They walked quickly back to the house, trying to escape the cool air. Luke would shiver when the breeze would pick up and Reid would tighten his grip around Luke's shoulders. Luke's own arm was snaked around Reid's waist beneath his coat, his other arm bent upward, fingers tangled with Reid's hand on his shoulder. The walk was silent in an easy sort of way, both men leaning into one another and walking in step the decent walk from the park back to Joel's. As they turned back onto their street and approached the house, Reid heard Luke inhale sharply, his step faltering for only a moment and his shoulders noticeably tensing.
"You alright?" Reid asked, pausing at the bottom of the porch steps. Luke turned to him, trying to hide the frown on his face with a forced smile.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he nodded. Reid knew he was lying, so he dropped his arm from Luke's shoulder and reached for his hand, linking their fingers tightly.
"It's okay," he said, giving Luke a supportive smile. He leaned forward and kissed Luke on the forehead, his free hand brushing away some of the long blond strands of hair soothingly.
Luke's expression lightened and his squeezed Reid's hand. Reid led him up the stairs and opened the door. Together, they ventured into the house.
When they walked inside they found all the lights were still on and Joel was sitting at the kitchen table, bent over, his shoulders visibly tense.
Reid and Luke stood together in the doorway, hand in hand, watching as Joel looked up at them with a sad expression. He sighed and slowly stood up, taking only a step closer and making eye contact with Reid.
"Can I talk to you?" he asked carefully. Reid turned to Luke, who squeezed his hand and nodded before letting go. Turning back to Joel with tightly pressed lips, Reid nodded and stepped forward. Luke watched as the brothers disappeared down the other hallway, most likely to Joel's room. He sighed, trying to shake the nerves in his stomach before turning and slowly and retreating back to the guest room.
He fell onto the bed, sitting up and running a hand through his thick locks as a desperate sigh escaped his lips. His eyes were watering again though he couldn't name exactly why. Thoughts of Jamie, trying to picture what she looked like, her smile, her laugh, and trying to ignore the pain he saw in Reid's face as he concluded his story, mixed with his anxieties about Joel and what the brothers were saying on the other side of the house. His chest constricted painfully around his lungs and heart, which was already beating twice as fast as usual.
Luke fell back over the comforter, sprawled over the bed and keeping his ears attune to the sounds of the house, half expecting more yelling to pierce through the walls. They never came. It was silent, almost eerily so. Luke found himself rolling onto his side, his stomach, then onto his back, constantly moving just so he could hear the sound of the blankets shifting beneath him. Anything was better than the stillness around him.
As such, it was no surprise that he jumped at the sound of a knock on the door. He sat up quickly, trying to flatten his messy hair to no avail, wondering why Reid didn't just come in.
"It's unlocked," he called weakly, moving to the edge of the bed.
Much to his surprise, it wasn't Reid who opened the door. It was Joel.
"Hi," Joel said sheepishly, stepping only halfway into the room, his hand still gripping the door handle. Luke gulped.
"Hi." He couldn't seem to make himself move.
"Um, do you mind?" said Joel, gesturing into the room. Luke blinked, taking a moment for things to click.
"Oh, no, of course," he said quickly, finally standing up a little and motioning to a chair. Joel let the door fall shut behind him and took a seat. Luke sat back on the bed.
"I want to apologize to you, Luke," started Joel nervously. Luke immediately turned red.
"Joel, you don't have to-" he fumbled. Joel held up a hand to stop him.
"Reid's right, you don't hear apologies well," he said with a soft laugh. Luke smiled, turning brighter red. "But please, here me out. I need to say this to you."
They stared at each other for a long moment before Luke nodded for Joel to continue. The dark haired man sat up straight, wringing his hands nervously in his lap, just like his brother always did.
"I judged you too quickly," he began. "When I found out about your... problem, my mind went immediately to what Reid went through when we were younger, with Jamie." Joel looked up. Luke could tell that Reid had filled him in on how caught up Luke was. "It was a hard time, not just for Reid but for all of us. I had to watch my brother give up everything, his dreams for school, his social life, for this girl. I know he cared about her, and if it had been Liam or Adam, I would have done the same thing, but it didn't make it any easier.
"Reid use to be a lot less, well, he was happier, you know. He was sarcastic, sure, and he's always been an ass," he added with a snort that made both of them laugh, "but it was in a kindhearted way. He teased, he didn't hurt. But something about everything with Jamie changed him. He was colder, especially after she died. Reid blamed himself for such a long time. He left home, and not just the way everyone eventually does. He didn't just move out, he moved clear across the country, and he rarely came home to visit. My parents were actually surprised to see him at their 30th wedding anniversary six years ago.
"I know I'm just the younger brother, but while Reid was watching out for Jamie, I felt like it was my job to watch out for him, and even after everything, that feeling is still there. I was afraid that with you, he was just trying to make up for Jamie. In his mind, he failed her. I thought maybe you were his redemption."
Luke's lips turned into a frown, scratching the side of his face nervously as he stared at the ground. He heard the chair creak and turned his eyes upward to see Joel leaning forward a little, eyes earnest and desperate.
"But I know I was wrong. I saw the way you two were together, just hanging out around here but also at the wedding, and listening to him stick up for you like that..." Joel trailed off, shaking his head while reliving the scenes from the past few days. "I realized that I was wrong, and I'm sorry, to both of you. I didn't mean to dig up this can of worms or to screw things up. I know it was over the top and dramatic, but I was just trying to watch out for my brother."
Luke gave Joel a sad smile, shifting a bit on the bed and straightening his back. "I understand," he began, his voice raspy as first. "I have three younger siblings, and an older brother and sister. I probably would have done the same thing if I had been in your shoes, maybe worse," he said truthfully, laughing pathetically at himself. It seemed to make Joel relax, though. "And no one regrets more than I do what being with me has to be doing to Reid, the kind of pain I must bring up for him," Luke continued, his voice cracking a bit.
Ironically, Joel started laughing.
It wasn't a harsh laugh or even a carefree laugh, simply one of surprise. Luke looked up, almost annoyed, to see Joel staring back with kind eyes.
"You don't bring up pain for him, Luke," Joel insisted. "If anything, you help him to let go of the pain from when he first lost Jamie. He's held onto it for so long, and I'm convinced that is why he's so bitter. This weekend, though, I had more fun with my brother than I've had in years. Even when we were fighting, I saw more passion and genuine emotion than I've seen in longer than I can remember."
Something caught in Luke's throat, his eyes widening. Joel gave him an easy smile.
"I know he hasn't said it yet, but he loves you, Luke. Even in all this mess, that's the one thing I've been sure of the whole time."
Luke didn't gasp and his eyes didn't widen. In fact, he didn't seem surprised at all. He smiled, embarrassed and red in the cheeks, but his eyes never fell from Joel's, holding his gaze confidently.
"Yeah," he said. "I know."
They talked for a few more minutes before easy laughter once again fell between them. It was then that the door slowly creaked open, Reid's cautious face appearing in the door.
"Hello?" he asked carefully, trying not to smile at the sight of his boyfriend and his brother getting along and sharing a laugh.
"Hey," said Joel first. Luke just smiled at him, eyes silently inviting him to sit down. Reid moved quietly over to the bed, sitting beside Luke and resting his hand easily on his knee.
"I don't know if I should be relieved or terrified," said Reid. Luke laughed, leaning into him a little and bringing his hand to lay over Reid's.