18. First Day of Classes, Second Edition

Author's Notes: I've been wanting to write Lockhart's first class ever since I came up with this story idea. Hope you enjoy reading it as much I did writing it.

Story Start: Great Hall, September 2nd

Harry was working through his second bowl of porridge when Professor McGonagall began moving along the Gryffindor table handing out course schedules to her Lions. When Harry took his he saw that first thing of the day was double Herbology with the Hufflepuffs.

When it was time for class and Professor Sprout came up to the gathered students she smiled and said "Greenhouse three today, chaps!"

There was a murmur of interest at that. They had only ever worked in greenhouse one before - greenhouse three housed far more interesting and dangerous plants. Once they were in front of greenhouse three Professor Sprout took a large key from her belt an unlocked the door. Harry caught a whiff of damp earth and fertilizer mingling with the heavy perfume of some giant, umbrella-sized flowers dangling from the ceiling. The students all filed in, taking their spots while Professor Sprout moved to stand behind a trestle bench in the center of the greenhouse where twenty pairs of different colored ear muffs were lying on the bench.

Once everyone was in place, she said "We'll be repotting Mandrakes today. Now, who can tell me the properties of the Mandrake?"

To nobody's surprise, Hermione's hand was first into the air, followed only a split second later by Neville's. At Professor Sprout's nod to her, she said "Mandrake, or Mandragora, is a powerful restorative. It is used to return people who have been transfigured or cursed to their original state."

"Excellent, Ten points to Gryffindor." said Professor Sprout before she continued "The Mandrake forms and essential part of most antidotes. It is also, however, dangerous. Who can tell me why?"

Again, Hermione and Neville's hands raised at practically the same time. When Professor Sprout nodded to Neville he answered "Mandrakes emit cries that are harmful to humans, a fully matured Mandrake's cry is fatal to anyone that hears it."

"Precisely. Take another ten points for your House." Professor Sprout said and then continued "Now, the Mandrakes we have here are still very young." She pointed to a row of deep trays as she spoke, and everyone shuffled forward for a better look. A hundred or so tufty little plants, purplish green in color, were growing there in rows. They looked quite unremarkable to Harry, who didn't have the slightest idea what Neville meant by the "cry" of the Mandrake.

"Everyone take a pair of earmuffs," Said Professor Sprout.

There was a scramble as everyone tried to seize a pair that wasn't pink and fluffy.

"When I tell you to put them on, make sure your ears are completely covered," said Professor Sprout. "When it is safe to remove them, I will give you the thumbs-up. Right - earmuffs on."

Harry snapped the earmuffs over his ears. They shut out sound completely, clearly the work of an enchantment. Professor Sprout put the pink, fluffy pair over her own ears, rolled up the sleeves of her robes, grasped one of the tufty plants firmly, and pulled hard.

Harry let out a gasp of surprise that no one could hear, though he wasn't the only one.

Instead of roots, a small, muddy, and extremely ugly baby popped out of the earth. The leaves were growing right out of his head. He had pale green, mottled skin, and was clearly bawling at the top of his lungs.

Professor Sprout took a large plant pot from under the table and plunged the Mandrake into it, burying him in dark, damp compost until only the tufted leaves were visible. Professor Sprout dusted off her hands, gave them all the thumbs-up, and removed her own earmuffs.

"As our Mandrakes are only seedlings, their cries won't kill yet," she said calmly as though she'd just done nothing more exciting than water a begonia. "However, they will knock you out for several hours, and as I'm sure none of you want to miss your first day back, make sure your earmuffs are securely in place while you work. I will attract your attention when it is time to pack up.

"Four to a tray - there is a large supply of pots here - compost in the sacks over there - and be careful of the Venomous Tentacula, it's teething."

She gave a sharp slap to a spiky, dark red plant as she spoke, making it draw in the long feelers that had been inching sneakily over her shoulder.

Harry, Neville, and Hermione were joined at their tray by a curly-haired Hufflepuff boy Harry knew by sight but had never spoken to.

"Justin Finch-Fletchley," he said brightly, shaking Harry by the hand. "Know who you are, of course, the famous Harry Potter, Hermione Granger - always top in everything," Hermione beamed as her hand was shaken next "And Neville Longbottom, the go to guy for anything Herbology related." Neville gave him a small smile as his hand was shaken.

