's supposed to be all-powerful, so why don't you ask him?"

His frown turned to a smile. "Really? You don't mind me coming with you?"

"Sure, why not? I could use the company."

He hugged Jessie, nearly crushing her in the process. "Thank you so much! You must be the nicest person in all of Roz!" He released her just as suddenly, diving into the roses. In a moment he came back up with a perfect red one. "Here. It's not much, but once I have that bottlecap I'll buy you a mall or something."

She took the flower, hoping she hadn't just picked a total flake for a companion. "Uh, thanks, I guess. So, can you help me out?"

"Of course! What do you need?"

"Do you know which road leads to Sapphire City?"

"Nope."

"Do you know which direction The Boss lives in?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Do you at least know which direction is southeast?!"

"Ahh... can't say I do."

Jessie slapped her face into her palm. "Wonderful. You're a total flake and completely useless."

"Not to worry," he said cheerfully. "I have a patented way to find out which way to go. It never fails!"

"How's that?"

He dug around in his pocket until he pulled out a bottle cap. "Here we go." Florist tossed it in the air. "Brand name up is left!" He caught it as the cap landed brand name down. "Guess we'll go right."

Jessie face-vaulted. "That was your fool-proof solution?"

"Yep. Pretty useful, huh?"

"You are such an idiot. No wonder you remind me of James..." she grumbled, stomping off down the right fork.

He strolled along beside her, wagging a knowing finger. "You'll thank me when we reach Sapphire City. My cap technique never fails."

"It better not."

The two walked along in silence for a while - well, mostly in silence, at least. Florist kept looking at Jessie, clearing his throat, and then looking away again.

"What?" she finally snapped.

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but since you asked... did you know that hat is a major fashion faux pas with that uniform?"

Jessie hit him with a paper fan.

Before long Jessie and her new companion reached a peaceful-looking forest. They were walking along lazily, enjoying the shade that the branches gave them, when a crashing sound to their right echoed through the woods. It was followed by some shouts, and stumbling footsteps. In a couple seconds, the same noise of something hitting something else came, along with shouts, and more footsteps.

"What's that?" Jessie asked.

Florist whimpered. "You don't think it eats people, do you?"

The crashing reached the edge of the trees. Jessie sidled behind Wobbuffet, giving it an encouraging little shove in the back just as a brown-skinned, spiky-haired teenage boy stumbled out of the forest. He squinted hard at the travelers. "Um, hi... Man, I hope I'm not talking to a tree again..."

He started to walk towards them, but tripped over a rock. He fell forward, straight into Jessie's arms. Jessie blinked several times, staring down at him.

"Oh, good, you are real..." More squinting. "What's your name, mister?"

An anger vein popped out on her head. She hit him, sending him tumbling head over heels down the path. "Mister, huh? Then I suppose you're going to tell me that," she pointed to Florist, "is a fairy princess!"

Yet more squinting. "Is she?"

"She?" Florist looked confused. "Well, I know I'm not a girl... and I didn't get crowned overnight, did I?"

Jessie ignored him. "What's the matter with you, whatever-your-name-is!? Can't you see?" She waved a hand in front of his face. "Or maybe you just like to annoy beautiful women like myself!"

"A beautiful woman...?" He blushed. "Oh, I'm so sorry, miss! Of course, I don't see how I could have made the mistake! You're so lovely, and gorgeous, that I can't take my eyes off of you!"

"What color's my hair?" she asked dryly.

He squinted. "...Blue?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Real convincing, kid."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend, I just..." His face fell into a sorrowful frown. "It's a bitter tale I have to tell, a bitter one indeed."

Jessie sat down on a tree stump. "Bitter tale, huh? Okay, Romeo, let's hear it."

He made as if to wipe a tear from his eye. "Romeo? Yes, that was what everyone used to call me... in the happier days." He sniffled. "You see, not too long ago I was the most popular guy in the whole forest. The girls couldn't get enough of me! I was in heaven, enjoying all the ladies who I loved and who loved me back. Until..."

He pressed a hand to his forehead and spun once before collapsing to his knees. "HEARTBREAK! I woke up one morning to find that I couldn't see six inches in front of my face! It's all just one big blur! And the worst part... the worst part..." He threw back his head and wailed, "I CAN'T SEE ALL THE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS ANYMORE!"

Jessie heard that same chipper tune beginning to play and sweat-dropped. "You sing too, huh?"

"Yup," he agreed, and sang:

"It's really quite a pity
When there's no girls that I can see
My life's not very bright!
Of lovely ladies, there'd be plenty
I'd be seein' twenty-twenty
If I... only had my sight!"

Jessie was about to suggest that he just go see an eye doctor (assuming they had those in Roz) when Florist interrupted, sobbing uncontrollably.

"That is the most heart-wrenching story I've heard in years, and I've heard some doozies!" He ran up to the still-balling boy, cupping the stranger's hands in his own. "No one should be stripped of their ability to appreciate beautiful things - it's inhuman!"

The boy nodded miserably. "But what can I possibly do?"

Florist was too emotional for Jessie to get a word in edgewise. "There's only one thing you can do! You must come with us to Sapphire City, where The Boss will restore your precious vision!"

"He'd... he'd do that for me?"

"You probably don't need to bother The Boss about a pair of glasses..." Jessie finally managed to say, but Florist talked right over her: "Of course! He's The Boss, isn't he? I mean, if he's going to help her," he pointed to Jessie, "do a little thing like get home, I know he'd work on something as important as your sight!"

Jessie scowled. "A little thing? I don't even think I'm from this planet!"

The two boys weren't listening. The newcomer smiled wide. "Finally! After weeks of misery, I'll be able to look upon the glorious fairer sex once again! This is a dream come true!"

"Not so fast, kid." Jessie held up a hand. "I haven't agreed to this yet. What exactly are you bringing to this party?"

"What d'you mean?"

"We've all got a role to play here. I'm the beautiful and fearless leader, Wobbuffet is the animal mascot, and Florist is..." She glanced over at Florist, who was flipping a bottle cap and catching it. "What do you do again?"

He glanced over as the cap was in mid-flight, flashing a thumbs-up and a dazzling smile. "I'm a sparkling conversationalist!"

Florist might have looked cool if the bottle cap hadn't come back down to thwack him in the nose. Jessie sighed and shrugged. "Well, he's better conversation than Wobbuffet, at least." She twirled a finger at the boy. "So what do you do besides flirt with girl-shaped blurs?"

"I'm a Pokemon Breeder."

"Meh."

"Hmmm... oh! I'm pretty good cook." He dug around in his backpack, retrieving a three-tiered lunch box. He held it out in Jessie's direction. "Here, I made this before I left home today. See for yourself."

He pulled back the lid, revealing a variety of tiny rice balls, tempura shrimp, rolled omelettes, and other delectables. Jessie tested a shrimp cautiously... then her eyes lit up with sparkles and she attacked the tray with vengeance.

"All right, kid, you're hired!" she said around a mouthful of rice and pickled plum. "What's your name, anyway?"

"Breeder," he replied.

She stared at him. "That cannot possibly be your name."

"It's my job, so it's my name," he said. Jessie decided to let it go. "And you, fair angel, are...?"

"Jessie." Her hands inched towards the lunch box. "Now is there food on every tier of this, or...?"

