Agent Green Ushanka, at your service!

So, I wrote this a while ago, but I was like "This sucks. Literally." (HAH, I am a funny guy..)

I just put it up because I haven't put anything up recently, I hope you sluts eat this up. I typed this on my iphone so it probably looks like a monkey wrote it, spelling and grammar wise.

I like to torture Stan. I know most people have Kyle getting tied up, raped, lacerated, ect... but I'd rather have it done to Stan.

I'm not sure why. I'm a creepy little boy.

WARNING:

Yaoi. :D

I do not own South Park.. or Lindsay Lohan.

Boys are in High School here, maybe Sophomores or Juniors.

If you don't know, the nervous game is a stupid game teenagers play. It's basically, a person touches someone else and asks "Are you nervous?" as they go along. If the person getting touched gets freaked out/wants the person to stop they reply "Yes" if not, they say "No"

The object of the game is to get as close to the junk as possible without getting nervous.

Us boys like this game because we get to touch boobies.

Okkkay then, that is all.

ENJOY!

-AGU

Lunch is by far my favorite time of day. I know it sounds like a Cartman thing to say, but it's true. It's the only time that all of my friends get to be together.

We all sit in this secluded corner on campus. It's a small stairwell, with only three steps. No one can see us, so we're able to do whatever the fuck we want.

Which brings me to today. I'm sitting on the second step of the stairs. Kenny has his head in my lap, begging for attention, his head uncomfortably close to my junk. He's lying down with his legs all sprawled out on some girl's lap. I think she might be that Heidi chick from elementary. Whoever she is, Kenny has probably had sex with her.

More than once.

Kyle and Cartman are bickering a each other, but they've moved far enough away so we don't have to listen.

"I bet you like this, Stan." Kenny coos at me digging his head further into my crotch, giving me that stupid crooked smile of his. I roll my eyes and jab his chest with a plastic knife from my lunch. His eyes widen as he squeals in a fit of fake pain, "You stabbed me!" He lurches up from my lap and leans close to the brunette girl next to him, "Did you see that? He stabbed me!"

The girl just laughs. Kenny glares back at me and takes the white knife from my hand, snapping it in half.

"Just wait 'til 'yer butt-pirate boyfriend hears about this!" Kenny's steel-blue eyes dance around until he locates the fire-red labyrinth of curls he was searching for. The boy looks like he's about to get into a fist fight with Cartman when he's interrupted by Kenny's calling.

"Hey, firecrotch!" Kyle whirls around, a pit perturbed. He takes an index finger to his chest and mouths the word 'me?', Kenny rolls his eyes and yells, "Yes you, Carrottop! C'mere!"

The red-head flips Kenny off and approaches us, "Dude, what do you want?"

The blonde tosses his head dramatically and whines, "Stan stabbed me!" He points to the broken pieces of plastic on the ground next to him.

"Oh god, you asshole," Kyle hisses, "You brought me over here to tell me that?"

Kenny nods. Kyle rolls his eyes and shifts his emerald orbs to meet mine, his lips turning up into a sweet smile, "I'm glad you stabbed him. Fight the power." We punch fists.

"Awww.." Kenny says, faking a swoon, "If it isn't Romeo and Juliet." I shoot the blonde a glare and elbow him in the stomach. He hisses something about me being on my period, but I ignore it.

"Hey, Ky, sit down." I pat the ground next to me and look up at Kyle. He smirks at me and takes a seat, using the down time to tie the lace on his super old lime green converse.

"Hey babe, can I get a cigarette?" Kenny asks the girl next to him. She nods and hands him one, lighting it up for him, "Thanks!" She giggles and welcomes him. Afterward, she picks up her stuff leaves, saying something about meeting Red.

"Hey!" Kenny exclaims, blowing a huge puff of smoke right in my face, "Who wants to play the nervous game? I bet I'll win."

"Of course you'd win, you dumb slut." Kyle teases.

Kenny takes this as a challenge, "I'd like to see you do better, Jew!" I sigh. Here we go. I'm in the middle of this fight.

"I can!" Kyle says, getting to his feet. Kenny does the same.

They both sit down in front of me, "Let's do this!" Kenny cheers himself on, "Stan's the judge!"

Oh, goddammit! They always drag me into stuff like this.

The blonde puts out his cigarette and faces me, "Watch closely." I start a protest but Kenny has already begun the game.

His hand is on Kyle's knee, "Are you nervous?"

"No." I can hear the confidence in Kyle's voice.

He moves up to his thigh, "Are you nervous?"

Kyle doesn't even twitch, "Nope."

Kenny moves his hand further up Kyle's thigh, rubbing as he creeps along, "Are you… nervous?"

"No."

The blonde moves closer to Kyle, pressing his lips to the red-head's neck, "Now?"

"Still not nervous."

Kenny's hand is on the redhead's crotch, rubbing him through his skinny jeans. He takes over Kyle's mouth with his own, his tongue trashing around against the other boy's.

Kenny pulls away momentarily, but still gropes at Kyle through his pants, "Nervous?"

..What the fuck..

"Mmmm, Nope." Kyle says huskily, almost in a moan.

