Sometimes

Sometimes Bruce dreams about the night in the alley. His sadistic subconscious reconstructs every detail with such perfect, haunting clarity that instead of a trip down memory lane, it feels more like time travel. The first few moments are always the same—the cool night air on his face, the faint scent of approaching rain lingering on the breeze, his parents' hands protectively clasping his own as they unknowingly marched towards their own destruction—his father's hand strong and firm, his mother's softer but just as reassuring. Leaving the theatre, because Bruce got scared... He could almost enjoy the first few moments of the dream, since they were the last few moments of his innocent childhood, before everything he was and could've been was irreparably shattered—but any nostalgia he might've felt was tainted by the dream's inevitable conclusion.

Sometimes it happens just as it did that night, with Bruce blissfully unaware of what was to come until it was already too late. BANG BANG, and he's kneeling in their blood as his soul splits apart. His entire life afterwards is merely an echo of those gunshots.

Sometimes he knows what's coming, but no matter how desperately he tries to warn them, they just smile and keep walking, telling him don't be afraid, Bruce. He cries and screams and struggles but it makes no difference. BANG BANG. It's all my fault, he thinks for the millionth time.

Sometimes he watches the scene from a distance as Batman, crouched on a nearby rooftop. Watches his younger self and his parents step into the alley. Watches Chill watching them. Watches the hateful gun appear. Batman launches himself off the rooftop towards them, gliding through the air with a perfectly aimed kick and he knows he can save them—he's relived this hell enough times to have figured out exactly how to disarm Chill—but time slows down around him and he's too slow, always too slow. BANG BANG. No matter how many people Batman saves, he'll never be able to save his parents, or himself—but he'll keep trying anyway.

Sometimes scene plays out exactly as it happened all those years ago—alley, Chill, pearls, "No!" BANG BANG—but then a small hand encloses Bruce's own, and he turns to see another boy standing beside him with blonde curls and gaping wounds freshly carved into his cheeks, stretching his mouth into a ghastly bloody smile. The boy stares at Bruce and Bruce stares back, recognizing something in the boy's eyes—here was another who had suffered unspeakable tragedy, another who wasn't going to forgive and forget and let the world get away with it, another who had decided that the status quo wasn't good enough, another who was going to fight back. He's like me, Bruce realizes. He squeezes the boy's hand tighter, and for once he isn't alone.

Sometimes his subconscious has mercy on him and allows the scene to end differently—allows the nightmare to morph into the best dream he's ever had… BANG BANG BANG, and they're together again. And that's the dream that hurts the most—the one that squeezes silent tears from his eyes even as it pulls his lips into a faint smile—because no matter how much he sometimes wishes it would, that dream will never come true...

But sometimes a hand on his shoulder wakes him before the nightmare can run its course. Saves him from his self-inflicted torture. Blue eyes open and lock with green. Words are unnecessary. Tears are ignored. Familiar arms pull him into a crushing embrace, and he rests his head on the Joker's shoulder, clinging tightly to his new reality, his other half. The one who's always there to fight him, mock him, define him, save him. Scarred lips press against his, making silent promises that neither of them would ever dare to speak aloud. Although they both remain broken, together they are complete. And it's enough...

Sometimes.

A/N: This was very much inspired by a heartbreaking scene in the graphic novel "Batman: Broken City" (which my fellow B/J shippers will LOVE, because of a brief but extremely satisfying Joker cameo. It made me squeal like a little girl, LOL)
I'm not sure why this angsty fic mutated and got kinda fluffy at the end, but when I tried to rewrite the ending my mind just went blank, so I just left it how I originally had it.
...And I'm sorry about the long wait for chapter 4 of "An Offer He Couldn't Refuse" but I'm working on it, I promise :)

Please review and let me know what you think :)