I've always wondered how DeeDee felt throughout the series, so I decided to write this up. This is how I think DeeDee might have seen it.

DeeDee couldn't remember a time in her life when she hadn't been in love with Josh Abrams. She knew there must have been a point that she first fell in love with the boy. Obviously, she hadn't been born loving him (at least, she hoped not because that would have been a little…freaky).

In any case, Josh wasn't in love with her. No, he only thought of her as his friend. Albeit, one who wore floral dresses and painted her toenails, but still, he never thought of her as anything but one of the gang. And by the time they started high school, she was fine with that. Josh hadn't yet been struck with the love bug so there was still time for her to strike her arrow into his heart.

And then, her world seemed to shatter into a million pieces along with her heart. She thought that she had been making progress with Josh, that he had been close to asking her out on a date. But then he met Cammie Solomon. She had a cat named Suzie, and was homeschooled, and was in the Peace Corps, and wasn't she just perfect?

DeeDee really did like Cammie. To be honest, she couldn't find it in herself to hate anyone that made Josh as happy as Cammie seemed to. Maybe the two of them just weren't meant to be. Maybe Cammie would make DeeDee a bridesmaid when she and Josh got married…

DeeDee tried to put some distance between her and Josh after that. She had to give herself the chance to get over him because, from the looks of it, Cammie wasn't leaving anytime soon. But then Josh came and asked for her help, and she couldn't say no. She went with him when he picked out a corsage and earrings. She wished the whole time that he was picking those out for her.

Then came the barn dance and Cammie's birthday. DeeDee saw her there, looking pretty and happy on Josh's arm, getting hugged by Josh's mom and smiled at by Josh's dad. She saw the happy couple dancing. DeeDee imagined herself in Cammie's place and the tears nearly spilled over. She was so sad and tired of waiting for a boy who had long since boarded the train and departed.

When Dillon saw Cammie with the Gallagher Girls, DeeDee couldn't help the little (okay, large) part of her that hoped that Cammie really was a Gallagher Girl. She hoped that maybe Josh would break up with her. Then, just as quickly, she took the thought back. Josh would be heartbroken, and DeeDee wanted that less than she wanted Josh to stay with Cammie. A day later, she learned through Mrs. Abrams that Josh and Cammie had broken up.

She went to see Josh immediately. He looked horrible, like a little kid who just found out there's no Santa Claus. DeeDee couldn't help but hug him, and she listened as he told how Cammie was a Gallagher Girl and had broken up with him. She was there for him all through Winter Break and apparently, that was all it took. One day she came to see him with her mother's famous tomato soup in hand and came home with a boyfriend.

And not just any boyfriend but her dream boyfriend.

Everything was suddenly sunshine and daisies. DeeDee never went anywhere without a smile on her face. Of course, a part of her knew that Josh wasn't entirely over Cammie, but she was sure that with time he would come to see DeeDee as the one he was really meant to be with. When the two of them ran into Cammie the first time though, she thought it was all over. Josh and Cammie looked so..awkward, like they didn't know how to act around each other, not because they didn't like each other anymore but because of the exact opposite. But then a boy named Zach came up and DeeDee saw how the two of them were around each other. They just seemed to fit together like two puzzle pieces. Even if they weren't dating then, they surely would be soon.

DeeDee's mood soared with this realization and before she knew it, she and Josh had invited Cammie and Zach to their Spring Fling dance. But the two of them never showed, and DeeDee supposed it was for the best. Josh had gotten so antsy after seeing Cammie that first time. After the dance, their relationship started to slide downhill a bit. Josh was still as kind and courteous as ever, but it seemed that more and more they were returning to being just friends.

Josh took DeeDee to the Founder's Day Parade a couple of months later. They talked a little and got some ice cream, but other than that they didn't do much. They were just turning a corner when she saw Cammie and that Zach boy standing really close…

DeeDee called out to Cammie before she knew what she was doing. Cammie and Zach whipped around like they'd just been caught going at it in the janitor's closet and DeeDee realized they were about to kiss. Oops. DeeDee was so happy to see that Cammie was still with Zach. Maybe this would finally show Josh that he had to really let go of Cammie. She took a second to glance at Josh who was glaring at Zach. No, he was definitely not letting go.

Cammie suddenly had to go to the bathroom and took DeeDee with her. DeeDee led her towards the pharmacy and tried to keep up the conversation. She asked if she and Zach were happy together and noticed the little that rose to Cammie's cheeks. One of Cammie's friends from school came up and said they had to go, and DeeDee let her. She had gotten all she needed from Cammie.

That night, as Josh walked her to her house DeeDee let her thoughts out. She told him how she knew he wasn't over Cammie and that he might never be. She explained how she had loved him for so long and wished that he felt the same. Josh was silent the whole time, just staring ahead. DeeDee ended by saying, "I can't do this Josh. I can't be with you if you don't really want to be with me."

Josh nodded, and DeeDee turned and walked into her house. She expected tears to pour down her cheeks once she reached her bedroom, but they didn't come. She didn't understand. She had known for over a decade that Josh was the love of her life. But now that she had said goodbye to him for good, she didn't feel grief.

She stayed up late that night, willing the tears to come. But they didn't. They never would. As exhaustion overtook her, DeeDee finally realized that it wasn't Josh she had been in love with for so long. It was the promise of him. The idea of the perfect boy just within her grasp is what made her fall headfirst into deep, deep love. It wasn't the boy who she had raised to an almost god-like status over the years. It was the chance that somewhere out there, there was the perfect man for her, a soul mate. Josh had been her first love, and she wouldn't forget that. But there was someone out there for her, just for her.

One day, she would be someone's Cammie, too. She smiled as she fell asleep, ready for a new day to begin. Ready to find her own Zach.