Before he could answer, an orange streak whizzed by and landed atop a nearby cottage. It was Myst, of course, ready to cause more trouble. "So I see you hired a couple bodyguards. Not a bad idea, but they don't look too tough to me."

"My girl-dar is all a-quiver!" Breeder cried, stuffing the lunch box back in his bag (much to Jessie's dismay). "Where is she? Point me towards her!"

Jessie jerked his head none-too-lightly in Myst's direction. "Over there - and trust me, she's not your type."

Breeder squinted at the cottage. "She's rather wide, and so tall, too."

Myst sweat-dropped. "I thought I knew him. Breeder, the village flirt." She peered at Jessie's other new companion, who seemed to be studying a smudge on the sleeve of his jacket. "Let's hope your other bodyguard is a bit more competent, for your sake."

"Oh trust me, he's not," Jessie said dryly. She poked Florist in the back of the head. "Pay attention, and try to act menacing."

He nodded vigorously, squinting his eyes and gritting his teeth in what was supposed to be a tough act. It was everything but. Myst cackled. "That's right! Rose-Boy, from the fork in the road. Hey kid, look what I got!" She produced a golden bottle cap from her sleeve.

Florist turned serious immediately. "Where - where did you-!?"

She grinned, hitting the bottle cap with her wand. It shattered into ten pieces.

Jessie thought Florist was going to have a stroke. She had to hold him back so he wouldn't attack the powerful sorceress. "You witch! There's only nine left in the world now!"

"Well doesn't it just suck to be you?" Myst laughed again, sticking her tongue out at the three of them. "Good thing you got that hat, girl. But I'll figure out a way to get it, and then you'll pay!" And she disappeared in a flash of orange light.

"Good riddance," Jessie grumbled. She released her hold on Florist, who fell on his face in the process.

Breeder continued to stare at the house. "Gone? But she's standing right there. You must have worse vision than me if you don't see her, she's so large..."

Jessie grabbed him by the collar and dragged him off into the forest, berating him as she went. Florist followed close behind, muttering dire threats as to what he'd do to Myst if he ever saw her again.

The forest darkened a good deal as they continued, growing thicker the further they walked. Florist had given up cursing the Wicked Witch of the West's name and was now concentrating all his brain-power on looking for dangerous things in the woods. "Wh-what sorta stuff d'you think lives out here?" he asked.

Breeder, still half-carried by Jessie, waved a hand dismissively. "Lots of stuff. I lived on the edge of this forest most of my life, you know. But, let me see... mostly Houndooms, Pinsirs and Ursarings."

"Houndooms, Pinsirs and Ursarings?" Jessie repeated.

"Oh my!" Florist yelped.

Jessie promptly hit him with a paper fan. "You're supposed to be my bodyguard, so act like one!" She was about to hit him again, just for the heck of it, when a rustling in the bushes stopped her. "What was that?"

Breeder cocked an ear to the shrubbery. "Sounds like an animal."

"D-dangerous?" Florist whimpered, one hand over his eyes and the other above his head, just in case Jessie decided to smack him again. "Is it gonna eat us?"

"Hm..." The bushes rustled again. Breeder shrugged. "Can't tell what it is. Only one way to find out." He cupped a hand to his mouth, shouting into the woods, "Come out come out whatever you are!"

Jessie held her breath as the shrubs parted, a small shadow the only thing visible. A high-pitched, over-the-top British accent greeted them. "Why shouldn't you take a Pokemon to the bathroom with you?"

Florist blinked. "Um, why?"

The shadow jumped out into the road, holding a microphone in one hand. Jessie relaxed visibly when she saw it was a Meowth. "Because it'll Pikachu! Get it? Peek at you? Haha... aha..." All that greeted his weak joke was cricket chirping. "Oh, come on, get it? Really, don't y'get it?"

"Oh, we get it," Breeder said. "It's just, well..."

"Terrible," Jessie interrupted. "The pun sucks and your delivery is way off."

The Meowth was briefly crestfallen, but perked up a moment later. "Well, if y'don't like that, 'ow about this?" He paused in thought, cleared his throat a few times, then continued. "Did ye 'ear about the low-fat Pokemon?"

"Butterfree," they all three answered in unison.

The Meowth's ears drooped. "You're just like every other bloody audience I get."

Jessie heard the oh-so-familiar music start up in the background, and knew what was coming next.

"Y'know in all these woods
There's nothin' quite so good
As bringin' laughter to the blokes!
I'd be so very funny
An' be makin' lots of money
If I... only 'ad good jokes!"

The cat couldn't continue singing. Without warning he threw his head back and cried to the trees. "I'M THE WORLD'S WORST COMEDIAN!"

Jessie winced at the screech. "Every comedian goes through slumps once in a while! You just need to find some new material!"

He continued his wailing. "BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE T'GET NEW MATERIAL! ALL THE FOREST POKEMON KNOW EVERY JOKE I KNOW! IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Breeder gritted his teeth against the ear-splitting noise, covering his ears in the process. "We've got to figure out a way to get that cat to shut up!"

"Wo-o-o-bbuffet!"

The only idea came from Florist, who had to shout to be heard over the bawling animal: "Why don't you come with us to The Boss? I bet he could give you new material!"

"THE BOSS? THAT WIZARD CHAP? WOULD 'E DO THAT F'ME?"

Jessie wasn't too keen on getting another useless companion, but it was preferable to having her eardrums blown out. "Yes, yes! You can come with us if you'll stop that screeching!"

The tears immediately dried up on the Pokemon's face, and the forest was once again silent. "Thanks. I appreciate that, seein' as 'ow y'don't even know me. I'm Meowth, Feline Comedian and Pun Extraordinaire."

"I'm Jessie, this is my Wobbuffet, and this is Florist and the Tall Twerp."

"Wobba!"

"Um actually, my name's Breeder?"

"Yeah, but I'm not calling you that," Jessie told him, before turning back to the Pokemon. "So, Meowth, do you know if we're going the right way to Sapphire City? If not, do you at least know what direction is southwest?"

He nodded confidently. "This path leads straight southwest, if that's wot you're asking. The forest thins out soon, too, and then it's smooth sailin' t'Sapphire City. Can't say I've been there meself, but I 'ear it's a real gem of a place."

Jessie couldn't help but smile - not at the pun, of course, that was atrocious, but at his information. Maybe this Meowth wouldn't be useless after all. And, she thought as her smile turned into a smirk, there was another way he could come in handy, too. "Listen, I have a confession to make. Wobbuffet aside, these guys are pretty much dead weight for me."

The pair didn't seem to mind being called "dead weight" at all; Florist was clipping a rose from a nearby bush and Breeder was rummaging around in his bag, apparently searching for something.

"Yes, m'gel, I see wot y'mean," Meowth agreed. "Anythin' I can do to 'elp you get them t'Sapphire in one piece?"

Jessie grabbed Breeder by the shirt collar, shoving him in the Pokemon's direction. "Think you can be a seeing-eye cat?"

Meowth stared at her. "You've got t'be joshin'."

Before he could blink, Jessie had pulled a collar out of nowhere, snapped it on his neck, and given the leash to Breeder. "Oh, it's an easy job. You just have to lead him around any rocks or shrubs or whatever. That's a fair trade for a meeting with The Boss, right?"

