Note: You don't have to have read the first one but I recommend it just so you get used to my zany writing style and honestly, due to my not so excellent sequel writing skills, I think it'd help you understand this story better.

Double Note: If anyone wants to write me a better summary please do so! Thanks! All right…

- Dedicated to everyone and anyone who loved the first one. I wrote the second just for you and only you. Go ahead think you're super special, I do. Penny

It's a Baby Stupid

By Penelope Jones

Chapter One: Hypothetically

I stood in the crowded supermarket staring at the display in front of me dully. 'Just do it!' I snapped at myself, 'Lily Evans is never afraid'. Ok she totally is. She really is. Lily Potter is slightly more confident and it's her that's in this mess… Lily Evans is lost forever you're a different woman now. You're married now.

I took a deep breath preparing myself. Just pick up the box woman!

I had overcome many hardships in my life… drunken wedding nights, closed minded family members and even a dark wizard. I could handle this, I could all, I had to do was pick up the box. It might not even be… I might just be a few days late, it wouldn't mean… just pick up the box. Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick up the fucking box!

I sighed and lifted my left hand; I stopped and stared at the rings on my index finger. What would James say? God he was almost done with his training. We were trying so hard to not take handouts from his parents and the stress of a single income house hold was enough. He was stressed I knew it; we'd already had arguments which weren't to particularly unusual but to add a baby… oh God…

Lily Potter you pick up that box right now!

I sighed and stretched my hand out.

"Lily!"

I jumped nearly a foot and quickly leapt over to stand near the shampoos. My husband James Potter hurried down the aisle to stand beside me.

"Ok, we can afford either corn cobs" he held up the packet, "or mint chocolate chip ice-cream" he held up the tub trying to make it appear more enticing then the corn cobs.

"James, I need the corn for the roast on Saturday. Remember your parents are coming over"

"But Lily… ice-cream" he said seeming more like a six year old then the nineteen year old he really was. And this was the father of my possible child…

"Put it back" I said sternly making him sigh and scuff his shoe on the linoleum floor.

"Fine…" he muttered childishly. He looked up at me and gave me a grin showing he wasn't really that upset. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, just browsing shampoos, I'm thinking of switching to a cheaper one" I said

"Right… but shampoos are down the other end love" he said and pointed.

"I know I only just walked into this aisle" I said indicating that I entered from around this end.

"No you didn't. You've been standing here for a while looking at… diapers" he frowned at the shelf. I realised I had indeed shifted from pregnancy tests to stare at diapers. Curse me jumping in the wrong direction.

"Bandaids" I said stepping over once more to find the bandaids next to the diapers.

"Are you ok? You've been acting weird"

"You've been acting weird" I retorted, "Go get some apples!" He dropped the corn into the basket at my feet and hurried away. I scooped up the basket and snatched a pregnancy test off the shelf flinging it into the basket. An old lady was frowning at me and then she tutted.

"What I'm married!" I snapped and then stormed off. Stupid lady with her holier-than-thou attitude. She was probably married at my age.

I finished my shopping and found James staring at apples. I grabbed a bag of red ones before storming off to the check out counter. He trailed along miserably behind me, "Was it something I did?" he asked

"No, shut up!" I said and then glared at the conveyer belt.

It wasn't his fault… well not really. We'd both gotten drunk on our graduation night and wound up married. The problem we kind of hated each other. After being tricked through some legal jargon we were not allowed to divorce for a year. It was then we'd fallen in love. Strange yes I know but I wouldn't have it any other way. We were both so hot-headed that really I think it was kind of the perfect way for us.

We went through the check out quickly paid the bored teen and headed out to the car. James was carrying everything so I got into the passenger seat and glared moodily out the window.

"Are you sure you're all right?" he asked as he slid in behind the wheel. I glared at him murderously.

"Yes I'm all right and if you ask me again I'm going to rip your penis off" try knocking me up then you bastard…

"All righty" he said starting the car. We drove home in silence and I helped carry the groceries into our house.

It was actually a rather large house split down the middle so two separate people could live there. Our half was the slightly smaller half with only one bedroom, one bathroom and a shared kitchen dining and living room area. The backyard was pretty small and the front garden didn't even have a gate for our half. You had to step over a wall… if I was pregnant we were definitely going to have to move.

I walked into the house and down the narrow hallway to dump the groceries on the bench in the kitchen.

