Chapter One: Crown of Thorns
If I owned KHR, it would be a total smut-fest. But it's not, so I don't.
This is total and utter CRACK. You have been warned. Wow, I spoil you, readers of mine. Two new stories in one day…night…WHATEVER! I hope y'all are happy, the only reason these were written was because I lost internet for 3 days straight. After I got over the withdrawals, I wrote this. Now read on, my minions…
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"Tsu-kun, breakfast is ready!" Nana called up the stairs. She laughed when I-pin and Lambo ran around her ankles, fighting over food.

"Yes, mom!" I yelled back, dressing hurriedly so I could before Reborn started his evil Spartan training again.

"Ow!" I cried, holding my much-abused head, rubbing it where someone had kicked it. I looked up just in time to see Reborn land neatly on the ground.

"What was that for?" I demanded from the arcobaleno.

"I can read minds." He said simply. Leon transformed into Reborn's favorite gun and he held it gently. He was running an appreciative eye over it, marveling in the dangerous perfection. I stood up and walked by the accomplished hitman, attempting to get to breakfast. I was halfway to the kitchen when reborn spoke again.

"Leon has made a new bullet." He leveled the Leon-gun at my forehead. "And I want to know what it does." He pulled the trigger and shot me in the forehead, just like he would if it was the Dying-Will bullet. I was thrown backwards out of the open door into my front yard.

I blinked lazily up at the morning sun, nothing physically changing about me. A strong feeling of euphoria washed over me, lulling me with its sweet song.

"Sawada-dono! Art thou injured?" Basil cried, running to my prone form lying in the grass. A dark shadow fell over me, blotting out the sun and its brilliant rays.

"Basil? Is that you?" I asked groggily, like a sleepwalker. The euphoria grew stronger. Basil pulled me up onto my feet, dusting me off and looking for any signs of injury. I felt warm standing there, next to Basil. Like I normally felt whenever I saw Kyoko's smile.

"Basil!" I cried, hugging him like I haven't seen him in months, practically crying with relief. I buried my face into the hollow of his neck, reveling in the warm feeling. I groaned slightly as Basil twisted away from me. He held me at arm's length, surveying me warily. I leaned my head against one of his hands, breathing in the scent of his skin.

"Sawada-dono, art thou ill?" Basil asked me confusedly, removing his hands from my shoulders, looking slightly scared.

"I'm a bit sad…" I said, giving him some of my trademark puppy-dog eyes and pouting ever so slightly.

"What has put thou in thine state?" He asked, pulling me back towards the house by the hand. "Is there anything this one can do for thou?" He half-turned back towards me, still leading me into the house.

"Yeah, there is one thing you could do…" I started hesitantly.

"What might that be?" Basil asked, face the picture of innocence. He held open the door for me while removing our shoes. I took a step closer to him, closing my eyes as his breath fanned over my face lightly.

"Don't let go." I said, opening my eyes while smirking suggestively, before tackling Basil into a closet, locking the door with a *click*.

Oh my god, I can't believe I just wrote Tsuna into the closet with Basil! A magically appearing closet with a magically appearing lock, nonetheless! But look at the bright side, Tsuna's (finally) a seme for once! But coming from the sounds, he and Basil won't be coming out of the closet for a few hours…heheh. I hope I have you all hopelessly addicted to these crack-fics of mine. Review or else I will get Hibari and his awesome background music to bite you to death in a wig, a tutu, fairy wings, and Bel's tiara. Mukuro will join you both in Chrome's outfit if you flame, at which point they will both screw with your head so much, you'll be left thinking I was actually serious with this fic.