Breeder squinted at the Meowth. "Aw, you got me a puppy. Good little Growlithe."

Meowth face-vaulted. "I'm sure there's some 'umor in this situation, but I fail t'see it. Oh bollocks, wot have I gotten meself mixed up in?"

Jessie ignored his complaints, pulling Florist away from his rose bush. "C'mon, the sooner we get to Sapphire City, the sooner I can dump you off."

Florist's eyes turned big and gooey. "I can't wait. You really think The Boss will help us all?"

"Well I bloody well 'ope so!" Meowth huffed. "Me life isn't meant t'be spent playin' nursemaid!" He tugged on the leash, pulling Breeder along. "Hup to it, old thing, or I'll leave you behind, so I will!"

Breeder found himself being pulled along rather forcefully, as Meowth made zero effort to find the smoothest path forward. Somehow the boy managed to stay upright, though how Jessie would never know. "Hey, slow down, Fido."

"Fido!?" Meowth shrieked. "Do I look like a blinkin' dog t'you!?"

Florist set a hand to his chin. "Hm... not especially, no, but if your ears were a bit longer and your tail a bit shorter... I could understand his confusion, really, though I see you more as a Rover than a Fido."

The furious cat immediately clawed both boys across their faces. "I'm a bloody Meowth! A MEOWTH! Why did I agree t'accompany a caravan of blitherin' fools!? This is far below me standards, so 'tis!"

Jessie might have helped him if she hadn't been leaning against a tree, shaking with fits of laughter. Meowth strode by her, dragging Breeder behind, with Florist in their wake. "D'you think we could be on our way, now?"

"Aye aye, Captain Fido," Jessie teased, leaning on both Florist and Breeder as she continued chuckling. "You know, I think I could actually get to like you guys. As long as there's no real danger, this'll be more like a vacation then a 'quest,' or whatever you people in Roz wanna call it."

Meowth sniffed disdainfully. "I'm glad someone sees this as a lovely escapade, but I'll be much better off after we've met The Boss!"

Florist and Breeder had to agree with the cat. Unknowingly, they had adopted part of Meowth's (really, very over-the-top) accent, saying as they tried to soothe the gouge marks on their faces, "Rather!"

They looked at each other, chuckling.

Meowth's whiskers bristled in mock irritation, but he was working hard to keep a straight face. "I say, chaps, don't go stealin' me bally accent now, wot!"

If there had been any Houndooms, Pinsirs, or Ursarings around, they were long gone, scared off by the group's laughter.

Meanwhile, far away from the quartet, Myst had worked herself into a royal fit, blowing up various items that stood around the room.

"It's not fair!" she shouted as she kicked a vase over, disintegrating it with a backwards zap. "That stupid girl and her stupid Wobbuffet! I can't do anything to them unless I get that hat! And if they reach the Boss before I get it, I won't have a chance! It's not fair!" She looked up, eyes turning somewhat googly. "Oh, my darling defeated boyfriend, whatever would you do in my place? How can I stop them from reaching that blasted city?"

Togep, the leader of her flying Devilpi army, burbled on the windowsill.

"I know I have to attack her weakness, but I don't know her weakness!" Myst argued back. "Think, Myst, think, there has to be a way to stop her and her little friends in their tracks..."

"Tookie prrrrrri!" Togep suggested.

"Hm? Her vanity? How can you tell she's vain...?" Myst looked through the crystal pool which showed her the quartet's every move. Jessie was currently trying to smooth her uniform down and complaining about hat hair. "Togep, my little pet, you're a genius! Now, how can I work that weakness...? Of course!"

Myst conjured a mirror in the middle of the path about a mile ahead of the group, cackling to herself. "That should stop her long enough for me to snatch that hat off. Bwahahaha, I love being me!"

It wasn't long before Jessie and company reached the edge of the forest. Once the trees gave way, Sapphire City was clearly visible to the entire group... well, except Breeder, of course.

"Isn't that gorgeous?" Jessie said, viewing the twisting towers made of crystal. "Inside lies my ticket out of this place-"

"-Lots of new jokes-" Meowth added.

"-Not to mention a shiny new bottle cap." Florist smiled dreamily, drooling slightly. "And all the food we can eat." He grabbed Jessie's hand, yanking her down the path at a breakneck pace. "I can't wait, I'm starving! Hamburgers, ramen, pizza, sushi-"

Jessie couldn't help but get a little excited herself. "Probably all free, I won't have to steal a bite! After all, I am the Queen of the Pikkan Territory!"

The pair dashed down the road, Wobbuffet bouncing along behind them, leaving Breeder to stand helplessly with a hand outstretched in their direction. "Um... you guys... I can't actually see the city, so..."

"Proper sensitive, those two are," Meowth drawled. He took Breeder's hand and the two shared a small smile. "C'mon, then, we'll go together." Meowth watched the figures of Jessie and Florist become smaller, sighing wistfully. "I sure 'ope they save some of that food for us. I could use a good meal in me stomach."

"Er, about that..." Breeder dug a pair of rice balls out of his bag, passing one to Meowth. "I was going to suggest a snack break, but they ran off before I had the chance."

Meowth smirked. "Well if we don't catch 'em we'll just 'ave to eat their portions too, eh?"

It turned out the cat didn't have much too worry about. After following the red carpet over a few hills, he nearly ran slap-bang into the duo. Meowth managed a wry grin. "Glad you decided to..." He trailed off, noticing that the duo weren't paying any attention to him. "Er... Jessie, m'gel? Florist, old lad?"

The bottle cap collector barely heard Meowth call his name. He was looking miserably into a full-length mirror. "Ugh, you can tell I've been sleeping in the woods for days." He tried to pull a piece of hair out of his eyes, but it promptly fell back into place. "That's what happens when you have to take a bath in stream water - your hair just doesn't get the right nutrients."

Jessie held the end of her own hair distastefully between fingertips. "Split ends. I hate split ends!" She ran a hand over her lips. "And I miss my lipstick. That ruby red really brought out my eyes."

Meowth blinked. "Wot's the matter with you two?"

"Huh, you're complaining?" Florist moaned, pointing to a barely noticeable red dot right on his hairline. "Look at this! I can't believe I have a pimple! If I'd brought my face wash along this never would have happened!"

Breeder sweat-dropped. "Is this really the time to be thinking about makeovers?"

Jessie and Florist whirled to glare at the hapless teen. "EVERY TIME IS A GOOD TIME TO BEAUTIFY YOURSELF!"

"Of course, silly me," he whimpered, backing away with his hands up.

Jessie lifted the cap slightly from her head. "Ugh! Hat hair! If there's one thing I hate more than split ends, it's hat hair! All my beautiful locks, now with static and," she shuddered, "frizzed!"

Florist shrieked. "FRIZZED!? That's my worst nightmare!" He grabbed her hands, crying out of sympathy.

Jessie's eyes filled with tears as well. "I know, I know! To see perfection like ours ruined-"

"-Is too painful to bear!" he finished mournfully.

The baffled Meowth, Breeder, and Wobbuffet could only stare as the duo had pulled out stools and various brushes, combs, make-up, and other items from nowhere, plunking down in front of the mirror and going to work.

"I'll have to pluck this-"

"I need some hairspray for this-"

"And a quick trim here-"

"Do you have any vanishing cream?"