"Hello Lily-flower" I turned and threw the first thing in my hand. It was a packet of peas. It hit Sirius Black square in the face; he caught it as it fell and frowned at it.

"Why is he always here?" I screamed at James. My poor husband who had just entered the room jumped at being screamed at.

"My house is being fumigated I told you" Sirius said simply. I gave him a dark look and then glared at James.

"Do you want him to go?" James asked and I shook my head.

"I'm sorry… it's… just…"

"Your time of the month" James finished and I glared at him. "You wrote it on the calendar!" he cried defensively "You kept nearly killing me when you blew things up accidentally so you wrote it down so I'd remember to wear protective clothing near glassy objects"

"Oh… right" I said quietly, "I'm going to have a shower" I grabbed some things from the shopping bags. I headed into the bathroom and flipped on the shower tearing open the pregnancy test and reading the instructions. Blue for no pink for yes, fairly simple…

Results in ten minutes… I rolled my eyes, stupid Muggle test…

Eight minutes to go… I stood reading the back of a shampoo bottle trying to keep my mind off the stupid test.

Five minutes…

Three minutes… I began pacing,

Two minutes… I sat down on the closed toilet and bit at a nail.

One minute… there was a knock on the door, "What?"

"Can I just talk to you for a minute?" James asked. I sighed and then realised I was supposed to be having a shower. I quickly shed my clothes and jumped under the spray screaming at the cold water. I shut off the shower and wrapped a towel around myself before slipping out into the hall.

"What?" I asked him.

"I'm leaving for work" he said

"Right now?" I asked and he nodded. I glanced into the bathroom for a second before looking back at him.

"It's nearly five o'clock" he said and I took his hand to look at the watch on it, "I just didn't want to go with you mad at me"

"I'm not mad at you" I said softly. I heard the bathroom door close and bit my lip trying to control my flaring temper. "Was that Sirius?"

"Yeah but can you blame him honey? You do take a while in the bathroom…" James said quietly and I nodded plastering a smile on my face. I felt like screaming and kicking things which today wouldn't have been so unusual. I'd been snapping at James all day and I could see he was prepared for me to scream but I didn't.

"You go work, I love you" I said and kissed him softly.

"Love you to…" he said slowly glancing between the closed door and me a little worriedly.

"Go" I said kindly and he nodded slowly. He kissed me again quickly and then was gone. I knocked on the door and called to Sirius as sweetly as I could. "Can I have the bathroom back?"

The door swung open and he smiled his charming grin at me.

"Of course Lily-flower" he said and stepped aside. I hurried inside and slammed the door in his face. I turned to the counter and gasped. It was gone!

I pulled the door open once more and hurried into the living room. Sirius was sitting on the bench with a small smile.

"Good afternoon" he said as if I hadn't seen him moments ago.

"Give it Black" I said

"Give what?" he asked innocently.

"The pregnancy test, hand it over" I ordered. His face went blank

"That was a pregnancy test?"

"Yes I peed on that stick and everything" I said and he blanched. "Where is it?" he pointed to the trash can which burped happily. "Your such an idiot sometimes Sirius I wonder how you manage to remember breathing"

I walked back into the bathroom and grabbed the now empty box.

"Lily I had no idea" he said when I walked back into the kitchen.

"Yes well now you get to go back to the store and buy another one… now!" I said showing him which one I wanted by holding up the box.

"I do stupid-"

"I know just go before I kick you" I ordered. He leapt off the bench and hurried away.

I headed back to the bathroom to finish my shower and when I was done I stepped into the hall to find Sirius grinning at me. He handed me the test spinning me around and pushing me back into the bathroom.

"Sirius, calm down it's not your kid" I muttered slipping past him to walk into the kitchen.

"I just can't believe it; you guys have been married nearly two years, two years already if you count the first time. Now having a kid-"

"We don't know that yet"

"Take the test"

"I don't need to pee" I said

"Lily this is killing me, I could be an uncle come on!"

"Sirius that's not-"

"Take the test!" he urged so I headed over to the sink and filled up a glass of water. I drank it quickly and then poured another. Four glasses later I snatched the test from a far too happy looking Sirius and headed into the bathroom.

I came out a few minutes later and headed into the kitchen. I put the test on the bench and Sirius took my hands staring at the stick waiting for it to change colour.

"Thought of a name yet?" he asked

"Sirius I don't even know if I'm having it yet"

"You're going to get rid of it?"

"No! I mean it could just be that my monthly is a few days late. I haven't been feeling sick or anything" I said with a shrug.

