Chapter 3

Nyota frowned, staring at the object in her hand. One of the other female cadets exited the stall-Jaena was her name, and Nyota often saw her in passing. More frequently than usual.

"Still nothing?" Jaena asked, applying some fresh makeup to her foreign, slanted eyes.

"Nothing." Nyota sighed. "I'll never get pregnant. I mean, what could be wrong with me? We didn't even try to have our son, and then suddenly we do want a child and can't have one?" She tossed the pregnancy test into the waste bin and proceeded to wash her hands. "We've been trying for a month now."

"Maybe you should get a fertility test," Jaena shrugged. "Maybe there's an issue that can be fixed."

Nyota leaned her lower back against the sink. "Spock wouldn't be to happy to get tested. You know how men are. If I told him he might be sterile, he'd probably go sit in the bath tub with a toaster."

Jaena laughed. "You must see a really different side of Commander Spock."

"I hate men." Nyota frowned. "Why can't I be like your species? You don't even need them to have children."

"It's not that terrific," Jaena said. "Our birth control method is Hell." She snapped her compact shut. "If he really wants a child too, I'm sure he'd be up for testing."

"Spock, I have a question?" Jim asked, as they headed for the mess hall for lunch. "Apparently your wife can't keep her mouth shut and has been going on and on about having another baby, but I was thinking. Why do people call it 'trying to get pregnant'? Why don't they just say 'We're having a lot more sex than usual'."

Spock frowned at him and decided not to answer. Jim took him silence the wrong way and leaned forward, lowering his voice. "You are having more sex, right? I mean, you guys aren't at it all the time..."

"Captain, I do not believe this is an appropiate conversation to have with you now, or ever, for that matter," Spock said.

"You guys hardly have sex," Jim guessed.

"We engage in such activities every night," Spock almost snapped. He caught himself and tried not to groan.

Jim grinned. "So what are you wanting? Girl? Another boy? If it's a boy can you name Crunch?" He grinned. "Then, if he becomes a captain someday..." he rolled his eyes when the joke was not making its way to Spock's brain. "Nevermind."

"We would like to have a daughter," Spock said. "We already have a son."

"You could name her Deborah Duncan Doughnuts," Kirk suggested. "Or Prunella. Or Boonifa."

"We've already discussed names," Spock told him. "We have it narrowed down to Amanda or Grace."

"Well, from what Uhura's been bitching about to everyone around here, you may not be having anything."

"Mama!" Orion screamed and stomped his feet as his toy broke in two. "Mama!"

Nyota stepped out of the bathroom and sighed, massaging her forehead with her fingertips. "Orie, Mama's tired. What is it?"

Orion tossed the two pieces at her feet and threw himself on the floor, kicking and screaming. At that moment, Spock entered the dwelling and stared at him, and then the broken toy. Nyota ignored the child completely and said, "I haven't started dinner yet. How about we just do a scavenger night? Eat whatever we can find?"

"Sounds reasonable," Spock agreed, picking up frustration in her voice. "Are you feeling well?"

"I started my period," Nyota sighed, moving into the kitchen. "Baby...it's just not going to happen." She sat down at the table and placed her head on it.

Spock made his way over to her and pulled his own chair and closer before sitting beside her. He rubbed her back. "These things take time-"

Nyota looked up. She had been crying. She wiped her eyes and said, "What if it never happens?"

"Mama?" Orion walked over, a worried expression on his face. He patted her leg. "Mama, crying?" He rubbed her leg. "No crying, Mama."

Nyota smiled and picked him up, sitting him in her lap. She kissed the top of his head. "I guess it's not a total loss if it doesn't happen, right?" She sighed. "I just want this family to be complete. I want another child so Orion isn't so lonely, and a baby that I can just swaddle..."

"Spock!" Nyota shook him awake. She was sitting on her knees, still in her night shirt and panties. "Spock, wake up! It lit up! It lit up!"

"Hm?" Spock rolled over. "Excuse me?"

"The pregnancy test! Look! The light lit up! I'm pregnant!" She bounced on her knees. "We're pregnant!"

Spock smiled a little and raised up to kiss her. "This is exciting news."

"You could sound a little more excited," Nyota joked. "Oh my God! We're actually going to have another baby!"

Two months into the pregnancy, Nyota had a miscarriage. She'd been complaining on the bridge of abodominal pains and Kirk immediately sent her to the medical ward. When she didn't return after a few hours, Spock excused himself and made his way there. McCoy asked to speak with him before he saw her.

"She lost the baby," he said, sounding geninunely sympathetic. "I'm so sorry."

