Disclaimer: Alas, the boys do not belong to me. Neither do the girls for that matter. Tis Square-Enix who reaps all the revenue from their lovely, lovely bodies.

I told myself that no truly talented, self-respecting writer would ever succumb to the urge to do this. Unfortunately for you, I am neither. Yes, it's another 'Cloud in a Dress' story: AU, OOC and Clichéd. I'd stay away if I were you.

It wasn't that he wanted him to go away; he just didn't want him to get too close. Leon/Cloud. Or is it Cloud/Leon?

Rated M for dirty language, dirty dancing and dirty, dirty male/male sex. Spoilers for FFVII (minor) and FFVIII (major).

Curve Ball

Cloud stormed into the house, tossing his First Tsurugi into the corner and stomping off up the stairs, slamming every available door behind him.

"Oh dear, not again," Aerith sighed, casting a worried glance at Yuffie. She stared up the empty stairway for a moment and then turned abruptly back to her friend, determination written clearly across her pretty face. "It's time we took matters into our own hands," she stated, flicking off the TV.

"All right," Yuffie reluctantly agreed, "but do we have to do it in the middle of my favorite soap?"

"Trust me," Aerith said, a devious sparkle in her oh-so innocent eyes. "This should prove to be much more entertaining than that silly old soap."

Now, Yuffie knew Aerith well enough to know that when she said 'trust me' was exactly when you shouldn't, and she almost felt sorry for the unsuspecting blond upstairs. But she also knew it was much safer to be on the same side as the flower girl. "Fine," she grunted as Aerith grabbed her by the hand and pulled her up the stairs.

Aerith knocked softly on Cloud's door. "Go away," came the muffled reply.

"I'm coming in," she warned – not much of a warning since she had already opened the door and was halfway into the room. Cloud was lying face down on the bed with his head buried under the pillow. Aerith sat down on one side of the bed and motioned for Yuffie to do the same on the other, preventing Cloud from simply rolling off the bed and running. "Cloud," she called softly, tapping him on the shoulder, and then she waited.

Aerith was very good at waiting, and Cloud knew it. She could wait all afternoon. "What?" he finally mumbled.

"I think it's time to try a different approach."

"What do you -huc- mean?" he hiccuped, pushing himself up on shaky arms and turning over.

"I mean that if you ever want to get anywhere with Leon, you need to change your game plan."

"I have a game plan?" he asked. Realizing too late that, in Aerith's book, failure to deny was as good as admittance, he quickly amended it. "I mean, what are you talking about? Are Leon and I supposed to be going somewhere?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Cloud Strife."

Uh-oh, the last name maneuver. He had a sinking feeling he wasn't going to get out of this one unscathed.

"You've been pining over Leon for months now, and it's perfectly obvious that you've recently had a heart-first encounter with the Leonhart brick wall. You think I haven't noticed how you've been sulking around for the last few days? If you really want to catch Leon, you're going to need a new strategy."

Cloud sat up warily between the two frightening females and shrugged his shoulders, protest dying on his lips as he realized it was futile. Trying to lie to Aerith was like trying to hide from Tifa; she always caught up with you in the end. "It won't make any difference," he said, face sullen and eyes downcast. "He just doesn't like men. He's gone out of his way to make that perfectly clear."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that," Aerith said softly.

"Aerith," Cloud sighed despondently, finally looking her in the eyes. "For the past two days, he has repeatedly made a point of referring to his old girlfriend, Rinoa. For someone who doesn't talk about his past at all, why do you suppose that would be?"

"So you'll think exactly what you're thinking, of course," she laughed.

"I'm glad you find it so funny. Please feel free to laugh at my expense," he grumbled crossly.

"Cloud," she said, taking his hand in hers. "You aren't the first person to ever crush on Leon, you know. When I attempted to get too close, the only thing he talked about for weeks on end was Seifer, Seifer, Seifer."

"Who's Seifer?"

"See?" she stated, as if that made everything perfectly clear.

It didn't. "See what?"

"According to the things Leon let slip over and over again to me, Seifer was his boyfriend back in Balamb, yet you've never even heard of the man. Now why do you suppose that would be?" she threw right back at him.

"So ... you're saying that Leon is bi?" Cloud puzzled. "Gee, that makes me feel so much better." He snorted and threw himself back on the bed. "Then I guess he just doesn't like me."

"I'm saying he's whatever it takes to keep people away," Aerith explained. "Leon is terrified of letting anyone get too close, and I'd be willing to bet he didn't let Seifer or Rinoa get that close either. I think he just uses them as convenient excuses because they aren't here to tell anyone any different."

Cloud was quiet for a few moments and then mumbled softly, "Well, he's made it quite clear that he doesn't want me."

"Leon doesn't know what he wants," Aerith pointed out. "He's just as screwed up as you are."

"I know what I want, Aerith, I just can't have it." He smiled at her wistfully, his beautiful eyes so blue it broke Aerith's heart.

"Maybe you can," she stated, optimistic and confident.

Cloud shook his head. "No. I'm afraid that if I keep trying to turn this into something more, I'll only end up losing what I already have, and Leon's friendship means too much to me to risk losing it. If I haven't already," he added quietly.

Aerith wanted so badly to take him in her arms and make it all better, but she knew that the only one who could do that was the infuriating idiot they were currently discussing, and him, she just wanted to smack. Everyone knew that Leon liked Cloud. Everyone except Leon and Cloud.

Though the two of them had previously teamed up for a tournament or two at the coliseum, they hadn't really known each other very well prior to the move to Hollow Bastion. Still, it was obvious there had been an instant, mutual attraction: when two of the world's most unsociable men went out of their way to seek each other's company, it wasn't very hard to put one and one together.

And that was exactly what Aerith intended to do.