"What do you think it is?"

"I'm hoping it's a unicorn because that'll be so easy to give birth to" I said and Sirius scowled.

"Why aren't you excited?"

"Because I'm going to have to push a human being out of my vagina. It barely fits James' cock"

"Thank you for that" Sirius muttered awkwardly. I turned to make some tea and Sirius shouted and grabbed my arm.

"What?"

"It's purple" he said

"What?" I asked and stood beside him.

"What's purple mean?"

"Inconclusive…" I muttered.

"Disappointed?" Sirius asked

"No, not really" I said with a shrug.

"Of course you are" he grinned and then poked my stomach making me smile, "You want a pudgy little you running about screaming and breaking things"

"I don't know… I'm not that old you know… I just think it'd be better to have kids after James' training finishes, when his hours are more regular or whatever" I said.

"Well I think Muggles are shit at making anything so I decided it'd be better if you tried a magical pregnancy test" he suggested and held it up. "It will be a magical baby after all"

"Um… I don't think that's how it works" I muttered

"No but it'll be far more accurate" he said waving the box and giving me a charming grin. The man could sell air conditioners to Eskimos.

"Do I have to pee again?" I asked warily.

"No, just a little blood"

"Of course all things magical require some blood don't they?" I sighed and held out my hand.

"What?" he asked staring at my hand blankly.

"Well if I prick it I'll probably faint" I explained and he nodded

"I suppose fainting isn't too good for the baby" he muttered.

"No not really…" I said and watched him open the box. He pulled out a small vial filled with a smoky white liquid.

"Blue for no and pink for yes" he said and I nodded. Not that different…

He pulled the stopper off and used the sharp edge concealed in it to prick my finger. I watched him squeeze my finger holding it over the potion. I bit my lip as a few drops fell in to it. He put the bloody stopper back on and I watched silently as he shook it carefully. He stopped shaking it and we watched the liquid inside swirling and stop.

"Oh…" I said quietly.

"Oh indeed" Sirius said.

"Don't tell him" I said turning to Sirius. He raised his eyebrows and stared down at me like I was nuts.

"You want me to keep a secret from my best friend?" he asked

"It's not a secret" I said and Sirius frowned

"Well no I guess not…" he muttered looking incredibly uncomfortable.

"What do I have to do to make you shut up?" I asked

"Go see a doctor"

"Sirius!"

"Lily!" he retorted mimicking my tone, "These things are always shitty" with that he tossed the potion in the bin.

"Fine, I'll call my doctor but-"

"No, you're going to mine"

"Yours?" I repeated and he nodded with a wide grin. "Ok, ok but you keep your big mouth shut about all this all right"

"Marauders honour" he promised and I rolled my eyes.

I yawned while Moody spoke. Rude yes but I was tired. It was nearing home time and I was thinking of sleep. As I worked from five in the afternoon till about six in the morning I barely got to spend any time with Lily. Yesterday had been nice although the yelling and things had kind of put me off her so I was glad I could have some uninterrupted sleep when I got home. Kim McKay was sitting opposite me and she stifled a yawn making me grin. I was not the only one thinking of home.

"Ok" Moody growled dismissing us. I hurried off with Kim and we headed to the lifts. Auror training wasn't much; mostly you got to watch other people work. 'Learning by doing gets people killed in these times' was popular opinion nowadays. I found it horrible but Lily and I had agreed that dwindling the Potter fortune just so I wouldn't have to be in a job that bored me to tears wasn't good.

"What about our children James? There'll be none left for them" Lily had snapped in another one of her very irritated moods. She'd been more high-strung then usual reminding me of when we were at school together and she'd curse me every time I spoke to her.

I was looking forward to going home and avoiding her – fuck we hadn't even been married two years and I was already hating her. No I didn't hate her… I loved her she was just…

"How are things with the wifey?" Kim asked with a small smile. She loved saying wifey. We had both been lowly little interns together just after I'd graduated from Hogwarts. So Kim had been one of the many people who'd seen Lily and I fall all over ourselves like idiots to deny our love when we'd accidentally got married graduation night. (A/N: Wanna know more read the first one!)

Kim was quite happy to gloat with an 'I-knew-all-along' kind of attitude. Much like everyone else who knew about the busted up drunk first time. We'd come a long way from then, Lily and I, even getting married for real. I thought we were pretty happy but I guess we'd kind of reached that slump all relationships fall into.

