A/N: I know this is horrible, but who really cares? Haha.

This story is from Bella's view. We all know how insane Bella is.

If you are a fan of either Bella or Edward, do not read this. (Mwahahahaha)

Random: I read the 1st book, then saw the 1st movie, then I read the rest of the books, and saw the 2nd and 3rd movie. (4th didn't come out yet.)

True: I probably wouldn't hate Edward as much if someone else played him in the movies. Because for the rest of the 3 books, I pictures the actors from the movie as the people in the books.

I always thought Bella was self-centered and insane when I read the books. Who else would choose the sexy werewolf with the 8-pack over the hidiously pale, hairy, vampire with fake abs?

WARNING: Rated T for A LOT of cussing. (Use of the A, B, D, F, and S, words)

"Bella… I'm leaving," Edward said to me in the middle of the woods. I thought he was going to bite me, but no… He has to say that he is leaving. I WANT TO BE A DAMN FUCKING VAMPIRE! BITE ME!

"Why?" I asked to the asshole that should've bit me already. BITE ME!

"Because…"

"Do you have commitment issues or something?" I interrupted. "Tell me!" Never mind, don't tell me. Just bite me!

"No. It's not that," he said. "It's uh…"

Is he going to tell me that he is leaving me because he is like WAY too attracted to me or something and he can't handle my amazingly awesome beautifulness? The world revolves around me, of course. And since it does… I should get what I want. He should BITE ME!

"I'm gay," he says.

Gay? Gay? GAY? What the hell? I don't care! I just want you to bite me! "Then why are you leaving?" I asked. He shouldn't leave. I am the center to his life.

"Because… Jacob rejected me…" he said.

Jacob? Seriously? He's like 16 or something and you're a bajillion. Isn't that too big of an age difference? 18 and bajillion is okay, because it's legal.

"I just can't take the pain anymore…" he said.

"Fuck you," I said walking off. I couldn't tell any of my friends that Edward was gay. They will make fun of me. I can hear them now. You dated a gay guy? Wow, Bella. He must of mistook you for a dude. No one could ever mistake me as a dude. Boys are all over me. I just chose the vampire. No other girls in the school have vampire girlfriends. They were all jealous. In your face Jessica! HAAA! So I'm going to fake being sad for a while. Maybe a few months or something. And then I can go flirt with Jacob or something. I don't care. Using people is so much fun!

A few months later I went to Jacob with some motorcycles. They were filthy. Ugh. "Jake, could you fix these for me?" I asked. Of course he would, he's so in love with me.

"Why?" he asked.

"I like motorcycles," I said.

"A year ago you said that they were junk that only she-males rode to look pretty."

"JAKE! JUST FIX THE FUCKING MOTORCYCLES ALREADY!"

"Fine," he said looking scared. He should be. I'm a vampire, duh. Well, should be. The world revolves around me. So… I could be a vampire if I want.

What do vampires do? Bite people? Yup.

"Are you trying to bite me, Bella?" Jake asked looking at me trying to bite his neck while he was fixing the motorcycles.

"I'm a vampire," I said.

"NO! He already turned you into one?" Jacob asked scared.

"No, I turned myself into one," I said. It is possible in my world. And this world is my world. And as the ruler of this world, I say that I made myself a vampire.

"Bella, you can't…"

"YES I CAN!" I said.

He was too scared to respond… "Edward is gay," he randomly said.

"Shut up, Jake! SHUT UP!" I said.

"He made up that vampires and werewolves are enemies so you couldn't find out he liked me."

"Shu-" I started to say, "Wait. He never said anything about werewolves."

"Oh shit I spilled the secret."

Mwahahahahaha. "You are my pet dog now," I demanded.

"No I'm not, I'm a human…"

"YOU'RE A DAMN DOG!" I said.

Jacob muttered something. I did not hear what. Whatever.

Later, he drove me home. "Good dog," I said as I got out of the car and walked into my house.

"Bella!" Alice hugged me.

"What?" I asked.

"Edward is trying to kill himself." Alice said.

"Okay?" I questioned.

"Bella! We have to save him!" Alice pleaded.

"Nah…" I said. I turned around and Jacob left.

"Bella!"

"Why would I care? He only dated me to get closer to Jacob," I said. It was true.

"But Bella! We have to save him!"

"No."

Alice's phone rang. Her eyes turned wide. "He's dead!" she told me.

"Okay," I said.

"FUCK YOU BITCH THAT ONLY CARES ABOUT HERSELF!"

"Hey! I'm not a bitch! I'm not a werewolf!" I thought about it. "Yet…"

"What?" Alice asked as I ran out the door.

I rode my car to Jacob's house. I got there. "How do I turn into a werewolf?" I asked him.

"You can't," he said. "You have to be born one."

"Fuck you!" I said as I ran out the door. My car crashed. I think I forgot to put the brakes on. Oh well! I'll just walk home.

As I was walking home, something came out of nowhere. "DIE!" a voice said. Victoria.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because Edward killed James," she said.

"Edward killed himself." Bella said. "And he's gay."

"I KNEW IT!" she said.

"Well, I'm going to go home now…" I said. She didn't need to kill me anymore. Edward is dead. So who cares?

"Wait! I still need to kill you!" she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because the universe revolves around ME!" she said.

I don't know what happened next, but I died.