This is just a cute oneshot dedicated to my friend Woodrokiro, who loves GokuxChi-chi with a passion. She inspired this, not only by asking (begging) me to write it, but also because I got the idea from a lovely rant she gave me in an email a while ago. It's also pennance, because it's my fault she became re-obsessed with DBZ in the first place. So here you go, and sorry! ^^

Enjoy!

I don't own DBZ, but wouldn't it be awesome to be a saiyan?

The Training of Son Goku

by: TheLaughingstockOfPassersby

"Say it again, Goku," Chi-chi urged, "And louder. I didn't hear you at all that time, and I'm right here."

The two were in the kitchen of their small backwoods home, the dark-headed saiyan standing with his spine straight and his gaze at the floor as if he was being chastised. His wife stood in front of him, nose in the air and a heaping plate of delicious-smelling food in one of her hands—held as far from him as possible.

"But Chi-chi..." Goku begged, his eyes wide.

"Again, Goku! Or no breakfast!" The man sighed wearily.

He began his chant, "Marriage is not food. Marriage is not something to eat. Marriage is a sacred rite between two people who love each other and want to spend every waking moment together for the rest of their lives..." he trailed off, uncertainly, "May I eat now?"

Chi-chi beamed at him, handing him the plate and watching him sit down at the table and dig in. She retrieved her own, much smaller plate from the kitchen and sat down to join him, though not with as much gusto as her saiyan husband managed.

"Gosh, Chi-chi," he mumbled between shovelfulls, "I don't know why you make me say that every morning."

The dark-haired woman pursed her lips, "So you don't forget it. I'm not going to live with a man who thinks we're...chow buddies, or something," she muttered, "And don't talk with your mouth full—it's disgusting."

Goku dutifully swallowed the huge lump of food in his mouth before answering, "Well we have kids together...so it's not like I could forget that we're not just friends..." A dark aura was surrounding the woman across from him, and he could feel her glare like a thousand knives in his chest. The oblivious man gulped slightly, he could almost feel the sting of the cast iron skillet as it hit his head.

"I-I mean...What I meant to say, Chi-chi, was that...um..." The muscles under one of her dark eyes twitched, as her hands formed soft fists.

"I'm listening," she hissed.

"Um...How could I forget being married to you, Chi-chi?" he asked uncertainly, praying his words were the right ones, "I love you!"

In that split second, her whole demeanor changed, "Oh, Goku!" she squealed delightedly, "What a lovely thing to say! I love you too! You make me so happy. And we have our two beautiful sons..." Chi-chi trailed off dreamily.

Sensing he was off the hook for the moment, Goku shrugged and tucked back into his food. This continued on for a few moments until the woman across from him froze in her tracks.

"Goku?" she questioned sharply. He looked up, part of his breakfast half out of his mouth. At the annoyed expression on his wife's face he gulped instinctively, sucking the food down into the bottomless pit he called a stomach.

"Goku," she repeated, "You do know what love is, don't you?" Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

Goku looked at his wife miserably, "Chi-chi..." he trailed off hopelessly.

"Goku!"

The heavily muscled saiyan sighed, chanting, "Love is not a pastry. Love is not a snack to be eaten between mealtimes. Love is a feeling between two people..."

Birds were heard far off in the distance as the sound of a traditional morning at the Son residence blended into the background.

Thanks again for reading!

TLS