"I don't believe that for one minute," she said. "Leon likes you a lot. You're the only person he lets in at all. I'm telling you, Cloud, Leon wants you just as badly as you want him; he just doesn't know it. He tries so hard to hide his feelings that he's succeeded in hiding them from himself. What you need is a way to catch him off guard so you can sneak past his defenses."

"And how do I do that?" he asked hesitantly, knowing he would likely regret it.

"Well, the problem is, you see, that Leon knows exactly what to expect from you. He's familiar with all of your pitches, and he knows how to hit them out of the park. What you need to do," she said, grinning, "is throw him a curve ball."

"You want me to strike him out?" Cloud asked, following her little baseball analogy to its logical conclusion.

"Well, no. Or, yes. Just get his attention. You know; shake him up a bit."

"Like hit him with a pitch?"

"Cloud, forget about the baseball," she sighed. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

"Okay, okay" he said. "I get it. You want me to shake him up. But how?" Cloud recognized the look that crept slyly onto Aerith's face, and it made him quail before her infinite guile. "On, no," he began to splutter. "No way, definitely not. No."

"Why not?" she pouted. "Give me one good reason."

"Because Leon will laugh at me, because he'll think I'm a moron, because he'll hate me and never speak to me again, because I'll be so embarrassed I'll never be able to show my face in public again, because ..." he began ticking off the innumerable reasons on his fingers only to be interrupted by Yuffie.

"Oh, I get it" she chirped up. "A curve ball. But wouldn't that be more like a change-up?"

"Why, yes, I suppose it would," Aerith said and then kindly pointed out to Cloud, "It's not like you've never done it before."

"Yeah," Yuffie agreed. "It's not like you've never done it before." Of course she'd heard that story. Everybody had heard that story.

"But that was for a good cause," Cloud whined.

"And this isn't?" Aerith huffed.

"Aw, come on Cloudy-Boy, you know you want to," Yuffie added, shredding the last of his masculine dignity.

Cloud sat between the two girls, trying desperately to come up with a good defense and knowing there wasn't one; he'd already lost. Once they teamed up, it was game over. "Oh god," he groaned, hanging his head in his hands. "Oh god."

"Just think of it as a squeeze play." Aerith encouraged. "Sometimes sacrifices have to be made in order to get to home base. You'll see, this is just the thing to wake Leon up."

"Yeah! Like the seventh inning stretch!" Yuffie squealed, bouncing up and down on the bed.

"Sudden death," Cloud whimpered.

Aerith shook her head and gave him a pointed, patronizing look. "Nuh-uh. That's football."

Cloud just rolled his eyes. What difference did it make? Football, baseball, hockey – he was still dead.

"Don't worry," she said, patting him on the arm. "You're gonna hit a home run."

"Grand slam!" Yuffie yelled, punching the air.

"Foul ball," Cloud protested. "Wait a minute; I thought I was the pitcher."

"Time for a new inning," Aerith smirked, "and we're about to put the ball in Leon's hands."

-xXx-

Even after Cid had finally succeeded in dragging him away from the coliseum (because when Aerith asked you for a favor in her very best honey-sweet voice, you didn't dare fail), Cloud never stuck around for long. He would show up for a day or two and then take off again after Sephiroth. And even when he was around, he made himself scarce.

Aerith knew he was ill at ease at Merlin's house – there were far too many people in and out for his comfort – and he never spent the night there unless he was too injured to leave. But somewhere along the line, things had begun to change, and she realized in retrospect that it had started when she and Yuffie moved into their own home.

Truth be told, even Aerith, who enjoyed the company of others, was anxious for a place to call her own, away from the hustle and bustle of what had become headquarters for the restoration committee and the first stopping off point for many of the returning refugees. So Leon had helped them fix up a cute little bungalow nearby, and even Cloud, who happened to show up while they were working on the place, had stayed for a few days to lend a hand, helping Leon out with the heavier tasks.

Soon after, Cloud began to show up a little more often, sometimes even staying overnight on their sofa, so she and Yuffie cleared out the spare bedroom, and the next time he slept over, they assured him it would be easier on them if he slept in the guest room rather than on their living room couch. After that, he started staying even longer and leaving less and less often until eventually everyone stopped referring to it as the guest room and started calling it 'Cloud's' room.

Aerith correctly surmised that the reason for Cloud's staying didn't have as much to do with the comforts provided by their cozy little home as it did the comfort provided by the routine he had settled into with Leon.

Leon had been the first to move out of Merlin's in search of some privacy, clearing out a space for himself up at the castle, and every morning, he would rise in the dark, drink his two cups of coffee, eat his bowl of oatmeal, and then head out on his morning rounds. By the time he had made his way to the borough, dispatching stray Heartless and making note of any new problems along the way, the sun would just be painting the sky, and the rest of the town would just be waking up.

Sometimes he stopped by Aerith and Yuffie's to see if they needed anything before heading over to Merlin's to assign the daily duties for the restoration crews, and Aerith had asked him numerous times to join them for breakfast. But Leon always declined, and eventually she had stopped asking.

Cloud wasn't officially part of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee. Though he did occasionally help out whenever he was in town, Cloud's main, self-appointed and on-going task was to protect everyone from Sephiroth by chasing him all over who-knew-where, although the one, or uh, three winged angel didn't seem all that intent on messing with anyone other than Cloud.

He would disappear for days, or sometimes even weeks, at a time and then show up at Aerith's door, exhausted and most likely injured, and Aerith would patch him up the best she could and make him promise to stay at least until he had recovered his strength. Then Cloud would nod and crawl off to bed, dead to the world for a couple of days, but on the mornings that Leon dropped by, Cloud would often rouse himself and shuffle down the stairs. Aerith also began to notice that when Cloud was in town, Leon would stop by more often and linger a little longer before heading over to Merlin's. So one morning she decided to test her growing suspicions.