"Right here."

"Oh, thanks."

Meowth cocked his head. "You figure the mirror's been enchanted?"

Breeder squinted as hard as he could. "There's a mirror?"

The cat face-vaulted. "Well, that would explain why it didn't affect you, and I s'pose it didn't affect me because I'm a Pokemon..." He approached the mirror cautiously, poking at the glass. "'Ow d'you s'pose we get rid of it?"

"Break it?" Breeder suggested, trying to feel his way towards the cat.

Meowth snorted. "You li'l twit. If it's an enchanted mirror, d'you really think it'd be so easy to-"

At that moment Breeder tripped, bumping into Wobbuffet, who sprawled into the full-length mirror and knocked it to the side. It came toppling down, nearly hitting Meowth and shattering glass everywhere.

Breeder smirked. "So I'm a little twit, am I?"

Meowth bowed humbly. "I shall reflect upon the error of my ways."

"Wobba!"

Before they could celebrate, the trio were set upon by a pair of very angry beautifiers.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" Florist demanded.

"I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TOUCH UP MY EYELINER!" Jessie screeched.

Meowth hid behind Breeder. "B-but you were under the spell of that mirror. We were only tryin' to 'elp..."

"What are you talking about?" Jessie demanded, jamming the hat firmly back on her head. "The only spell I was under was being entranced by how beautiful I am even when I'm not at my best."

Florist nodded seriously. "And if that's considered a curse, then I'll live with the curse."

"Hmph!" they said as one, noses in the air.

"W-wob..." the Pokemon apologized, saluting its master.

Breeder cocked his head. "You mean there wasn't a spell?"

"'Fraid not, m'boy," Meowth informed him. "Looks like it was only a couple of narcissists with their biggest weakness right in front of 'em."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Jessie and Florist roared.

Meowth ducked behind Breeder again. "I, uh, I said that we don't 'ave t'look far t'find the cutest people in the world, 'cause we're right in front of 'em!"

"Oh. Okay."

It didn't take long to reach the gates of Sapphire City, which was a blessing since Breeder and Meowth were afraid Jessie and Florist would tear their heads off at any second. As soon as they got to the gate, Wobbuffet pounded on it, smiling helpfully at Jessie.

A small peep hole opened up and a pair of brown eyes looked out at them. "Yeah, what do you want?" he asked in a scratchy voice.

"We want to see The Boss. Um, please?" Jessie explained. "I need to ask-"

"No one sees The Boss," the guard snapped back. "He's a very private kinda guy."

"But I need the golden bottle cap!" Florist whined.

"And I wanna see girls again!" Breeder cried.

"I've got t'get that new material!" Meowth wailed.

"And if I don't get out of this place soon I'm gonna lose it!" Jessie added.

He sighed. "Look, folks, what would happen if The Boss granted everyone who came stumbling down the red carpet road a wish, huh? He'd never have time for anything else. Now I'm sure you can all find perfectly good solutions to your problems if you really want to, so beat it. I got better things to do than chat with the likes of you."

"But you're a door guard, right?" Florist asked.

"Yeah."

"So exactly what 'better thing' would you have to do than talk to the people at the door?"

The guard's eyes narrowed. "Just go back to whatever backwoods village you came from." He started to close the window, but hesitated as everyone outside the city looked up and began screaming.

Following the gazes of the civilians, they all saw the Wicked Witch of the West, laughing atop her broomstick, write in orange foam: "Give me Jessie or face my wrath! Mwahahahah"

"Where's the last 'A'?" Meowth wondered.

"I ran out of orange foam, okay?" Myst shouted down at the cat. "You heard what I said, Jessie, so just give it up or I'll really get nasty! Yahahahahahaha!" And she was gone.

Breeder squinted. "Whatsit say? Someone read it to me? C'mon, Jessie, tell me what it says!"

"Jessie?" The guard gasped. "The witch's Jessie? That's you?"

She glared at him, just about ready to break the door down. "Yeah, got a problem with that?"

He surprised her by laughing. "No, no, of course not! Why didn't you say so in the first place, though? If I'd known you were a celebrity... Well, that's a Ponyta of a different color!"

Jessie sweat-dropped at the really bad metaphor. "So you're going to let me see this Boss guy?"

"Of course!" His eyes disappeared from view, and moments later the door opened. A teenager who looked disturbingly like Butch greeted them. "Ah-hem... Welcome... to... Sapphire City!" He waved a hand at the town dramatically.

"Yeah, yeah, real nice. Now where's The Boss?"

The Butch-guard's face fell. "Aren't you overwhelmed by its stunning beauty?"

"I'll be overwhelmed later. Right now I just wanna see The Boss."

Butch, as Jessie decided to call him, shook his head and made a clucking noise with his tongue. "Not right now you aren't. We have to get you cleaned up and into some proper attire, not like that skimpy little-" Jessie's head got about ten times the size of her body and Butch immediately changed his tune, "I mean, that lovely uniform! It really is beautiful, very nice, but Sapphire City has its dress codes. You understand, of course."

"I'm pretty lost, to be honest..." Florist began, but was immediately yanked into a changing room, as were the others, where they were given everything from a pedicure to new outfits to an annoying song that would remain in their head for hours.

"Hahaha, Hohoho
And a couple of deedeedees,
That's how we laugh the day away
In Sapphire City."

Jessie would have liked to rip her ears off. "Can I please go one day without someone in this country singing at me?!"

A few hours later, the gang met up outside the entrance to The Boss' room, all dressed in spotless white dresses and suits. Jessie pawed the hem of her skirt unhappily. "This outfit is so boring."

Florist sighed. "I don't mind the color, but they could have jazzed it up with some splashes of red or something."

"Oh, I dunno," Breeder said, smiling at his reflection in a window. "I think the white brings out the green in my eyes."

"Your eyes are green?"

The doors to The Boss' room opened, as if by - doodoodoo - magic. "ENTER!" An echoing voice ordered. Jessie went first, followed closely by her friends. Meowth started singing quietly:

"Hahaha, hohoho
And a couple of deedeedees..."

The Rocket shot him a glare and sang:

"And I will ring your kitty neck
If you don't stop that singing."

They continued down the long, dark hallway, Florist getting a little more frightened with every step he took. "M-maybe I don't want that bottle cap so much after all..."

"Oh, stop bein' a scaredy-cat," Meowth said, chuckling at his own joke.

"Scared? Me? NEVER! It's just that I'd like to live to see my next birthday, you see..."

The room widened suddenly. Flames shot up from a podium in front of them, and a shadowy figure roared, "WHO DARES CALL UPON THE BOSS!?"

Meowth dove behind Jessie, who in turn dove behind Florist, who then hid himself as best as he could behind Breeder. Since Breeder couldn't see the figure, only hear a voice, he was easily the best one off. "Er, ah-hem, excuse me, Mr. Boss, sir..."

"QUIT BEATING ABOUT THE BUSH AND SPIT IT OUT."

Florist whimpered and tried to run, but Jessie held him firmly in front of her. Breeder coughed to clear his throat. "We came to ask some favors."

"INDEED?"

Jessie, realizing he always spoke like he was pissed off, got her courage back and stepped forward. "Yes, your Boss, uh, ness. I need to get back to Team Rocket."

"And I need the golden bottle cap!"

