Yay! I now have six chapters in my spoof! Thanks to TheFlyingCat for the idea. I now will give you a cupcake! I was going to give you a cookie but I eated it. Here is the cupcake. *holds out cupcake* Whoops! Legolas took it! *Legolas runs off into the sunset with the cupcake* Sorry! Anyways thanks for the idea.
6: The Lord of the Funyun rings
One peaceful day, or night, when the fellowship was in Moria, there was a conflict over the ring. No one noticed at first, because it all started with Boromir eating his Funyun rings.
Boromir stared forlornly at the empty bag in his hands. Angrily he crumpled it with a loud crackle. He then threw it over the edge of a hole. Nobody noticed because they were absorbed in their own snacks. Aragorn continuously tried to steal Legolas's mini Nutter Butter's and Legolas, defending his snack bag, attempted to take Aragorn's mini chocolate cookies. Gandalf made a protective shield over himself as he ate his Doritos and Merry, Pippen, Sam and Frodo simultaneously kept reaching into a bag of Cheeto's Puffs and fighting viciously over them. Gimli was guarding his lemonade (made with real apples) ferociously, not even drinking any.
Boromir suddenly saw a flash of something golden. He turned his head and stared. To him, it looked as if Frodo was wearing a perfectly round Funyun on a chain around his neck. It was really the ring but Boromir, who is obsessed with Funyuns, thought it was a snack food. Boromir stared at the ring. Suddenly, the Funyun ring began to whisper to him.
"Adgiad fudd oadnfi dfhids!" it said.
Boromir's eyes gleamed. "My Funyun!" he murmured. Glancing furtively about, he crawled towards the ring. Frodo jerked upright from his Cheeto's and gave a yell when Boromir leaped at him. "The precious!" screamed Boromir. "I must have the precious!"
Legolas, jerked his head around to look and collided with Aragorn. Heads aching, he and Aragorn lost interest with everything and lay on the floor holding their heads. Gandalf jumped up and spilled all his Doritos into Gimli's pitcher of lemonade. Immediately he was faced with a very angry dwarf and he and Gimli both lost interest in Boromir and Frodo, who where tangled up fighting for the ring. Sam, Merry and Pippen just ate their Cheeto's and paid no attention to anybody.
Boromir finally managed to take the ring from Frodo. He jumped up with a triumphant shout. He stuffed the ring into his mouth. A moment later he spat it into his hand. "It's not a Funyun!" he screamed. He threw it across the room and it flew strait into Frodo's open mouth. Frodo had gone around the hole in the floor to tell Gandalf that Boromir had taken his ring. He closed his mouth and swallowed. He opened his eyes wide when he realized that he had just swallowed it.
Gimli stopped fighting with Gandalf and Legolas and Aragorn had recovered from their head knock. They all stared at Frodo. They knew what this meant.
It was Legolas who said it first. "This means you'll have to jump into Mount Doom!" he exclaimed. Frodo started to cry at this sudden revelation. Legolas sighed. "That means we may win the war but with a price." Everyone nodded sadly.
"Hey! To mourn Frodo, because he's going to die now anyway, lets eat lots of snack food!" exclaimed Gandalf. Everyone except for Frodo smiled and nodded happily.
Legolas started once again to steal Aragorn's cookies and Gimli made some new lemonade (with some apples of course). Everybody but Frodo celebrated.
So Frodo went to Mount Doom and came up with a new plan, which did not involve dying (do not ask what kind of plan). And everybody was happy but Boromir because he died.