Cloud had just returned from a three-week-long absence, during which time Leon had stopped by on numerous occasions. He would glance discreetly around the room for signs that the blond was back, only to quickly leave again upon determining that he was not, becoming more and more sullen as the weeks wore on. But on this particular morning, Aerith greeted him at the door with a cheerful smile, casually informed him that Cloud was back, and tried one last time inviting him to stay for breakfast. Surprise, surprise, Leon accepted. And was he blushing?

Now, as obvious as their mutual attraction was, it was even more obvious to Aerith that neither one of them would ever do anything about it, so she decided to give them a helpful little push – or, as desperate circumstances called for desperate measures, large shove. Gentle nudges might have worked well enough for normal people, but these were the two most emotionally constipated men she had ever met.

So when Leon mentioned on his way out that morning that he was going to be clearing a blocked passage over in the postern, Aerith saw her opportunity and seized it with both dainty hands: She suggested sweetly that Cloud go with him and then bodily shoved him out the door. With identical shrugs of indifference, the two men walked off together.

Cloud returned late that afternoon, tired and dirty from the long day of hard physical labor, but the most relaxed Aerith had ever seen him. He actually even talked a little over dinner, lightheartedly mentioning that he was helping Leon again the following day, and oh, by the way, he had invited Leon to stop by for breakfast again, and was that okay with Aerith?

Aerith and Yuffie stared at each other, wondering what had happened to their reticent friend, and who was this Chatty Cathy sitting in his place? And of course it was all right, Aerith had finally managed to stammer back; Leon was welcome anytime.

Things progressed steadily after that, and in no time at all, the two men had settled into a pleasant routine. Leon began joining them for breakfast almost every morning, and shortly after, Cloud started getting up even earlier to accompany Leon on his morning rounds. Both men seemed to enjoy their mornings together, and it wasn't long before Leon began to look for ways to prolong it, assigning to himself those tasks which required Cloud's assistance – clearing debris or rebuilding walls – and soon they were spending most of their afternoons together as well, casting off jacket and armor to sweat and strain side by side in the sweltering sun.

Amazed by Cloud's sheer strength, which seemed disproportionate to his slender body, Leon often found himself staring at the younger man as he worked – all lean muscle and sleek sinew, golden hair shining like the sun in the sky above and eyes that put that sky to shame. And Cloud, unaccustomed to seeing the handsome man without his jacket, often found himself mesmerized by the sexy slide of muscle in Leon's strong back and arms, white t-shirt plastered to glistening skin. Thus they would work together for hours without a word, occasionally brushing against one another as they struggled shoulder to shoulder to move a large boulder or lift a heavy beam, and in the comfortable silence, camaraderie grew. So did desire.

But some days, Leon was busy in the computer room, recovering data and deciphering codes, or pouring over blueprints and schematics with Cid, and on those days, Cloud would return from their morning rounds brightened and at peace, only to sink back into gloom as the day wore on. If there were too many of those days in a row, he would succumb once again to Sephiroth's call and disappear.

Unaware that Cloud had left, Leon would show up the next morning as usual and push his food around on his plate for a while before excusing himself from the table, only to repeat the process the following morning and the morning after that until, just as suddenly as he had left, Cloud would be back, and they would resume their routine with no questions asked.

Then Sora defeated the Organization, and Cloud defeated Sephiroth, and Hollow Bastion once again blossomed into Radiant Garden. As the number of Heartless declined and people increased, the restoration expanded into new territory, opening up new neighborhoods to accommodate the ever growing population, and new businesses began to sprout up all over town. It was a time of renewed hope and prosperity.

It was a time of renewed hope and prosperity for Cloud and Leon as well. With the town finally beginning to thrive, the heavy burden of responsibility that Leon had shouldered for so many years seemed to lighten a little, and with the final defeat of his darkness, Cloud's outlook on life brightened a lot. Even Aerith's unfailing optimism soared to new heights, and it was with renewed hope that she watched her two dear friends, keeping her fingers crossed that their relationship would also expand into new and prosperous territory.

Things seemed to be moving, slowly but surely, in the right direction – right up until a few days back when Cloud had come home distracted and distraught in spite of having spent the entire day working with Leon and retired to his room without a word. But Aerith just waited, and watched.

When Leon joined them for breakfast the following morning, her instincts told her that something had indeed happened between the two men, even though there was no outward sign from either that anything was wrong. Still she waited and watched.

She watched when Cloud returned upset again that afternoon and again trudged off morosely to his room. And when the two men sat through breakfast again the following morning like two stone statues, still she waited. But when Cloud stormed in like a squall on the third afternoon and stomped off up the stairs, Aerith decided that the time for watching and waiting was over.

It was time to play ball. Hardball.

-xXx-

It had taken Cloud months to gather enough courage to make a small move, and by anyone else's standards, it wouldn't even have been considered a move – just a touch that lingered a little too long, a look that said a little too much – but for Cloud, it had been as daring as shouting his love from the rooftops.

It had obviously been a bit too bold for Leon as well, who immediately went as rigid as the steel pole they had been using to lever a large boulder. Cloud quickly jerked his hand away, but the damage was already done. In the ensuing silence, he could almost hear the walls slamming back into place.

Leon showed up for breakfast the following morning as if nothing had happened, nary a sign of it on his inscrutable face, and from there, the day had continued as usual. Cloud played along as if nothing was wrong, and they both pretended not to notice the dead albatross hanging around his neck, but as the silence between them grew more and more awkward, Leon began to fill it with remarks about Rinoa, wielding her name like a weapon to ward off any further unwanted advances.