"And I need to see girls again!"

"And I need some new jokes!"

"Wob!"

"YOU KNOW I CAN'T JUST GO AROUND GRANTING WISHES TO EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY IF THERE ISN'T ANYTHING IN IT FOR ME."

Jessie dug around in her pocket. "I got about three dollars and a matchbook. Will that do?"

"CERTAINLY NOT! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, A THIRD-RATE BOSS? HM... WHAT SORT OF POKEMON DO YOU HAVE?"

"Huh? No way, I'm not giving up Arbok or Wobbuffet!"

"Wobba-wobba!"

"THEY'RE NOT VALUABLE ANYWAY." Jessie gritted her teeth at that but had the good sense not to argue. The Boss sat in pensive silence for a moment, then spoke so suddenly it made the four jump. "IF YOU CAN KILL THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST... AND BRING ME MYST'S BROOM... THEN I WILL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT."

"The Wicked Witch of the West!?" they all shouted at once.

"No way!"

"She's got magic powers!"

"And she's super evil!"

"You stupid git! No one could kill the witch without gettin' themselves killed first!"

"WATCH WHO YOU INSULT, CAT! I COULD TURN YOU INTO A MARILL, YOU KNOW." Meowth shut his, well, meowth. The Boss chuckled darkly. "OF COURSE I MADE IT HARD - THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT. GRANTING WISHES IS A TOUGH BUSINESS, YOU KNOW. THAT'S MY OFFER. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT."

Jessie snorted, trying to sound braver than she felt. "Myst is all talk. I can take care of her like that." She snapped her fingers to make her point.

"Uh, Jess..." Breeder began.

She ignored him. "She's tried to stop us before and couldn't, so why would she be able to now?"

"Jessie, m'gel..." Meowth started to say.

"SO YOU'LL TAKE THE OFFER?"

"Of course!"

"Jess?"

"What do you want, Florist!?"

"The witch in her own territory is about ten times stronger," he hissed in her ear. "Plus she's got these flying Devilpi things, and... well, lots of scary stuff... and I don't know if the hat'll be enough to protect us all in her land..."

"It won't?" she asked uneasily.

Breeder shook his head. "I'm not sure it'll even be able to protect you."

Blue lines appeared under her eyes. "So I just made an impossible deal that's going to end in us as cinders?"

"Wot d'you mean us?" Meowth snapped. "I'm certainly not goin' there, even if it means I'll never be a good comedian!"

"Blurry girls are better than none," Breeder added.

"You know, one bottle cap really isn't such a big deal..." Florist contributed uneasily.

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL, A BUNCH OF COWARDS?!" Jessie roared, flames sprouting up behind her as she brandished a mallet in their faces. "Gonna leave a poor helpless girl and her Wobbuffet all alone in the woods to defend themselves!?"

"Wob-buffet!"

"Um, you know, a bottle cap really is very important!" Florist said quickly.

"I'm willing to lay down my life for those ladies!"

"Comedy is me game, and I've got t'play it as well as I can!"

"Let's go get ourselves killed!" the trio shouted happily. Before Jessie could say another word, they'd dragged her down the hall and out the door, on their way to Myst's Realm.

As the door slammed shut, the Boss sweat-dropped. "AND I THOUGHT I WAS SCARY."

In what seemed like only a few seconds, the four companions were walking along a dark, dreary path in Myst's territory.

"Did I mention I was really really scared?" Florist whimpered.

"Only about twenty times," Jessie growled. "Calm down. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Something howled to the right of them. Habit took over and Jessie leapt into the most James-like pair of arms, which worked out because Florist had the same thought. They shared a fear-hug and an uneasy shiver.

"Wot was that!?" Meowth cried.

Breeder looked about as nervous as the others. "I sure hope it wasn't one of Myst's flying Devilpis. They'll show up before long, you know."

"O-of... of course it wasn't," Jessie assured them. She untangled herself from Florist and stepped forward again, forcing courage. "Ha, the idea! Myst's more afraid me then I am of her, I'll bet!"

"Y'knees are shaking," Meowth pointed out.

Jessie giggled and pressed down hard on her legs. "Your eyes are playing tricks on you. I'm as brave as... as..." A screech echoed from above. "Okay yeah I'm scared now."

Just as the four were about to turn tail and run back to Sapphire City, a black mass of Pokemon swept out of the sky and onto the travelers. Sure enough, Myst's personal winged army had come, just like Breeder had predicted.

The leader, a big nasty-looking one called Togep, burbled out orders to his henchmen. "Too! Kee! PRRRRREEEEEE."

Florist swatted at one of the egg-shaped minions. "There's no end to them!" One of them reached into his backpack and pulled out his bottle cap collection. "Hey! Give it back!" He dashed after the cackling Devilpi, straight into the woods.

Breeder batted about with his fists. "Where are they? C'mon, I can take you!" A swimsuit magazine was pushed none-too-lightly in front of his face. "Ooooh... Hey, now that's one fine-lookin' lady..."

Meowth, who wasn't about to be side-tracked by trivial things like cap collections or beautiful women, was simply hung from the highest tree branch by his tail. "You blaggards! That's cheatin', s'not fair! You come back 'ere and I'll give you wot for!"

Jessie was attacked rather viciously by most of the herd. She managed to thwack a few of them to the ground before the rest grabbed and lifted her clear off the ground, along with Wobbuffet. She groped madly for her supply of mallets, pans, and fans, but couldn't seem to quite reach them.

"Put me down! You stupid eggs, as soon as I get to my frying pan I'll teach you a lesson you won't soon - ow! You bit me! Why you little... let go of my arms! I can still kick you know - hey! That isn't fair, I'm outnumbered! FLORIST, MEOWTH, TWERP, HEEEEEEELP!"

"WOOOOBBUFFEEEET!" screeched her Pokemon.

Florist looked up from where he was busily counting the number of caps, making sure they were all still there. "Was that-?"

Breeder took his eyes from the magazine to turn them skyward. "That sounded like-"

Meowth struggled on the tree branch till he finally broke free... and fell a rather long fall to the ground below. "It's Jessie, you dolts! They've gone 'n' kidnapped 'er! Ow, ow, ow! Me poor paws, me poor tail!" Getting up somewhat shakily, he snatched the magazine from Breeder and tossed it over his shoulder into the forest. "Now come on! If Myst gets that hat from Jessie, she'll cap off her night by takin' revenge on us, too!"

"Not to mention Jessie'll get turned into a Magikarp," Florist added, coming out of the woods with his bottle cap binder clutched to his chest. "I wonder if that hurts?"

Meowth dragged Breeder through the forest, Florist close behind. "Myst's castle should be this way. We should reach it soon. 'Urry up, will you, 'oo knows wot sort of nasty things that witch 'as planned for her."

"Yeah, okay, great," Breeder grumbled. "We save Jessie, kill the witch, get our wishes, happily-ever-after. Just one question."

"Yes?"

"WHY did you THROW AWAY my MAGAZINE?"

Jessie was flown through a window and plunked none-too-lightly into a darkened room at the top of Myst's castle. "Ouch! If you're gonna kidnap me you could've at least done it nicely!"

"Wob!" Wobbuffet agreed as he was dropped next to her.