Kenny cocks his head and removes his hand from the front of Kyle's jeans, "You win. I'm out."

There's an awkward pause before he turns to me with an evil-looking smile, "Stan's turn."

Shit.

"Uh, it's okay, dude." I insist.

"Shut up and get over here, pussy." Kenny hisses, pointing to the ground.

"No way, asshole. You're gonna do weird stuff to me." I say, crossing my arms defiantly.

Kenny giggles and shakes his head, "Fine, Stan. Be a huge pussy."

"I will." I shoot back.

The blonde shrugs and approaches me. He mutters something to himself. I raise a brow as he sits down.

I don't seem to notice his hand's creeping near me until he has both of my wrists locked behind my back.

"What the fuck, dude! Let go of me!" I yell, thrashing around. I may be the quarterback for Park County High, but Kenny plays as an Offensive Tackle, and he's damn strong.

"Are you nervous, Stan?" Kenny whispers. I can feel his warm breath against my ear.

I'm confused, "Uh.. No? Let me go, this isn't funny."

Wrong answer.

"Hey, Lindsay Lohan!" Kenny calls, Kyle gives him a dull look, but responds, "Yes?"

"Stan here thinks he can beat your record at the nervous game."

I start a protest, "I never said th-" Kenny cuts me off by twisting my arms farther behind my back, causing pain, "Oww! Ah! Stop!"

Kenny puts my arms back to a non-painful position and continues, "Yeah, Kyle. He challenges you."

Kyle licks his lips, understanding Kenny completely, "Does he now?" Kyle approaches me, kneeling down to get at my eye-level. He stares at me for a few quiet seconds before switching his eye contact to Kenny. The red-head smirks and gives the blonde a nod, "You're the judge." Kyle says smoothly, pointing at Kenny.

"Kyle! Help me!" I pled. He looks sympathetic at first, but Kenny nudges me hard and speaks up.

"Gag him with your scarf." The blonde tilts his head in the direction of Kyle's neck. Kyle nods, taking the green fabric from his neck and tying it around my face. It's still warm from his body-heat and it smells exactly like Kyle, which is a bit comforting. I make a few muffled noises before my best friend positions himself in-between my legs and begins the game.

Kyle starts a my knees. He keeps eye contact with me, savoring my frightened expression.

Kenny's lips brush against my neck, his warm breath sending chills down my spine.

Kyle puts his fingertips together on my kneecap and spreads them slowly. My body buckles, I'm super ticklish.

"What's wrong?" Kyle asks, licking his lips, "You're not nervous, are you?"

"Nnhp-"

"No way," Kenny answers for me, "You're going too easy on him. Treat him like the little bitch he is."

"Fine." Kyle growls. He puts his hands up my shirt roughly. I let out a cry when he pinches hard at my nipples. The sound gets him to smirk slightly. I wriggle around a bit, and beg for him to stop, but the green scarf makes me incomprehensible. Kenny's mouth has made it's way up to my earlobe. He sucks at it softly, nibbling a little. I moan at the sensation.

Kyle's hands wander down to my blackish jeans. He unbuttons them with some difficulty and pulls down the zipper.

"Are you nervous, Stan?" The Jewish boy asks, keeping a smooth, seductive voice.

I don't know what to say, so I remain unresponsive. My leg twitches a little.

Kyle smirks and puts his hand down my boxers, stroking me slowly.

I whimper. I can feel Kyle hardening against my leg. Kenny is still biting and licking at my neck. He shifts his grip on my arms to only one hand, and puts the other up my shirt, twisting and pinching at one of my nipples. I let out another cry, followed by a soft groan. Kyle rubs me off slowly, teasing. I rock my hips involuntarily to each stroke, moaning helplessly. The ginger picks up his pace.

My hips buckle as a bolt of pleasure surges through my body. I cry out.

Kyle stops abruptly, looks at me with a stupid grin, and pulls my pants and boxers down to my thighs. I let out a surprised moan when he starts to swirl his tongue around my hard member, tasting my precum. Kenny is surprised, too, he's stopped leaving hickeys on my neck. He's just watching Kyle, now. Kenny let's go of my arms, knowing I wouldn't go anywhere.

The Jew goes slow, teasing me again. I shudder a bit and let out a pleading moan. Kyle starts going faster, fitting almost all of me in his mouth. I arch into him and he makes a slight choking noise before moaning loudly. The vibration drives me nuts.

I bite into the makeshift gag to keep quiet as Kyle sucks me off furiously. I throw my head back, resting it on Kenny's shoulder. He smirks at me.

I let out a loud moan and tug onto Kyle's glossy red curls to let him know that I'm close. He keeps a constant pace as I arch my hips and release in his mouth. He swallows and pumps me dry a few times.

Kyle leans over me to Kenny and kisses him sloppily, allowing him to taste me.

I pull off my gag and stare at my two best friends and muster up a smirk.

"I'm still not nervous, guys."

..It's gonna be a long day.

I really need to write a het fic. :l. But boobs and vaginas are GROSS!

haharharhar, just kidding. (not really)

I will eat you if you favorite this without reviewing. I am seriously. I. Will. Eat. You. Whole.