So... This is my first story, so please go easy on me! Basiclly it's Uryu gives Ichigo a paper to interview th captains because Uryu dosent want to himself.
Rating: K+
Characters: Ichigo, Uryu, (Basically all the captains of the GOtei 130), Isane, Nemu, Rukia, Sentaro, Kiyone and Yachiru
Bleach Shinigami Interviews! Hosted by: Ichigo Kurossaki
Ichigo: Er…erm…today we will be interviewing the Gotei 13 Captains…uh… lets… look! There! Captain Yamamoto of Squad 1!
Ichigo: OLD MAN! Wait!
Yamamoto: Hmm?
Ichigo: I'm here to interview you for these humans reading the article, -he coughed- when I don't want to… and here is my first question: Are you the eldest captain in the soul society?
Yamamoto: ….
Ichigo: Well…are you?
Yamamoto: -snore snore snore-…
Ichigo: Uh..never mind…..
Ichigo: Ok that was not very successful… lets go look at Captain Soi Fon! Shes the Captain of the 2nd Squad!
Ichigo: HEY!
Soi Fon: Huh?
Ichigo: -pant- I am here to interview you –pant- on…
Soi Fon: I'm busy –interrupts-
Ichigo: At least answer this question please…?
Soi Fon: This is a waste of my time….
Ichigo: Ok, why do you hate your vice-captain Omaeda?
Soi Fon: Because he is a stupid, selfish pig that is cowardly and weak!
Ichigo: Have you….-reads from a paper that wasn't even made by him- ever had any lesbian feelings …. –reads continuously and gulps- for yoturichi…?
Soi Fon: -snatches the paper and reads it- did you write that?
Ichigo: No! I don't even know who wrote that!
Uryu: -hiding someplace- heh heh…
Soi Fon: Then why does it say your name right up here? –points to a spot on the paper-
Ichigo: BUT I DIDN'T….. –starts sprinting away-
Ichigo: I didn't write those…. –he takes out an extra- at least I have an extra.. maybe I should read what else 'somebody' wrote….
Unohana: Hello there Kurosaki.
Ichigo: Perfect timing! –he turned around- Hello Captain Unohana of the 4th squad, may I interview you with a few questions?
Unohana: Of course, you may start
Ichigo: Uhm, ok… -reads the paper- Is it true that you are the best healer in the Sereitei?
Unohana: I guess so
Ichigo: Are you very intimidating?
Unohana: -frowns- Is that an insult?
Ichigo: No! It's not!
Unohana: Isane, please take him someplace else, I need to get some paperwork done
Isane: Yes Captain!
Ichigo: At least I was able to get a few questions down… who's next I wonder… -gulp- O.O ….Byakuya Kuchki….. Captain of the 6th…Division…..
Ichigo: YO! Byakuya! Hey! I wanna ask you something!
Byakuya: Please use the proper suffix when you call my name, Kurosaki…
Ichigo: Are you Rukia's dad? Or her brother? -he reads off the paper- ….what kind of question is that…..?
Uryu: -comes from some kind of bubble on Ichigo's head- I get confused, please answer the question!
Byakuya: She is my sister, as I am her brother –he replied, calmly with infinite dignity-
Ichigo: Does Senbonzakura cut your hair for you?
Byakuya: ….
Ichigo: -skips to the next one- Do you have a short temper?
Byakuya: …
Ichigo: Are you shy or quiet…?
Byakuya: …..
Ichigo: Do you like Yoturichi's prescence?
Byakuya: Don't mention that woman's name in front of me….
Ichigo: Are you always this formal? Dosent it get tiring and annoying? –reads off paper and instantly regrets what he just read-
Byakuya: Scatter, Senbonzakura.
Ichigo: SH*******TTTT!
Ichigo: -all banged up and torn- lets see….. –about to faint- who's next…. Captain Komamura of the 7th Division, this shouldn't be so bad….
Ichigo: Captain Komamura! I ….
Komamura: Yes?
Ichigo: May I ask you a few questions?
Komamura: Of course, what do you want to ask?
Ichigo: What specific "species" are you?
Komamura: -he was offended- …..
Ichigo: Are you a dog?
Komamura: …..
Ichigo: Erm…. Are you familiar with any famous figures in the human world?
Komamura: Yes
Ichigo: Who?
Komamura: I've heard of a Balto, such an amazing feat of a heroic dog!
Ichigo: Right….
Ichigo: Looks like that was done OK… Next would be Shunsui Kyoraku, Captain of the 8th Division…..
Ichigo: Hello Captain Kyoraku, I'm here to…..
Shunsui: aarreee you nnnanaooo-chaaaann? –slurs lazily, holding a sake bottle-
Ichigo: No…. –in his head- I don't think this is a good time to interview him….
Shunsui: You look torn up, wanna join me? I have extra bottles….!
Ichigo: No thanks, I don't drink….
Shunusi: -shoves some carelessly in Ichigo's face- are yew shoooore?