She looked around warily, noting the collection of arcane artifacts that looked vaguely like a chemistry set. "This room gives me the creeps. Well, at least we're safe for the moment. No Myst, either." She laughed, confidence returning once more. "Hah, I knew she was afraid of me! Some witch she is!"

As if on cue, there was a puff of orange smoke from across the room and Myst solidified smugly in front of her. "I told you I'd get you before long! Pretty dumb of you to walk right into my territory, but then again, with the bodyguards you picked I shouldn't expect anything bright from you."

"Hey!" Jessie cried. "That's no way to talk to the Queen of the-"

"Oh give it a rest! I don't care if you're the Queen of England..."

"Um, Myst?"

"Yeah?"

"There's no 'England' in Roz."

"Oh! Right." Jessie sweat-dropped. Myst went on. "At any rate, you have no power in my castle! Now, the hat!"

She advanced towards Jessie, who readied a mallet to defend herself. Myst, however, didn't get any closer than a foot before the baseball cap sent out a blast of lightning and zapped her good and hard.

"OUCH! I should've known my dear boyfriend would bewitch the thing! Looks like I can't get at it while you're alive..." An evil glitter appeared in the witch's eyes. "Not while you're alive, but..."

Jessie's own eyes widened in response. "Huh? Oh, no way. No WAY! You can take the freakin' cap if it's that important!" Jessie tried to take it off, but only got a shock for her troubles. "What?! Terrance never told me I couldn't give it to you!" She was about to make a bolt for the door, when she realized something. "Wait a sec... You can't hurt me while I've got the hat, and you can't get the hat until I'm dead. You can't win, can you?"

Myst blinked. "I can't? I guess not..." She sat down in front of the room's door, thinking hard. "I've got a hundred tricks, one for every year of my life, there's got to be something..." She snapped her fingers. "Sometimes I'm so stupid!"

"Can't argue with that," Jessie said weakly as the witch rummaged through a shelf of supplies. She started to edge quietly to the door. "So, what exactly are you looking-?"

"Ah-HAH!" Myst pulled out an hourglass, cackling evilly. "This'll fix your little red wagon!" Myst touched the bottom of the hourglass to Jessie's hand before she had time to jerk away, then turned it so that the sand was slowly running down. "An old gift from my sister. When that runs out, you're done for. Then I get the hat and revenge for my boyfriend's death!"

Jessie sweat-dropped. "So you'll be putting me in an easily escapable situation involving an overly gruesome death?"

"Of course! It's classic."

"Ehhhh." Jessie wobbled her hand back and forth. "From one bad guy to another, it's a bit cliche."

"Doesn't matter as long as it works," Myst said. "And my guards'll be on the lookout for your friends, so don't think you'll be getting any help from them!"

Jessie snorted. "Please, you think I'm relying on them? I can escape on my... own..." The room spun and she stumbled, catching herself on the edge of a chair. "What... why...?"

Myst smirked. "With every grain of sand that falls, the hourglass saps more your strength. Good luck running away while you're unconscious."

Jessie tried to lunge for the hourglass, but she didn't make it halfway across the room before she fell to her knees. Black spots burst out in front of her vision. She chuckled weakly. "I can't believe... I'm actually counting on... those three..."

Then she collapsed.

Myst smiled like a cat and patted her stomach. "And now, to dinner! I'm so hungry I could eat a Rapidash..." She skipped happily out the door, proud of her devious self.

"Wobba... wobba?! WOBBUFFET!" Wobbuffet wobbed, nudging his trainer, but to no effect. "Wobbaaaaa?!"

Florist, Breeder, and Meowth spied on the front of Myst's castle from the nearby shrubbery. There were human guards lined up around the courtyard, while a group of Psyduck marched through the middle, chanting drearily. "Psy-yi-yi... psyyyy-duck..." And so on.

"So now what?" Breeder asked.

"I s'pose we could kidnap some of the guards 'n' steal their uniforms," Meowth mused. "But those Psyduck're prob'ly on the lookout for two boys-"

"Two incredibly attractive boys," Florist and Breeder corrected.

"-and a Meowth," he finished with a sweat-drop. "So we'll 'ave t'think of some way..."

"Maybe if one of us acted like a prisoner!" Breeder piped up.

"Sure, but we'd still be two boys and a Meowth." A cartoon light-bulb appeared over the cat's head. "But then again, maybe we wouldn't."

Breeder put a hand to his chin. "I dunno. Even if we managed to hide you somehow, the only way to really be safe is if..." His eyebrows flew to the top of his head. "Oh? Ohhhh!"

The two shot Florist sneaky, sideways glances - only to realize he was already grinning with excitement.

"All right, team." Florist clenched a fist, fire in his eyes. "Let's make me pretty."

Five minutes later, Florist was in a frilly blue dress, twirling in a circle. "Oh yes, I am working this."

Breeder smoothed down the lines of his stolen guard's uniform, then fluffed the corners of his fake mustache. "Where'd you find the dress anyway, Meowth? There aren't exactly any shopping malls around here."

"Not t'worry, mate: it fell in through the plot hole," Meowth assured him. He tucked himself tightly into Breeder's shirt, which gave the boy a pot-bellied appearance. "Now then, do try not to 'it any trees on the way over. Forward march!"

The trio made their way to the front gates of the castle, Breeder coming to attention when Meowth hissed for him to stop. "Found this lady runnin' around the forest," he said gruffly. "Figured Myst oughta question her."

"Aaaaah, I'm so scared!" Florist shrieked, cupping his hands under his chin. "Puh-lease don't hurt meeee!"

"Psy?" the door guard queried. He looked to his companion, talking in low voices. Turning back to Breeder, he stood aside. "Psy-duck."

Breeder saluted smartly and marched through.

"Oh no! I am surely doomed!" Florist wailed, setting a hand to his forehead. "The dark gates of eternity are opening their wicked mouths, and I am being forced into the very depths of their-"

Meowth poked a claw in his back. "You're over-sellin' it, lad." The front gate slammed shut behind them and Meowth immediately popped out Breeder's shirt. "Top hole, you two! We can change back now."

Florist sighed. "Do I have to?"

Meowth patted his hand sympathetically. "We'll likely be needin' a speedy getaway, and I'd 'ate to have y' trippin' all over y' skirts. You understand, right?"

Grudgingly Florist tossed off the dress and was back in his regular clothes. "Storming a castle is less fun than I thought."

The trio dashed up the stairs, pleasantly surprised that there were no guards to stop them. Before long they reached the smallest room in the highest tower to find themselves faced with a closed and locked door. Florist pointed at it. "Meowth, tackle attack!"

The cat face-vaulted. "If you want t'tackle the bloody thing, do it y'self!"

The two boys did just that, throwing themselves at the door. After a few tries the door gave way and both boys were hurled through the entrance.

"Wobba!" the Pokemon greeted frantically, throwing a salute. He gestured to Jessie, then the hourglass. "Buffet!"

"GASP! Her time's almost run out!" Florist yelped. He ran over to the Rocket and shook her a couple times. "Jessie, Jessie, wake up!" He glared at the others. "Well, don't just stand there! Do something!"

Meowth paced up and down. "Breakin' a bewitched hourglass, breakin' a bewitched hourglass... Hm... 'Ow would y'go about doin' that?"

"Knock it over?" Breeder suggested.