I could only sigh in reply to Kim's question and she raised her eyebrows, "That good huh?"

"She's just been different lately" I muttered with a shrug.

"She's probably pregnant" Kim said with a small laugh.

"Right" I said laughing with her but I was seized with a momentary panic. I hurried home as quickly as I could without running like a madman.

I was soon making my way up the garden path and then briskly inside. I stopped in the hall and slammed the door open to my bedroom. Lily, the girl could sleep though a thunder storm, slept on. I watched carefully, she rolled over and I thought she was waking up but she didn't. I headed into the living room where Sirius lay sleeping on the couch.

"Sirius!" I shouted and he sat up immediately. My best friend looked around groggily for a moment with sleepy grey eyes.

"I didn't do it" he said quickly.

"Do what?" I asked

"Nothing" he said and ran a hand through his messy dark hair. He looked up and his eyes widened. He'd obviously just realised where he was, "James, your home"

"Yes… sometimes I return here after I'm finished being a contributing member of society as apposed to a good for nothing mooching mutt" I said and he flashed me a grin.

"Did you speak to Lily?"

"No, the woman sleeps like a rock. If there's a fire we're all doomed, she's the only one that's any good with those life saving kind of spells" I said

"I'll resist the urge to burn things" Sirius said and I nodded. "So you haven't spoken to her?"

"Nope, not even a 'fuck off James' when I slammed the door so she's sleeping pretty soundly"

"Right well in that case bye" he said

"What?" I asked

"That lamp is gay" he said quickly and I frowned at the lamp he'd indicated.

"What?" I asked again but he just grinned and then disappeared. I shook my head and headed back to my bedroom. I flopped down onto the bed beside Lily and fell asleep with exhausted ease.

I was awoken a few ours later by screaming. No it wasn't screaming it was crying. I quickly got up and hurried into the kitchen skidding to a halt where I found Lily.

Her red hair was covered in what I could only see was a creamy kind of goo. She looked frazzled her hair kind of sticking up and her green eyes wide. She was holding something in her arms.

"What the hell is that?" I asked over the noise.

"It's a baby stupid" she replied as if it were obvious. It was obvious. Lily was indeed holding a squirming screaming baby in her arms.

"Does it shut up?" I asked and Lily raised her eyebrows.

"No James, I haven't been able to find the off switch yet, you try" she held the baby up and I frowned at it.

"Lils I have to work tonight I need to sleep" I said and glanced at the clock. It was nearly ten in the morning and I'd gone to bed a little before seven.

"Just take the baby!" she ordered. I sighed and took the baby out of her arms. "How do you feel?"

"Like an idiot… did you kidnap someone's baby?" I asked as the baby in my arms became a little quieter.

"No of course not. You know how sometimes I clean the neighbour's houses?"

"Yes" I said nodding. Being cooped up all day was not a strong point of Lily's but she hadn't been able to figure out what she wanted to do for a living yet.

"Well I do the Grangers house on Thursdays. They live just down the road and had a baby girl a few months ago. They agree to let me watch her while they go and get their keys fixed. Accidentally locked themselves out of the house" Lily said with a small smile as she watched me. The baby girl had stopped crying now and was squirming playfully in my grip.

"Aw James you're a natural, you got her to stop" Lily said happily.

"Yeah, it's fantastic. Anyway… why did you agree to watch a baby? You have like no experience"

"Don't you feel anything, you got her to stop crying doesn't that make you feel good?" Lily pressed.

"I don't know. Did you wake me up just so I could hold her? Because I am exhausted"

"Well if we had a child you'd be exhausted then too"

"Lily if we ever have a kid it'll be when I'm like thirty and used to being exhausted…" I said and smiled at her. She gave me a small smile back. I handed the baby back to her and kissed her cheek, "I'm going back to bed…"

"James"

"Mm?"

"What if… say hypothetically this was our baby… would you just say hi for a moment then hand her back to me?"

"Hypothetically?" I repeated and then frowned at her, "Lily… did you adopt this baby to prove a point? Am I not here enough?"

"No, it's really the neighbour's child. I was just wondering you know that if we, hypothetically, had a baby I would most likely be the one to stay home and be with it right?"

"Well I suppose, this is hypothetical right?" I asked

"Yes. This isn't our baby" she assured me and I nodded.

"If you hadn't thought of anything you wanted to do then yes I suppose you would stay home"

"And when you came home from work… would you give me a break from this hypothetical baby or would you just do what you did and give it back after a few moments?"