As they began filling their plant pots with dragon dung compost, Justin continued happily chatting "My name was down for Eton, you know. I can't tell you how glad I am I came here instead. Of course, Mother was slightly disappointed, but I think she's begun to see how useful it'll be to have a fully trained wizard in the family."

After that they didn't have much chance to talk. Their earmuffs were back on and they needed to concentrate on the Mandrakes. Professor Sprout had made it look extremely easy, but it wasn't. The Mandrakes didn't like coming out of the earth, but didn't seem to want to go back into it either. They squirmed, kicked, flailed their sharp little fists, and gnashed their teeth; Harry spent ten whole minutes trying to squash a particularly fat one into a pot.

The only one who seemed to have as easy a time with the ugly buggers as Professor Sprout did was Neville. He would yank a Mandrake out of its original pot, turn the plant so that its head was facing him and just look at it, making the plant instantly calm down before he repotted it. Justin really hadn't been kidding about Neville's knack for Herbology.

By the end of class, Harry, like almost everyone else, was sweaty, aching, and, yes even Neville for this one, covered in earth. Everyone traipsed back to the castle for a quick wash and then the Gryffindors hurried off to Transfiguration, where they worked on turning a beetle into a button.

After that was lunch, Malfoy looked like he was going to get up from the Slytherin table when he saw them enter but he sat back down when he noticed Professor McGonagall come in after her lions, the stern professor giving him a look that made him sit down faster than the Mandrakes had calmed under Neville's gaze, though he was clearly unhappy about it all.

"Thanks Professor." Harry said quietly as she passed and the Scot gave him a small nod as she strode to the staff table.

After a thankfully peaceful lunch, it was time for their next class, Defense Against the Dark Arts, unfortunately to be held with the Slytherins.* Harry was both looking forward and dreading this one.

Once everyone was seated in their seats and the bell rang, Lockhart came out of his office, looking resplendent with his perfect hair and wearing Turquoise robes and made his way over to his desk where seven of his books were raised on stands, not one of them the book he had written for the class. Smiling an honest to goodness shining smile, he said "You all know who I am of course, but please allow me to introduce myself anyway." Giving a theatrical bow, he said "Gilderoy Lockhart, at your service. Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award. But you're not here because of that last one. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her after all."

Gilderoy lifted up his right hand and snapped his fingers. Immediately, his form and the row of books on his desk shattered like glass, revealing a completely different Gilderoy Lockhart. His once freely flowing hair was swept back, held in place by a leather cord, he was wearing close fit dueling robes made out of dragon skin, his grin was a lot less shiny and a lot more dangerous looking, and the glint in his eyes was now calculating instead of cheerful. Replacing the seven books on his desk was just one, 501 Spells You Should Know.

More than one student leaned back in surprise at the abrupt change in front of them and Harry found himself letting out the slightest sigh of relief. It looked like Gil was going to be doing the teaching, not Gilderoy. Gil directed a small smirk at Harry before he turned his attention back to the entire class as he said "You are all here to learn how to defend yourselves, and I, I am here to do my best to ensure that you learn as much as possible this upcoming school year. First lesson: While this course is called Defense Against the Dark Arts, that name is a bit misleading."

Gil turned and walked around his desk to the chalkboard and picked up a piece of chalk as he continued "There are very few types of magic that can be truly classified as Dark or Light. Disregarding the Unforgivables, almost anything can be used in a manner different than what they were created for. For instance, every child learns some form of the levitation spell within their first year of magical education, no matter WHERE in the world they are taught. However, I think that you all can agree that levitating a large slab of marble and dropping it fifty feet onto the top of someone's head can be considered a pretty dark action." As Gil spoke, he wrote LIGHT at the top left of the blackboard.

"Now let's look at something from the other side of common perception. The Blood Boiling curse. Pretty nasty to get hit by, but dead useful spell to use if you are trying to get rid of an unknown poison and keep the spell localized to a small part of your body around the entry wound." Gil wrote DARK at the lower left side of the board.