It worked – a whole lot better than dead albatrosses.

Yes, it had taken Cloud months to gather enough courage to make that small move, and Leon's response had been crystal clear, even to Cloud. He would never try it again.

No. Instead, at Aerith's sadistic insistence, he was going to try something even more insane, with likely even more-disastrous results. And that was what had brought him to his present appalling point – trembling outside Radiant Garden's newest boutique: Victoria's Secret.

It could be worse, he reminded himself, remembering what he'd had to go through to acquire his last pair of panties, a lot worse. He sucked it up like a real man and stepped across the threshold.

Now, shopping with Aerith and Yuffie ranked right up there with hanging out with Hojo for a fun-filled afternoon, or going on a Costa del Sol holiday with Mukki and the boys, but it was infinitely preferable to the alternative: After browbeating him into submitting to her diabolical plan (and people thought she was such an angel – hah!), Aerith had dragged him off to her closet, but one look at the solid wall of pink was all it took for Cloud to promptly put his admittedly rather feminine foot down. If he was really going to do this, he was going to do it his way. It was not going to be a repeat performance of his tacky Don Corneo debut, with purple and pigtails. He did have his gay pride after all.

So here he was, with Aerith and Yuffie, shopping for panties. He could have been removing rubble in the bailey with Leon, he reflected wistfully, but noooo; after the morning rounds, he had begged off, telling Leon he had other plans. Other plans – he snorted out loud and rolled his eyes in utter incredulity – which were likely to result in the complete annihilation of any last remnant of friendship that might possibly remain between them. Good plan.

He had to admit, however, the place did have a very impressive, not to mention provocative, selection of under...thingies. Not that he would know about that sort of thing, but Aerith seemed to think so too from the way she was gushing. Yuffie just kept holding up the skimpy little bits and guffawing.

Cloud suffered in silence as Aerith held up pair after pair of panties for his approval, but when she picked out a bright red pair that was so risqué it made Cloud turn almost crimson, and plastered them to his hips just as the saleslady looked over, he swatted her hands away and hissed, "Aerith, stop." To the saleslady's credit, she just smiled as if gorgeous men shopping for erotic women's underwear was something she saw every day and went on straightening out the displays.

But when Aerith started coming at him with padded brassieres, Cloud flat-out refused. Putting on a woman's dress to rattle Leon's composure was one thing, but trying to pass himself off as a woman was another altogether. He was even willing to admit that wearing women's underwear could be a slight turn-on, but underneath it all, the assets in those panties were very much male; if Leon was turned on by tits, then he was looking in the wrong place. Aerith looked a little disappointed, but she couldn't fault his logic and put the bras back on the shelf.

After looking through at least a thousand panties, Cloud finally picked out a classy pair of light blue silk and delicate lace. They were a lot more munny than he had originally intended to spend, especially considering how little material they contained, but they were very sexy, and he really, really liked them. Aerith even offered to take them to the register for him to make up for the embarrassment she had caused him earlier.

They then moved on to the next store in Radiant Garden's recently renovated shopping district, and there he found a simple but elegant earring of fine silver filigree and lapis lazuli to replace his cloudy wolf. There was a beautiful matching necklace that went with it, but it was just too expensive, and he couldn't justify spending that much munny on something he would probably never wear again – especially since he had already gone over budget on the panties. Plus, the saleslady wouldn't split the pair of earrings, so he had to buy them both.

Next he picked out a strappy little pair of low-heeled, silver sandals which nicely showed off his slender feet and shapely legs, and he purchased a very soft and subtle perfume as well a few beauty products that Aerith suggested, but he still hadn't found the right dress. They'd been at it all day, and the girls were getting grumpy, but he refused to let them pressure him into making the wrong choice.

He wasn't even sure he knew what he was looking for, but he knew that he would know it when he saw it. He wanted something entirely different from his normal attire – something soft and feminine without being frilly; sexy but innocent, in a pastel color instead of his usual black, preferably white. Something that would not only arouse Leon's lust, but would also make him fall in love, and he wasn't going to settle for anything less.

They were just about to give up for the day when he finally spotted it. It was perfect, and it fit him perfectly and went perfectly with his new silver shoes, as well as his earring and his eyes, and it made him look perfectly beautiful. Exhausted, but happy, they headed for home at last.

-xXx-

Leon had a way of scrutinizing a person that could make them feel like a little kid who had just been caught doing something very, very naughty – even if you happened to be twenty-four and on your best behavior – and it was that very look which was currently focused on Cloud. It was the second time in less than a week he had told the older man he had other plans.

Cloud stood his ground with a face every bit as inscrutable as Leon's and forced himself not to fidget as Leon eyed him suspiciously. "Whatever," the gunblader finally snapped and turned sharply on his heel, striding away on long, resolute legs. Cloud bit back a grimace at the curt dismissal and walked off in the opposite direction, his own steps slower and shorter, but no less determined. Tonight was the big night, and he had lots to do.

First stop was the store where he had purchased his earring. He had decided to cave in and buy the necklace that went with it, figuring he might as well give it all he had, and then he could give the necklace and earrings to Aerith – since he would be dead and have no further use for them. But when he got to the counter, it was no longer on display, and the saleslady regretfully informed him that someone had already purchased it. Disappointed, and a little angry with himself for not buying it when he had the chance, he made his way home.

From the moment he got there, he was pampered like a princess, receiving the full beauty treatment from top to bottom, starting with a special conditioning treatment for his hair to make sure it was shiny and soft, and a beauty mask followed by a facial massage with some sort of rejuvenating cream which promised to bring a 'radiant blush' to his already glowing skin. Callouses were smoothed away, nails filed and buffed to a natural shine, and legs were shaved.

