A/N:

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review this parody! Your reviews (and flames, if you feel like it) are much appreciated here. If you feel like I have parodied something that sounds a lot like your story, never fear! I have record of approximately how many times a story with a certain theme appears on this site. If you are positive that the story you wrote was good, chances are I didn't parody yours but the other shitty copies instead. Either way, don't take it too personally. It's just a joke :)

Also, If any of my previous readers from 2010-2011 are reading this now, I have finally given in, and have written a few new chapters of this for you.

HOW TO NOT WRITE LEGOLAS FANFICTION

"Then they looked into each other's eyes and then they kissed..."

"As he was walking, he was attacked by giant spiders!"

"Then his brothers and father beat him up cruelly, and refused to take him to the healers..."

If your Legolas Fanfiction contains anything along the lines of the quotes above...

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!

I may not exactly be the next Shakespeare and I don't know how to write good FanFiction, but I sure know how NOT write to it! I, and a team of myself, are on a noble crusade to cleanse and re-sanctify 'The Lord of the Rings' FanFiction archive, and liberate it from the poorly-written and cliche Legolas FanFiction that plague it. It will be a long and difficult journey but I guarantee you, dear reader, that once you have finished reading this, you will be successfully dissuaded from putting the really crappy Legolas FanFiction you were thinking about writing to paper (or Internet).

This comprehensive guide includes examples of the most apparent genres in Legolas FanFiction, and has been accredited and endorsed by every single Writers' Guild and book club in existence [1]. This is compulsory reading for anyone who is even just thinking about writing Legolas FanFiction. Yes, even just letting the thought of writing Legolas FanFiction enter your mind for one second binds you to reading the entirety of this.

Crappy Legolas FanFiction is dangerous, mind-numbing and brain-melting, and must be stopped whenever and wherever it can. If you value the intelligence of the human race, I strongly urge you to read this. This guide can prevent permanent brain damage, or even save your life [2].

- J.R.R Tolkien [3]

[1] Not really.

[2] In cases of suicide due to reading really bad FanFiction.

[3] He didn't actually write this, being dead and all. I just felt like putting his name somewhere.