He then wrote lines connecting the two words to the center of the board where he wrote INTENT and circled it before he put the chalk down and turned to face the class as he said "9 times out of 10, it is what you INTEND for the spell to do that determines how it is used. The Ministry will ban certain spells, potions, and rituals, stating that they are forbidden because they are DARK magic, but in truth, using such a blanket term to describe such a large variety of Magics is inherently WRONG. Oh, they are usually made illegal to use for good reason, but there are very few absolutes when it comes to where a spell falls on the scale of Light and Dark."

Walking around the desk, Gil picked up his book and said "Which is where this comes in. 501 Spells Which You Should Know. Inside are not only spells that you yourself will use in order to keep you and others safe, but also spells that you must look out for, their identifying characteristics detailed so that way you can know how to defend against them."

Placing the book back down, he said "We'll be starting with the basic shield charm, Protego. Turn to page 5 in your books, once you've read the page, I want you to practice the wand motions ten times then practice saying the incantation ten times. Once everyone has done so then we'll work on actually casting the spell."

There was the sound of multiple books being opened and Gil sat on his desk patiently waiting for everyone to read the provided information and practice both the wand movements and pronunciation. Once everyone had did as he said, he said "Alright everyone, if you would please put away your books and stand by your desks, thank you." He drew his wand and swished it, sending all of the desks to stack along the back of the wall and he continued "We will now be practicing actually casting the spell. We'll be going by rows. Once everyone in a row manages to cast the shield five times then we will move onto the next row. Mr Finnigan, if you would please start."

Once Gil was sure that everyone could properly cast the Shield charm, he brought their desks back and said "Alright everyone, now that you all can cast the spell properly, it's time for a practical exercise. Leave your bags but keep your wands and follow me." Gil said, making for the door. He paused at it and turned to his office as he called "Davis!"

The Cornish Pixie excitedly zipped out of the office causing several students to blink in surprise as he landed on Gil's shoulder and the teacher stepped out of the classroom and led his class into another classroom that was completely empty except for the chalkboard. The classroom was twice the size of the one they just left and Gil had them group in the middle of the room while he stood by the chalkboard.

Grinning at them, Gil said "The best way to practice a spell that is to be used in combat is to take part in combat. Allow me to introduce your opponents." He pointed up at the ceiling then snapped his fingers. The ceiling shattered like glass revealing dozens if not hundreds of Davis' fellow Cornish Pixies being kept behind a shimmering barrier, each and every one of them wearing some article of clothing, mostly bomber jackets with various designs on them. However, some of the students weren't impressed by the sight.

"Cornish Pixies?" Seamus asked.

"Yeees?" Gil drawled out his question with a dangerous grin forming.

"Well, they're not - they're not very - dangerous , are they?" Seamus asked, laughing a little.

"Don't let their small forms fool you Mr Finnigan, I have personally trained these little dastardly devils to help me on my many adventures. Also, look closely, see those gems that they all have?"

"Yeah?" Seamus said, squinting to see what the teacher was talking about, his classmates doing the same to see the small sapphires each Pixie had strapped to them, slightly hard to see thanks to the Pixies' blue skin.

Gil's grin grew as he said "Those are specially made gems that can fire stinging hexes."

Seamus wasn't the only one paling as Gil let that sink in. Those that hadn't paled did when Gil flicked his wand and the classroom door slid shut and audibly locked itself.

"I suggest you form up into teams of five or more. Oh, one more thing, when your team's shields fail, and they will, I want the student whose shield failed to join me over here." Gil said before he snapped his fingers and the barrier disappeared. The Pixies though showed their training as they stayed in place jeering at the students who were quickly forming teams. Gil gave them ten seconds before he said "Davis, if you would?"

Davis cackled as he pulled a small bugle out from behind his back and let out a cry that sounded remarkably close to 'CHARGE!' and began playing the appropriate bugle call on his instrument.

The overhead pixies wasted no time in shooting down from the ceiling, sapphires flashing as they discharged their stored spells and more than one girl shrieked as the class began to desperately cast the spell they just learned. Both Gil and Davis were cackling from where they were safe by the chalkboard as Davis' comrades swarmed around the students.

Well, they were cackling before one minute into the exercise the shield dome that was made by Harry, Hermione, Neville, Lavender Brown, and Parvati Patil abruptly expanded to three times its original size, blowing the part of the swarm around it away just long enough to show Harry in the middle of a ring made by the others, their shield dome not composed of five individual shields to a side but a single dome, powered by Harry while the other four each had their wands touching his right hand wrist, looks of intense concentration on their faces as they poured the magic that would have gone into their own shields into Harry at a point right before his own magic entered his wand.

