Elsi: Hiya! I thought it's about time I wrote something extremely random and stupid!

Trek: The story behind this song is dedicated to Elsi's new story that she hasn't published yet: Don't Let It Go To Your Head. Last night, Elsi was trying to write a Sorting Hat song, which she turned into a rap so she could sing it. Kasi was messing with various pictures using mywebface, so you can tell that they were both in a very random mood.

Elsi: And I decided, you know what, I'm going to write a parody rap. So there.

Trek: Yeah...Elsi doesn't own Harry Potter, or A Very Potter Sequel (see Jigglypuff)

Sorting Hat Rap

"Wouldn't it be hilarious if the Sorting Hat just dissed all the houses?" asked Nathan Lansing of Slytherin.

"Oh, that'd be good," answered his friend, Tom Dale. "It'd be like…um…um…" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"The house of the dumbest

Is named Gryffindor," he started happily.

"All that blood and mud they roll in

Clogs up all their pores," commented Jennifer Madison, checking her appearance in her pocket mirror. Nathan and Tom shot her a glance. "Well, it's true," she added. "Haven't you seen their faces lately?"

"Eh, it'll work," he agreed. "What about Ravenclaw?"

"Ooh! Ooh! I've got one!" called Tom. "Ready?"

"Ready, Tom," Nathan said with exasperation fresh in his voice.

"They call themselves smarties

In the house of Ravenclaw

When really all that jabbering

Cuts your head like a saw." Nathan stared at his friend.

"Cuts your head like a saw?" Jennifer questioned, "That's a line a Gryffindor would come up with."

"You got anything better?" Tom snapped.

"How about…

When really all that jabbering

Is their greatest flaw." Jennifer suggested with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh, I've got Hufflepuff for sure," chuckled Nathan.

"Go for it," Tom encouraged.

"Now if you're sweet and clueless

You'll go to Hufflepuff.

They're all dumb and spineless

So we call them Jigglypuff." As Jennifer and Tom both laughed, Nathan smiled to himself. He didn't dare tell them that the Sorting Hat wanted to put him in Jigglypuff.

"And what about us?" asked Tom.

"The only house that works

Is the great Slytherin

Accepting the best of the best

That know how to fit in," Jennifer improved quickly.

"There's our Sorting Hat song," Nathan decided.

"No…" trailed Tom. "Our Sorting House RAP!" Jennifer laughed.

"We're too white to rap, Tom," she told him in a racist way.

"That's not true," Nathan countered. "Lay down a beat, Tom." Tom obeyed.

"The house of the dumbest

That's Gryffindor

All that mud and blood they roll in

Clogs up all their pores," started Jennifer.

"They call themselves smarties

In the house of Ravenclaw

When all that mindless jabbering

Is really quite a flaw," took up Nathan.

"But if you're sweet and clueless

You'll go to Hufflepuff.

They're all dumb and spineless

So we call them Jigglypuff!" cried the two together.

"The only house that works

Is the great Slytherin

Accepting the best of the best

Who know how to fit In," finished Nathan cheerfully.

"You shouldn't be making fun of your classmates." The three froze at the voice of their Head of House, Professor Mindle.

"Sorry, Professor Mindle," they said without looking at him. There was a silence. Nathan cringed. Was he going to take their points away?

"I like the verse about Hufflepuff," said Professor Mindle, and he swept away, leaving three clueless Slytherins standing there in shock.

Elsi: The Hufflepuff verse is actually something I made up yesterday - using Jigglypuff from A Very Potter Sequel. And while trying to come up with a rhyme for Gryffindor, I actually screamed PORES! until I realized that using pores would not make any sense. If you want to see the real Sorting Hat song that I created, I'll have to post Dont Let It Go To Your Head. But...I need names. Badly.

Trek: See, this fic is taking place in a totally new world with totally new characters. So, Elsi needs names.

Elsi: If you will do me a huge favor, please suggest last professor-ish names for these characters:

1) Potions Master; Head of Slytherin; Deputy Headmaster - NOT PARTICULARLY MEAN

2) Really young Charms professor; female

3) Really fun and tolerant DADA professor; Head of Gryffindor.

4) Various other professors (steryotypical of their classes) NOTE: I don't need Divination, Astronomy, Ancient Runes, or History of Magic. Otherwise, I NEED HELP!

Trek: Thanks, everyone!