"Listen, that might've worked before, but Myst is sure to 'ave gotten smarter since-"

Meowth never finished. Wobbuffet had obligingly knocked the hourglass off the table, where it promptly shattered.

The cat sighed. "Y'know, next time I'll save us some time by doin' it your way."

"Buffet!"

Jessie awoke to find herself staring straight up into a pair of green eyes, a face framed by silky hair, and... was that lipstick? "James, I told you, if you're going to borrow my makeup then you need to ask me first."

"She's all right!" Florist cried, releasing his hold on her shoulders.

Jessie promptly fell back to the floor, smacking her head. "Ow!" The fall knocked her back to the present. "Oh, that's right. I'm in Roz, Land of Weirdos. Which means..." She looked up at the trio, blinking in surprise. "Whoa. You actually came for me."

"Of course!" Florist said.

"Why wouldn't we?" Breeder asked.

"Because you've known me for like four days?"

Meowth wagged his paw at her. "Pish-posh, old thing. It's not the time - it's how y'spent it. And we've spent ours becomin' a team, like."

At the word "team," Jessie thought of James and her own Meowth - bickering with her in mid-air, and then stopping just as quickly so they could reach out to grab her hand. And, looking up at this new group, she realized her real team would have done exactly the same thing and tried to save her, too. They would have made a mess of it, sure. But that wouldn't have stopped them from trying.

It was sweet, really it was, that this Roz trio had risked their lives to help her. But when she thought of a "team," there were only two people she wanted to picture.

"Jessie, m'gel?" Meowth asked. "You all right?"

She scrubbed the tear that had snuck into one eye and smirked up at him, fighting to hide her sudden loneliness. "It took you long enough. Any later and you dummies wouldn't have gotten to spend any more time with me." She jerked a head at first Florist's eyeliner and then Breeder's fake mustache. "Maybe next time focus more on rescuing and less on playing dress-up?"

Florist sniffed. "I won't apologize for taking the time to look my best." He glanced nervously out the door and down the stairs. "Also, I think I hear footsteps. Can we go now?"

"Don't we have to take out Myst first?" Breeder said. The others shot him looks. He poked his index fingers together. "Well... I just thought... since we're here and all..."

"And give her another chance to take me out?" Jessie laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, I'm gonna pass." She stood up, dusted off her skirt, and headed for the door. "Let's get out of here. I'll figure out another way to get the Boss to grant us our wi-"

"Time should just about be up now," a voice wafted up from the bottom of the stairs. "The hat will be mine, and then I can go take some much-needed anger out on that girl's friends and Terrance. First, I'll start with that stupid warlock, and..."

Florist squeaked and hid behind Breeder. "We're doomed, doomed I tell you!"

"We'll have to go up," Jessie said. "I hope there's an exit."

"Oh, there's always an exit," Meowth said bleakly. "Jumpin' from the ramparts to our deaths is technically an exit, aheheheh..."

Jessie grabbed his paw and raced up the stairs, pace quickened at the enraged cry of, "WHAT!? She escaped!? Why that little... I'M COMIN', GIRL, SO YOU BETTER RUN FAST!"

The five companions ran as fast as they could, emerging from the castle's tower on a narrow walkway several stories from the ground. Looking ahead they saw a gang of Psyduck, cutting off their escape. Behind was the witch with a Psyduck army of her own.

Jessie felt faint. "This might really be the end."

"What's going on? What's happening? Why've we stopped running?" Breeder demanded, looking around. Meowth whispered what was going on in his ear. He moaned. "Oh, no."

Myst came trotting up to the group, laughing her nastiest. "This is a nice little trap you've made for yourself, isn't it? Good news for you is I'm feeling particularly sweet today, so how's this: turn yourself in, and I might let your friends go."

Florist stepped forward and threw his arms out. "No way! If you want Jessie then you'll have to kill us first!" he said gallantly. He looked over his shoulder. "Right, guys?"

Meowth shifted his feet. Breeder glanced away.

"Er, s'just... kill is such a strong word..."

"And we have only known her for like four days..."

Without backup, Florist's burst of courage was fading fast. "I... guess that is true... but..."

"I want my real team back," Jessie grumbled, feeling tears in her eyes for a different reason this time. She looked up pleadingly to the sky. "Come on! I'm the heroine now, right? This isn't how the heroine's life is supposed to end! The witch isn't allowed to win! Where's that lucky streak those stupid twerps always get, huh?!"

"Praying won't save you now, girl." Myst brandished her wand. "So are you gonna come quietly, or do I have to pick off each of your little friends first? Since he's so eager to die, I think I'll start with the cap collector..."

"Wobbuffet!" Wobbuffet wobbed, stepping out in front of Jessie and saluting smartly.

Myst blinked. "Huh? What do you want?"

"Wob!" The Pokemon held a Spinarak right in front of Myst's face.

She blinked once. Twice. "A... a..." The witch dashed off the other way as fast as she could go. "BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG!"

She dropped everything in her haste and was gone in seconds, leaving nothing but a small cloud of dust and her broom behind.

Jessie and the others sweat-dropped. "It's always easier then it looks, huh?" The Rocket picked up the broom, flashing a victory sign. "Looks like we won this round, eh boys?"

"What about the Psyduck?" Florist asked, glancing nervously at the Pokemon army.

The animals cocked their heads and psy'd. Slowly, they turned and walked away, talking to each other in the same monotonous tone.

"Guess they weren't interested in us at all. Just following orders," Breeder said, observing the brutally obvious. "Question: what happens when Myst comes back?"

"Not our problem," Jessie said with a grin. "What The Boss won't know won't hurt him. C'mon, let's get back to Sapphire City on the double! There's a wish calling my name!"

Soon they were all back in The Boss's chamber. Jessie tossed the broom dramatically in front of him. "Ta-da! We vanquished the witch and brought back her broom! Wish time, right?"

The shadowy figure sat silent, deep in thought. Finally, he said, "NO."

"What!?"

"No!?"

"But why!?"

"We did wot y'said!"

"I'M TIRED OF GRANTING PEOPLE WISHES JUST BECAUSE THEY DID A LITTLE THING LIKE DEFEAT THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST."

"Little thing!?" Jessie roared, an anger-vein bursting from her forehead. "I was almost killed, you stupid-"

"SILENCE! NOW... PERHAPS IF YOU WERE TO GO TO THE FAR NORTHERN PLAINS AND CUT A LOCK OF HAIR FROM THE ARMPIT OF A POLAR URSARING..."

The four face-vaulted. "Are you kidding me!?"

"I NEVER JOKE ABOUT WISHES, YOU FOOLISH MORTALS! I AM THE BOSS! THE MIGHTIEST OF WIZARDS, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL, THE..."

While the Boss continued with his monologue, Wobbuffet was busy exploring the room. Finding a light switch on the far wall, he wobbed happily and flipped it on. The shadows that cloaked the mysterious Boss disappeared, revealing a middle-aged man shouting into a microphone.

He stopped mid-sentence, looking around. "OH DRAT."

"That's The Boss!?" Meowth cried. "That's the great and powerful Boss?!"

"You don't look much like a wizard," Jessie said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Which might explain why you aren't granting our wishes. That's pretty dumb, you know."