Nyota was beside herself in tears. Spock moved to her side and pulled her against him, rubbing her shoulder and side. He didn't know what to say, or if there was anything he could say, so he just held her. Nyota cried and cried, and they stayed like that until Kirk told them to retire for the rest of the day.

Spock asked Miss Kleknev, the nanny who watched Orion during the day, if she would mind watching him for a few extra hours. Word around the ship had spread quickly, and the nanny agreed solemnly and made them a pot of hot tea before she set off with Orion. Spock and Nyota sat on the sofa, the only sound being Nyota's soft weeping.

"Two months," she finally said, sniffling, touching her stomach. "We had a baby for two months."

"We could try again," Spock murmered, pulling her closer.

Nyota shook her head. "No, I'm done. I can't go through this again." She buried her face into his chest. "When McCoy told me, I don't think I've ever felt so empty inside."

"If it helps," Spock continued to rub her back. "I know what loss feels like."

"I know," Nyota whispered, tilting her head to kiss him. "I don't think I could get through this without you here."

Spock studied her for a long time, and then shifted to dig his communication device from his back pocket. He flipped it open and went to the photograph and media section. He clicked a few buttons and held it out so the hologram projected from it had enough room to be the correct size and unsmooshed.

A small holographic video of a skinny baby appeared, lying on his back, flailing his arms and legs and cooing to himself. Nyota smiled and poked her finger through the holographic image. "There's our baby. Little Orion James."

Spock changed videos, and then next one showed a one year old, sitting up, his face covered in something. In one hand, he had a cookie. In the other, a mashed banana-like fruit. He grinned, showing a few scattered teeth. The next video showed him wobbling on unsteady legs, and the next was Nyota's favorite.

"You kept that when I sent it to you?" She asked quietly. "You didn't delete it?"

Spock shook his head, staring at it. "I knew it was your favorite."

The video showed Orion giggling and stomping his feet. Behind him, Spock was on his hands and knees, and without warning, he tore after the toddler who toddled at top speed. Spock was growling and pretending to bite him. In the background, holding the camera, Nyota was laughing. They both watched, and Spock finally said, "Please do not let this particular video leave our dwelling."

"I would never," Nyota giggled. "Only your family gets to see this side of Spock." She sighed and leaned on him once more. "How about we take a bath? A nice, long bath? I'll light candles."

Spock nodded. "I wouldn't oppose to that." He looked towards the kitchen. "Would you like some of your favorite wine with your candles?"

"I would." Nyota grinned. "And then after, we can lay in bed, and talk about anything and everything, and then if talking turns into something else..."

"Baby, don't be nervous," Nyota said, rubbing his back and leaning her head on his shoulder. "You're a good man. A great father. A wonderful husband."

It was the first time Spock would be around other Vulcans since they had started to recolonize on their new planet. His father had repeatedly tried to get in touch with him, but Spock just hadn't been ready to reconnect with that part of his life. He finally agreed to visit New Vulcan, and was bringing Nyota and Orion.

Spock shifted the sleeping toddler in his arms, and felt drool seep down his neck. He sighed slightly. "I'm grateful you're here with me."

Earth was one thing. There were a few humans afraid of change, clustered together on various parts of the planet. They didn't believe in interracial marriage let alone breeding, but Vulcan was worse. It was rare to actually believe in diversity. To trust other species. Especially humans. So Spock wasn't surprised when they arrived at the so-called 'welcome' center that they did not feel welcomed at all. Mothers let their children blatently stare. People whispered.

"Hi!" Orion waved to everybody, waking up to the sound of voices over an intercom. He stopped waving, and looked around. He touched his own ears, and then his fathers. He was looking at everyone else. The ones who looked so much like him.

Spock and Nyota waited in line to exchange and receive their special cards to be on the planet legally as visitors, and as they waited, Orion whined to be put down and Spock complied. Orion stayed by his side, but stared at the Vulcans curiously. Off in the corner, a mother held a small child-Orion's size, and the child sat still in her lap, quietly playing with an educational comfort object.

"What's that?" Orion tugged on Spock's pant leg. "Daddy, wassat?"

Spock glanced over quickly. "Toy."

"Where're my toys?" Orion's little brows furrowed.

"They're packed away. We'll unpack them when we get to your grandfather's house," Nyota said. "Stay with Mama and Daddy."

"That poor child," one elderly Vulcan woman whispered to another. "They raised him to be incredibly human."

"I can see that," the other muttered in return. "Highly ilogical."

Spock heard them, and felt his face heating. Orion continued to speak loudly and ask questions, and then started to whine. He wanted his toys. He wanted his water. He wanted to be held. He wanted to be put down. He wanted something to eat. He was tired. He wasn't tired. It didn't seem to end.

