This is based on a hilarious RP between and my friend (and beta of this story) kamitori that we did over a pic from pixiv. An attempt at crack and humor.

Disclaimer: Do not own Hetalia (or references to Pokemon).

"Where the hell are we going!" Norway didn't appreciate being carried off to who knows where, especially by a certain hyperactive Dane. It was a wonder how he managed to get himself into these messes.

Denmark gave Norway a bright, stupid smile, "We're going to elope of course!"

Norway's eyes widened. "Wh-what!" He struggled in Denmark's grip, "I'm not going to remarry you!"

That annoying smile of Denmark's grew bigger. "'Remarry, huh? So you admit to being married to me a first time?" He winked at Norge, who felt his face turn red.

Before he could say anything they heard Iceland shouting behind them. "Let go of Norway! Puffin, use Peck Attack!"

The bird made a bee-line right for Denmark and hit his head dead-on. The dive-bomb attack did nothing except surprise him. Norway internally cursed that damn thick skull of his.

Iceland ordered another attack from his Puffin, "Use Drill Peck!" Norway sweat dropped and made a mental note to never allow his brother to watch Japan's cartoons again. This time the attack hit Denmark in the rear, causing him to yelp like a girl and take off running again, with Norway still in his arms.

"W-wait! Put me down!" Norge shouted at the top of his lungs. He yelped as he felt Denmark suddenly speed up.

"NEVAAAR!" The Dane laughed as he felt Norway wrap his arms around his neck in a death grip.

Norway screamed in anger at Denmark's actions, and fear of the inhuman speed they were going at. "I refuse to elope with you!"

Meanwhile, Iceland was attempting to run behind them, but was unable to keep up. "No... Brother..." He panted and sat down to catch his breath. "Hey, Puffin. Could you track them down for me?" The bird gave what looked like a nod and took off in the direction they went. Iceland brought out a bag of licorice and began to snack on the candy.

After a few minutes of running at what felt like Mach One to Norway, Denmark finally began to slow down, and finally came to a stop a while later. He heard Norge muttering, "I hate you," over and over again.

"Aww, c'mon, Norge, you don't mean that!" He pulled the Norwegian man into a crushing hug. "I mean you're eloping with me!"

Norway pushed away from the annoying Dane and freed himself from the grip. "For the last time, I am not eloping with you!"

Denmark just stared dumbly at him. "Eh? But you're with me right now aren't you?" Norway face-palmed. Had he already forgotten what just happened? "I mean look! We're running away together!"

"You idiot." Norway punched him, hard. "You dragged me along unwillingly." He turned and began to walk back towards home.

Denmark ran up behind him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Aww, c'mon, Norge! Y'know you love me~!" The Dane smiled for what seemed like the umpteenth time that day.

Norway shrugged off the arm "No, I don't. I hate you."

He then felt his shoulder being prodded by a finger. "That's not what you said when we were married 200 years ago~!" he said in sing-song tone that made Norway want to punch him again.

"That was 200 years ago!" Norway swatted the finger away. "And we weren't married! You forced me to live you!"

"But you still stayed with me for 400 years!" Norway looked away, embarrassed and blushing. Since when was Denmark able to figure something like that out? "See?" He smiled stupidly again.

"Idiot..." Before Norway could make another comment, Iceland's puffin dived out of the air and hit Denmark right on the head again.

"Gah!" Denmark flailed around. "Shoo, birdie! Can't you see Norge and I are having a private moment?"

"Aha, I've found you two." Denmark and Norway both turned to see Iceland standing nearby. "To protect the world from idiots like Denmark..." Norway sighed when his brother took out a bag of licorice and munched on a few pieces. "Eh, coming up with a rhyme is too much work. Give brother back, or I'll steal him from you."

"Nuh-uh." Denmark pulled Norway close, much like how a child does his favorite toy. "He's mine."

"Let go of me, Danmark."

When Denmark refused, he was given a swift kick to a rather sensitive area and immediately doubled over in pain.

"My vital regioooooooons!"

"I told you to let me go," Norway replied flatly and started walking away.

Denmark grunted out a few words in pain. "N-no...Norge's...m'waifu...gonna...have kids...like Sve and Fin!" Norway stared at him in surprise. Denmark must have taken one too many blows to the head from the bird.

Ice could only stare at the Dane who was swearing and stumbling around in pain. "He really is an idiot..." he muttered to himself.

Norway tapped him on the shoulder and motioned for him to follow. "He can find his way back home by himself." He felt something land on his shoulder and saw that Ice's puffin had one foot perched on his right shoulder and the other on Ice's left shoulder. "Hm?"

"Alright Puffin. Fly us home." Norway was about to ask how in the hell that little bird was going to carry both of them, but before he could open his mouth, Denmark had latched his arms around Norway's waist.

"L-let go of me you moron!" Norway tried to push the Dane away, to no effect.

"Aww, Norge!" he pleaded. "Don't go off and leave me again!"

Now Iceland was trying to get Denmark to let go of Norway. "Hey! Puffin can only support two people!"

Norway was close to snapping by this point, and just wanted to get home. "Fine. Danmark, I'll go with you back home, but only if you refrain from carrying me or tackling me. Got it?"

"Okay!" Next thing Norway knew, he was pulled into yet another bear hug. All he did this time, however, was turn red and told Denmark to let him go. Denmark surprisingly obeyed and released him.

Iceland shook his head at his brother and Denmark. "Idiot couple..." he muttered.

"What was that, Brother?"

"Nothing, nothing." Iceland waved his hands in defence. "I'll just go now."

Denmark wrapped an arm around each of the brothers. "Alrighty then! Let's go home!"

"I don't know about you two, but I'm flying home." Iceland shrugged off Denmark's arm. "Puffin, let's go."

Norway could only stare in amazement as the tiny bird was somehow able to lift and carry Iceland. How in the hell?

Denmark shouted at Iceland's retreating figure. "Spoil sport!" He then turned to Norway with a large, dorky smile plastered on his face. "Oh well, more romantic time for us, eh, waifu?"

His nose quickly met with a fast-moving Norwegian fist. "Don't call me that again."

Denmark stumbled a few steps backwards. "Damn it!" he swore, "Why can Sve call Fin that, but I can't call you that?" He checked to make sure his nose wasn't broken or bleeding.

"Because," stated Norway, "he's not a hormone-driven idiot like you."

"Aww..but I clearly remember you liked it rough in-"

Norway summoned Thor and used the god's power to burn Denmark to a crisp before the statement could be finished. "Home. Now." He grabbed Denmark by the collar of his shirt and pulled him along.

Denmark was still dazed by the attack. "O...kay...wai-"

Norway quickly took his own hat and stuffed it in the Dane's mouth and made a note to burn it later. Despite this, Denmark was still trying to talk, but it was only coming out as muffled noises.

Norway shook his head. "Keep quiet, idiot.."

They spent the rest of the walk in silence with Norway thinking of ways to kill Denmark for this little fiasco, and Denmark thinking of how he could try to run off with Norge again-only without his brother trying to rescue him this time.

The 400 years of marriage refers to the 436 years from 1349 to 1814 when Norway was ruled from Copenhagen in Denmark. This is also called the 400-year night.

The 'Vital regions' line comes from kamitori.