Cloud didn't have a lot of body hair to begin with, and what little he did was baby fine and fair in color, so when Aerith suggested shaving his legs, he politely declined. So she suggested it again, a little more forcefully, and when he still didn't get it, she put her hands on her hips and informed him that there was no way she was going to let him spoil a pretty dress and sexy shoes with hairy legs, and if he didn't get in there right this minute and shave those legs, he would be very, very sorry.

With horrific visions dancing a very lively jitterbug in his head of all the ways in which an angry Aerith could make him very, very sorry, Cloud fearfully gave in and plodded into the bathroom, but once the messy process was over, he had to admit that he did like the way it made him feel – all silky smooth and sexy. In fact, he liked it so much that he even let her paint his toenails a very pale pink. Then he finished the whole thing off with a nice relaxing soak in the tub with the very best bath oil munny could buy.

The dress he had chosen was soft, white cotton with short, scalloped sleeves of eyelet lace that draped his shoulders and lightly kissed his upper arms, and a wide scoop neckline which curved across his chest, gently clinging to the subtle swell of his well-formed pecs. An exquisitely embroidered vine of dainty flowers in various shades of blue and silver followed the neckline, drawing attention to the creamy expanse of skin and the delicate collarbone above, and from there, the dress flowed down his slender frame in a perfect fit – not too tight and not too loose; hinting at the sensuous body beneath without revealing too much. Then it gathered at his narrow waist with a soft blue sash, hugging the top of his hips snugly before falling in two loosely gathered tiers to mid-thigh. The bottom tier was embroidered with another vine of flowers and finished off with a row of the eyelet lace.

The girls both agreed that not only was make-up unnecessary, it would be a downright crime to cover his perfect, porcelain skin, but Aerith did convince him to let her apply a little mascara to his pale, blond lashes and a thin outline of liner to accentuate his already beautiful eyes. Lipstick, however, he emphatically refused with a vigorous shake of his fluffy blond spikes, insisting that he didn't like the way it tasted. Luckily for him, Aerith had excellent instincts when it came to picking her battles and didn't push it. Besides, his lips were naturally a soft, rosy pink.

His hair also was left to its own natural devices; indeed, to try to make it do anything otherwise would have been quite pointless, so she simply brushed it to a soft sheen. Then she hung the exquisite blue teardrop of lapis lazuli from his ear and stepped back to admire her handiwork, clapping her hands with delight at the results: Cloud was simply stunning. But there was still one thing missing ...

Smiling secretively, she pulled a small box from her pocket and removed the necklace inside. It had taken every single munny piece she had saved up for the new set of dinnerware she'd had her eyes on for months, but the look on Cloud's face was totally worth it. When he finally regained control of his mouth, he closed it, only to immediately open it again in protest. "Aerith, I can't accept that," he stammered, "it's too much mun–" But his protest was cut short by a finger against his pretty lips.

"Yes, you can," she insisted with a smile of pure affection, clasping the silver chain around his neck. "Because it will make me very unhappy if you don't." Then, raising up on tippy-toes, she kissed him on the cheek.

Now he was absolutely perfect.

And Leon was in perfectly absolute trouble.

-xXx-

Leon raised his hand to knock on the solid wooden door but stopped just short of connecting. Did he really want to do this?

No.

Definitely not.

So why was he here?

Suddenly remembering the hand he had left hanging in midair, he diverted it from its original purpose to rub at the bridge of his nose. His palm was sweaty.

It was ridiculous. He was standing in front of Aerith's door like a teenager on his first date. Not that Leon knew what that felt like, but he imagined it would feel a lot like this. Sweaty.

Afraid that Cloud wouldn't be there.

Afraid that he would.

He continued to stand in front of the small, tidy house with its small, tidy yard – picture perfect pretty in every single way, just like its owner – arguing with himself and sweating.

So why was he here?

He made a fist and once again raised it to knock on the door – a bright, cheerful yellow that matched the marigolds in the yard. The color had been chosen by Yuffie. The flowers had been planted by Aerith.

The door had been painted by Cloud.

Cloud. Cloud was the reason he was here. He dropped his hand to his side but didn't un-fist it.

Cloud had been avoiding him for days, and it was starting to wor..., it was starting to piss him off. Ever since their little incident, he had just ... had just ... Leon realized that his hand was still clenched at his side and shoved it in his pocket.

What the hell had gotten into the damn blond anyway. Why couldn't he have just left well enough alone? Everything had been perfectly fine, good even, and then he had to go and ... and do what? What had he done?

Leon jerked his hand back out of his pocket and rubbed his face again.

Nothing. The blond hadn't done a damn thing. Looked at him, smiled at him. Touched him.

Terrified him.

He hadn't really meant to react the way he did, but Cloud's actions had completely unnerved him – more alarming than finding out that Laguna was his father – more unexpected than Edea's ice spear through his chest – more frightening than being stuck in an elevator with Selphie and Zell for two hours –

Okay, so maybe he'd climbed out the escape hatch after fifteen minutes, but it had sure as hell felt like two hours.

– more shocking than Seifer's interrogation at D District Prison – more trying than Yuffie's ... more trying than Yuffie – more random than Rinoa in the throes of Angel Wing – more disappointing than ...

... than Cloud disappearing for weeks without a word.

He had trusted the blond, damn it, believed him to be just as afraid of intimacy as he was and therefore just as unlikely to ever make any sort of move. He'd thought he was safe. But Cloud had tricked him, lulled him into complacency and then turned his whole world on its head.

And then he had just turned and walked away as if nothing at all had happened.

Maybe nothing had happened.

Leon hung his head and sighed. Maybe he had misread the whole thing. Why would Cloud make a move on him and then just turn and walk away?

Maybe because Leon had pushed him.