"He's tired," Nyota said, seeing the frustration on Spock's face. "It was a long way here."

"I know," Spock muttered.

By the time they got their passes and were out of the welcome center, Vulcans were shamelessly staring at them. Orion kept waving and saying hello, but nobody greeted him back. Nyota held Spock's hand. "I love you," she half mouthed, half whispered.

"I love you," he muttered back.

It was strange returning home. He half expected his mother to greet him, the way she normally did. He'd always promised her that she would meet Nyota, but he continueously had to put off the meeting, and now it was too late. He knew that she would have loved her. He also knew that she would have loved Orion. She'd told him stories about her own grandparents when he was younger, and they'd spoiled her. Deep down though he knew it was not right, he wanted Orion to be emotionally spoiled as well.

"Spock." His father was there to greet him instead. He was smiling kindly, his eyes crinkling at the ends. He looked older than ever before. His gaze moved from his son, to the daughter in law he'd never officially met, to the grandson he'd never met.

"Father." Spock said. He took Nyota's forearm gently and moved her in front of him. "My wife, Nyota." He then took Orion from her arms. "Our son, Orion."

"Say hello," Nyota coaxed softly.

"No." Orion made a face and buried his head against her shoulder. "No, Mama."

"I apologize," Nyota said, sounding exasperated. "He's tired, and a little shy."

"He is exactly like his father was at that age," Spock's father remarked. "Very talkative, very opinionated, very active..."

"This Spock?" Nyota pointed. "This one right here? He was talkative and opinionated?" She smiled up at her husband, teasingly.

"Set him down," Spock's father coaxed.

Nyota started to do so and Orion whined even louder. She pried him away from her and set him on the ground. Orion stomped his feet and began to cry, and went to Spock instead, raising his arms. Spock squatted down and stroked his hair. "You're not hurt," he reminded him. "You're safe."

"I want to show you something," his father said. "Please, come in. Have some tea."

Once they were inside and seated, Spock's father disappeared briefly and returned with something wrapped in fancy cloth. It was a holographic orb, the kind used to capture and project images and video. Spock immediately recognized it as his mother's.

"Your mother captured every moment of your youth in this device," he spoke. "I've kept it all these years." His eyes appeared to become older and sadder. "It's the one item she took with her during our escape." He fiddled with for a bit, and then it lit up, projected a grainy, glitchy holographic image.

The first image showed Amanda, and Spock's heart swelled. She was holding a baby in her lap, the camera angle awkward, making it obvious that she was holding the baby with one arm and using the other to film. The baby looked surprisingly a lot like Orion.

"Mama loves you," she chuckled, kissing the baby's cheek. The little baby smiled slightly, drool coming from his mouth. "Mama loves you." She kissed his other cheek. The baby chuckled softly.

"Mama!" Orion pointed. "Daddy, Mama!"

"That's Daddy's mama," Nyota told him.

The image changed, this time to a crawling baby Spock, singing and cooing to himself. Occassionally he'd stop and rock back and forth, and shake his head. His mother's laughter could be heard in the background. Nyota covered her mouth, smiling. She remembered that Orion had done the same thing as an infant. Spock's father watched intently, his eyes more relaxed.

"Why have I never seen any of this?" Spock asked, still staring at the changing footage.

"I always assumed your mother would show it to you," his father said, almost sighing.

"Mama!" The next video showed a wailing baby Spock, sitting on the floor, kicking his little feet. "Mama!"

"What's wrong, my darling?" Amanda's voice asked.

"Mama!" The crying baby tipped over, continuing his tantrum.

"The sleepy cry," Nyota murmered, easily recognizing it. "You were a sleepy boy."

"That's me?" Orion pointed. "Mama? That's me?"

"No, that's Daddy when he was little like you," Nyota told him. "He just looks just like you."

The video changed again. This time, Spock was easily two or three, staring solemnly at the camera. Amanda could be heard asking, "Is there something on your mind, Spock?"

"Your name is 'Mother'," the little Spock said. He began fiddling with some kind of educational toy lying beside him.

"My name is Mother?" Amanda responded, hardly sounding amused.

"All of the other children in my learning group call their Mamas 'Mother'," he explained. He turned back to her. "So your name is Mother."

"Oh." Amanda shifted the camera. She'd obviously knelt or sat down. "Is your name still Spock?"

"Yes." Spock put the toy down. He motioned for his mother to come closer. She did so, as the projection seemed to zoom in. "Your secret name is Mama," he said quietly.

"Alright," Amanda said. "So I can still be Mama at home?"

"Yes." Spock smiled slightly, showing some baby teeth. He handed her the toy. "Mama."

To Be Continued...