Ichigo: -pushes the botthe away irritatingly- Yes I am sure!
Shunsui: Positiffffeee?
Ichigo: Yes now get out of my face, I'll die of suffocation due to that breath of yours!
Shunsui: This is a very good brand….!
Ichigo: STOP!
Ichigo: -all sweaty- finally, I could get away…. Now who's next…. Toshiro Hitsugaya of Squad 10, hey its the little kid!
Ichigo: Captain Hitsugaya! Can I ask you a few questions?
Toshiro: Why?
Ichigo: Because I have to interview all the captains here!
Toshiro: Why?
Ichigo: -he was suddenly struck- I have no idea…
Toshiro: Ok then leave me alone
Ichigo: Wait! Just a few questions!
Toshiro: Fine….. what?
Ichigo: Do you… -reads off of paper- enjoy being small?
Toshiro: ….. –gets mad-
Ichigo: Can your zanpaktou make snow cones if you could? With flavor?
Toshiro: …. –gets more mad as he crosses his arms-
Ichigo: Did you dye your hair white?
Toshiro: …
Ichigo: Are you happy of all the men envying you?
Toshiro: …envying me of what?
Ichigo: Rangiku Matsumoto…..
Toshiro: What?
Ichigo: Do you like apple juice?
Toshiro: -explodes- STOP ASKING ME THESE STUPID QUESTIONS!
Ichigo: OK OK OK OK OK!
Ichigo: Only a few more left to go… lets see who's next… Kenpatchi Zaraki… of Squad 11, wait….. KENPATCHI ZARAKI?
Kenpatchi: Yeah? –is nearby and hears Ichigo shouting out his name-
Ichigo: -trembles- C-c-c-c-can I a-a-ask you some…..questions…?
Yachiru: -pops out of nowhere- Do you have candy?
Kenpatchi: If it is where our next fight would be, sure, I have a place we can try out!
Ichigo: That's not what I meant….. it's about you…
Yachiru: WHAT ABOUT ME?
Ichigo: Uhh…
Kenpatchi: why don't we just skip the questions and head on off to the battle field eh?
Yachiru: YAY!
Ichigo: Sorry I'm too busy! -runs off-
Ichigo: O-k lets see who's next on the list….Captain Kurotsuchi of Squad 12, ok…
Ichigo: Captain Kurotsuchi! Can I ask you a few questions?
Mayuri: Yes yes hurry, unless you would like to be my guinea pig, I wont take my time
Ichigo: Ok ok! Anyways…. –reads off paper- The Quincy still thinks he can beat you….. –in his head- wtf?
Mayuri: …. Anything else?
Ichigo: Do you ever used or tortured human's for your lab research?
Mayuri: Torture? I only used Hollows!
Ichigo: …. Are your healing abilities always so censored? Don't you mind it being aired on TV?
Mayuri: …. I don't know what you are talking about, farewell!
Ichigo: No, wait!
Nemu: -suddenly appears using shunpo and stops Ichigo by getting in front of him- Captain Kurotsuchi is busy, if you have any further questions can wait for later.
Ichigo: But… -thinks better of it- ok…later…
Ichigo: One more captain to go….. Ukitake Jushiro.. Captain of the 13th Division… hey, isn't he Rukia's Captain?
Ichigo: Captain Ukitake! Can I ask you a few questions?
Ukitake: Yes of course, what is it that you need?
Ichigo: It's an interview, here's the first question: What is your sickness?
Ukitake: Tuberculosis…..
Ichigo: Who is your current choice of the new 13th squad leutenaint?
Ukitake: That's classified, anything else?
Ichigo: Yeah, um, do you drink as much as Kyoraku?
Ukitake: That's Captain Kyoraku and no.
Ichigo: Were you always this nice? –reads off paper-
Ukitake: Huh…? Oh well…..
Ichigo: One more….hey…are you ok..?
Ukitake: I'm fine… don't need to worry….about….m…. –faints-
Kyone: GAH! Captain Ukitake!
Sentaro: What happened?
Ichigo: Uhhh I have nothing to do with this! –quietly sneaks away-
Rukia: -Ichigo bumps into her- Ichigo what are you doing here?
Ichigo: Uhhh… -spots Kyone and Sentaro running towards him- gotta run, bye!
Shinigami Illustrated Picture Book:…. -Kon flying with rainbows-
Nel: ITSUY-GOO! –flies into him-
Ichigo: N-Nel?
Nel: ITSUY-GOO did I tells' you dat' you gotta interview da' Vice-Captains too?
Ichigo: What? No! Not until now!
Nel: -embraces Ichigo- Wells' you gotta b' caus' four-eyes says so!
Ichigo: Four eyes?
Nel: Yeah, heres da' paper!
Ichigo: -a white piece of paper is shoved rudely into his face- What? I thought I only had to interview the captains…
I next plan to do an interiew of the vice-captains, so... stay tuned!