He had been so relieved at first when it actually worked, and a little surprised. Cloud had picked right up on his subtle hints and had actually heeded them, hadn't forced him to take more drastic measures – like having to come right out and tell him. With words.

Leon wasn't used to being taken at face value.

Of course, he really shouldn't have been that surprised; Cloud wasn't Rinoa. Or Seifer.

Or Yuffie.

Or Zell.

Or Aerith, or Tifa.

Or Cid.

Or anybody.

He wasn't like anybody that Leon had ever met.

He was different, in a way that Leon kind of liked, and he'd gotten kind of used to having the blond around, but lately – since 'the incident' – something had changed, and Leon wasn't so sure he was happy about it. Cloud had been distant and distracted – practically ignoring him – and Leon couldn't help but be a little worried that maybe Cloud just didn't care anymore.

Maybe he never had.

Maybe when Leon pushed him away, Cloud had just shrugged his shoulders and moved on without him.

Maybe ... he had found somebody else.

That wasn't a thought Leon wanted to even acknowledge, much less entertain, but there it was. It had snuck in and lodged itself firmly in his mind – as tenacious as Eden, insistent as Shiva. As bullheaded as Brothers. It nagged at him relentlessly, making him anxious and restless and irritable.

Stupid blond. Just because he had pushed Cloud away didn't mean he wanted him to go. He just didn't want him to get too close.

Then a few days ago, after their morning rounds, he had asked Cloud to help him clear some rubble in the bailey, and Cloud had turned him down. Turned him down. Said he had Other Plans. Leon snorted in disbelief.

So when Yuffie had passed along the invitation from Aerith to come over for dinner and a movie on Friday night, he had accepted, assuming that Cloud would be there too, and that maybe, with Aerith around, they could somehow fix this whole stupid mess. But then this morning, Cloud had turned him down again – said he had other plans again – and now Leon was really worried because what if those other plans included somebody else? He closed his eyes and buried his head in his hands.

It wasn't like he was in love with the guy or anything, but Cloud was ... well ... his friend, and he didn't really feel like sharing him with anybody else. He lifted his head and opened his eyes. That damn door was still there, cheerful and mocking. So he punched it.

Shit. He shouldn't have done that.

Too late. Yuffie opened the door. "Squeon!" she squealed, as if she hadn't seen him for months instead of just this morning. He stepped inside without saying a word and looked around. No Cloud.

Aerith came in from the kitchen, babbling about how glad she was he had come, and something about dinner, but still no Cloud.

Then Aerith returned to the kitchen, and Yuffie took over the babbling, but all Leon could really think about was, "Where's Cloud?" He surprised himself when he realized he had said it out loud.

Yuffie spun on her heels and called up the stairs, "Hey Cloudo, Squally's here – you better get your lovely butt down here asap." Then, with a casual wave and an 'I know something you don't know' smile, she joined Aerith in the kitchen, where the two of them proceeded to watch from the cracked kitchen door.

Leon was still just standing at the foot of the stairs, glancing up at the top of them nervously, and after a couple of minutes went by and Cloud still hadn't appeared, he began to pace. Aerith and Yuffie looked at each other and stifled their giggles behind their hands.

Leon looked up again just in time to see a sexy, sandaled foot step onto the stairs, followed by a second sexy, sandaled foot, which were attached to two shapely, slender legs that led all the way up to a flouncy little skirt that hugged slim hips and a taut tummy, eyes lingering for a moment at the tiny waist before moving on to the firm, flat? chest and then shooting straight to a pair of smirking blue eyes when he realized with a jolt of excitement and a sharp intake of breath that this was no woman; it was a man, and what's more, it was Cloud.

Fuck. He was beautiful, standing there like some sort of ethereal angel, blue eyes glowing like moonlight on clear, deep water; his lips soft and rosy. His hair shimmered like gossamer in the morning dew, sun-kissed and golden, beckoning Leon's fingers to bury themselves in the soft, silken strands, and his willowy neck begged for kisses – here please, and here – from the sharp, slender chin to the fleshy lobe of his ear and then down to his delicate clavicle – trace this sweet line with your lips, taste the warm, tender flesh with your tongue. Feel the sweet pulse of life beneath your mouth.

His mouth beneath your wanting mouth.

Leon's eyes kept returning to his mouth like magnet to steel, moth to flame, and then back again to his eyes, always back to his eyes, drawn there like the pull of the moon on tides, and the blue teardrops that hung from his ear and around his neck laughed in amusement, mere imitations – a mockery, a joke – as if to say yes, yes, we know, we are trying to be blue, but the eyes, my god, look at the eyes; they take your breath away.

He took Leon's breath away.

He had heard the story of Cloud's cross-dressing episode back in Midgar, and he remembered how he had laughed at the image of the powerful ex-SOLDIER in drag, but he wasn't laughing now. No, he was drowning.

With rising panic, he realized that panic wasn't the only thing rising as he stood there unable to move, unable to think, unable to even close his mouth because all of his brain cells were dead, deprived of oxygen as all of his blood rushed south, heart doing double time in its effort to keep up with demand. He wanted to bolt, and he would have if he could have, but he couldn't get his legs to listen – he couldn't get any of his body parts to obey, as was becoming more and more alarmingly apparent by the second. Then Cloud cocked a cheeky brow and quirked his lips in a sexy, all-knowing smile, and all of the blood that had been racing to Leon's loins was suddenly redirected to his face.

With his determination firmly bolstered by the smart-ass smirk on Cloud's face, Leon finally succeeded in closing his mouth and then gradually reclaimed control over the rest of his body as Cloud made his slow, sexy descent down the stairs. By the time he had reached the bottom step, Leon had even recovered his voice, although it was still a bit shaky.