"DUMB?" He sighed, turning off the microphone. "Well, I guess so. But see, I got sent to this world by accident one day - like you did - and they all thought I was some powerful wizard - like they thought about you. So, I... went along with it. Fooled people for a while, you know..."

"But you can grant our wishes, right?" Florist asked hopefully.

Jessie glared at The Boss. "If you can't, we'll tell everyone who you really are."

He rubbed at the back of his head. "Aw c'mon, give a guy a break, will you? Have a little pity." The four glared at him. "Okay, how 'bout a hundred bucks. Each. Sound good?" Stone cold looks. "Fine, fine! I may not be a wizard, but I am offensively rich. Tell me what you need and I'll see what I can do."

Five minutes later they were all in The Boss' private study. After the boys explained their wishes, he laughed and said, "Oh, that's all? That's easy!"

Rummaging through shelves loaded with things from around Roz and his own world - Jessie figured it must have been the same world as her own - he came up with a golden bottle cap. "Here, Florist - though maybe you should be Collector now? - Anyway, someone gave me this as payment for a wish. I don't have any use for it, so if you want it then knock yourself out."

The collector clutched the cap to his chest. "I'm so happy I could cry!"

"You are crying," Jessie told him, pointing to the twin waterfalls running down his face.

"I know," he sniffled, "that's why I said it. Do I look hideous?"

"No, you're pretty even when you cry. It's kind of annoying, to be honest."

"Thank you!"

As Meowth handed Florist a handkerchief, Breeder stepped forward, nearly knocking over a lamp in the process. "Okay, what about me?"

"For you..." The Boss pulled out a pair of stylish glasses and shoved them onto his nose. "Better?"

Breeder gasped. "I can see! It's a miracle!"

Jessie sweat-dropped. "I mean, that one was a pretty obvious fix, so..."

Breeder looked over at her and blushed. "And I've been missing so much. To think one of my companions was a red-headed angel! Tell me, did it hurt when you fell from heaven...?"

While Jessie gave Breeder a badly needed beat-down with her paper fan, the Boss offered three joke books to Meowth. "Here. Those ought to keep your audiences busy. And another: The Idiot's Guide to Comedy."

Meowth flipped to page three and laughed. "'Ey chaps, ever hear the one about the Psyduck on the magic bridge..."

"What about me?" Jessie asked. "How're you gonna get me home?"

The Boss thought pensively. "Good question. You aren't from Roz... and I never knew exactly how I got here..." He tossed up his hands in a shrug. "I'm stumped!"

She face-vaulted. "So I'm stuck here?" He nodded, and it was just too much for the stressed-out Rocket. Jessie started wailing. "IT'S NOT FAIR! EVERYONE ELSE GOT WHAT THEY WANTED, BUT THE BEAUTIFUL HEROINE GETS NOTHING! ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO GO BACK TO TEAM ROCKET! IT'S NOT FAIR!"

The same green bubble from earlier floated out of the sky. Terrance materialized next to Jessie. "Well if all you ever wanted was to go back, I can take care of that."

She blinked, surprised to see the Warlock of the North. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Before you wanted to go home and come back. I can't do that. I can get you home, but coming back is out of the question."

Jessie was torn for a moment between Queendom and Team Rocket. But only for a moment. "Send me back to my team! Send me back now!"

Terrance smiled wisely. "Ah, I see your journey has taught you a valuable lesson about what really matters."

"Yeah: Me." Jessie jerked a thumb at her trio of companions, who waved back at her. "These dummies have reminded me that James and Meowth are totally helpless without me around. No exaggeration. It's embarrassing. If I'm not there, they'll go through our entire grocery budget in, like, a day, and then they will starve to death - assuming they don't get eaten by a Gyrados first. I have to go back."

Terrance sweat-dropped. "I see your journey has taught you a valuable lesson about, uh... self-worth?"

"And..." Jessie looked down, rubbing at her nose. "These dummies have also reminded me that James and Meowth... care... about me. They're probably out looking for me right now, and they'd miss me if I never came back." She scowled to hide her embarrassment. "And I'd... miss them. Probably. More than I'd miss being a queen. So. There's that, too. I guess."

Terrance pressed a hand to his heart. "There's my feel-good ending, right on schedule."

"So how do I get home?" Jessie asked quickly.

Terrance gestured to Florist, Breeder, and Meowth, who were all looking at her with puppy-dog eyes. "Shouldn't you say your good-byes first?"

"Uh... bye, guys. It's been a blast." They whimpered and leaned in expectantly. She sighed, opening her arms to them. "Ugh. Come on, then."

"Group hug!" Florist cried, he and the other two nearly crushing her.

"I'll miss you, old gel!"

"You made all my dreams come true!"

"You're so beautiful it's too sad to see you go!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Jessie glanced over at Florist, whose face was still streaked with tears, then down to Meowth, who had his head buried in her knee. She sighed again, eyes raised to the ceiling. "Okay. Fine. I'll miss you, too." They smothered her in another sobbing hug. "But I won't if you suffocate me first! Gah! Get off!"

After fighting off the three emotional boys, Jessie turned back to a disappointed Terrance. "That's it?" he said. "You could have at least wiped away a few tears or something."

"I've known these guys for like five days."

"Well sure, but-"

"You already got one mushy confession out of me," she growled. "Don't push your luck, headband-boy."

He clucked his tongue and looked away. "You're not a very good heroine, you know that?"

Jessie smirked. "No," she said, "I'm really not. So: how do I go back to being a villain?"

"All you have to do is turn your cap around and say 'There's no place like Team Rocket' three times."

"Seriously?"

"Mm-hm."

"This'd better work," she grumbled, turning the hat around. "Right, so... there's no place like Team Rocket, there's no place like Team Rocket..."

"Jessie? Jessie?"

"H-hey, c'mon, Jess, you gotta come back, okay?"

"There's no place like..." Jessie opened her eyes. "Hm?" She looked up and saw two frightened faces - and quickly realized they belonged to James and Meowth. She jerked up with a start. "Oh! I'm home! I guess it worked."

"Wobba..." Wobbuffet wobbed woozily beside her.

"Yeah, yeah, welcome home to you, too," she muttered, returning him to his Pokeball.

"You okay, Jess?" Meowth asked. "We thought that Pidgeot mighta done somethin' permanent."

James was on the edge of tears. "You were unconscious for hours... we were so scared you were going to leave us."

Jessie snorted a laugh. "What're you talking about? I wasn't unconscious. I really did leave you. I went to this country full of magic and weirdos. They wanted to make me a queen." She pointed at first James and then the Meowth. "And you were there, and you..." She set a puzzled finger to her chin. "And I think the Tall Twerp was there for some reason? Man, what was that all about?" Her stomach grumbled and she sweat-dropped. "Oh. That's what that was about."

Her friends exchanged looks.

"Hey, Jess..." Meowth began carefully.

"Maybe you should... lie back down...?" James suggested.

Jessie returned their frowns with a lop-sided smile. "You really were worried, huh?"

"Of course!" they cried as one, and they looked so serious that she couldn't help but chuckle.

Maybe I'm not a good heroine, she thought. But for these two dummies, I guess I can manage to be a good friend.

Jessie wrapped her arms around their necks, pulling them into a hug that startled them both. "Then never mind. It doesn't matter where I was. Because I'm back now - back with you, and back in Team Rocket! And you know something? There's no place like Team Rocket."