Gil cocked his head when he heard phoenix song buried under the din of hundreds of wing pairs flapping before he dismissed it as Harry's wand core reacting to the extra magic and thus unimportant for the moment as he shouted out "That's it you five, that's exactly what I meant about intent shaping the spell! Take ten points each!"

Gil had just enough time to see the pleased looks on the five students before their shield dome was completely covered again. Four minutes later of small but constant impacts one of the other team's shield domes were breached and the Cornish Pixies were quick to take advantage, flying through the opening with two landing on the unlucky student's shoulders, pointing in the direction of the chalkboard. The rest of the swarm reacted accordingly, parting so that way they had a clear path to let them out. The rest of the pixies that had flown in began counting down with their fingers and the rest of the team were quick to tighten their formation and crouch in order to have less area they had to cover before they were brought under fire again.

Gil gave the 'knocked out' student a nod as they lined up, pulling a small container of healing cream that he handed to the student who was rubbing their limbs from the stings they had taken when their shield fell. He then snapped his fingers dropping an illusion over a stool that held a bowl full of chocolate bars and told them to take one which had the dual benefit of cheering them up and helping them recover the magic they had used.

This was the pattern for the next twenty minutes. One of the students' shields would fail and the pixies near said student would escort them out of the swarm where they would get a quick dab of the healing cream to take away the stings they were feeling before given a chocolate bar to eat. At the end of those twenty minutes though Gil told the students around him to cover their ears before he put his fingers to his mouth and gave a piercing whistle.

Immediately the swarm dispersed, moving to form rows along the other three walls of the room and revealing a surprisingly small shield dome powered by SEVEN students, all of them crouching. Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas had somehow managed to join up with the other five without getting tagged by the swarm.

All of the gathered Slytherins scowled when the shield was revealed. Yes, everyone could determine quite easily who was still in the swarm, that didn't change the fact that it was a blow to their pride to see not a single Slytherin among the last ones standing. Gil though gave a quick couple of claps as he said "Well done you seven, you may drop your shield."

The shield immediately fell and all of them slumped to the floor taking deep breathes. Even the powerhouse Harry looked like he was near his limit. Gil courteously took the bowl of chocolate bars to the students, making sure they took at least two each (and having to tell Hermione that yes, she needed to eat both) before he banished the bowl and the stool it had been on to his office then walked around the group so that he could include them with the rest of the students as he said "That's all for today class. Take the rest of the period to recover your energy. Homework tonight is to read the intro of your books and the ten spells after the Shield charm. Hogwarts Elves, please bring these students' bags to this room from the Defense classroom." The students' bags appeared at each students' feet and Gil gave a flick of his fingers as he said "Class Dismissed."

As the majority of the class left, Gil crouched to be closer to the remaining seven and smirked at Seamus as he asked "So Mr Finnigan, still think Cornish Pixies are not dangerous?"

Seamus flushed as he rubbed the back of his neck and said "Not anymore sir."

Gill nodded and said "Take two points each for lasting the whole twenty five minutes you seven, excellent team work." Gil took out his wand and quickly conjured seven comfy looking overstuffed chairs and said "These will fade in about an hour but should be much more comfortable than sitting on the floor."

"Thank you sir." Hermione said, echoed by similar statements from the others as they all sank into the seats with sighs. Gil gave them a little smirk before he stood up to his full height and strode towards the doorway, Davis waving at them from his spot on Gil's shoulder. As he approached the doorway, Gil gave a much more tolerable whistle and all of the pixies of the swarm came to attention and began marching out of the door after him. A few moments later, John WIlliam's Imperial March began playing, which the pixies quickly began humming along to sending Hermione and Lavender into a giggling mess and making Seamus and Dean laugh.

One thing was for sure, Defense class was certainly going to be interesting this year.

END

Author's Notes: And done. I just couldn't STAND having to wait to write this lesson when we were so close so you lucky chaps got two chapters instead of one, hope you enjoyed them! Also, check my profile for the current poll.

*It's not stated in second year who Gryffindors take Defense with but it is stated in Book 6 that Malfoy was enjoying Snape bullying Harry in that class so it made sense to me to include them.