"So, what's the occasion, sweet cheeks?" he asked with a dashing smirk of his own, causing Cloud's heart to flutter with affection in his chest and his private parts to flutter with excitement in his pretty little panties. Then his stomach flipped over with fear, and his cheeks flushed almost as red as Leon's when he realized he had no ready answer to that question.

"He lost a little bet to Yuffie and me," Aerith answered for him smoothly, stepping from the kitchen and saving the day.

Swallowing the lump that had lodged itself in his throat, Cloud smiled at her gratefully and thanked his lucky stars he had agreed to shave his legs.

-xXx-

Leon hardly ate a bite of dinner and said even less; he was too busy staring a hole in his mashed potatoes. In fact, he was so preoccupied with trying to keep his eyes off of Cloud, that he was hardly even listening to the conversation going on around him. He would catch an occasional snippet or two, things like 'so excited' and 'nightclub' or 'dancing' and 'can't wait', but they didn't actually filter through the thick fog in his brain – which felt a lot like the fat he was so intently watching congeal on his gravy – until Yuffie poked him and pointed to his plate.

"You think you could hurry it up there a bit, gramps? Gawd, by the time you're done, we won't even be able to get in."

Leon looked around the table and realized that everyone else had finished and was politely waiting for him. "Huh?" he replied.

"I said," Yuffie rolled her eyes and huffed in an exaggerated tone of annoyance, "that if you don't hurry up, we won't even be able to get in."

"Get in where?" Leon asked slowly as a sinking feeling that he knew exactly where settled heavily in the pit of his stomach – right next to the lump of mashed potatoes that was already sitting there like a lead weight.

"The new nightclub that just opened over in the new shopping district, dummy. You know – the one we could already be at if somebody wasn't off in la-la land," Yuffie snorted, waving her hand back and forth in the air as if that might clear away the clouds fogging up poor Leon's brain. "Geez, Squall, where have been for the last twenty minutes?"

Unfortunately for Yuffie, those weren't the clouds that were causing the problem. That cloud was still sitting there, pretty as a princess.

"It's okay, Yuffie," Aerith said calmly. "We don't want to get there too early anyway."

"I thought we were watching a movie," Leon said meekly.

Yuffie leaned across the table and smacked Cloud with her napkin. "Did somebody forget to tell old gramps here about the change in plans?"

Leon chanced a quick glance at Cloud, who shrugged his delicious-looking, smooth and creamy shoulders and said with an apologetic smile, "Sorry, it must have slipped my mind?"

Actually, going to the nightclub had been the plan all along, but they hadn't been dumb enough to tell Leon that; they did, after all, want him to show up.

"We decided to go check out the new nightclub instead," Aerith reiterated, just in case Leon still hadn't figured it out. His normally sharp powers of deduction did seem to have taken a unexpected vacation without him. "Everybody's been talking about it."

"Yeah, I heard it's really hot," Yuffie added.

Like Cloud, Leon thought, his gaze still glued to Cloud's shoulders – that quick glance had turned out to be a big mistake. He finally succeeded in tearing his eyes away, only to have them immediately recaptured by Cloud's, and he fumbled for something to say. "So ... you're going too?" he finally managed, and when Cloud nodded yes in reply, he choked out, "Like that?"

Dear god, he could just see it now – Cloud in that dress, dipping and twirling around on the dance floor and ... what do you suppose he was wearing beneath it? Leon rubbed at his eyes, but the enticing vision remained. His hand was suddenly sweaty again.

"That was the wager," Cloud answered smoothly, indicating Aerith with a slight cant of his head, a slender, blond brow arched in amusement.

Leon looked at Aerith with the closest thing to fear she had ever seen in his gunmetal eyes and practically pleaded, "You're not really going to make him do this, are you?" Right, stupid question, and he turned back to Cloud instead, who, hopefully, would be more willing to listen to reason. "Cloud, you don't have to do this." His concern would have been touching, had it actually been for Cloud.

"What? You think I don't have enough balls to go out dressed like this?" Cloud asked with a suggestive smirk. "I'm gay, Leon, not a wimp."

Just like that – I'm gay, Leon – he just came right out and said it, right out loud, in front of people – I'm gay – like it was the easiest thing in the world, and as far as Leon was concerned, that didn't leave any questions whatsoever about Cloud's balls. Well, maybe a few, but certainly not whether he had them or not, and oh geez, the last thing he needed was to start thinking about Cloud's testicles, and he buried his face in his hand again. His sweaty hand.

"So, are you done?" Yuffie huffed, standing beside him and tapping her foot with impatience.

He raised his head and managed a small nod, then mumbled sheepishly to Aerith, "Sorry. I guess I wasn't that hungry." Aerith graciously waved it off and got up to go change her dress.

Yuffie wasted no time at all in whisking his plate off the table and carting it off to the kitchen, and – since it was their job to do the cleaning up since Aerith did the cooking – Cloud got up to help her. His sparkling blue eyes met Leon's turbulent greys as he picked up Aerith's plate and stacked it on top of his, and he let out an amused little chuckle, which worried Leon greatly.

Leon's highly honed instincts were screaming at him to run while he still had the chance, yet once again, his body betrayed him, and when Cloud followed Yuffie into the kitchen, it got up and followed Cloud all of its own accord without any consent from his brain, which explains how he ended up standing in the middle of the kitchen like a lost little puppy. Still chuckling lightly to himself, Cloud reached for Aerith's apron and started filling the sink with hot, soapy water while Yuffie finished clearing off the table. When she returned moments later, Leon was still standing there staring at Cloud and practically drooling – waiting for his master to toss him a bone. His pretty, pretty master in the ruffled, pink apron

Yuffie's amused snort pulled him out of his trance, and he snapped his eyes back to hers, not surprised to find them twinkling with devious delight. "I'll dry?" he offered.