"Uh… I don't know Lily"

"Hypothetically, what would you do?"

"Is this important? I'm suddenly very paranoid that this is some kind of test"

"No, no. Nothing like that, it's just looking at this baby got me thinking about some things. Don't worry though, there's no wrong answer or anything because it's all hypothetical"

"Your saying hypothetical an alarming amount of times" I said and she shrugged.

"Isn't this what married couples do though? You know they talk about the future and stuff" she said

"Sure but I don't think either of us are really ready for the baby talk yet. I'm still a baby myself"

"James, just face it, you're never growing out of that" she said and I smiled.

"Are you done hypothesising for the day?" I asked and she nodded

"All right then, if me going back to bed now doesn't put me on your hit list for some hypothetical problem I will go do that" I said and she smiled leaning up a little to let me kiss her.

"Good night love, night random baby" I said and Lily smiled. I headed back to the bedroom flicking my wand at the window to make the curtains close.

I woke once more at about two thirty cursing the bright sunlight that the curtains couldn't repel. I got up had a shower and found Lily sitting on the couch reading a book. The baby had been returned to her rightful mother and Lily had cleaned herself up a bit.

Sirius had now returned and was sitting in a chair near Lily, he too was reading. I had to do a double take before I realised his book was upside down. I breathed a sigh of relief; all was right with the world.

"So… James… talk to Lily yet?" Sirius asked. Lily looked up sharply probably irritated at being talked about like she wasn't there.

"I just got up Padfoot" I said

"Want some breakfast honey?" Lily asked me sweetly.

"I'll make it" I said and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Lily" Sirius said and I turned, watching my wife curiously.

"Sirius" she said warningly and he fell silent glaring at her over to top of his upside down book. He'd obviously been waiting for me to get up so he could tell me something. He'd hinted at it this morning and was trying to again but Lily had some way of keeping him quiet. Already through just this I'd discovered that Lily was hiding something and Sirius knew exactly what it was. So my friend wouldn't be allowed to come out right and say it without incurring the wrath of Red Fury. My guessing whatever it was however is completely fair and Sirius seemed pretty determined for me to guess.

"What is it boy?" I asked eagerly and patted my knees as if calling a dog. Lily smiled slightly and Sirius frowned. "Is Timmy stuck down the well?"

With a small pop Sirius turned into a large shaggy black dog and barked at Lily startling her. She sat up straighter on the couch while the dog barked.

"Come on Padfoot, is it Lily?" I asked and Padfoot barked at me once. "Is Lily stuck down a well?" Padfoot whined and lay down putting his paws over his eyes.

"I'll take the dog for a walk shall I?" Lily said standing up and nudging Padfoot. "Come on it's nearly three" Padfoot sat up and barked merrily wagging his tail.

She patted his head once before turning to me, "You might be gone before I get back so I love you" she said and I kissed her softly.

"Love you too" I said and she smiled.

"Come on" she said to Padfoot and he turned back into Sirius.

My friends and I had become Animagi to help my werewolf friend Remus Lupin. We couldn't be with him as humans on the full moon so we stayed with him as animals. Sirius was quite fond of hopping around in his Animagus form of a dog which blended in a lot more easily in suburban areas then my stag did. That didn't stop me occasionally stumbling home from the pub as a deer with a tipsy friend on my back. Deer are surprisingly sturdy even when inebriated.

Sirius was looking desperately between Lily and me and decided it was well worth the Red Fury by spilling whatever it was he knew.

"You should talk to her abo - ow" Lily grabbed him by the ear cutting him off midsentence. She used the ear she held to steer him out of the house. But Lily constantly underestimated the sneakiness of the Marauders. Sirius tossed me something quickly before he was dragged away. The front door slammed and I grinned. As he hadn't come out right and actually told me aloud, which was likely what Lily had made him promise, he was safe from her wrath.

I frowned at the box he'd tossed. It was empty but that didn't really matter. I stared at the box my eyes widening. I dropped it then fell to my knees and far too over dramatically wailed at the ceiling "NOO!"

I knew all that hypothetical stuff had been a trap…

Wanna know how to get people to alert to your stories? Do what I did! Add to your most successful story with promise of a sequel and the fans flock. Now all of you are stuck with all my dodgy new stories not just this one! HAH HAH! I'm the greetest! Me with the big brain am winning again. But seriously I was blown away by how many author alerts I was put onto so thanks to all of you and well I hope you all enjoy, Penny