Hello.

Zuko here.

Why do you look confused? Yes, you. Please, sit down for a while. I'd like to talk to you about some things.

So. I've stumbled onto this really weird land of yours. You people take stories and bring them to life here, right? Different plots, friends, endings-I have to admit, it's interesting.

So far, I've killed Aang a few times, been killed off more than that myself, been blinded, fallen in love with Katara, rehabilitated Azula, destroyed Azula, been thrown into the insane dimension you call your own, been turned into a dragon, taken Mai as my Fire Lady, watched Uncle Iroh die, talked to Yue after her death, kissed Toph, participated in a nation-wide Agni Kai for the throne, been a professional dancer…

The list goes on. And do you know how I've seen and done all of this? By tripping into this little fantasy world where strangers gain the power to control my fate and the fates of my friends.

You know all of that stuff up there? That, my reality-bending friends, is nothing compared to some of the other things I've walked into trying to get out of this place. Every door, there's something new. And, for the past few dozen doors, things have managed to get even more bizarre.

Now, if you can stand listening to the Fire Lord you've thrown around a while longer, I have a question for you. Yes, you and your little "author" friends.

….

What is WRONG with you people?

I don't know any of you and yet I find myself thrown into romantic stories with strangers! Over half of which give me the feeling they're "self-inserts."

…

Part of me is ashamed that I've been here long enough to know what that means.

Oh well. That's not the point.

Stop it! I don't know you, and-therefore-I do not love you! Any of you! Get out of my face and take your dark secrets and magical pasts and theatric names-and whatever else you're dragging around-with you!

Why is it you feel the need to give every girl you throw at me a darker, more depressing story than mine? And names that sound like they belong in those laughable-ugh-romance scrolls Uncle tries to force down my throat? Don't you think I deal with enough back home?

It's not enough that I deal with bickering advisors-most of which I'm still not sure I can trust-bickering nations, assassination attempts not written to ease your boredom, and my mentally unstable family, is it?

Uncle's not unstable? Maybe not, but if he gives me another cryptic proverb the next time I ask him about the taxes vs. military decrease debate, I swear, I'm going to be unstable!

No, you stay! I'm not done with you. Sit back down.

Know what? I'd actually like to hear one of those proverbs right now. I'd like to be eating shards of broken glass as long as it was in my world and out of this torture chamber you've dubbed "Fan Fiction."

You're all worse than Azula! And that's not something to be proud of!

Yes, I know my hands are on fire. They do that.

Sorry, does that make you uncomfortable? Really?

Do you know what I've been through this past-past- …However long I've been stuck here? Comfort is a luxury I've had to give up on altogether!

You want to leave? Good. Guess what?

So do I.

So you. You're going to tell me something, you sadist.

Where.

Is.

The exit?