"For reals?" Yuffie asked, but didn't stick around for his answer, tossing the dishtowel at him and fleeing the kitchen before he could change his mind.

Leon watched her run out the door like a condemned man watching his last hope for salvation floating away down the river and trying to figure out why in the hell he had just handed her the keys to the boat. Then he glared down at the dishtowel in his hand as if to say it was all its fault, but the damn dirty rag didn't give a whit, so he held it out to Cloud. "Uh, this is kind of wet."

"Third drawer down," Cloud answered, indicating said drawer with a dainty, slippered foot, his perfectly manicured toenails sporting a pretty, pink polish that went perfectly with Aerith's pretty, pink apron.

"Hn," Leon grunted, leaning past him and bending down to open the drawer, accidentally bumping against the blond's backside as he tugged on the handle. "It's stuck."

"Oops, sorry. I forgot about that," Cloud apologized, rinsing the suds from his hands. "You have to sort of twist and pull at the same time," he said, bending down to demonstrate. "Like this," and he gave the drawer a sharp jerk. It let go more readily than expected, of course, and Cloud stumbled backwards, planting his ass squarely in Leon's crotch.

Leon didn't reply, unless you could call the small whimper that escaped from his throat a reply, but he did manage to grab Cloud by the hips to keep him from falling.

"Sorry," Cloud apologized again, straightening up as he regained his balance. Turning a lovely leg out to the side so Leon could get a good look, he pointed down at the culprit and shrugged, "Heels."

"Hn," Leon grunted again, staring down at Cloud's leg, his hands still holding Cloud's hips. "They're, um ... lovely."

"Thanks," Cloud chuckled, looking coyly over his shoulder, "but I meant that I'm not used to wearing them."

"Then maybe you should wear them more often," Leon suggested, so oblivious to how wrong that sounded that he wasn't even the least bit concerned he had said it. He was far too mesmerized by the way the little pink strap around Cloud's neck kept shifting against his silky white skin, and too busy fighting off the irrational urge to rip it off with his teeth. Then he caught a subtle whiff of fragrance and couldn't quite stop himself from following it forward. "Are you wearing perfume?" he asked, voice low and husky.

"Hmm," Cloud hummed softly, his eyes slightly glazed. Leon's breath was warm on the back of his neck and his hands hot on his hips. "Do you like it?" he whispered, tilting his head to the side to expose the long, graceful column of his neck for Leon's further olfactory pleasure.

Accepting the implicit invitation without so much as a passing thought or a moment's hesitation, Leon pressed his nose into the warm, cozy hollow at the back of Cloud's ear and breathed in deeply. "Mmm s'nice," he whispered back, lips lightly grazing the side of Cloud's neck, and suddenly, the desire smoldering in the sliver of space between them ignited into something so hot it threatened to meld their bodies together. Slowly, Leon's hands began to slide forward, pressing against the flat plane of Cloud's stomach and pulling the blond's body back against his own as his mouth began a slow path down Cloud's neck.

"What in the heck is taking you guys so long!" Yuffie yelled, banging open the door and barging into the kitchen as the two men quickly sprang apart. Cloud immediately returned his attention to the dishes while Leon bent down to grab a towel from the drawer. "Gawd, you haven't even started yet?" she griped. "What in Bahamut's name have you been doing?"

"Here. You dry," was the only answer she received as a very grumpy Leon slapped the towel over her shoulder and fled the scene of the crime faster than a hit and run driver. When he reemerged from the bathroom ten minutes later, more or less recomposed and crumbling walls refortified, Cloud and Yuffie were done with the dishes, and Aerith was just coming down the stairs in her best party pink.

Fully intending to make his quick getaway, Leon followed the others out the door, but as soon as he realized that nobody else had brought their weapon, his excuse promptly caught in his throat, from whence it was forthwith swallowed and slid down his esophagus into his stomach where it met an untimely and rather ignoble death by gastric acid, the unrecognizable remains of which then passed into the small intestines where it was ... well, I'm sure you can follow the rest of the digestive trail for yourself ... the point being that Leon's well-thought-out and carefully rehearsed excuse rapidly turned to utter shit because, despite the fact that there weren't many Heartless around anymore, there was no way in hell that his conscience would allow three lovely ladies ... um, two lovely ladies and one lovely cloud ... to wander weaponless into the night. Hoping it had just been an oversight on the blond's part, Leon asked, "You aren't bringing your sword?"

Right. Like either one of them could ever unintentionally forget their weapon; they would be more likely to forget their dicks. Of course, Cloud was wearing a dress ...

"And spoil my outfit?" Cloud stated, his expression suggesting that such a thing would be haute-couture suicide. "Besides, you've got your gunblade," he pointed out, just in case Leon had forgotten that too.

"Well, I was .. n't ... wasn't ... uh ..."

"Oh, I see. Well that's fine," Cloud answered flippantly, expertly playing his damsel-in-distress card. "We'll be perfectly fine without you along to protect us; I mean, what could possibly go wrong?" Yes, had it been a game of Triple Triad, he would have swept the board with a well-placed Rinoa.

Patting themselves on the back for a ploy well played, the three co-conspirators – the sneaky ninja extraordinaire, flawless deliverer of innocuous invitations which may or may not be all they appear; the sweet and innocent flower girl, evil genius mastermind behind it all; and the pretty princess himself, master of disguise, also known as The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing – turned and casually strolled away, leaving Leon all alone to weigh the consequences.

They weighed, as the three of them had very well known they would, very heavily upon Leon's responsible shoulders, and so it was with leaden feet and an equally heavy heart that he hung his head in defeat and plodded after the three evil plotters.

Thus began the long, slow slide into inevitability.